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It’s then that it hits me: Here I am playing an ancient Scottish game with metal sticks in Java while doodling giraffe penises on my Apple Blackberry Etch-a-Sketch function designed by brown-blacks in Eritrea and there are Mongolian goats in the background ordering garlic hummus at the Taco Bell/KFC where the hobbit employees are albino and French and robots and then the Kenyan-Hawaiian president of the Pan-American representative democracy is with me but he’s chasing Chinese rabbits across the New York Stock Exchange floor which is covered in Saharan turpentine — metaphorically, this is a metaphor — and I see God: it is called “the Yuan” or maybe “iPod.” Suck. On. This. [The Nation]

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55 COMMENTS

  1. must’ve been a public course. ‘cuz i know of no country club in the world that would let a negro and a jew on the links. at the same time, no less.

  2. “Of course, the wandering Mongolian goats threw the proverbial monkey wrench into our plans—and at the eleventh hour, on the 18th hole”

  3. Friedman was in Afghnistan writing sorta kinda about Greg Mortenson and the CAI schools there, and he had the nerve to act as though his own opinion on the war mattered in any fucking way whatsoever. This guy, he makes me spit.

  4. OT
    As Promised:
    Jim Newell’s message to Kevin Brady, broadcast in Brady’s
    district.


    Socialist Texan Republican DC People’s Transportation Czar, alpha
    Teabaggering Top, Kevin Brady gets a message from Wonkette, and
    health care.also. RIP Jim Carrol.also.

    MP3 http://acksisofevil.org/audio/inner239.mp3

    F Fwd to
    06:00 – 11:00
    14:00 – 18:00

    With Scooter and Rick and some callers and Jim Newell from
    Wonkette writes to Texas Transportation Communist wannabee Czar,
    Kevin Brady.

    We’re number 37 by Paul Hipp. also.

    KPFT Houston

  5. This blog post is the love child of Ginsburg and one of those schlocky emails you get about rabbis celebrating Yom Kippur with Chinese friends in a French restaurant owned by a Russian… only in New York!

  6. HOW DARE YOU MOCK THIS GREAT MAN?!?!?!?

    It reminds me of the time I was in a unionized Mongolian brothel (the kind you find in those little out of the way towns in north eastern Cuba) and the head mistress was telling one of the ladies that she has to stop doing the same thing over and over because the economy is like an unripe coconut and SO I HOPE YOU LEARNED YOU LESSON MR. NEWELL!!!

  7. Tom Friedman was mucking about on BBC4 yesterday. However, because he spoke Friedlish for the entire interview, I doubt anyone understood a word he said.

  8. [re=416032]user-of-owls[/re]: You got it. I was on ‘spoken word’ with Ayn Morgan a couple of months ago so I’ve got an in there. Also my very close friend is the station engineer.

  9. Golfing and the High Holidays is certainly an issue with Friedmeats, er, Friedman and “Being Nice to a Jew” at the end of Ramabadamadan is pretty iffy for our Mooslim-in-Chief.

  10. [re=416040]skutre[/re]: Eep! Misleading the witness on my part. I haven’t been in radio range of TRU since Beer-Bike was just fun silliness and downtown Houston became nothing more than a skatepark for the Urban Animals at 5pm.

  11. That meeting balanced out a longer dinner for conservative opinion journalists from traditional outlets like The Wall Street Journal and The Washington Post, such as George Will, Bill Kristol, David Brooks, Charles Krauthammer, Peggy Noonan and Paul Gigot.

    And how’s that working out for you, young Barry the Boorish?
    ~

  12. Why, Jim. You’re a free-verse poet.

    Nothing to add except that Hopey’s just going to make that blowhard feel even more important about himself.

  13. (after 2.5 hours of insufferable Friedmanesque banter)

    TOM: … and THAT’S why they called that porno “The Friedman Unit”! Oh boy, the 11th hole! Say, what’s that thing over there?

    OBAMA: That’s a ball… er.. mustache-washer. You should try it out.

    TOM: Well, the ol’ girl is feeling a bit waxy right now. Thanks! (washer rips out half of his ‘stache) YOU SON OF A BITCH!

    OBAMA: (to Secret Service) Cheese it! (runs off)

  14. [re=416068]ifthethunderdontgetcha[/re]: It’s either going badly or very, very well. He’s either just constantly getting smacked by the people he reaches across the aisle to, or else the people who oppose him are increasingly branding themselves as an asylumload of idiots, corporate whores and family-values-professing, closeted homosexual S&M enthusiast Republicans.

  15. I saw the best mind of my generation at golf,
    chipping, putting, driving, intellectual, bored,
    With Tom Whatzits, through the greens at dawn,
    looking for a media fix.

  16. Any contextual reference to “goats…ordering hummus from the Taco Bell/KFC” would make my day, but somehow Newell manages to relate it to Thomas Friedman, creator of the well-known (no one’s heard of it) “suck. on. this.” Iraq war doctrine? Well done, Jim, you did in one sentence what took Matt Taibbi about 3,000 words to do.

  17. [re=416004]TheJerkStoreCalled[/re]: I hate to post a quasi-serious comment (BORING)… but before Tom Friedman lost his marbles and became the world’s most obsessive over-user of extended and non-sensical metaphors, he was in fact a brilliant reporter/correspondent for the NY Times. And deserved pulltizers. And for what it’s worth, the Lexus and the Olive Tree and From Beirut to Jerusalem are outstanding books, even if his other books are garbage.

    Take note Wonkette. I am the huge loser who actually likes some of Tom Freidman’s (older) writing.

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