thursday fun video

How Wasted Could This Local Fox Anchor Have Been?

Absolutely nothing to do with politics here — “an enjoyable post,” in other words — but here is Ernie Anastos, an anchor at the local Fox station in New York, telling his weatherman to “keep fuckin’ that chicken.” ???. Then they show a clip of ladies exercising and he’s like, I want to bone all of them immediately. OH and while we are in this lovely apolitical oasis, today is the best day since whenever because PAVEMENT is getting back together for a world tour! Anyway… “Republicans suck.” [YouTube]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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89 comments

  1. RoscoePColtraine

    As a flight attendant for a major airline, I can’t tell you how easy it would be to let a “fuck” or “fuckin” slip off the tongue…particularly when it’s such a habit. I have nightmares about telling 400 people on a 747 that the captain has illumintated the fuckin seat belt sign. Buh-bye!

  2. Johnny Zhivago

    I would say he meant to say “pluck’n”, but this is NYC, and most people there don’t know chickens have feathers.

  3. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=413468]Servo[/re]: “What do you folks want to drink” might become “what do you fucks want to drink.” Oh, that would be so easy to do.
    *shiver*

  4. Gorillionaire

    Hee haa hoo hawww I saw Pavement back in the day right after Slanted came out, at the Cat’s Cradle. Everybody was drunk. EVERYBODY.

  5. ManchuCandidate

    [re=413478]Johnny Zhivago[/re]:
    Jimi “Please let me kiss dis guy” Hendrix

    and

    Manfred “Wrapped up like a douche” Mann

    Approve!

  6. V572625694

    [re=413480]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: What do you tell the passengers when the plane’s on the ramp for six hours and the toilets are backed up and there’re no more paper towels and the pilot-tard won’t bring the plane back to the gate because he has to finish his goddamn shift in Atlanta no matter who else it conveniences?

    Because I’ve always wondered what that would sound like, and hope I never find out.

  7. Scarab

    You just know that everyone hates Ernie down at the station. He’s the douche that teases Nick the weatherman on air then makes jokes about his co-anchor’s big breasts, off-air. I’m guessing the crew of Fox 5 is pretty happy today.

  8. FMA

    This is my new catchphrase. When the convenience store clerk tells me to have a nice day, I’ll reply, “Keep fucking that chicken!”

  9. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=413487]V572625694[/re]: My stock answer in those types of circumstances is, “I know, I’m just as frustrated as you are.” Then their heads explode.

  10. Norbert

    I am not wasted, currently, and I would surely bone those exercise ladies, maybe the chickens too, and go home early.

    Don’t worry, Newell, Wonkette can continue in its outrageous bias until the Fairness Doctrine is re-instated in 2012 by Pres. Pence’s Information Czar, John Stossel. You heard it hear first.

  11. slappypaddy

    [re=413463]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: that tongue-slipping danger is why i’m so fucking hesitant to answer my nation’s call and become a fucking teacher, i mean, goddamn, can you fucking imagine a room full of fifth-graders? shit! that’s why they fucking keep me in a goddamn cardboard box.

  12. Come here a minute

    [re=413462]Juli Weiner[/re]: Wow, they gave you a commenter account — now you have hit the big time. Keep fuckin’ that chicken!

  13. I-man

    I will never ever acknowledge another local anchor that doesn’t sign off with ‘Keep fucking that chicken’

  14. Way Cool Larry

    perhaps he meant something along the lines of “keep on doing the funky chicken”?

    but the co-anchors face is priceless!

  15. the problem child

    [re=413464]teebob2000[/re]: It’s the whole process of expression. It’s just so “faked” outrage. Someone with gif making abilities, then Blinkie it to hell!

  16. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=413497]slappypaddy[/re]: Well you’d be the “cool” teacher. All the kids would wish they were in your class.

  17. One Yield Regular

    [re=413464]teebob2000[/re]: And/or mash-up with Nancy Pelosi reacting to Addison “Joe” Wilson.

  18. the problem child

    [re=413505]the problem child[/re]: Blingie. *bangs head*
    [re=413497]slappypaddy[/re]: I always a wanted a slappypaddy carefree foul-mouthed cat in a box as my grade four and grade six teachers. (I wouldn’t replace my grade five teacher for anything!)

  19. Humpback

    [re=413463]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: If you are announcing an infestation of snakes on the plane, it is acceptable.

  20. Lord Growing

    I sat through a Jicks show for nothing. I thought that was as good as it was gonna get.
    [re=413466]mookworthjwilson[/re]: Second.

  21. King of the Dipshits

    “Keep fuckin’ that chicken” would be a great euphemism if only there was something that was more embarrassing to talk about in polite company than chicken fucking.

  22. slavojzizek

    Jim, you’re missing something here. He’s not saying he wants to bone ALL the women. Just his co-anchor, who is doing some exercising in the video, and he just noticed, has a smokin bod.

  23. Reefpilot

    I would hit that sexy co-anchor as if I were the fist of an angry God.

    That clip was full of win. I really hope they don’t fire the dude… in fact, I hope they promote him and give him his own show, along with the smokin hot co-anchor… as long as she’s dressed as Princess Leia in the metal bikini, and they made the drunkard wear the Johnny Carson fortune telling hat every show. I bet they have some great chemistry, not unlike the zany yet lovably nerdy couple who used to host Dinner and a Movie (before they sold out and got the cardboard cutout pair of aging robots from an Abercrombie & Fitch store).

  24. coochiemama

    A few years back we had a local anchorwoman here who made an remark about something-or-other being someones “wet dream” during the 5 o’clock news. She was instantly banished from the Seattle airwaves.

  25. Tundra Grifter

    Maybe it’s just me, but at bit where he’s touting a story about “The Lost Symbol” (hey! There’s an original story idea – secret Masonic symbolism in that novel! The book has been out for twenty minutes and I’m already sick of that topic) it sure sounds to me like he’s saying “that story is sex…”

    Just wasn’t his day. Or, maybe it was…

  26. Bearbloke

    [re=413601]KFTC[/re]: I think the chicken-fucking comment brought back bad, bad childhood memories to the female host…

  27. Obamaton

    You know its Fox too. I just looked at Mr Anastos Bio, and that is the whitest news room I have ever seen. Boise is more diverse.

    I had no idea that the highlight of my day would be poultry lust.

    Thanks Wonkette! Your Swell!

  28. Bearbloke

    [re=413597]coochiemama[/re]: How old was she? If she was over 30 and not smoking hot, she was going to get sacked soon enough…

  29. Redhead

    [re=413489]Scarab[/re]: “You just know that everyone hates Ernie down at the station. He’s the douche that teases Nick the weatherman on air then makes jokes about his co-anchor’s big breasts, off-air. I’m guessing the crew of Fox 5 is pretty happy today.”

    My dear sir, please be more specific. You have just described every male employee involved in any part of the TV news (anchor, reporter, production, studio manager, etc) at most TV stations. This is why the 11 news is MUCH more entertaining than the 5 or 6 broadcasts – that late, everyone is more likely to get careless and, when they come back from commercial, repeat the dirty joke that had the anchors, weatherman, production/floor director, etc all cracking up during commercial. Though, to give you credit, those jokes DO often pertain the co-anchor (or production assistant or on-location reporter)’s big breasts.

    [re=413546]slavojzizek[/re]: Wow, for such a small town, there seem to be a lot of people on here that know about Carrboro. Not sure if that speaks highly of Carrboro, or poorly of Wonkette… the whole area has become, essentially, one big country club. (And by whole area, I of course mean Chapel Hill and not Durham.)

  30. Better American Than You

    [re=413630]Redhead[/re]: Saw X at the Cat’s Cradle this summer. Ate shrimp and grits (“shrimp and polenta” for our elitist Yankee friends) down the road at Crook’s Corner. Carrboro and C Hill still offer some fun.

  31. GreenHalo

    [re=413612]Bearbloke[/re]: Terribly unprofessional. The rule is, if you show guilt, you’re implicated. The guy who was told “keep fucking that chicken” laughed about it and said nothing in reply, which might have inspired Wasted Boy to further greatness. The chick looks like she’s being raped by a Japanese cartoon tentacle behind the modesty panel.

    Wasted Boy is out, Sailor Planet Ten gets a black mark, and Chuckles the Chicken Fucker may well get a commendation and a pay rise. It’s amazing what you can get away with if everyone acts normal about it and carries on as if nothing happened. And that’s normal broadcasting, never mind the space-time distortion that is Fox.

  32. One Yield Regular

    [re=413463]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: I can well understand your anxiety. One of my favorite captions was to a photo of a woman standing by an open door with people streaming past her. It read: “Bye. Buh-bye. Buh-bye. Bye now. Bye. Buh-bye. Buh-bye. Bye. Bye now. Buh-bye. Bye now. Goodbye. Bye. Buh-bye. Bye. Buh-bye…”

  33. Better American Than You

    My best college mondegreen was Sugar Magnolia “…tastes like chicken when I speed.” Okay, it was back during the hippie times and my speakers were cheap and tinny, so “pays my ticket when I speed” was way too incomprehensible to me.

  34. kth

    Congratulations, Wonkettes, you’ve just outed yourselves, with your Pavement idolatry, as the whitest McWhities that ever swippled (though who am I kidding, I love ‘em too). They are now laughing their asses off at us at Red State, though it’s somewhat subdued by the somber reflection that Molly Hatchett are probably never coming back.

  35. Keram2

    It’s funny. Pavement’s “Unfair” was my “What the fuck is up with these fucking teabaggers?” song during all the town hall meetings.

  36. LoweredPeninsula

    [re=413616]Obamaton[/re]: “I just looked at Mr Anastos Bio, and that is the whitest news room I have ever seen. Boise is more diverse.”

    ROTFLMAO!

  37. Carl Spakler

    [re=413659]the problem child[/re]: Wait, it this…could this be the same Meg Stapleton who is Palins official mouthpiece? I’m googling my ass off now

  38. mardam422

    This should become Wonkette’s new catchphrase.

    Now, I’m not suggesting we replace trucknutz, or anything. But…I, for one, welcome our new chicken fucking overlords.

    Just sayin’.

  39. Vermonster

    Have to give credit to someone on Youtube, but apparently the line refers to a Purdue Chicken commercial from the 80s where it says “it takes a tough man to make a tender chicken,” and apparently people in bars would yell out “Keep fucking that chicken!”

    So, Ernie says “it takes a tough man to make such a tender forecast,” weatherdude gives him a look like “I am smiling like I don’t know what he is talking about, but still. WTF?, why are you chafing me like that????”

    So Ernie finishes it off with the insta-classic “Keep fucking that chicken!”

    Wow, such a gift to humanity! What with Borama giving our missiles to the Ruskies or something…
    -A

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