Who Knew They Even *Had* Kenyan Birth Certificates In Hell??

  non serviam!

Guess what Satanists? The honeymoon period is OVER and your Barack Obama is now going to actually have to work to manipulate crucial “swing voters” and “independents” and “actual human adult retards” that he has no plans to involve our troops in another war… against JESUS CHRIST!! This is no longer a given. [The Washington Independent]

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Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

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56 comments

  1. BitterPolitico

    Looks like that 8% were not cool enough to be raptured up by God before the start of Obama’s seven year reign.

  2. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Wait, if Obama isn’t the Anti-Christ, then who the hell have I’ve been sacrificing innocents to for the last eight months?

  3. Extemporanus

    Please explain to me how those who voted “Yes” and “Not Sure” managed to do so on a rotary phone?

  4. widget09

    But when is he going to make world peace? According to tho biblical folklore AC will do that, then we will all recieve the “mark of the beast & the number of his name (666)”, then we will have to worship our Kenyan overlord. Only problem is, this has to happen world wide, good luck with that, and oh, don’t forget to rebuild the temple in Jerusalem………..Poppycock!

  5. Way Cool Larry

    I for one have new found hope for our country, as an overwhelming 79% of Amerkins are not batshit loony.

  6. sad tortoise

    Is Barack Obama the secret son of Satan? Hmmm, I’m not sure. I think I need to carefully study this issue a bit more, weigh all the facts, the available evidence, the various relevant scientific journals and so on, before I can come to a fully-informed opinion.

  7. dementor

    The lede here is that 79% of some pool of people were willing to answer the ludricrous question. Might as well have a poll asking “Are you an idiot for responding to our infantile attempts at relevance?”

  8. Pilate

    [re=412442]Way Cool Larry[/re]: really, the problem is that surveys consistently find that 20-30% of our population is insane.

    9-11 truthers, Birthers, Bush approval rating, now Obamantichrist – it always hovers around that same 20-30%.

    Who even ARE these people.

  9. GreenHalo

    13% of responders were NOT SURE if an elected official, whose antics have saturated pop culture for two years, is the Anti-Christ!? Not to get all technical, but no. Just no.

    I thought I had stepped in dogshit and tracked it into the room, but my shoes are clean; this poll be stankin’. (13% Yes, 8% Not Sure is believable, given the right sample.)

  10. dementor

    [re=412443]hiphophitler[/re]: Beautiful. I’ll start the Washington state chapter. And if the soon-to-be-raptured pay a hefty fee upfront, I will act as a surrogate parent to their godless, left-behind children.

  11. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Those 8% who answered yes could be spotted hurtling down the New Jersey Turnpike buck nekkid in expectation of the Rapture.

  12. qwerty42

    I suppose we should consider the possibility:
    Q: Do you think Barack Obama is the AntiChrist?
    A: whatever
    A: the what? yeah, sure.
    A: I’m the Antichrist
    A: He wishes.
    A: Hell, who cares? put me down for “yes”.
    A: f*$^ yeah.
    A: screw you.

    there are 8 million responses in the naked city …

  13. hobospacejunkie

    You have entered the name Not Sure. Is this correct, Not Sure?

    No, it’s not correct.

    Thank you! “Not” is correct. Is “Sure” correct?

    No, it’s not. My name is Obama.

  14. WhatTheHeck

    The only person… er, being who would know for sure is Sata… Cheney.
    And it would not be in his best interests to finger the anti-Christ, would it?

  15. TGY

    If Obama were the anti-Christ, Joe Wilson would be lying somewhere, pecked to death by crows or whatever, and his soul laid to waist.

    “So if you meet me, have some courtesy have some sympathy
    and some taste
    Use all your well learned politesse or I’ll lay your soul to waste”

  16. Hopey dont play that game

    I really need a Bob Marley-sized bowl to make sense of this survey. And a big bag of Funyuns.

  17. Carl Spakler

    Oh..no fear with this one gang…the same site says that George ‘Macca’ Allen is making a comeback in VA.

    Comeback…yeah, only if he’s going on tour with Def Leppard, and Journey

  18. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=412443]hiphophitler[/re]: I refuse to believe in a God that won’t rapture my lil’ Sassy and Mr. Whiskers with me.

    We’re a package deal God!

  19. american mutt

    Mostly hispanics think he’s the anti-christ. Yeah, I thought that was a factor. They brought the “old world” here with them. Barry needs to capture and kill the chupacabra to prove them wrong.

  20. groove

    “Well, at first I was going to immediately choose ‘no,’ but then I asked myself, ‘Why would they ask me this question if there wasn’t a reason for it?’ so I selected ‘not sure.’”

  21. slowuncle

    [re=412443]hiphophitler[/re]: I don’t mind taking up some of the slack and caring for the Left-Behind-Petz when the Jesuspeople beam out of here, but I don’t see why I need to stop there. I would just love a nice hillside view of the city, a swimming pool, late-model Saab, ski boat, and upgraded sound system…How soon are they clearing out? Jeez, we just elected a black Muslim nazi/commie Kenyan Anti-Christ—–gotta signal the end of the world! Soon? Yes?

  22. chascates

    Isn’t the AntiChrist supposed to be Jewish and from Russia? And what better AntiChrist than a person who is a lawyer, a dentist, AND a realtor?

  23. Kev-O-Tron

    [re=412463]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Fuck it Wookies lets just get this Christmas warring on NOW! I’ve been cleaning my reindeer gun for weeks in anticipation.

  24. Better American Than You

    I didn’t know the Apocalyse was something we could VOTE ON?!?!

    Meh, democracy may have over-extended itself just a tad.

  25. AKAM80TheWolf

    This is Jersey you see, they were asking whether or not they thought Obama was the one person who opposed gubernatorial candidate Chris “Christina” Christie.

    I weep for my state.

  26. WadISay

    When Nate Silver drills into the data, we will learn that (1) slightly fewer people believe Obama is the AntiChrist in Harvard Square and San Francisco, and (2) solid majorities believe he is the AntiChrist in a vast swath running from West Virginia to Oklahoma.

  27. McDuff

    [re=412521]chascates[/re]: Just in the past 100 years, the anti-Christ has apparently been Lenin, Stalin, FDR, Hitler, back to Stalin, JFK (Catholic, you know), Qadhafi, Khomeini, Saddam, and now Obama.

    A/C gets around, but doesn’t get much soul-destroying actually done.

  28. Way Cool Larry

    Actually, back in the day, I was convinced that Reagan was the anti-christ. He was evil enough and had the 6-6-6 thing working for him in his name: Ronald Wilson Reagan.

  29. Georgia Burning

    [re=412567]McDuff[/re]: None of these guys could cut it, people underestimate the job. You need an accounting background to begin with.

  30. lochnessmonster

    He is no anti-Christ, he is a voodoo master like his mama was a voodoo queen. ‘Memeber how way back when he was born she put a spell on all the people he would meet in his life when he grew and they would tell lies for him like he was born in Hawaii and other stuff she thought up. She was one powerful woman.

  31. QueenOfTheDamned

    [re=412520]slowuncle[/re]: Yeah, but you aren’t living in some godless hellhole, I hope?
    If so, you’d better think about moving, pronto! ALL my neighbors here in snake-handler’s central are gonna be taken up; so I’ll be tall hog at the trough Post-Rapture. Can you be sure your acquaintances won’t be Left Behind with you?

  32. slowuncle

    [re=412649]QueenOfTheDamned[/re]: I live in Portland, OR; All of my neighbors have that telltale damned-for-all-time look to them, so they’ll probably still show up for work like me on “the day after”. However, to the west is a pseudo-Repub bedroom community, so if I get the Sooners jump on my heathen friends I might be able to scoop up some fine Christian swag—what with the cost of gas out here, the Hummers have been gathering dust as if their Holy Key-bearers had already raptured on out!

  33. DustBowlBlues

    No time for “my wonkette,” just stopped in to say that 2012 will produce a stat more definitive than anything Nate S. will ever produce. To wit, If Hopey wins, then we have absolute proof that there are more voters who are normal people than there are voters who are batshit crazy.

    As you were, losers.

  34. Jukesgrrl

    [re=412521]chascates[/re]: Yes, yes, and yes.

    [re=412523]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Where you been? I was beginning to think YOU got raptured.

  35. PsycGirl

    [re=412440]widget09[/re]: So he’d have to bring together Israelis and Palestinians, Sunnis and Shiites, and most challenging, Democrats and Republicans?
    There will be no Rapture if it requires an impossible feat to be accomplished.

Comments are closed.