CUTE BOYS!  10:24 am September 23, 2009

Hey Massachusetts: Was Original Ted Kennedy Ever A Cosmo Centerfold?

by Juli Weiner

Um… Cosmopolitan has WON whatever time of day allotted for sex! Let’s also throw in 1982, Cosmopolitan has also WON 1982, for this was the year when Scott Brown, the Republican running around in bad faith pretending he has a chance at winning Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat, was awarded the magazine’s prestigious “America’s Sexiest Man” centerfold, which is like the “Ted Kennedy seat” of gay pornography. Ahh, he is naked, so so naked!

Your Wonkette Morning Editor has been trying to zoom in and study this important historical document from 1982 A.D., but the glyphs from this time period are almost prohibitively small. Here’s what we are pretty sure is happening:

The 22-year old Brown is 6’2″ and is nicknamed “Mr. Muscles.” Went to Boston College, adorably sexy, likes tall girls with beautiful legs and also hair. [OMG I have hair!!!—Ed.] Also this special lady shouldn’t always wear jeans, because seriously, jeans? What is this, 1982?

[Cosmo via Ben Smith]

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Hola wonkerados.

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chascates September 23, 2009 at 10:27 am

Meghan McCain is probably already in pursuit. And possibly Lindsey Graham as well.

Juli, you are carrying the load today!

4tehlulz September 23, 2009 at 10:27 am

Obviously, the only way to prove were not gay is to vote against Scott Brown, gay pornographer.

magic titty September 23, 2009 at 10:29 am

To be fair, those Gloria Vanderbilt jeans from 1982 were very unbecoming.

Anyway, would like the fold-out portion of this photo, plz.

queeraselvis v 2.0 September 23, 2009 at 10:32 am

Dammit, Scott! Move your damn arm!

/Larry Craig

4tehlulz September 23, 2009 at 10:35 am

[re=417170]magic titty[/re]: You can see at Gawker, if you can bear it.

hobospacejunkie September 23, 2009 at 10:37 am

Did Scott watch too much pornography as a 10-year-old, at that crucial point in a boy’s life when he really really dislikes homosexuals, because he doesn’t want to fall into homosexuality? I’m not saying he did. Then again, he hasn’t denied it, either.

grendel September 23, 2009 at 10:41 am

Just remember… all porn is gay porn… but especially this. This is especially gay. He’s got his Republican bona fides in order.

freakishlystrong September 23, 2009 at 10:45 am

likes tall girls with beautiful legs and also hair YOU LIE!!11

loquaciousmusic September 23, 2009 at 10:46 am

My blood runs cold!
My memory has just been sold!
Na na na na na na
Douchebag is a centerfold!

magic titty September 23, 2009 at 10:48 am

[re=417172]4tehlulz[/re]: But that means I’d have to visit Gawker, which, well, no.

Doglessliberal September 23, 2009 at 10:50 am

“was awarded the magazine’s prestigious “America’s Sexist Man” centerfold”

No doubt a typo, but probably bears some truth, too.

Buzz Feedback September 23, 2009 at 10:50 am

He’s a Toilet Goblin.

One Yield Regular September 23, 2009 at 10:52 am

I’m pretty sure “and also hair” is fetish code.

the problem child September 23, 2009 at 10:53 am

[re=417188]magic titty[/re]: You can just visit Cosmo, linked above. Be warned, it’s furry.

Monsieur Grumpe September 23, 2009 at 10:56 am

If you shave your head and send him the hair I’m sure you’ll get his attention, also maybe a restraining order.

TheJerkStoreCalled September 23, 2009 at 11:03 am

Oh God, I’m just remembering that his daughter was on American Idol. The attention-whoring appears to be genetic.

ManchuCandidate September 23, 2009 at 11:08 am

He’s got the GOP Log Cabin vote.

JMP September 23, 2009 at 11:08 am

[re=417171]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: The fact that he’s able to cover everything with just his wrist seems fairly impressive; or rather, indicative that he is, well, rather unimpressive.

DemmeFatale September 23, 2009 at 11:13 am


Crank Tango September 23, 2009 at 11:14 am

So he loved women with big bushes who got out of their Jordaches from time to time. Blow, also.

SayItWithWookies September 23, 2009 at 11:15 am

I guess it’s only appropriate that his constituents see him the way most of the Republican caucus will. Although for the real Republican experience they should turn out the lights and get drunk, then call their wives and say they’ll be home late.

queeraselvis v 2.0 September 23, 2009 at 11:17 am

[re=417220]JMP[/re]: HA. That’s an old modeling trick. Turn the thermostat down to -15 and presto, changeo: rock hard nips, nonexistent goodies. Tingly goosebumps, also.

JMP September 23, 2009 at 11:28 am

[re=417234]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: As a Republican politician, though, it’s probably safe to assume that he’s just naturally tiny; and overcompensating.

Texan Bulldoggette September 23, 2009 at 11:29 am

Okay, I’m going to be totally superficial & shallow & say, he’s hawt & I’d have done him…in 1982.

thefrontpage September 23, 2009 at 11:32 am

Yech. Gross, all around. Run more pictures of Mackenzie Phillips, Chyna Phillips, Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin.

Extemporanus September 23, 2009 at 1:08 pm

Speaking of Cosmo centerfolds, check out bear-assed “Mr. Wasilla 2009″!

house of the blue lights September 23, 2009 at 1:27 pm

Remember when we wouldn’t let girls be Miss America because they posed for nekkid pittures when they were 22? I think this is clear evidence that the world has changed for the better.

house of the blue lights September 23, 2009 at 1:28 pm

[re=417436]Extemporanus[/re]: Is it just me, or is Levi’s head photoshopped onto that body?

torera September 23, 2009 at 1:57 pm

That was 27 years ago? He’s aged well. Still got great posture and a distinguished-man haircut too. Would even give Ensign a run for the prettiest-senator title.

octupletsmom September 23, 2009 at 2:07 pm

Better him than Schilling.

American Spectator September 23, 2009 at 4:58 pm

Well if it isn’t my old friend Mike Honcho!

blackdontcrack September 23, 2009 at 5:43 pm

oh my god i lost my virginity to that cosmo centerfold when i was like 9

blackdontcrack September 23, 2009 at 5:45 pm

he is also the reason i went to university in boston. sadly i did not find him. but i found others like him! oh snap!

102415 January 12, 2010 at 5:10 pm

The tea baggers will just eat this up. Haha no I’m not sorry.

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