THURSDAY FUN VIDEO  2:59 pm September 17, 2009

How Wasted Could This Local Fox Anchor Have Been?

by Jim Newell

Absolutely nothing to do with politics here — “an enjoyable post,” in other words — but here is Ernie Anastos, an anchor at the local Fox station in New York, telling his weatherman to “keep fuckin’ that chicken.” ???. Then they show a clip of ladies exercising and he’s like, I want to bone all of them immediately. OH and while we are in this lovely apolitical oasis, today is the best day since whenever because PAVEMENT is getting back together for a world tour! Anyway… “Republicans suck.” [YouTube]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 89 comments }

Crab1 September 17, 2009 at 3:03 pm

This enchanted post is a welcome departure from Wonkette’s usual slanted commentary.

randomsausage September 17, 2009 at 3:04 pm

we’re all chicken fuckers today

Juli Weiner September 17, 2009 at 3:05 pm

I’m so excited about Pavement!

RoscoePColtraine September 17, 2009 at 3:07 pm

As a flight attendant for a major airline, I can’t tell you how easy it would be to let a “fuck” or “fuckin” slip off the tongue…particularly when it’s such a habit. I have nightmares about telling 400 people on a 747 that the captain has illumintated the fuckin seat belt sign. Buh-bye!

teebob2000 September 17, 2009 at 3:07 pm

The lady anchor’s face at 7 seconds is a Blingee contest waiting to happen.

mookworthjwilson September 17, 2009 at 3:10 pm

[re=413462]Juli Weiner[/re]: Bring back Gary Young!

Servo September 17, 2009 at 3:10 pm

[re=413463]RoscoePColtraine[/re]:
“Turn your mother-fuckin’ cell phone off!”

Downtheroadapiece September 17, 2009 at 3:11 pm

Ron Burgundy LIVES!

martinette September 17, 2009 at 3:11 pm

As a chicken fucker myself, I’m outraged that FOX would horn in on my henhouse.

Scarab September 17, 2009 at 3:11 pm

Stay classy San Diego.

ZapThunder September 17, 2009 at 3:13 pm

Finally, something on a Fox news show I can agree with!

TGY September 17, 2009 at 3:14 pm

[re=413461]randomsausage[/re]: Chicken lovers!

Johnny Zhivago September 17, 2009 at 3:14 pm

I would say he meant to say “pluck’n”, but this is NYC, and most people there don’t know chickens have feathers.

Buzz Feedback September 17, 2009 at 3:15 pm

Does Ernie know Santorum?

RoscoePColtraine September 17, 2009 at 3:15 pm

[re=413468]Servo[/re]: “What do you folks want to drink” might become “what do you fucks want to drink.” Oh, that would be so easy to do.
*shiver*

Gorillionaire September 17, 2009 at 3:17 pm

Hee haa hoo hawww I saw Pavement back in the day right after Slanted came out, at the Cat’s Cradle. Everybody was drunk. EVERYBODY.

Min September 17, 2009 at 3:17 pm

So now we’ve moved from furries to featheries? I am outraged!!!!!

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 17, 2009 at 3:17 pm

Rick Santorum was right!

jetjaguar September 17, 2009 at 3:18 pm

I’m Ernie Anastos?

ManchuCandidate September 17, 2009 at 3:19 pm

[re=413478]Johnny Zhivago[/re]:
Jimi “Please let me kiss dis guy” Hendrix

and

Manfred “Wrapped up like a douche” Mann

Approve!

V572625694 September 17, 2009 at 3:20 pm

[re=413480]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: What do you tell the passengers when the plane’s on the ramp for six hours and the toilets are backed up and there’re no more paper towels and the pilot-tard won’t bring the plane back to the gate because he has to finish his goddamn shift in Atlanta no matter who else it conveniences?

Because I’ve always wondered what that would sound like, and hope I never find out.

Scarab September 17, 2009 at 3:22 pm

You just know that everyone hates Ernie down at the station. He’s the douche that teases Nick the weatherman on air then makes jokes about his co-anchor’s big breasts, off-air. I’m guessing the crew of Fox 5 is pretty happy today.

FMA September 17, 2009 at 3:22 pm

This is my new catchphrase. When the convenience store clerk tells me to have a nice day, I’ll reply, “Keep fucking that chicken!”

AbstinenceOnly Ed September 17, 2009 at 3:22 pm

Stephen Malkmus was for the Iraq War before he was against it.

Way Cool Larry September 17, 2009 at 3:23 pm

PAVEMENT!!!!!!!!!
Woo hoo!!!

RoscoePColtraine September 17, 2009 at 3:23 pm

[re=413487]V572625694[/re]: My stock answer in those types of circumstances is, “I know, I’m just as frustrated as you are.” Then their heads explode.

Norbert September 17, 2009 at 3:24 pm

I am not wasted, currently, and I would surely bone those exercise ladies, maybe the chickens too, and go home early.

Don’t worry, Newell, Wonkette can continue in its outrageous bias until the Fairness Doctrine is re-instated in 2012 by Pres. Pence’s Information Czar, John Stossel. You heard it hear first.

slappypaddy September 17, 2009 at 3:24 pm

[re=413463]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: that tongue-slipping danger is why i’m so fucking hesitant to answer my nation’s call and become a fucking teacher, i mean, goddamn, can you fucking imagine a room full of fifth-graders? shit! that’s why they fucking keep me in a goddamn cardboard box.

KilgoreTrout_XL September 17, 2009 at 3:24 pm

FORTY

MILLION

DAGGERS.

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Come here a minute September 17, 2009 at 3:26 pm

[re=413462]Juli Weiner[/re]: Wow, they gave you a commenter account — now you have hit the big time. Keep fuckin’ that chicken!

I-man September 17, 2009 at 3:28 pm

I will never ever acknowledge another local anchor that doesn’t sign off with ‘Keep fucking that chicken’

Way Cool Larry September 17, 2009 at 3:29 pm

perhaps he meant something along the lines of “keep on doing the funky chicken”?

but the co-anchors face is priceless!

the problem child September 17, 2009 at 3:36 pm

[re=413464]teebob2000[/re]: It’s the whole process of expression. It’s just so “faked” outrage. Someone with gif making abilities, then Blinkie it to hell!

jasper f. krone September 17, 2009 at 3:40 pm

From now on, [Ernie Anastos] can see the slums.

Godot September 17, 2009 at 3:42 pm

To be fair, weatherman Nick Gregory is a known chickenfucker.

RoscoePColtraine September 17, 2009 at 3:44 pm

[re=413497]slappypaddy[/re]: Well you’d be the “cool” teacher. All the kids would wish they were in your class.

Chickensmack September 17, 2009 at 3:46 pm

Chickens need love, too.

One Yield Regular September 17, 2009 at 3:46 pm

[re=413464]teebob2000[/re]: And/or mash-up with Nancy Pelosi reacting to Addison “Joe” Wilson.

pink triangles September 17, 2009 at 3:47 pm

Now I know how Loretta got those scars…

the problem child September 17, 2009 at 3:48 pm

[re=413505]the problem child[/re]: Blingie. *bangs head*
[re=413497]slappypaddy[/re]: I always a wanted a slappypaddy carefree foul-mouthed cat in a box as my grade four and grade six teachers. (I wouldn’t replace my grade five teacher for anything!)

jetjaguar September 17, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Humpback September 17, 2009 at 3:52 pm

[re=413463]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: If you are announcing an infestation of snakes on the plane, it is acceptable.

Lord Growing September 17, 2009 at 3:53 pm

I sat through a Jicks show for nothing. I thought that was as good as it was gonna get.
[re=413466]mookworthjwilson[/re]: Second.

TGY September 17, 2009 at 3:53 pm

[re=413462]Juli Weiner[/re]: Juli, darling, get them to change the name from ‘Intern’.

King of the Dipshits September 17, 2009 at 4:01 pm

“Keep fuckin’ that chicken” would be a great euphemism if only there was something that was more embarrassing to talk about in polite company than chicken fucking.

slavojzizek September 17, 2009 at 4:05 pm

[re=413481]Gorillionaire[/re]: The Cat’s Cradle! Carrboro rules!

slavojzizek September 17, 2009 at 4:07 pm

Jim, you’re missing something here. He’s not saying he wants to bone ALL the women. Just his co-anchor, who is doing some exercising in the video, and he just noticed, has a smokin bod.

Yaybuls September 17, 2009 at 4:12 pm

First the Pixies and now Pavement??! Groundbreaking indie band reunions FTW!

FMA September 17, 2009 at 4:13 pm

[re=413500]I-man[/re]: Wasn’t that Cronkite’s sign-off?

Aardvark Gumbo September 17, 2009 at 4:15 pm

[re=413550]slavojzizek[/re]: Although she’s no [spring] chicken.

problemwithcaring September 17, 2009 at 4:16 pm

Sorry, Wonkett overlords. I refuse to like anything that comes outta Stockton.

pondscum September 17, 2009 at 4:17 pm

[re=413526]jetjaguar[/re]: Beautifully understated.

Limeylizzie September 17, 2009 at 4:22 pm

[re=413526]jetjaguar[/re]: FTW

GreatOldOnesParty September 17, 2009 at 4:29 pm

[re=413526]jetjaguar[/re]: Brevity Win!

Reefpilot September 17, 2009 at 4:29 pm

I would hit that sexy co-anchor as if I were the fist of an angry God.

That clip was full of win. I really hope they don’t fire the dude… in fact, I hope they promote him and give him his own show, along with the smokin hot co-anchor… as long as she’s dressed as Princess Leia in the metal bikini, and they made the drunkard wear the Johnny Carson fortune telling hat every show. I bet they have some great chemistry, not unlike the zany yet lovably nerdy couple who used to host Dinner and a Movie (before they sold out and got the cardboard cutout pair of aging robots from an Abercrombie & Fitch store).

coochiemama September 17, 2009 at 4:37 pm

A few years back we had a local anchorwoman here who made an remark about something-or-other being someones “wet dream” during the 5 o’clock news. She was instantly banished from the Seattle airwaves.

Tundra Grifter September 17, 2009 at 4:38 pm

Maybe it’s just me, but at bit where he’s touting a story about “The Lost Symbol” (hey! There’s an original story idea – secret Masonic symbolism in that novel! The book has been out for twenty minutes and I’m already sick of that topic) it sure sounds to me like he’s saying “that story is sex…”

Just wasn’t his day. Or, maybe it was…

KFTC September 17, 2009 at 4:39 pm

I believe the term is micro-expressions,
or in this case, macro.
http://img29.imageshack.us/img29/1253/animkeepfingthatchicken.gif

Bearbloke September 17, 2009 at 4:46 pm

[re=413601]KFTC[/re]: I think the chicken-fucking comment brought back bad, bad childhood memories to the female host…

Obamaton September 17, 2009 at 4:47 pm

You know its Fox too. I just looked at Mr Anastos Bio, and that is the whitest news room I have ever seen. Boise is more diverse.

I had no idea that the highlight of my day would be poultry lust.

Thanks Wonkette! Your Swell!

Bearbloke September 17, 2009 at 4:48 pm

[re=413597]coochiemama[/re]: How old was she? If she was over 30 and not smoking hot, she was going to get sacked soon enough…

P Drizzle September 17, 2009 at 4:52 pm

Blame it on the hard stuff – no watery, domestic for Ernie.

Redhead September 17, 2009 at 4:55 pm

[re=413489]Scarab[/re]: “You just know that everyone hates Ernie down at the station. He’s the douche that teases Nick the weatherman on air then makes jokes about his co-anchor’s big breasts, off-air. I’m guessing the crew of Fox 5 is pretty happy today.”

My dear sir, please be more specific. You have just described every male employee involved in any part of the TV news (anchor, reporter, production, studio manager, etc) at most TV stations. This is why the 11 news is MUCH more entertaining than the 5 or 6 broadcasts – that late, everyone is more likely to get careless and, when they come back from commercial, repeat the dirty joke that had the anchors, weatherman, production/floor director, etc all cracking up during commercial. Though, to give you credit, those jokes DO often pertain the co-anchor (or production assistant or on-location reporter)’s big breasts.

[re=413546]slavojzizek[/re]: Wow, for such a small town, there seem to be a lot of people on here that know about Carrboro. Not sure if that speaks highly of Carrboro, or poorly of Wonkette… the whole area has become, essentially, one big country club. (And by whole area, I of course mean Chapel Hill and not Durham.)

american mutt September 17, 2009 at 4:58 pm

Smashing Pumpkins releasing a free album!

Better American Than You September 17, 2009 at 5:10 pm

[re=413630]Redhead[/re]: Saw X at the Cat’s Cradle this summer. Ate shrimp and grits (“shrimp and polenta” for our elitist Yankee friends) down the road at Crook’s Corner. Carrboro and C Hill still offer some fun.

Redhead September 17, 2009 at 5:15 pm

[re=413646]Better American Than You[/re]: I guess the trick is to stay far away from campus then…

hobospacejunkie September 17, 2009 at 5:17 pm

Indie music frightens me. As do crowds. Back to my cave…

the problem child September 17, 2009 at 5:18 pm

Of course, since we are picking on “journalists” who are into bestiality, how about the reindeer rape of Meg Stapletongue? http://www.str8bloggin.com/?p=2023

GreenHalo September 17, 2009 at 6:07 pm

[re=413612]Bearbloke[/re]: Terribly unprofessional. The rule is, if you show guilt, you’re implicated. The guy who was told “keep fucking that chicken” laughed about it and said nothing in reply, which might have inspired Wasted Boy to further greatness. The chick looks like she’s being raped by a Japanese cartoon tentacle behind the modesty panel.

Wasted Boy is out, Sailor Planet Ten gets a black mark, and Chuckles the Chicken Fucker may well get a commendation and a pay rise. It’s amazing what you can get away with if everyone acts normal about it and carries on as if nothing happened. And that’s normal broadcasting, never mind the space-time distortion that is Fox.

The Other Sarah T September 17, 2009 at 6:09 pm

Pavement were great and all, but I still want the Public Option

coochiemama September 17, 2009 at 6:25 pm

[re=413617]Bearbloke[/re]: True, except for Jean Enerson. In 50″ HD.

NYNYNY September 17, 2009 at 6:26 pm

[re=413463]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: You’re actually known as “stewardesses”

One Yield Regular September 17, 2009 at 7:06 pm

[re=413463]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: I can well understand your anxiety. One of my favorite captions was to a photo of a woman standing by an open door with people streaming past her. It read: “Bye. Buh-bye. Buh-bye. Bye now. Bye. Buh-bye. Buh-bye. Bye. Bye now. Buh-bye. Bye now. Goodbye. Bye. Buh-bye. Bye. Buh-bye…”

yargisbargis September 17, 2009 at 7:14 pm

New porn musical: I feel like chicken tonight, chicken tonight….

Better American Than You September 17, 2009 at 7:21 pm

My best college mondegreen was Sugar Magnolia “…tastes like chicken when I speed.” Okay, it was back during the hippie times and my speakers were cheap and tinny, so “pays my ticket when I speed” was way too incomprehensible to me.

bitchincamaro September 17, 2009 at 7:22 pm

I hereby nominate all commenters before me for “comment of the day” awards. Guffuckingfaw!

kth September 17, 2009 at 7:31 pm

Congratulations, Wonkettes, you’ve just outed yourselves, with your Pavement idolatry, as the whitest McWhities that ever swippled (though who am I kidding, I love ‘em too). They are now laughing their asses off at us at Red State, though it’s somewhat subdued by the somber reflection that Molly Hatchett are probably never coming back.

Keram2 September 17, 2009 at 8:05 pm

It’s funny. Pavement’s “Unfair” was my “What the fuck is up with these fucking teabaggers?” song during all the town hall meetings.

Ben Cartwright September 17, 2009 at 10:00 pm

I kinda’ figured the people at Fox were a bunch of chicken fuckers.

LoweredPeninsula September 17, 2009 at 10:23 pm

[re=413616]Obamaton[/re]: “I just looked at Mr Anastos Bio, and that is the whitest news room I have ever seen. Boise is more diverse.”

ROTFLMAO!

groove September 17, 2009 at 10:31 pm

“License and registration… chicken fucker.”

Carl Spakler September 17, 2009 at 10:37 pm

10 minute before airtime: ‘I like scotch, scotchy, scotchy, scotch’

You stay classy Fox 5!

Carl Spakler September 17, 2009 at 10:40 pm

[re=413659]the problem child[/re]: Wait, it this…could this be the same Meg Stapleton who is Palins official mouthpiece? I’m googling my ass off now

TheJerkStoreCalled September 18, 2009 at 3:43 am

Today we are all fucked chickens.

keglined September 18, 2009 at 7:25 am

He meant, “keep plucking that fucking turducken.” It’s so obvious.

mardam422 September 18, 2009 at 9:09 am

This should become Wonkette’s new catchphrase.

Now, I’m not suggesting we replace trucknutz, or anything. But…I, for one, welcome our new chicken fucking overlords.

Just sayin’.

mardam422 September 18, 2009 at 9:11 am

[re=413526]jetjaguar[/re]: Yeah, that’s prime.

Vermonster September 18, 2009 at 10:09 am

Have to give credit to someone on Youtube, but apparently the line refers to a Purdue Chicken commercial from the 80s where it says “it takes a tough man to make a tender chicken,” and apparently people in bars would yell out “Keep fucking that chicken!”

So, Ernie says “it takes a tough man to make such a tender forecast,” weatherdude gives him a look like “I am smiling like I don’t know what he is talking about, but still. WTF?, why are you chafing me like that????”

So Ernie finishes it off with the insta-classic “Keep fucking that chicken!”

Wow, such a gift to humanity! What with Borama giving our missiles to the Ruskies or something…
-A

AxmxZ September 18, 2009 at 12:59 pm

It’s Conservative-speak for “Keep on truckin’.” Something they can all warmly relate to.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: