this has got to stop

Obama Golfs With Dumb Tom Friedman

It’s then that it hits me: Here I am playing an ancient Scottish game with metal sticks in Java while doodling giraffe penises on my Apple Blackberry Etch-a-Sketch function designed by brown-blacks in Eritrea and there are Mongolian goats in the background ordering garlic hummus at the Taco Bell/KFC where the hobbit employees are albino and French and robots and then the Kenyan-Hawaiian president of the Pan-American representative democracy is with me but he’s chasing Chinese rabbits across the New York Stock Exchange floor which is covered in Saharan turpentine — metaphorically, this is a metaphor — and I see God: it is called “the Yuan” or maybe “iPod.” Suck. On. This. [The Nation]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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  1. guerilla-nation

    must’ve been a public course. ‘cuz i know of no country club in the world that would let a negro and a jew on the links. at the same time, no less.

  2. yargisbargis

    “Of course, the wandering Mongolian goats threw the proverbial monkey wrench into our plans—and at the eleventh hour, on the 18th hole”

  3. Darkness

    How many IQ points will Barry have sucked out of him by this idiot?

    Barry! Come back from the stupid side . . . what have we done to deserve this??

  4. AnnieGetYourFun

    Friedman was in Afghnistan writing sorta kinda about Greg Mortenson and the CAI schools there, and he had the nerve to act as though his own opinion on the war mattered in any fucking way whatsoever. This guy, he makes me spit.

  5. skutre

    As Promised:
    Jim Newell’s message to Kevin Brady, broadcast in Brady’s

    Socialist Texan Republican DC People’s Transportation Czar, alpha
    Teabaggering Top, Kevin Brady gets a message from Wonkette, and
    health care.also. RIP Jim Carrol.also.


    F Fwd to
    06:00 – 11:00
    14:00 – 18:00

    With Scooter and Rick and some callers and Jim Newell from
    Wonkette writes to Texas Transportation Communist wannabee Czar,
    Kevin Brady.

    We’re number 37 by Paul Hipp. also.

    KPFT Houston

  6. AnnieGetYourFun

    This blog post is the love child of Ginsburg and one of those schlocky emails you get about rabbis celebrating Yom Kippur with Chinese friends in a French restaurant owned by a Russian… only in New York!

  7. facehead


    It reminds me of the time I was in a unionized Mongolian brothel (the kind you find in those little out of the way towns in north eastern Cuba) and the head mistress was telling one of the ladies that she has to stop doing the same thing over and over because the economy is like an unripe coconut and SO I HOPE YOU LEARNED YOU LESSON MR. NEWELL!!!

  8. TheJerkStoreCalled

    I just learned that Friedman won a Pulitzer in 2002. Huh. I didn’t realize getting a Pulitzer was like getting a Grammy.

  9. Way Cool Larry

    that is one of the rare pictures of TF where you can’t be in awe of his awe-inpsiring mustache of understanding

  10. Mull_Man

    Tom Friedman was mucking about on BBC4 yesterday. However, because he spoke Friedlish for the entire interview, I doubt anyone understood a word he said.

  11. InKnockYouUs


  12. skutre

    [re=416032]user-of-owls[/re]: You got it. I was on ‘spoken word’ with Ayn Morgan a couple of months ago so I’ve got an in there. Also my very close friend is the station engineer.

  13. MGBYG

    Golfing and the High Holidays is certainly an issue with Friedmeats, er, Friedman and “Being Nice to a Jew” at the end of Ramabadamadan is pretty iffy for our Mooslim-in-Chief.

  14. user-of-owls

    [re=416040]skutre[/re]: Eep! Misleading the witness on my part. I haven’t been in radio range of TRU since Beer-Bike was just fun silliness and downtown Houston became nothing more than a skatepark for the Urban Animals at 5pm.

  15. ifthethunderdontgetya"

    That meeting balanced out a longer dinner for conservative opinion journalists from traditional outlets like The Wall Street Journal and The Washington Post, such as George Will, Bill Kristol, David Brooks, Charles Krauthammer, Peggy Noonan and Paul Gigot.

    And how’s that working out for you, young Barry the Boorish?

  16. Eric Cheney

    Great writing Jim. You should get the part of Tom in the upcoming documentary, “Tom Friedman: Spank Me Til I Smile”.

  17. DustBowlBlues

    Why, Jim. You’re a free-verse poet.

    Nothing to add except that Hopey’s just going to make that blowhard feel even more important about himself.

  18. norbizness

    (after 2.5 hours of insufferable Friedmanesque banter)

    TOM: … and THAT’S why they called that porno “The Friedman Unit”! Oh boy, the 11th hole! Say, what’s that thing over there?

    OBAMA: That’s a ball… er.. mustache-washer. You should try it out.

    TOM: Well, the ol’ girl is feeling a bit waxy right now. Thanks! (washer rips out half of his ‘stache) YOU SON OF A BITCH!

    OBAMA: (to Secret Service) Cheese it! (runs off)

  19. SayItWithWookies

    [re=416068]ifthethunderdontgetcha[/re]: It’s either going badly or very, very well. He’s either just constantly getting smacked by the people he reaches across the aisle to, or else the people who oppose him are increasingly branding themselves as an asylumload of idiots, corporate whores and family-values-professing, closeted homosexual S&M enthusiast Republicans.

  20. S.Luggo

    I saw the best mind of my generation at golf,
    chipping, putting, driving, intellectual, bored,
    With Tom Whatzits, through the greens at dawn,
    looking for a media fix.

  21. Scooter

    I can’t figure out what Tommy is doing. Maybe demonstrating the Swim or the Frug? Or could it be that he just caught a whiff of his own career?

  22. In a Jar

    Any contextual reference to “goats…ordering hummus from the Taco Bell/KFC” would make my day, but somehow Newell manages to relate it to Thomas Friedman, creator of the well-known (no one’s heard of it) “suck. on. this.” Iraq war doctrine? Well done, Jim, you did in one sentence what took Matt Taibbi about 3,000 words to do.

  23. nader paul kucinich gravel

    Ridicule all legitimate questions concerning 9/11.
    Sell & glorify Israeli war propaganda.

    Distractions & division

  24. GDTRFB

    [re=416004]TheJerkStoreCalled[/re]: I hate to post a quasi-serious comment (BORING)… but before Tom Friedman lost his marbles and became the world’s most obsessive over-user of extended and non-sensical metaphors, he was in fact a brilliant reporter/correspondent for the NY Times. And deserved pulltizers. And for what it’s worth, the Lexus and the Olive Tree and From Beirut to Jerusalem are outstanding books, even if his other books are garbage.

    Take note Wonkette. I am the huge loser who actually likes some of Tom Freidman’s (older) writing.

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