START THE SMEAR CAMPAIGN!  11:02 am September 21, 2009

Michael Dukakis Is ‘Frontrunner’ For Fake Ted Kennedy Seat

by Jim Newell

Former Massachusetts Gov. Michael Dukakis, who one time — for fun — let a black inmate run free so as to rape the white ladies, could be the next fake Ted Kennedy, for a few months! He is “the name most prominently mentioned” appointee for Gov. Deval Patrick, who awaits a bill allowing him to do this, which is being debated in the House today. This is big news, because most people had just assumed Michael Dukakis was dead. [Washington Post]

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


AnnieGetYourFun September 21, 2009 at 11:05 am

I, for one, did not assume he was dead. This is not to say that I assumed he was a live, either.

Does this mean Lovitz will have another go on SNL?

Jumping Jim September 21, 2009 at 11:06 am


Kathryn. September 21, 2009 at 11:09 am

Trufax: Michael Dukakis is a professor at my college. He has no chili peppers by his name, poor guy.

bureaucrap September 21, 2009 at 11:09 am

I thought he was still teaching “Surfing Policy and Administration” at the University of Hawaii.

rev_matt_y September 21, 2009 at 11:13 am

I, for one, did assume he was dead. Or at least his political career was. What becomes of a former presidential candidate most?

RubberSoul September 21, 2009 at 11:17 am

I honestly thought he was dead. Must have gotten him confused with Paul Tsongas.

Prommie September 21, 2009 at 11:17 am

I wonder if Kitty is still drinking the Drain-O?

germansteel September 21, 2009 at 11:18 am

If they really wanted to stick it to the Republicans they would just go ahead and appoint Willie Horton. That would be change I could believe in.

mookworthjwilson September 21, 2009 at 11:18 am

[re=415173]Kathryn.[/re]: Does he drive the tank to class?

rambone September 21, 2009 at 11:18 am

I had no idea that BigWheels made tanks!

Come here a minute September 21, 2009 at 11:19 am

He sure looked good in that helmet.

norbizness September 21, 2009 at 11:25 am

[re=415168]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: “I can’t believe I’m losing to this guy!”

Gorillionaire September 21, 2009 at 11:26 am

Dukakis is still alive, but Lee Atwater is dead, and he is yelling the “N” word and clawing at the lid.

hobospacejunkie September 21, 2009 at 11:26 am

Maybe if more clowns had voted for Mikey in ’88 we would’ve been spared the nightmare W years. But no, you couldn’t possibly vote for a man who looks silly in an army helmet, though you didn’t seem to have a problem with Corporal Codpiece declaring mission accomplished. We are a nation of morans.

GuyClinch September 21, 2009 at 11:31 am

[re=415188]Gorillionaire[/re]: In 1988 or 1989, I was valet parking at a private party in an exclusive DC neighborhood. It was me and another valet, who was a young black guy. Lee Atwater left the party, obviously drunk, looked at the black guy and said, “Hey, I bet *you’ve* never been in a neighborhood like this. Pretty fucking nice, isn’t it?”

I was pleased when I saw that he had died not long after.

Larry Fine September 21, 2009 at 11:34 am

That Dukakis guy looks like Snoopy, that lovable beagle from Peanuts, pretending to be a tank commander in war games. Back then, Snoopy was more popular.

Guppy06 September 21, 2009 at 11:35 am

The sad thing is that he ended up being right about at least half the things listed in that commercial.

The Toot September 21, 2009 at 11:41 am

[re=415173]Kathryn.[/re]: I always assumed Dukakis and Robert Reich can never be unemployed or dead, as members of the Lollipop Guild.

thejesusandmarycheney September 21, 2009 at 11:42 am

[re=415200]Guppy06[/re]: Good thing he didn’t win, or else we would have been helpless against the Soviet mass driver attack of ’91.

fishskicanoe September 21, 2009 at 11:42 am

[re=415173]Kathryn.[/re]: Sounds like a good prof. His eyebrows were too bushy for him to ever have been elected President though.

Flanders September 21, 2009 at 11:51 am

[re=415176]rev_matt_y[/re]: See “John Edwards”

Manos: Hands of Fate September 21, 2009 at 11:52 am

Up until his name reappeared in the press after two decades, the direct line to the Duke’s office at Northeastern U was on the Web. I actually called it once and got freaked out when I heard his voice on the other line.

Vulpes82 September 21, 2009 at 11:53 am

What, Olympia Dukakis is being anointed by Zombie Ted Kennedy to take over his seat?!?! AWESOME! I loved her in Steel Magnolias.

Snarkalicious September 21, 2009 at 11:58 am

Mikey D is a little old to go rolling around in tanks, these days. Instead, we will be sure to get plenty of shots of him looking too small to ride the Penny Pony outside of various Krogers.

gjdodger September 21, 2009 at 12:13 pm

Wow! It’ll be a party like you’ve never seen. Get ready to paint the town beige.

norbizness September 21, 2009 at 12:25 pm

“My parents were little people. Little, swarthy people.”

Mahousu September 21, 2009 at 12:40 pm

This is a clever strategy. Two Michael Dukakises could easily fit into Ted Kennedy’s single seat, which would give the Democrats the extra vote needed to ignore Max Baucus, or Joe Lieberman, or whoever needs ignoring these days.

Can O Whoopass September 21, 2009 at 12:44 pm

Duk will need a tank in DC now that Glenn Beck has raised all of Bush’s dead out of Arlington and renamed them as ‘Teabaggers’.

eclecticbrotha September 21, 2009 at 1:05 pm

[re=415188]Gorillionaire[/re]: Epic win.

Dukakis isn’t dead, but he’s short. Which is worse. Also.

AbstinenceOnly Ed September 21, 2009 at 1:32 pm

Does anybody else think that fellow countrymen Dukakis has a good shot at wooing that icy Hellenic beauty, Olympia Snowe? Might they even form their own little bipartisan Greek DuCaucus? I just hope he doesn’t worship Baucus.

Neilist September 21, 2009 at 2:17 pm

Hmmm. As the (self-appointed) Resident Expert on such “Wee! It Goes Boom!” Stuff:

1. The “four defense systems” The Big D. opposed included, if memory serves, the Ford Aerospace DIVAD gun system, which never worked in testing and is famous for having a computer/radar sighting system that could not distinguish between the rotating ventilator on top of an outhouse and an enemy helicopter. It was about to spray said outhouse with a bunch of 40 mm proximity fused rounds during a demonstration when someone hit the “Override” button. (And no, I’m not making that up.)

2. The Pershing II system that TBD also opposed was withdrawn from service shortly after deployment in Europe, and scrapped, as part of the Strategic Arms Limitation treaties. In other words, it was a complete waste of money.

3. The B-2 “stealth” bomber has little or no mission value; doesn’t work properly (e.g., you can’t fly it in heavy rain or hail without damaging the fragile radar absorptive skin); and costs a fortune per aircraft (e.g., over $500 million each). As to the latter: I always wondered why there are ejection seats on the B-2: I personally would rather flying the thing into the ground than face an Accident Investigation Board.

All that said: Dukakis really was an annoying little weenie. If he was Republican, and wore a bow tie, I’d call him a panty-waist.

Elephants Gerald September 21, 2009 at 2:25 pm

Oh, ferchissake! This shows all the imagination of the NFL coaching merrygoround. Aren’t there more than 8 people in Massachusetts?

HipHopOpotamus September 21, 2009 at 4:38 pm

re: dukakis being presumed dead.

Actually, he just works in a dingy office at Northeastern. All his famous stuff is out with his secretary, not his office. laaaaaaaaaame. Who doesn’t want to stare at pictures of them-self?

bebergebberson September 22, 2009 at 9:30 pm

The Duke will not be selected, he has no political capital or supporters anywhere anymore, and MA voters regard him as a toothache, albeit an earnest one who rides the “T”, while the pols can never forgive his loss to Bush the Elder, i.e. their loss of oodles of patronage. I hear he is an OK prof however, good on you Mikey.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: