You Make The Copywriting Errors, We Spread The Advertisement

by Jim Newell

Noth’ing. [Thank you Drudge-refreshing operative "Tim H."]

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Hola wonkerados.

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ManchuCandidate September 21, 2009 at 5:14 pm

Except her plastic s’urgery. Wheres the hor’se faced Greta we know and loathe?

Kinbote September 21, 2009 at 5:14 pm

Xenu put that apostrophe there in order to test our faith.

slappypaddy September 21, 2009 at 5:14 pm

nothing get’s by the wonketterati.

Mahousu September 21, 2009 at 5:15 pm

It’s missing some superfluous quotation marks, e.g.:

On the “Record”
w/Greta “Van” Susteren

We “Report.” You “Decide.”

Mustang September 21, 2009 at 5:16 pm

Ilove you man. That is beautiful.

populucious September 21, 2009 at 5:16 pm

Nothing Get Us By Gretta, cept large donation to Scientology center!

Suds McKenzie September 21, 2009 at 5:17 pm

“Bold, Powerful, Persistant” … Sounds like an ad for Michael Jordan Cologne.

Joshua Norton September 21, 2009 at 5:17 pm

One more eye lift and she’ll qualify for a job in the chorus of a bus-and-truck road show of Flower Drum Song.

widget09 September 21, 2009 at 5:17 pm

Bold, powerful, persistant sonds like a paint peeling fart.

Fred Wertham Jr. September 21, 2009 at 5:17 pm

They just didn’t want to get a bunch of emails from Fox viewers telling them that they left out an apostrophe.

shadowMark September 21, 2009 at 5:17 pm

The crux of the biscuit is the apostrophe.

Jukesgrrl September 21, 2009 at 5:18 pm

And nothing get’s by ME.
They reported. I decided.

queeraselvis v 2.0 September 21, 2009 at 5:18 pm

Must be the, same idjit who wrote your, email of the day.

TGY September 21, 2009 at 5:19 pm

Hah! Now this is on topic! Well, barely.

Doris Ziffel September 21, 2009 at 5:19 pm

And damn, who the hell at Fox decided she looked attractive in that picture? She’s got the runaway bride crazy eyes.

rev_matt_y September 21, 2009 at 5:19 pm

Give them a break, her last name is a tough spell.

The Station Manager September 21, 2009 at 5:20 pm

Nothing get is by Greta.

Hart88 September 21, 2009 at 5:21 pm

Greta Van Susteren (D)

kewlguy42069 September 21, 2009 at 5:21 pm

GVS got the plastic surgery version of cleft palate, love you babe!!!

Cape Clod September 21, 2009 at 5:22 pm

[re=415899]TGY[/re]: Excellent. Thanks for the infromation.

Extemporanus September 21, 2009 at 5:23 pm

Is that an ad for Greta’s new show, Punc’d?

Humpback September 21, 2009 at 5:24 pm

That’s an apostrophe? I thought it was a stray sperm. That would not get by her.

steve September 21, 2009 at 5:24 pm

It’s not her fault, her back’s turned. Until I read “bold, powerful, persistent” I thought they were adverstising a traffic barricade since that’ll pretty much stop anything from getting by.

Holding Out for a Hero September 21, 2009 at 5:25 pm

Well at least there aren’t any extra commas.

shortsshortsshorts September 21, 2009 at 5:27 pm

[re=415899]TGY[/re]: OH GOOD. IT IS IN ALL CAPS.

Junior September 21, 2009 at 5:27 pm

They also forgot to add in a bunch of tissue around her eyes. Wha happened?

leftcoaster September 21, 2009 at 5:29 pm

Horrible masking job around her head, too. Someone must have been very pressed for time. Or it was done purposefully to achieve that amateur, MySpace look.

Extemporanus September 21, 2009 at 5:29 pm



guerilla-nation September 21, 2009 at 5:29 pm

nothing kills a boner like bad grammar and a picture of a right wing she-woman. at least it wasn’t ann coulter take’s on socialism …

northernbassist September 21, 2009 at 5:36 pm

[re=415932]guerilla-nation[/re]: Viagra is changing their advertising slogan to “Bold, Powerful, Persistent” for just that reason.

Min September 21, 2009 at 5:38 pm

“We report. You proofread.”

MBritt September 21, 2009 at 5:38 pm

Greta is starting to look like that plastic surgery cat-woman. Soon her cheekbones are going to be in the way of her eyeballs.

Darkness September 21, 2009 at 5:39 pm

“Van” should not be capitalized either, it means “of” or “from”.

Silly English-speaking kinigits.

PsycGirl September 21, 2009 at 5:40 pm

[re=415883]Mahousu[/re]: Those aren’t superfluous quotes. I find them entirely appropriate.

SayItWithWookies September 21, 2009 at 5:40 pm

Greta definitely puts the apostrophe in Fock’s New’s.

Snarkalicious September 21, 2009 at 5:41 pm

Wow. Fox News hired the understudy for the eye-monster in Pan’s Labrynth? Gritty.

S.Luggo September 21, 2009 at 5:42 pm

Not even a tiny hairless cock.

Rotundo September 21, 2009 at 5:43 pm

[re=415890]widget09[/re]: It could also describe an aftershave or mens cologne, see “Anchorman” for additional descriptive scent terms.

Snarkalicious September 21, 2009 at 5:43 pm

[re=415893]shadowMark[/re]: Good to know that the secrets of bicuitude endure.

charlesdegoal September 21, 2009 at 5:47 pm

Stupid get’s. Like Sir Walter Raleigh’s. Im so tired.

Fighting Bill September 21, 2009 at 5:50 pm

If you ex’perience an erection that’s bold, powerful & persistent and lasts longer than Greta s’how, call your doct’or.

widget09 September 21, 2009 at 5:52 pm

[re=415953]Rotundo[/re]: Yeah, it could describe Oily TitZ too.

Crank Tango September 21, 2009 at 5:53 pm

so is the religious right so unpowerful that they have to accept all nutjob cults now? What’s next?

zhubajie September 21, 2009 at 5:55 pm

[re=415902]The Station Manager[/re]: Cuz her ass is so big?

yargisbargis September 21, 2009 at 5:59 pm

It’s a mistake right? So let’s correct it for Fox viewers;

“Nuthin’ gits by Greta, cuz she’s bold, powerful, persestant.

We Report. Y’all decide.”

AnnieGetYourFun September 21, 2009 at 6:01 pm


Nothing Gret’s by that face. Everything turns to stone.

Come here a minute September 21, 2009 at 6:01 pm

First duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude.

Rukasu September 21, 2009 at 6:08 pm

These are the times I wish I didn’t have Ad-Block Plus running on Firefox

JSDC007 September 21, 2009 at 6:08 pm

No dead white girl gets by Greta.

But a good plastic surgeon does.

CapnFatback September 21, 2009 at 6:09 pm

[re=415902]The Station Manager[/re]: This is correct. “Nothing Get” is the name of her new ethereal spoken word album. It is a collection of “found text,” that is, text found dribbling out of Steve Doocy’s mouth and flopping at his feet like goldfish cruelly tossed from their bowl. A sample:

Nothing get
Taxing our
America we knew
:) :( #;-9
That’s outrageous!
I’m Steve Doocy.

Tundra Grifter September 21, 2009 at 6:09 pm

With Caribou Barbie limiting her international media exposure to those hard-hitting Facebook interviews, what is GVS up to these days? If she and her husband can’t promote the SnowBillies (read the article about Levi Johnston and the Palins in Vanity Fair – some pretty funny stuff there!)what are they doing with their time and infinite resources?

Tundra Grifter September 21, 2009 at 6:11 pm

Now we know the new job held by that Faux Noise “associate producer” who got into trouble whipping up the DC crowd for Griff “Birth Control Glasses” Jenkins – copywriter!

iburl September 21, 2009 at 6:13 pm

We Report, you Deicide.

Country Club Jihadi September 21, 2009 at 6:22 pm

[re=415888]Suds McKenzie[/re]: and toenail fungus.

Love the placement of Greta next to the Jane Velez ad. Did David Paterson do the haircuts and the plastic surgery on these “ladies”?

Way Cool Larry September 21, 2009 at 6:23 pm

I think Greta’s trying to outdo MJ’s record for most number of plastic surgeries– and the most grotesque outcome

AbstinenceOnly Ed September 21, 2009 at 6:25 pm

From her Wiki-Wakka entry:

“Gretel von Sudafed has the enviable task of holding Belle O’Rally’s falafel whilst he bends over to retrieve the loofah he dropped in the shower. I spot a liver spot where liver spots should not be spot! All Praise to Xenu, Jesus, Muhammad Ali et al.”

Way Cool Larry September 21, 2009 at 6:25 pm

So, the byline “By Greta” is owned by someone named “Nothing Get”?

I’m so confused.

JoeMac September 21, 2009 at 6:25 pm

Must of been a slow day for the Fox News Chyron guy so they let him do some advertising copy. You know it is a tough day writing D on the line where they should put R for the latest republican sex scandal.

Mad Brahms September 21, 2009 at 6:27 pm

Except the time she was bilked out of thousands of dollars in a financial scam run by a scientology minister. Oops!

Pithaughn September 21, 2009 at 6:28 pm

Oh oh oh, I know, instead of FOX NEWS, it should read “FOX LIE’S”.
Please send my gold star overnight.

geminisunmars September 21, 2009 at 6:32 pm

Great get, Wonkette!

Oldskool September 21, 2009 at 6:36 pm

So where is the incorrect (D) or (R) beside her name? Poor copywriter missed more than one memo.

Rotundo September 21, 2009 at 6:36 pm

[re=415997]Tundra Grifter[/re]: So Associate Producer = Bubba Fluffer?

jasper f. krone September 21, 2009 at 6:49 pm

[re=416000]iburl[/re]: yeah, that’ll be the deicide.

lawrenceofthedesert September 21, 2009 at 6:51 pm

When will Greta finally admit that she is the only child of Leni Reifenstahl? (And if nothing gets by her, why isn’t she a goalie?)

Jim89048 September 21, 2009 at 6:52 pm

Looks like someone’s put on a few extra body thetans lately…

Paco September 21, 2009 at 7:04 pm

They’re just trying to speak the language of their developmentally-challenged followers. It’s like ebonics for pasty fat people.

comicbookguy September 21, 2009 at 7:04 pm

It’s a contraction, idiots.

“Nothing Get” is by Greta.

Thank you, come again.

I-man September 21, 2009 at 7:07 pm

Today we all misuse the possessive apostrophe.

Mama Grizzly September 21, 2009 at 7:21 pm

And to think Todd’s cheating on me with a victim of botched plastic surgery.

Gross. Also, too.

glamourdammerung September 21, 2009 at 7:29 pm

[re=415900]Doris Ziffel[/re]: I thought crazy eyes were highly valued traits for the wingnut set.

El Pinche September 21, 2009 at 7:40 pm

Bold. Powerful. Persistent.
Sounds like the post- 3 Chalupa shit I just took.

assistant/atlas September 21, 2009 at 7:43 pm

Hey, we should all be saluting Fox for having the courage to put a transsexual on the air in front of such a conservative audience….

rachelv September 21, 2009 at 7:51 pm

If this country, could put a “tax”, on all the “unnecessary” and misplaced punctuation marks used by Fox news viewers on the many comment pages they visit, we as a people, could “raise” enough money to pay for all the “death” panels, you could ever hope for.

Click September 21, 2009 at 7:52 pm

I liked her so much better back when she was still a hippie dude.

Click September 21, 2009 at 8:02 pm

[re=416000]iburl[/re]: We Report? You decide….

BeWoot September 21, 2009 at 8:06 pm

I’m pretty sure that’s Elizabeth Dole in drag. But if that is Greta van, I definitely remember the interview when Sarah Palin got by her when Greta was flaring her nostrils in heat and tried to pin Moose Mama against the refrigerator in her very own kitchen. That was sooo weird … but Sarah got by Greta. Just.

converse September 21, 2009 at 8:07 pm

FOX: Were tbager’rs lurn to spel;

hobospacejunkie September 21, 2009 at 8:15 pm

Wonkett keeps me infromed about The Muslin Moran’s activities in the ghertto. I could not get’s by without it.

S.Luggo September 21, 2009 at 8:16 pm

Bold. Powerful. Persistent. Dentatious.
Same woodchuck prima fascie, even after gnawing on the raw potato of a thousand e-meters.

Nothing gets by the Greta except her Scientology … and logic.

Our old Greta Van.

Hunger Tallest Palin September 21, 2009 at 8:25 pm

Es’pecially S’arah Palin.

a_pink_poodle September 21, 2009 at 8:25 pm

Nothing get is by!

GreenHalo September 21, 2009 at 8:27 pm

Oh look, a typo. I hate to piss on the campfire, but Fox has entire legions of anchor-twinkies, and the left has, what, Rachel Maddow? Kiran Chetry vs Rachel Maddow is like Godzilla vs Bambi. Your co-workers know it, your neighbors know it, DOGS know it, the only ones who don’t know it are you lot. How many elections have been tipped by English majors?

I’m not cheering for the Idiocracy, okay, but what exactly is the swoon factor for Rahm the Space Knight or George Snuffapopodopolus? Or that guy who used to be a sportscaster, and then he announced that Dubya was a war criminal, and now his life revolves around the fact that his moms is dead and you can fuck right off? Marketing sucks, but it does appear to work.

President Beeblebrox September 21, 2009 at 8:41 pm

Fuck, this has been a great day, with Orly claiming that a letter from her client to the judge was forged, itself concerning a lawsuit in which a forged birf surtifikat was filed… and now this. Nothing get’s by teh kraziee’s.

[re=416093]GreenHalo[/re]: Did you forget to take your Seconal this morning?

Suds McKenzie September 21, 2009 at 8:44 pm

[re=416093]GreenHalo[/re]: “I’m not cheering for the Idiocracy” But you are obviously trying to speak for them. You cant fool us with your lower case babble.

S.Luggo September 21, 2009 at 8:51 pm

In lingua franca of FoxNews, “get’s by” means “enjoys The New Masculinity with”.
No argument from moi.

Value Voters Summit
THE NEW MASCULINITY – Dr. Pat Fagan, Senior Fellow and Director, Center for Family and Religion, FRC
Feminism has wreaked havoc on marriage, women, children and men. It is time to redress the disorder it has wrought and that must start with getting the principles and ideals for a new “masculinism” right. Such a “masculinism” will have its dovetailing counterpart in a new “feminism” for they mutually define each other and, in nature, are meant to be complementary.

Click September 21, 2009 at 8:52 pm

Powerhouse Anchor Has Issues.

Click September 21, 2009 at 8:59 pm

[re=416101]S.Luggo[/re]: Dr.Pat Fagan, former employee of the Heritage Foundation, where “In 2001, his work earned him Heritage’s prestigious Drs. W. Glenn and Rita Ricardo Campbell Award. It is given to the employee who delivers “an outstanding contribution to the analysis and promotion of the Free Society.”

Oh really?

S.Luggo September 21, 2009 at 9:07 pm

Well, shuckins. We so sorry that we take glee because Cretaceous-Conservative, gadzillionaire Rupert Murdock screwed up his agitprop for his house Scientologist nutcake.
Lesson learned. Next time, we hold our tongues out of respect. Hahahahaha … cough.

Long Form Def Certificate September 21, 2009 at 9:12 pm

The Pride of Appleton.

But until she calls out Glenn Beck as a stooge of the Maoists — are there still Maoists, like, for real? — she will not dislodge Robert Welch, Sr., from pride of place in my “favourite Wisconsin conservatards”.

Plus: Bob, Sr., — & his namesake — attended my alma mater. Before my time, of course.

Sing out, Ripon College!

GreatOldOnesParty September 21, 2009 at 9:21 pm

Ahl ur n00z r belawng 2 us!(?)

Mad Brahms September 21, 2009 at 9:27 pm

[re=416113]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: She’s from Appleton, too? Ooh!

I once stayed in a hotel in Appleton that had somehow lost its chain affiliation when their pool burned down (!), and had simply covered their sign with a semi-translucent tarp through which the dim letters of the old “Days Inn” still shone through at night. This is pretty much all anyone ever needs to know about Appleton, Wisconsin.

Darkness September 21, 2009 at 9:34 pm

[re=416000]iburl[/re]: But . . . God is already dead.

Otherwise He would have been doing some mighty fine smiting these past few decades.

jimmyQ September 21, 2009 at 9:44 pm

Hmmm… makes a grammarian’s brain explode wondering why the apostrophe was even considered.

jimmyQ September 21, 2009 at 9:44 pm

Nothing g’et’s b’y f’ox new’s!

Robert Zimmerframe September 21, 2009 at 9:45 pm


McDuff September 21, 2009 at 10:14 pm

So, during this time of budget cuts, Fox elected to get rid of the copy editors before the janitors? On behalf of copy editors everywhere, I say, Where is the justice, where is the justice?!

jasper f. krone September 21, 2009 at 10:14 pm

Here’s what I think they were getting at. The Dine’ language uses apostrophes as we use the letter “e”. This simple example speaks volumes.

To be drunk
Navajo phrase (1): bi naak’ai’

This phrase can either mean to be “drunk” or “hung-over. It literally means “his (or her) legs are spread apart.” Most people say bi honeezdoh for being drunk.


Éí adáádáá’ bi naak’ai’go bi nániikai.
Yesterday, he came back with us all drunk.

RoscoePColtraine September 21, 2009 at 10:15 pm

[re=416093]GreenHalo[/re]: Marketing sucks, but it does appear to work.

That’s very insightful. Throw marketing right in with huffing paint, vodka enemas and autoerotic asphyxiation as things which suck but appear to work.

jasper f. krone September 21, 2009 at 10:16 pm
gradgrind September 21, 2009 at 10:16 pm

[re=416093]GreenHalo[/re]: Hey, English majors MADE O’bama. I should know. And because we (as a mighty fighting force for subject-verb agreement) are never in it for teh munnies, no matter what “it” is, you know he won fair and square . . . by 9.5 million votes, a margin that will not be breached by pissant meanie screed merchants at any volume.

And Rachel? She. Totally. Kicks. Ass.

Call your mom and ask her if she remembers where you left your point, because I’m betting you had one when you started out.

El Pinche September 21, 2009 at 10:17 pm

[re=416093]GreenHalo[/re]: Your comment is over-produced, over-budget, and not funny. You’re like the Ishtar of Wonkette.

norbizness September 21, 2009 at 10:28 pm

Bold. Powerful. Persistent. Chlamydia.

Hunger Tallest Palin September 21, 2009 at 10:29 pm

[re=416101]S.Luggo[/re]: You’ll no doubt be shocked to know this bed-sheet sniffing dildo smuggling hypocrite was a Deputy Assistant Secretary at HHS during the reign of Bush the Elder.

Suds McKenzie September 21, 2009 at 10:39 pm

[re=416113]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: they were my neighbors.

Suds McKenzie September 21, 2009 at 10:42 pm

[re=416113]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: Her Father was a Raging Drunk Judge who “forgot” to pay his taxes for 10 years because he “was too busy”, … for 10 years. their family was a joke in Appleton. which is umm.., saying something.

jasper f. krone September 21, 2009 at 10:44 pm

[re=416101]S.Luggo[/re]: ZOMG! Stephen Baldwin was doing a book signing! And I missed it!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Oswald was a fag.

crankypants September 21, 2009 at 10:57 pm

Greta Van Susteren is an anagram for Runs Teargas Event. Coincidence? I think no’t.

the problem child September 21, 2009 at 11:09 pm

Old. Brows are full. Mendacious.

El Pinche September 21, 2009 at 11:15 pm

[re=416162]crankypants[/re]: Anagrams…I think the night just got HOTTER.

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 21, 2009 at 11:20 pm

Perhaps it is a cry for help from her staff?

El Pinche September 21, 2009 at 11:21 pm

[re=416162]crankypants[/re]: Ravage Tenser Nuts…. that only means Greta likes the hard fuckin.

Mike Steele September 21, 2009 at 11:27 pm

Greta Van Sustran.

slowuncle September 21, 2009 at 11:27 pm

[re=416093]GreenHalo[/re]:You barge in with your huffy buzzkill body language and piss all over the campfire in order to announce:

“Marketing works” ?

What a dork

jasper f. krone September 21, 2009 at 11:37 pm

[re=416173]Mike Steele[/re]: Savage Rennet Trust?

jasper f. krone September 21, 2009 at 11:38 pm

[re=416171]El Pinche[/re]: Oops! Wrong reply.

the problem child September 21, 2009 at 11:45 pm

Savage rennet trust = revenge of the calf stomaches. Cheesy!

drpangloss September 21, 2009 at 11:53 pm

Plasticfantastic Greta, she’ll put it anywhere. Just bagit’ the manatee would tagit.

Capricatony September 22, 2009 at 12:58 am

Real Americans apostrophize their plurals. I read it in Drunk & White.

snideinplainsight September 22, 2009 at 2:46 am

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Greta R’Fox wgah’nagl fhtagn!

Count Spatula September 22, 2009 at 4:24 am

Nothing get’s past Greta …except stray apostrophes.

gurukalehuru September 22, 2009 at 5:21 am

[re=416020]JoeMac[/re]: Must HAVE, for fuck’s sake. If we’re going to mock the illiterate morans, we must remain a notch or two above the illiterate morans, i.e. no misspelling nothing or using bad grammar unless it’s clearly deliberate, as in “The morans get all they’re infromation from Fock’s Nudes.”
The terms “must of” and “could of” do not actually exist in the English language. Learn this, JoeMac, and you will become a better person, like magic.

t_rax September 22, 2009 at 6:11 am

[re=416079]Click[/re]: She went from that to Haley Joel Osment?

LoweredPeninsula September 22, 2009 at 6:56 am

Why didn’t I know she was a Scientologist? How is she on Fox? Isn’t being a non-Christian female on Fox basically being equivalent to an old-timey, Salem witch? I bet you her office is somewhere way out away from the rest of her colleagues in the building.

clientnumber8 September 22, 2009 at 7:21 am

Nothing ge’t’s by Greta, especially if it’s’ young, blond, female and dead.

free September 22, 2009 at 7:35 am

I’d like to see her on MyFace or on MyFaceSpace or whatever one I’m on.

PsycGirl September 22, 2009 at 9:07 am

[re=416131]jimmyQ[/re]: It’s either the random apostrophe generator prized by wingnuts and students everywhere, or there is a grammar rule unknown to most of us: If you have to ask if an apostrophe might work there, it does.

Chickensmack September 22, 2009 at 9:26 am


Seriously, it’s all hot and it hurts and stuff.

rmontcal September 22, 2009 at 9:56 am

She’s even kind of looking at it!

Bowdoin September 22, 2009 at 10:50 am

[re=415883]Mahousu[/re]: We REPORT!!! YOU decide!!!!!!!

According to the Stuck (in Alaska) Elements of Style.

as.the.world.burns September 22, 2009 at 11:45 am

[re=416113]long form def certificate[/re]: i think i speak for all of Wisconsin when i say we fully reject this creepy bitch. Outagamie county (of which Appleton is the county seat) went blue for Obama, 55%-43%.

[re=416265]LoweredPeninsula[/re]: check wikipedia for a long list of noted scientologists. you’ll be surprised….

[re=416119]Mad Brahms[/re]: don’t let one bad hotel experience keep you away. Sconnie is real nice this time of year.

- as.the.world.burns, resident cheesehead

nader paul kucinich gravel September 22, 2009 at 12:30 pm

Greta & James Traficant

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