Wonkette
HYPOTHETICALLY, IF THERE WERE, IN FACT, DEATH PANELS, IN SOME CASES IT MIGHT MAKE SENSE TO THINK ABOUT USING THEM. On an unrelated note, Vice President of Hell Dick Cheney is headed to surgery today so that he might rid himself forever of his tragic back pain. It is somewhat of an experimental treatment, as this is an operation typically performed on human beings. [Washington Post]
Are baboons involved?
He has back pain cuz his tits are too big.
If they could get rid of Dick Cheney, he would not longer be a pain in our backs.
What hump?
For some reason, my mind keeps turning to Sub-Zero’s Mortal Kombat fatality.
mephistopheles jefferson: Good ol’ internet - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0ye7e41X5k
He’s only 68? Is that too young for him to stroke out on the table? Because I’d really like that, oh great flying spaghetti monster.
Dick, that’s what ya get when you don’t have George to massage your buttocks each morning.
Perhaps the surgeon will leave Mr. Cheney a “surprise” in an undisclosed location.
Former Vice President Dick Cheney was undergoing surgery on Thursday to treat an often-debilitating back condition caused by pressure on the nerves in the lower spine
It’s his conscience banging on his spinal column, trying desperately to be noticed.
I hope he dies under the knife and Lynn must choose between going to court for medical malpractice or being a good little poster child for “tort reform”. Does Hallmark make a card for that?
He’s just doing this to get an oxycontin prescription.
If the Dickster were subject to Canada’s Marxist-Leninist universal health care program, he’d prolly be dead by now.
Someone start singing The Internationale or whatever the hell Canada’s national anthem is.
CorkPopper: No, not at all. The doc could forget a sponge or a forceps inside, too.
He’ll feel much better when they’ve removed that red, pointy thing growing out of his lower back.
I keep expecting the devil to come for his soul, like the various no good-niks in _The Wandering Jew_ (Stefan Heym, not Eugene Sue). “Now is midnight come and Cheney must be damned!”
an often-debilitating back condition
Not debilitating enough.
Why does he need to fix his back? It’s not like he paints houses or loads trucks for a living. All he has to do all day is sit around and grumble about how the coloreds “run everything now”.
He’s obviously getting in shape for his upcoming stint on “Dancing with the Stars”. I hear he does a mean Samba, but his boobs keep bouncing up and hitting him in the eye.
Where’s MJ’s doctor when you need him?
Normally I would never wish such a painful condition on anyone.
I wouldn’t want to operate on him. There is a chance some of his internal organs could suck you into his body and digest you.
Joshua Norton: It was apparently utterly debilitating to his soul, and explains a lot.
How difficult it must have been for this portly fellow to have carried the weight of the Entire Globe upon his shoulders, what with his tired sacral region (or whatever). If only America had been willing to Lend a Hand, p’raps it wouldn’t've been necessary to sodomize so many Arab people.
It pains me deeply that us poors in US America are forced to provide socialist healthcare to such a disagreeable lifeform as that.
Hey, maybe the surgery will change his personality. I know back pain makes me grumpy sometimes. I’m just sayin’.
Nah, he’s still a dick.
“ILLEGAL ALIENS GETTING HEALTH CARE”
I KNEW Cheney was one of those shape-changing lizard aliens
Way Cool Larry: Have you been reading David Icke again?
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let him be waterboarded with overstuffed catheter bags
The voodoo doll is finally working.
rachelv: cheney has a dorsal dog penis?
Is it too much to hope that the nurses will administer an H2SO4 drip?
What are the odds of an earthquake in D.C. during his spinal surgery? Hmmmmmmmmmm.
queeraselvis v 2.0: That’s SOP for Cheney. His needs are different from ours.
Fingers crossed, everyone.
*Jesus this one time, come on dude!!!!!*
Democrats never need back surgery, a benefit of having no spine.
Holy Fucking Shit!!!! Dick Cheney has a spine???????!!!!!!
This wouldn’t be one of those rare instances where they accidentally graft a pig’s head onto his body, by mistake, would it? I know that’s pretty rare.
Decker: Of course. It’s in their new the-GOP-is-out-of-power-and-they-can’t-handle-it-line:
The sentiment on most cards in the line are a variation of, “So Your Dickishness Is Catching Up To You, Is It?”
Also try their new Hypocrisy, Trucknutz and Eat A Bag of Dicks lines. I’m sure you’ll find something!
The hard part for the surgeon will be navigating all the poison tipped barbs that come out of Cheney’s spine.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: I was thinking more of the sulfurous fumes, pea soup, and assorted lizardy critters that will billow forth when they open him up.
Note to the gas-passer. You can make ‘em be still and quiet but they can still feel what the cutter is doing.
Just sayin’.
Hey, guys. We can’t wish for Cheney’s death just yet. We need him so that Obama can win a landslide in 2012.
When your other choice is Darth Vader, Hopeywan Kenobi looks pretty damn good, don’t he?
queeraselvis v 2.0: That’s heart surgery.
Decker: hehehehehehehehehehehe….
snideinplainsight: hahahahahahahahahahaha…
On a totally snarkless note, back surgery is a sham. It doesn’t work, at least not long enough for it to matter, especially at his age.
Cape Clod:
CumaeanSibyl: crud. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaHHYx36Wis