RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS  4:34 pm September 22, 2009

Afghanistan Asks: Et Tu, McChrystal?

by Riley Waggaman

  • Matt Yglesias needs some hot German tracks that he can sing in the shower. We recommend: Kraftwerk, Sammy Deluxe, and uh, Trio. [Matt Yglesias]
  • Before there was, men of questionable character had to solicit sex over VHS. [The Daily Dish]
  • Michele Bachmann reveals the secrets of the universe. [Think Progress]
  • The 111th Congress class picture was ripe with the usual ass-grabs and suggestive hand gestures. [The Caucus]
  • Who murdered the War in Afghanistan? Was it McChrystal, in the ballroom, with classified documents on a CD-RW? Or was it blabbermouth Admiral Mullen, in the harem, gossiping with a teenage hooker? Or was it a jealous White House staffer who framed McChrystal because McChrystal is so handsome and it’s just not fair? Or? [Weekly Standard]
  • The Wise Latina thinks she can play baseball better than a white male. Composure, Lindsey Graham. Composure. [Swampland]
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doloras September 22, 2009 at 4:46 pm

Nothing on the humiliation of Lanny Davis’s pet coup in Honduras?

Jukesgrrl September 22, 2009 at 4:49 pm

Well, we know the Wise Latina does the mambo better than Tom DeLay (no, you don’t get extra points for that show-off knee drop, you digusting pig). So why not baseball? If douchy white men are born with automatic rights to power in South Carolina, at the very least Puerto Ricans can all be born with pitching arms.

SayItWithWookies September 22, 2009 at 4:51 pm

There’s a British band that’s been getting good attendance in Hamburg — the Beatles or something. Yglesias should give ‘em a listen.

queeraselvis v 2.0 September 22, 2009 at 4:51 pm

As much as I love Kraftwerk, Matty should really pony up to the delicious Krautrawk that is Propaganda

V572625694 September 22, 2009 at 4:56 pm

[re=416887]Jukesgrrl[/re]: That would be your Dominicans who are dominating beisbol this days, if I have my ethnic stereotypes in order.

widget09 September 22, 2009 at 4:57 pm

Together, the Fox News network and Bachmann create a very “truthy” tag-team.

Oh, I can’t wait to see how long that lasts. “Teabag Team” Anyone ?

teebob2000 September 22, 2009 at 4:57 pm

On the dating video thing — tell me the guy who starts at 0:57 isn’t talking about his date’s corpse after he’s tortured and raped her for 3 days in his basement/dungeon, and then slowly bled her to death and cut her into tall-kitchen-garbage-bag-sized pieces.

queeraselvis v 2.0 September 22, 2009 at 5:02 pm

Wow. Bachmann batshittery at its finest: “Alaskan caribou favor oil drilling because they like the warmth of the pipeline.” What? Did Michelle take a caribou poll or something?

JSDC007 September 22, 2009 at 5:02 pm

Note to Michelle Bachman: When O’Reilly finally teabags you for being such a good wingnut, those won’t be falafels you’ll be smelling.

ManchuCandidate September 22, 2009 at 5:03 pm

Wingnuts will go apoplectic if the Wise Latina throws the baseball better than Lindsey and then demand a chromosome test to verify if she’s really female like a South African athlete recently was.

Sharkey September 22, 2009 at 5:09 pm

Bachwomann in the shower with a VCR?

ManchuCandidate September 22, 2009 at 5:11 pm

Bachmann Obi wan Kenobi Overdrive

“Use the Factor, GOP”
“The Insanity is with you… Always”
“Your facts can deceive you; don’t trust them.”
“The Factor is what gives a GOPer their power. It’s an energy field created by all insane things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the GOP together.”

Skwerl Nutz September 22, 2009 at 5:12 pm

Re: Sully’s video
@ 50 seconds isn’t that Lt.Dangle?

rocktonsammy September 22, 2009 at 5:16 pm

$50 bucks for the first photo of Bachman getting out of a car with no underpants on.

I gots to know if that thing is full bush or not.

ManchuCandidate September 22, 2009 at 5:19 pm

Just $50?

I’m sure that she’s “found” a verse in the bible that considers a Brazilian/landing strip a sin.

BeWoot September 22, 2009 at 5:23 pm

“The 111th Congress class picture was ripe with the usual ass-grabs and suggestive hand gestures.”
Did you mean, was RIFE with? Just askin’ …

Extemporanus September 22, 2009 at 5:33 pm

While Sonia is throwing out the first pitch at Yankee Stadium, Lindsey will be catching the first pitch at Yank-Me Gaydium.

BeWoot September 22, 2009 at 5:35 pm

I understand what Coburn’s little aide was talking about. After watching those hunks on VHS, suddenly I’m gay. Really, really gay.

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 22, 2009 at 5:42 pm

George Wills must be rolling in his grave now that his beloved baseball has been so tarnished.

Johnny Zhivago September 22, 2009 at 5:46 pm

The Single Worst Political Website EVER!

Holy shit, the parody is actually better:

Paul Tardy September 22, 2009 at 5:47 pm

VHS! Why did I get BetaMax, why oh why?

hockeymom September 22, 2009 at 5:50 pm

Bachmann “People vote with their feet”.


Accordion-o-rama September 22, 2009 at 5:52 pm

Not only caribou, but Michele herself and, in fact, most of the RNC love a warm pipeline.

slappypaddy September 22, 2009 at 6:01 pm

matt and michelle can get together and sing the horst wessel song to the caribous, that’s a favorite. then they can lay a little warm pipe together, see what kind of new batshit crazy they can generate.

user-of-owls September 22, 2009 at 6:06 pm

[re=416904]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Did Michelle take a caribou poll or something?

You wouldn’t believe what those vile ruminants think about immigration and the estate tax.

Tundra Grifter September 22, 2009 at 6:53 pm

[re=416942]hockeymom[/re]: That certainly explains why AlGore lost in Florida in 2000 – those stupid Democrats were voting with their hands!

Tundra Grifter September 22, 2009 at 6:55 pm

[re=416951]user-of-owls[/re]: Don’t forget that the modern Alaskan caribou were imported from Siberia in the late 19th Century! This was pre-Commie Siberia, of course, so that makes them Czar Caribou!

Or, perhaps that is the name of a popular Russian luncheon dish.

user-of-owls September 22, 2009 at 7:16 pm

[re=416998]Tundra Grifter[/re]: Czapas! 100% Red-free!

Neoyorquino September 22, 2009 at 8:08 pm

Trio’s ‘Da-Da-Da’ is okay, but ‘Drei Mann im Doppelbett’ would have been funnier.

Robert Zimmerframe September 22, 2009 at 9:34 pm

I recommend Deutsch-Amerikanische Freundschaft, in particular ‘Der Mussolini’.

flyingspaghettimonster September 22, 2009 at 9:53 pm

Nina Hagen’s version of White Punks on Dope is always a crowd pleaser

dijetlo September 22, 2009 at 10:34 pm

The gem of this round-up was the blog post at the Weakly Reader…errr Standard where one of the interchangeable conservatards that work there opines that our President, is falling down on the job when it comes to spontaneously celebrating the slaughter of the browns in the third world shit holes where we invest our defense dollars.
The limp thrust of the effort is our dusky overlord is “dithering” over a strategy that will bring decisive victory to our blessed war makers in exotic Afghanistan so it must be someone in the White House who leaked the ultra secret military report titled “Afghanistan: We are so fucked”. The Weakly blogger couldn’t explain why it would benefit the White House to do something like that and readily admits he has no proof such a thing actually happened but since it would be a felony, he sure hopes it was somebody in the White House.

LowerdPeninsula September 23, 2009 at 4:40 am

Que? McChrystal is handsome?

And, the Yankees have a “director of Latino Affairs”? Shouldn’t that be the other way around?

remembers when Wonkette was funny September 23, 2009 at 10:10 am

I think poor over-taxed Mom Ms Bachmann just got fatigued, and got her statements crossed.

Clearly, Caribou vote with their feet, and dear Michelle loves herself a nice warm pipe.

qaf September 23, 2009 at 3:34 pm

[re=416929]BeWoot[/re]: I’m starting to think he may be using dictation software…

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