THIS HAS GOT TO STOP  5:29 pm September 21, 2009

Obama Golfs With Dumb Tom Friedman

by Jim Newell

It’s then that it hits me: Here I am playing an ancient Scottish game with metal sticks in Java while doodling giraffe penises on my Apple Blackberry Etch-a-Sketch function designed by brown-blacks in Eritrea and there are Mongolian goats in the background ordering garlic hummus at the Taco Bell/KFC where the hobbit employees are albino and French and robots and then the Kenyan-Hawaiian president of the Pan-American representative democracy is with me but he’s chasing Chinese rabbits across the New York Stock Exchange floor which is covered in Saharan turpentine — metaphorically, this is a metaphor — and I see God: it is called “the Yuan” or maybe “iPod.” Suck. On. This. [The Nation]

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


queeraselvis v 2.0 September 21, 2009 at 5:33 pm

Damn shame that Barry didn’t take a 9-iron to Tommy Boy’s skull. Damn shame.

guerilla-nation September 21, 2009 at 5:34 pm

must’ve been a public course. ‘cuz i know of no country club in the world that would let a negro and a jew on the links. at the same time, no less.

Min September 21, 2009 at 5:37 pm

You forgot, “And then Elvis left the building.”

WadISay September 21, 2009 at 5:40 pm

Obama should be quarantined from Friedman when he’s rethinking strategy in the Middle East.

yargisbargis September 21, 2009 at 5:41 pm

“Of course, the wandering Mongolian goats threw the proverbial monkey wrench into our plans—and at the eleventh hour, on the 18th hole”

Jukesgrrl September 21, 2009 at 5:41 pm

It’s easy to golf when the course is flat.

taylormattd September 21, 2009 at 5:43 pm


SayItWithWookies September 21, 2009 at 5:48 pm

Friedman got off easy — Walter Williams had to play mumbletypeg with Rahm Emanuel.

Extemporanus September 21, 2009 at 5:50 pm

Did they follow Blunt’s rule that Friedman had to play his ball from where Obama threw it?

charlesdegoal September 21, 2009 at 5:50 pm

Only six months left before the passage of health-care reform and the end of the wars, then?

Darkness September 21, 2009 at 5:57 pm

How many IQ points will Barry have sucked out of him by this idiot?

Barry! Come back from the stupid side . . . what have we done to deserve this??

AnnieGetYourFun September 21, 2009 at 5:57 pm

Friedman was in Afghnistan writing sorta kinda about Greg Mortenson and the CAI schools there, and he had the nerve to act as though his own opinion on the war mattered in any fucking way whatsoever. This guy, he makes me spit.

skutre September 21, 2009 at 5:58 pm

As Promised:
Jim Newell’s message to Kevin Brady, broadcast in Brady’s

Socialist Texan Republican DC People’s Transportation Czar, alpha
Teabaggering Top, Kevin Brady gets a message from Wonkette, and
health care.also. RIP Jim Carrol.also.


F Fwd to
06:00 – 11:00
14:00 – 18:00

With Scooter and Rick and some callers and Jim Newell from
Wonkette writes to Texas Transportation Communist wannabee Czar,
Kevin Brady.

We’re number 37 by Paul Hipp. also.

KPFT Houston

Humpback September 21, 2009 at 6:01 pm

So when did the monkeys come out on the course to grab his balls?

Lawndarts September 21, 2009 at 6:03 pm

That maybe one of the greatest sentences ever.

AnnieGetYourFun September 21, 2009 at 6:13 pm

This blog post is the love child of Ginsburg and one of those schlocky emails you get about rabbis celebrating Yom Kippur with Chinese friends in a French restaurant owned by a Russian… only in New York!

facehead September 21, 2009 at 6:14 pm


It reminds me of the time I was in a unionized Mongolian brothel (the kind you find in those little out of the way towns in north eastern Cuba) and the head mistress was telling one of the ladies that she has to stop doing the same thing over and over because the economy is like an unripe coconut and SO I HOPE YOU LEARNED YOU LESSON MR. NEWELL!!!

TheJerkStoreCalled September 21, 2009 at 6:15 pm

I just learned that Friedman won a Pulitzer in 2002. Huh. I didn’t realize getting a Pulitzer was like getting a Grammy.

DickTaterPeeNoShay September 21, 2009 at 6:18 pm

Talk about playing with a handicap –Jeezus

shortsshortsshorts September 21, 2009 at 6:18 pm

Hot, Flat, and Over-publicized.

slappypaddy September 21, 2009 at 6:19 pm

are we sucking on tabs of acid? someone’s been sucking on tabs of acid.

Way Cool Larry September 21, 2009 at 6:20 pm

that is one of the rare pictures of TF where you can’t be in awe of his awe-inpsiring mustache of understanding

Mull_Man September 21, 2009 at 6:21 pm

Tom Friedman was mucking about on BBC4 yesterday. However, because he spoke Friedlish for the entire interview, I doubt anyone understood a word he said.

InKnockYouUs September 21, 2009 at 6:28 pm


Come here a minute September 21, 2009 at 6:31 pm

Obama and Friedman were unable to complete a single hole because the playing field was round.

user-of-owls September 21, 2009 at 6:33 pm

[re=415980]skutre[/re]: Talk to me when Wonk gets on KTRU.

skutre September 21, 2009 at 6:42 pm

[re=416032]user-of-owls[/re]: You got it. I was on ‘spoken word’ with Ayn Morgan a couple of months ago so I’ve got an in there. Also my very close friend is the station engineer.

MGBYG September 21, 2009 at 6:59 pm

Golfing and the High Holidays is certainly an issue with Friedmeats, er, Friedman and “Being Nice to a Jew” at the end of Ramabadamadan is pretty iffy for our Mooslim-in-Chief.

user-of-owls September 21, 2009 at 7:03 pm

[re=416040]skutre[/re]: Eep! Misleading the witness on my part. I haven’t been in radio range of TRU since Beer-Bike was just fun silliness and downtown Houston became nothing more than a skatepark for the Urban Animals at 5pm.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 21, 2009 at 7:04 pm

[re=416009]slappypaddy[/re]: I know I have.

Jim89048 September 21, 2009 at 7:12 pm

Nice picture of TF demonstrating a spiffy dance move from the 60′s.

ifthethunderdontgetya" September 21, 2009 at 7:38 pm

That meeting balanced out a longer dinner for conservative opinion journalists from traditional outlets like The Wall Street Journal and The Washington Post, such as George Will, Bill Kristol, David Brooks, Charles Krauthammer, Peggy Noonan and Paul Gigot.

And how’s that working out for you, young Barry the Boorish?

Paul Tardy September 21, 2009 at 7:41 pm

Israeli animation in Russian or something featuring our home boy Obama.

Some sort of written explanation in English.,2506,L-3778960,00.html

hobospacejunkie September 21, 2009 at 7:42 pm

But how many holes did TF & The Muslin dig and should they stop digging or go get more shovels!?!

Smoke Filled Roommate September 21, 2009 at 7:47 pm

Friedman looks like he’s in his own little NJ attempting to hail a cab in that pic.

RobPetrified September 21, 2009 at 8:10 pm

I thought that happened to everyone, Jim.

hobospacejunkie September 21, 2009 at 8:22 pm

I’ll have a steak sandwich and, a steak sandwich.

Suds McKenzie September 21, 2009 at 8:26 pm

[re=415988]Lawndarts[/re]: “That maybe one of the greatest sentences ever.”


orange September 21, 2009 at 8:44 pm

[re=415988]Lawndarts[/re]: It is well done.

Eric Cheney September 21, 2009 at 9:02 pm

Great writing Jim. You should get the part of Tom in the upcoming documentary, “Tom Friedman: Spank Me Til I Smile”.

MMS September 21, 2009 at 9:09 pm

Best. Post. Ever.

DustBowlBlues September 21, 2009 at 9:22 pm

Why, Jim. You’re a free-verse poet.

Nothing to add except that Hopey’s just going to make that blowhard feel even more important about himself.

S.Luggo September 21, 2009 at 9:44 pm

Insuffiently Friedmanesque. In relative terms, too close to being a simple declarative sentence, Newell.

S.Luggo September 21, 2009 at 9:47 pm

[re=415934]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: My choice would have been a red glowing putter with one hole to play.

jimmyQ September 21, 2009 at 9:51 pm

Great post. I know exactly where to go after an intellectually uneventful Monday evening at the Urge.

S.Luggo September 21, 2009 at 9:52 pm

[re=416133]S.Luggo[/re]: Insufficiently, as in quality of my posts.

norbizness September 21, 2009 at 10:19 pm

(after 2.5 hours of insufferable Friedmanesque banter)

TOM: … and THAT’S why they called that porno “The Friedman Unit”! Oh boy, the 11th hole! Say, what’s that thing over there?

OBAMA: That’s a ball… er.. mustache-washer. You should try it out.

TOM: Well, the ol’ girl is feeling a bit waxy right now. Thanks! (washer rips out half of his ‘stache) YOU SON OF A BITCH!

OBAMA: (to Secret Service) Cheese it! (runs off)

SayItWithWookies September 21, 2009 at 10:26 pm

[re=416068]ifthethunderdontgetcha[/re]: It’s either going badly or very, very well. He’s either just constantly getting smacked by the people he reaches across the aisle to, or else the people who oppose him are increasingly branding themselves as an asylumload of idiots, corporate whores and family-values-professing, closeted homosexual S&M enthusiast Republicans.

S.Luggo September 21, 2009 at 10:34 pm

I saw the best mind of my generation at golf,
chipping, putting, driving, intellectual, bored,
With Tom Whatzits, through the greens at dawn,
looking for a media fix.

Scooter September 21, 2009 at 10:58 pm

I can’t figure out what Tommy is doing. Maybe demonstrating the Swim or the Frug? Or could it be that he just caught a whiff of his own career?

In a Jar September 21, 2009 at 11:35 pm

Any contextual reference to “goats…ordering hummus from the Taco Bell/KFC” would make my day, but somehow Newell manages to relate it to Thomas Friedman, creator of the well-known (no one’s heard of it) “suck. on. this.” Iraq war doctrine? Well done, Jim, you did in one sentence what took Matt Taibbi about 3,000 words to do.

Capricatony September 22, 2009 at 1:20 am

Finally the country will have its Mixed Metaphor czar.

AKAM80TheWolf September 22, 2009 at 9:51 am

Thank You Jim. It is officially a sexual day.

nader paul kucinich gravel September 22, 2009 at 12:23 pm

Ridicule all legitimate questions concerning 9/11.
Sell & glorify Israeli war propaganda.

Distractions & division

GDTRFB September 22, 2009 at 12:50 pm

[re=416004]TheJerkStoreCalled[/re]: I hate to post a quasi-serious comment (BORING)… but before Tom Friedman lost his marbles and became the world’s most obsessive over-user of extended and non-sensical metaphors, he was in fact a brilliant reporter/correspondent for the NY Times. And deserved pulltizers. And for what it’s worth, the Lexus and the Olive Tree and From Beirut to Jerusalem are outstanding books, even if his other books are garbage.

Take note Wonkette. I am the huge loser who actually likes some of Tom Freidman’s (older) writing.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: