Wonkette
What does MEGHAN McCAIN want to be when she grows up? An astronaut? A syndicated Twitterer? Balderdash! Meghan dreams of a simple life in the circus, as a lion tamer or a contortionist or something. But Meghan is already surrounded by clowns! CINDY McCAIN can walk on her hands whilst farting the Pledge of Allegiance. Not even the most accomplished CARNY is capable of such feats …
SCRUMPTIOUS HEARSAY: Politico’s prized pornographer KIKI RYAN desperately wanted an “upskirt” of REP. DEBBIE SCHULTZ (D-FLA), but alas! Poor Kiki had to settle for a voyeuristic photo of Debbie’s Chuck Taylors instead. Beggars aren’t choosers! … Republican Rain Man ED GILLESPIE might consider removing minorities from Republican caging lists, but only if they promise to vote for PALIN/BECK ‘12 … What erotic treasures does ANTONIN SCALIA have locked away in his spank bank? If you guessed “a MARISA TOMEI DVD box set” — the same dreamy box set BARACK OBAMA gave GORDON BROWN for Yom Kippur — you are correct …
JESSE HELMS SIGHTING: With tears rolling down his cheeks, SEN. JAMES INHOFE (R-OK) described retiring senator MEL MARTINEZ as the most beloved legislator since JESSE HELMS! Inhofe then began to sing Helms’s favorite Jazz standard, Deutschland über alles …
Holy Guacamole! MARK FOLEY (14/M/FL) has a radio show! And please stop leaving messages on Mark’s answering machine asking him if he is gay. A lady never tells.
Riley Waggaman’s WAGG THE BOG appears constantly here at Wonkette. Send your hot gossip to the usual tips@wonkette.com
You better watch out, Waggs, you catch Foley’s attention and he just might come after yer scrawny ass.
Damn you, Riley. I never ever EVER want to see the words “Scalia” and “spank bank” anywhere near each other. Not even in the same hemisphere, preferably. Geez.
Wait till George Will sees those Chuck Taylors!
Bolding for emphasis loses its punch when 88% of the words are bolded. You might have to shift to bolding for non-emphasis.
AbstinenceOnly Ed: At 23 (I’m guessing), Riley’s already way too old for Foley. Foley likes them between bar mitzvah and high school graduation.
queeraselvis v 2.0: The intertoobs span the globe. This phrase is now literally EVERYWHERE. It has gone viral.
Jesse Helms is the guy who started WW2, right?
Megs Le Petomaine. It has a certain ring to it.
I need to hear Marisa Tomei’s reaction to this. I want her to shoot down that fat fart of a man.
You ALMOST lured me into clicky-clicky on a Politco link, Waggs. Although I do - desperately - want to know how Foley could possibly fill up an hour of radio.
queeraselvis v 2.0: That’s still better than seeing the words “Breyer” and “fuck it bucket” in the same sentence. It turned me off of ice cream for years.
riley, you cute thing, if i change my name to meghan, can i be your hag? i’m old enough.
I am glad Riley didn’t stoop to making any cheap jokes about Meghan joining the circus so she could wear the tent.
Rep Schultz’ shoes weren’t nearly as bad as the calves. Ew. Not going to do an image search on her.
Marks’ show is probably pretty bland stuff, babbling about rulers, are ya gettin’ excited, measure ag’in, way too much statistical stuff for the average wingnut.
drrty martini:
Lots of diaper commercials.
Mark Foley wants you to know he’s a gay man.
I have to admire Riles for being ‘The National Enquirer’ desk of Wonkette.
Meghan McCain criticizes Charlie Sheen on The View
TGY: And that top hat he habitually wears makes everything he writes more cleverer.
norbizness: iz da & ALLCAPS togedder dat reely hertz mah i’s
Meghan McCain is an asshole.
She needs to get a job–and a life. And she needs to stop making stupid statements and appearances in public.
Can’t this guy John McCain sit down and tell her the same thing?
Both are morons. So’s Sarah Palin, for that matter.
They are all morons.
Meghan McCain is going on Oprah next week to announce that she’s had drug-fueled consensual affairs with George Will and Richard Cohen for the past six years.
I have the box set of all of Marisa Tomei’s movies, ditto the Barbara Hersey and Annette Benning box sets.
thefrontpage: I heard she went full McKenzie.
I really hope Mark Foley’s show takes callers…and that the only people who call in are jokesters who simply read Foley’s IMs back to him. Oh, justice, why do you forsake us so often?
HipHopOpotamus: ahem… a gay AMERICAN.
For some rason, I’d always pictured Wasserman-Schultz legs being…thinner. I know it’s mean, but she’s rocking some hella-thick cankles along with those Chucks, no? Those is some linebaker legs; yup.
As for Megs, she’s so meta. “Ere, when I was a child…” Someone get this women a publisher; stat!
thefrontpage: Today, we are all morons. Wait wat.