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Haw haw hawSomething is very wrong with this Tom DeLay appearance on Dancing With The Stars, beyond the surreal fact that it’s even happening, in real life. Some folks have sent us an e-mail to the “Dancing With Delay” mailing list from DeLay’s daughter, Dani DeLay Ferro, who, like her father, does not exactly have a saint’s background. Ferro sends very explicit directions about how to vote for her father EIGHT TIMES, tonight. “Similar to the House of Representatives, the rules are a bit peculiar, so I’ve outlined them below,” she writes, irritatingly. What must these two crooks be plotting, by caring about this so much?

From: Dani DeLay Ferro
Date: Mon, Sep 21, 2009 at 4:16 PM
Subject: Dancing with DeLay

Dear Friends,

My dad is in LA preparing for the premiere’s big performance on Dancing With the Stars – TONIGHT – at 8:00pm EST. He is having so much fun – and has gotten in great shape!

[If you don’t want to read superfluous bullshit, skip the next two (2) paragraphs. Or the rest of the e-mail. Honestly, it’s amazing you’ve read this far — Ed.]

Now, it may have been shocking to some of you that my dad decided to participate in such a high profile dancing program. But for those who know what a goofball he really is, it’s a perfect fit. Really, the man loves to dance. Weddings, parties, political events – when there’s a dance floor, he always puts on a show. Now that doesn’t mean he’s the best dancer, but he has fun with it and isn’t shy about taking the stage – which we all know is half the battle.

Personally, I am a HUGE fan of the show. I tune in every week, and I vote. And I lobbied for him to be partnered with the best – Cheryl Burke! But my favorite part about DWTS is that it takes people who are brilliant and successful in a variety of careers – acting, music, technology, football, and yes, even politics – and places them completely out of their element to challenge their mind, body, and ability to work with others. It’s one of the last truly family-oriented shows that promotes the beauty and fun of dancing to the people.

Now I have one thing I will ask of you – vote early, and vote often! Tom DeLay was known as the most effective Whip in modern congressional history, and now it’s our turn to “whip” the vote for him. Similar to the House of Representatives, the rules are a bit peculiar, so I’ve outlined them below.

Phone lines open at the beginning of the show and stay open for 30 minutes after the show ends – voters can call or use text messaging to vote. Online voting via your email address will remain open until noon [Eastern time] the next day. In order to vote online, you MUST register through the ABC website. The viewer voting determines who goes on to compete the next week, with one man and one woman eliminated on Wednesday’s show.

Unlike elections, in which each citizen gets one vote, the “DWTS” voting system allows you to vote EIGHT TIMES — the number of contestants that night — by calling 1-800-868-3408. That means you can vote eight times from your home phone, eight times from your cellphone, eight times on the web site and you can also text eight times.

Thank you again for supporting my dad in this exciting and fun new challenge. Please don’t forget to tell your friends and family to vote to keep him on the show that he’s enjoying so much! And as Dad always says…

Keep the faith,

Dani DeLay Ferro

P.S. In order to to be eligible to vote online, please go here and register. It takes only a couple of minutes.

We did not include any of her links because we are scared of viruses that will clean out our bank accounts, which is clearly the point of this whole thing.

How To Vote [Dancing With Delay]

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40 COMMENTS

  1. Rulez? What rulez?! We don’t need no stinkin’ rulez!
    Not in the House
    Not in the TV
    ‘Cause we’re Republicans
    And we make our own rulez.

    (I’m going to vote a hundred times for everyone else.)

  2. The only way I’d watch this crap would be if Patrick Fitzgerald were one of the judges. But since that’s not happening, and since there’s no photograph of Delay that doesn’t make him look like something the dung beetles brought in, I utterly refuse to watch him voluntarily. Maybe if there were a show called Executions with the Execrable, but not until then.

  3. If they keep making Tom Delay look like a girlie-boy on the teevee, I will do my part to make sure he wins this wingnut celebration of talent.

  4. My only question is who is the lucky contestant upon whom Wonkette will set her uncouth zombamabies, for whom to vote 420 times in pursuit of almight chaos/Obamuslin?

    Awaiting further instruction…

  5. If Baby Jeebus cared, he would seperate Tiny Tom’s ankle from his Achilles so we may all revel in the collective Schadenfreude. In Tiny Jeebus name, we prey…

  6. re: Chain tatoo – O/t, but the “whip it” reminded me of the deer tick concert on Friday where I stood behind a cute girl who would spank herself as she danced. I was about to ask her if she did that during sex when I realized I’d finished my beer and my priorities got in the way…

  7. What does Sarah Palin think about all this. Why is her Facebook page quiet on the subject of Dancing with Delay? I’ll tell you why– socialism!

  8. My better half is watching “Dancing with the Stars” and just saw Delay. She is totally apolitical, does not know who Delay is, but asked: “is he gay?”. I said he is a Republican. She said that settles it! ‘Nuff said.

  9. [re=416109]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: Doubly true because he does not give a shit what anyone else thinks of him, or his dancing.

    [re=415991]Kingbee[/re]: Like in Georgia, you mean. Hm, so maybe this purported email is just a diversion . . .

  10. I’m sure there’s some magical overlap on the Vinn Diagram of Republican voters and Consumers of Crappy Television. Nonetheless, whichever misunderstood freak (your Sanjays, Clay Aikins, Mark Cubans and such) is annointed underdog of this show, that freak will go through DeLay like an Oklahoma Congressman through gay porn.

  11. Damn, I actually had this on the television while I was on the computer. DeLay was painful to watch, and is quite feminine (he even remarked about “getting in touch with his feminine side). The whole thing was more awkward than anyone could have imagined. It was so strange (and one or two of the judges remarked on the bat-shit insanity of it all) that I almost felt sorry for him. I mean, he managed to come across as closeted, creepy, strange, older than his years, strangely shaped…all at once.

    [re=415866]SayItWithWookies[/re]: “The only way I’d watch this crap would be if Patrick Fitzgerald were one of the judges.”

    WIN

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