• February 16, 2012


How many times did you vote for Tom DeLay last night? Did you hit your quota of eight?? He will continue to do pelvic thrusts in thigh-hugging formica (?) bellbottoms until you do. Or until they rip, whichever comes first. … You should probably vote quickly. Anyway, the Troggs! Boss choice, dude. And YES, you, the other one, the one who appears to be nothing more than just a promiscuous taxidermy rug: YES. The Supreme Court of Dance ranked Tom & the one they call “Cheryl” as the fourth best dancers on the entire Earth. [Politico]

{ 54 comments }

ManchuCandidate September 22, 2009 at 9:35 am

Tom Delay survived because he imagined his dance partner was a K Street Lobbyist and let his magical feet do the rest.

Somewhere Tucker Carlson is wearing his gold lame outfit and sobbing.

memzilla September 22, 2009 at 9:40 am

Yipe. Argh. Feh. Blecchh.

Can someone please hack the SMS protocol and send negative votes to his number? Ktnxbai.

jodyleek September 22, 2009 at 9:42 am

Mr. Irrelevant the Dancing Poo.

BeWoot September 22, 2009 at 9:43 am

What an oily bastard. I had to Windex the TV screen after the show.

eeeeeeek September 22, 2009 at 9:43 am

How do I unwatch that?

norbizness September 22, 2009 at 9:43 am

He looked to have been whacked out on his own personal stash of Terminix pest spray.

Mr. Tusks September 22, 2009 at 9:44 am

Delay got votes for getting through the whole number without receiving a envelope of anthrax.

JadedDIssonance September 22, 2009 at 9:49 am

oh god. Why? What did I do? and what the fuck is politico click?

One Yield Regular September 22, 2009 at 9:49 am

That is off the hook, in an urban-suburban hip-hop setting kind of way.

Canmon (the Inadequate) September 22, 2009 at 9:49 am

If you can put on a big smile in your mug shot, you can pretend to enjoy anything.

finallyhappy September 22, 2009 at 9:52 am

To hell with this crap- I want new pictures of Baby Smith and an update Mom Sara and mysterious Daddy

queeraselvis v 2.0 September 22, 2009 at 9:52 am

Please to surgically remove the image of Tom Delay’s bootyshake from my brain forever.

jfruh September 22, 2009 at 9:53 am

Coburn’s chief of staff was wrong: this is what makes 10-year-old boys gay.

Crazybroad September 22, 2009 at 9:58 am

My eyes! My eyes!!!! Auuuuuggggghhhhh!!!

freakishlystrong September 22, 2009 at 10:02 am

Let’s hope that was his prison audition, to be the wife.

the problem child September 22, 2009 at 10:03 am

Get the feeling he is a little TOO comfortable in his own body?

El Pinche September 22, 2009 at 10:03 am

Why Delay is dancing on teevee and not getting anally destroyed in prison is beyond me.

HoboNutz September 22, 2009 at 10:07 am

America is a shining city upon a hill, indeed

CorkPopper September 22, 2009 at 10:09 am

GAAAAAHHHHH! Serves me right, watching a video with “Tom DeLay” and “pelvic thrusts” in the same entry. The horror…the horror…

Rascalcat September 22, 2009 at 10:15 am

If I never have DeLay point in my direction mouthing “Wild Thang”, again, it will be too soon.

hockeymom September 22, 2009 at 10:21 am

What horrible thing did “Cheryl” do, to deserve this type of punishment?

contentsunderpressure September 22, 2009 at 10:24 am

That was profoundly disturbing on so many levels I feel nailed to the chair. Or else it’s the booze!

I-man September 22, 2009 at 10:24 am

I have to say that Delay isn’t a bad mover. Doesn’t make him any less of a criminally corrupt douchebag though, alright maybe just a little bit less in my eyes; Thus proving once and for all that Dancing with the Stars is evil.

TGY September 22, 2009 at 10:38 am

Final proof that there is no God.

gurukalehuru September 22, 2009 at 10:43 am

Gay, Gay
Tom Delay
it don’t look right when you move that way

you cannot be serious September 22, 2009 at 10:47 am

I’m sure I’m not the only male in America who, when Hammer flipped his first finger point, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, “Hey, I think He just pointed at me.” And his pelvic thrusts. By the end, when he clearly knew he was doing well, it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America. This is a quality that can’t be learned; it’s either something you have or you don’t, and man, he’s got it.

RoscoePColtraine September 22, 2009 at 10:51 am

Tom Delay is going to smoke those men’s-size 3 dancing pumps all the way to victory. Gay librul judges be damned. Don’t forget, this is a wingnut christard entertainment program ripoff of another wingnut christard entertainment program.

WadISay September 22, 2009 at 10:51 am

If Nancy Pelosi and the zombie of Patrick Swayze get equal time, I’ll be OK with this.

eclecticbrotha September 22, 2009 at 10:52 am

What.
The.
FUCK?

Has no one told Mr. DeLay that Leisure Suits cause cancer????

AnnieGetYourFun September 22, 2009 at 10:59 am

[re=416359]I-man[/re]: You are wrong. He is a terrible mover. And shaker.

SayItWithWookies September 22, 2009 at 11:03 am

Ha ha, you think I’m going to watch that visual equivalent of a prostate exam when I spent a good deal of time purposefully avoiding it last night? If I want to be creeped out, I’ll go looking for the centipede that was in my bathroom the other day. It mysteriously disappeared while I was getting a newspaper to kill it with, so it’s now roaming around free. Tom Delay dancing, though? Please — I have standards.

thebeatgoeson September 22, 2009 at 11:04 am

[re=416303]memzilla[/re]: [re=416319]Crazybroad[/re]: [re=416335]CorkPopper[/re]: and furthermore BARF GAG WRETCH Where’s the steel wool for my mind’s eye?!

thebeatgoeson September 22, 2009 at 11:04 am

[re=416303]memzilla[/re]: [re=416319]Crazybroad[/re]: [re=416335]CorkPopper[/re]: and furthermore BARF GAG RETCH Where’s the steel wool for my mind’s eye?!

OzoneTom September 22, 2009 at 11:21 am

I’m surprised that Trig is old enough to have a band.

Grendel'sMom September 22, 2009 at 11:27 am

How much alcohol will it take to kill that part of my memory?

RoscoePColtraine September 22, 2009 at 11:35 am

Efferdent should be pleased with the free advertising they’ll get every time Tom Delay flashes his winning smile. He sleeps with those teeth on his night stand dontcha know.

Norbert September 22, 2009 at 11:36 am

He’s a tiger in the sack, too. True story.

Way Cool Larry September 22, 2009 at 11:53 am

Oh god why did I watch that– MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!

Snerdley September 22, 2009 at 11:53 am

HOW DID HE DO SUCH FANTASTIC STUNTS WITH SUCH LITTLE FEET???????

MzNicky September 22, 2009 at 11:59 am

Dancing Tom DeLay: It’s now an important part of my daily binge-and-purge diet!

mercure September 22, 2009 at 12:04 pm

I actually considered watching this (given that I’m supposed to be reading a report titled “New Surveillance Framework for Insurers Comparable to Canada’s System”, wouldn’t you).

But reading the accounts of the unnameable horror of Delay in a leisure suit, shaking his booty, I think I’ll pass.

Lawndarts September 22, 2009 at 12:23 pm

Damn he’s good!

Capricatony September 22, 2009 at 12:27 pm

This will make him very popular in prison. Seriously, they love ballroom in prison.

edgydrifter September 22, 2009 at 12:47 pm

Aside from the fact that he’s a terrible human, and maybe not human at all but rather some kind of semi-sentient ambulatory sewage sack, I have to admit that his routines weren’t nearly as train-wrecky as the UFC mangrrr bear’s. Then again, I spent most of the time focusing on Cheryl’s jiggly bits, so maybe I missed something.

Junior September 22, 2009 at 12:48 pm

I deducted one text for simulating a power chord on an e-lectric geetar during some fancy horn finish. Other than that he got my full seven votes.

Dashboard_Buddha September 22, 2009 at 12:56 pm

Wrong on some many levels. Bleaching my brain now. Why the fuck did I watch that???

hobospacejunkie September 22, 2009 at 1:15 pm

There’s no proof that Tom Delay is a kid diddler so you people should stop saying he diddles kids. It ain’t right.

Dashboard_Buddha September 22, 2009 at 1:22 pm

[re=416651]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Perhaps…but is he a weenie waggler?

StoneAge September 22, 2009 at 1:31 pm

Oh great, now I can never have sex with Cheryl Burke.

(Not that the opportunity had presented itself.)

Extemporanus September 22, 2009 at 1:45 pm

[re=416392]you cannot be serious[/re]: “Dancing with the Starbursts”!

El Pinche September 22, 2009 at 2:03 pm

[re=416651]hobospacejunkie[/re]: But he helped butt rape amurka. Yeah, I have other reasons to hate that fucko than a pedo-conspiracy.

BobTheBuilder September 23, 2009 at 2:06 am

Pity the poor cameraman: “OK, Camera Two, be sure to zoom in on DeLay’s shaking butt…” Dear Lord.

LowerdPeninsula September 23, 2009 at 3:11 am

[re=416577]Capricatony[/re]: “This will make him very popular in prison. Seriously, they love ballroom in prison.”

My god. WIN.

eekahil September 23, 2009 at 10:43 am

He’s surprisingly whatever for a guy with cloven hooves.

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