Wonkette
National Review is so fucking weird, Jesus Christ. Here’s their new thing, “National Review Calls Home,” which is like a giant hideous conference call between Jonah Goldberg and rented auxiliary humans Rich Lowry and Mark Steyn—and of course all the National Review subscribers, whom Jonah Goldberg will personally be calling from some sticky-buttoned corded phone somewhere. “During the call Rich, Jonah, and Mark will discuss the hottest issues of the day. You’ll get the opportunity to ask questions, answer surveys, or you can just sit back and enjoy hearing these great pundits and observers make sense of the current political scene.” Jonah Goldberg will actually illegally stalk his readers until they sign up for his fake open-source wingnut radio. [NRO]
I hope that K-Lo calls in.
For some reason, I was thinking “Jonah Hill” for the first half of this post, and thought, “that might be kind of fun.”
It’s sorta like like E.T.!
1) Lots of snacking on Reese’s Pieces.
2) Speaking in gibberish
3) Wide eyed no necked beings
But mostly the snacking on Reese’s Pieces.
I’m glad I have caller ID.
This sounds like an SNL skit.
It is a joke, right?
I predict one of those awful “you hang up first!”… “no, YOU hang up first!” kissy fests at the end.
If I call myself a “great pundit” will people actually believe me? How ’bout “pundit?”
For an additional $1.95, these great pundits will share their own hottest issues.
If the result is they all get taken back to their home planet at the end, then I’m all for it.
So is the dial-in number 1-800-EPC-FAIL?
This is a convenient change. Most of the calls I receive from Jonah Goldberg don’t take place until well after midnight.
It’s a telemarketing scam - where’s the FCC when you need them.
Ah, the cacophony:
“I’M EATING FUNYUNS!”
“WE’RE WINNING!”
“WHERE ALL THE UNDERAGE ASIAN GIRLS AT?”
“ME LOVE THE POPE!”
Mark Steyn? He subs for Limbaugh sometimes, and laughs at his own not-even-funny entendres, just to let his audience know he’s being snide. His, Goldberg’s and Lowry’s intellectual wattage could probably cause a lightbulb to flicker momentarily. A small lightbulb.
ManchuCandidate: Lowery’s there, so they’ll also be snacking on Starbursts. Mmmmmm, Starbursts.
Jonah Goldberg calling my house? That must be considered a new level of hell.
National Review Calls Home: Lucienne’s Answering Machine -
“MOM, I need a job!”
“MOM, the mean kids are calling me ‘Doughy Pantload’ again!”
“MOM, I need someone to write a book for me!”
“Mom, um, do I put it ON the play-do or IN the bacon?”
“Never mind Mom. She says for another hundred, she’ll tell me! By the way, I need more money.”
Available in podcast? Because there’s this dingus at work who’s always leaving his iPod on my desk and I’d like to add this to his favorites list and erase everything else.
I’d rather get a knock on my door from a couple of those Latter Day Jesusbots than a phone call from those retards.
Hey, you’ve GOT to trust us on this: Any information that you provide here will NOT be used for any “third party” purposes. We’re not building a mailing or marketing list.
Please, give me a break. I think you can at least count on mountains of junk mail from every smut vender in the country.
this is a comedy show, right?
“great pundits”!!!!!
One way it will be like a real telethon is they will easily reach all the people interested in their crummy hatemag in a few short hours, with maybe a dozen phone calls. I don’t see how this will help them stay out of the red ink, though.
I knew no good would come from this telephone technology thing.
What the fuck!! Call in? What kind of pussy-ass town hall meeting is this? This will not get them reelected, that’s for Godamnsure.
AIPAC Neocon MSM Prostitution
Sell the 9/11 cover-up
I can imagine Jonah getting exhausted towards the end channeling Jerry Lewis and singing:
Nutters
When you wank through a storm
Keep your chin up high
And don’t be afraid of the dark.
At he end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark.
Wank on through the wind,
Wank on through the rain,
Tho’ your dreams be tossed and blown.Wank on, wank on
With hope in your heart
And you’ll never wank alone,
You’ll never wank alone.
It’s going to be like those shows you used to see on cable access where 3 guys sit in a basement and talk about pro wrestling and the same 5 guys call every week and 3 of those are prank calls.
Do I have to buy a subscription to his stupid magazine to get JoGo to call me? I just want to prank call him and get it over with.
When do we get to call in to the Juli-Jim conference?
I got FAIL! I got FAIL! I got FAIL! I got FAIL! I got FAIL! YEAAAAAAA!!!
For this call, I definitely will not be wearing any pants.
SayItWithWookies: Ewwww. Mark Steyn… Canadian rightie who makes (poor little) David Frum look sort of reasonable. Thank Canadian jeebus these terrible people have finally figured out they can be better paid in US America.
They should tape the calls and sell them. I mean, wingnuts can be pretty funny, and they’re bound to get scared when a strange man calls them on the phone. Plus, there’s no privacy concerns! Under Bush, they were just fine with the NSA and AT&T listening to their calls. If you can’t trust the National Review or the NSA, who can you trust?
Decker: Mom, I’ve got some stupid tools on hold here, do you want to sell them anything?
Rotundo: “You’ll never wank alone.” That could be the theme song of the Wonkette futbol team.
I re-watched “The Good Sheperd” last night.
And now, when I read the words “National Review,” all I can think about is William F. Buckley fucking Angelina Jolie.
At least, I think that’s what it was about.
Rotundo: Robbie Fowler is god!