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The hair in questionLast week sometime, Meghan McCain heard that Tyra Banks talked about hair on The Tyra Banks Show. Talking about… hair, Meg thought. Why, I have hair! I can talk about hair, except instead of talking about Tyra Banks or her hair, I can talk about me. Me. My hair. Me, me. Hair. I even publish an international New York Times best-selling children’s magazine called Blog. I could write about Hair, in Blog. This is exactly what happened leading up to Meg’s column today, called “Yes, I Wear Fake Hair.” It answers all questions about everything hair: does Meghan McCain have it? And isn’t it true that some of it is not indigenous to her skull? And what does the fact that Meghan McCain sometimes wears extensions say about all women, everywhere? And more importantly, what does it say about Meg?

The scene: A beautiful YOUNG WOMAN, Meg, is at the BARRY GOLDWATER JR. HIGH SCHOOL DANCE. Zoom-in on BANANA HAIRCLIP in Meg’s HAIR.

“I wanted everyone to know this: Not all the hair attached to my head is real. Yes, I have been wearing different variations of permanent and semi-permanent hair extensions since high school. Even as far back as middle school if you count the banana hairclip with the sliver of hair attached to it I wore to my eighth-grade dance.”

If you went to that dance and are waiting on the outcome of a bet you made about what was beneath said banana hairclip… looks like it is time to PAY UP! Ha! Or COLLECT. Whichever. Anyway, you can stop worrying about it, is the point.

Thirty or so years later, Meghan’s dad handily won America’s contest for President. You see, this is like “politics equivalent” of receiving a handjob behind the folded up cafeteria tables at the Barry Goldwater Jr. High school dance, and Meg is wearing a blond tube of hair attached to her head for the occasion—a banana hairclip of the mind.

“On the night my father accepted his nomination for president, I wore a giant Madonna ponytail extension (circa her Vogue tour)— much to the dismay of some of the campaign advisers, I might add.”

The imminently applicable moral of the fable “I Wore A Giant Madonna Ponytail Extension (Circa Her Vogue Tour)” by Meghan McCain is that no one can make you take off your hair, girls! Even when it is not real and can easily be taken off and doing so really isn’t any sweat off your back and THIS NIGHT ISN’T ABOUT YOU anyway so why not just be a good sport. No one can make you do this.

“Why do I feel the need to share all of this now and expose that I am a frequent user of hair extensions? Because all the young women that follow me should know that it’s OK to look like your real self and it’s OK to get a little extra help when sometimes Mother Nature doesn’t give you everything you want.”

Any questions?

[Yes, I Wear Fake Hair]

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111 COMMENTS

  1. “It’s OK to get a little extra help when sometimes Mother Nature doesn’t give you everything you want.”
    I’m pretty sure that’s the only remaining platform of the Republican Party.

  2. And her next column? “Meghan McCain – My Boobs.”

    If Mother Nature didn’t give you everything you want…

    But enough about me. Let’s talk about you. What do you think of me?

  3. They didn’t know that Mary Queen of Scots wore a wig until the executioner chopped her head off. He reached down to pick her head up and triumphantly show it to the crowd, but instead he just pulled off a wig. Oh man, so embarrassing!

  4. it is reporte in another blog (Vanity Fair) that the McGoo girl burst in upon a hairstyling session featuring most of the Wasillabillies and demanded to be seen to by Kenneth first and foremost, for wasn’t she the princess of the whole court? And these mere trailer trash cluttering up the space. She huffed off.

    Should’ve taken a clue from Dolly Parton, who, when asked, “How much time does it take to do your hair?” replied, “I have no idea; I’m never there.”

  5. Meg McCabe, Pride of Drury Lane/ For whom no shepherd sighs in vain/ Returning at the Midnight hour/ Four stories climbing to her bower/ Then seated on a three-legged chair/ Takes off her artificial hair…

  6. I got to the end of the first excruciating paragraph of this post, and I thought it had been wrapped up with the rhetorical question “What does this say about Meghan McCain?” Then I saw the MORE link. I mean, seriously?!?

  7. [re=412122]Tundra Grifter[/re]: In La Zona Roja in days long gone by, there was a very decisive signal that the festivities were over, similar to the ringing of the bell to end trading on Wall Street. At around two AM, the girls took off their hair.

  8. Meghan’s gotta weave
    Phyllis has a weave
    Cindy’s gotta weave
    J.T.’s gotta weave
    Carol’s fall fell
    Bubba’s gotta big bouffant on
    We all got weaves, so…let’s go!

    /B-52s

  9. What about the hair on her hoo hoo? Has it been waxed off like a porn star, or does she have extensions there too? Inquiring minds want to know.

  10. [re=412155]Bowdoin[/re]: In San Francisco’s Tenderloin, to this day that tradition continues. Those girls standing on the street corners at 1 am? Some of them are, actually, girls…

  11. I’m thinking Cindy McCain calls this “Wonkett” because she has defiantly ripped off Wonkette’s vowel extension to shame it.

    Now I feel so … ashamed.

  12. “You see, this is like “politics equivalent” of receiving a handjob behind the folded up cafeteria tables at the Barry Goldwater Jr. High school dance, and Meg is wearing a blond tube of hair attached to her head for the occasion—a banana hairclip of the mind.”

    That’s beautiful poetry, man.

  13. I’d hit it. Hard, and twice. You Wonketteers gotta get off Meg McCabe, plucky First Daughter’s case. She’s trying single-handedly to make the GOPee fun again

  14. Take it away, Phife:

    If you can’t achieve it, then why not try and weave it
    If you can’t extend it then you might as well suspend it
    If you can’t braid it, best thing to do is fade it
    I asked who did your hair and you tell me diane made it?

  15. [re=412159]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Posdnuos would like to add:

    Look, you don’t have to play fly in here
    I can tell your fly by the weave that you wear!
    But you must be aware that a fly can be swatted by a BK tray
    By the way yo, here’s yours!

  16. Any questions?

    “Yes, Ms. McCain, I have a question. Will you be doing a followup piece describing what your non-native hair tells us about the invasive species debate?”

  17. So if we find ourselves straddling Ms McCains nude hindquarters, using her tresses to keep her forehead from beating a dent into the headboard and should those tresses suddenly come out of her head with a tearing sound to dangle limply in our hand, should we stop and attempt to reattach them, get another handful of hair or just beat a dent in the headboard?
    And if this blogpost had any other purpose than to inform our actions should we find ourselves in the previous predicament, what purpose would that be?

  18. I suppose a columnist just has to let her hair down, sometimes. Right before she jumps up and down on the corpse of journalism.

    not indigenous to her skull
    But then ‘torrid affair’ isn’t entirely off the table.

  19. “it’s OK to get a little extra help when sometimes Mother Nature doesn’t give you everything you want.”

    So she had a small ass back then too and didn’t like it?

  20. Maureen Dowd’s thread has been out longer than Meghan’s thread. Maureen has gotten 38 comments. Meghan’s thread has gotten 76 comments. Meghan is so animated. I bet Meghan is thinking Fuck you, Maureen! in a very pretty, colorful sort of way.

  21. Every time Wonkett brings another episode of Meg’s doings to my attention, I reflect on how fucked up it is that Meg is not upholding the McCain Family Tradition of Service by enrolling in the military like her brothers, and instead is wasting everyone’s time writing about the nothing she has achieved thus far in her life. Then I reflect on how fucked up the McCain Family Tradition is: all male McCains must accept a commission and risk getting their asses shot off, while the female McCains apparently have no responsibilities whatsoever. So long as they eventually get married and knocked up, it is perfectly acceptable for McCain women to exist in a state of triviality and irrelevance. With extensions.

  22. Is John Waters considering a cameo for The Megs in an upcoming feature film? Did I hear that somewhere? What with passing of Divine, doesn’t he need another muse?

  23. Oh Meghan, I’ve tried giving you up but I’ll just come out and say it: MEGHAN MCCAIN YOU BLOW MY MIND!

    And stop talking about a little extra help Meg, MOTHER NATURE MADE YOU PERFECT!!!!

  24. Do Republicans send their children off to a special school for patronizing? Even the lower-key GOP kids seem to have a terminal case of it. No one could be more egregiously patronizing than the late limpdick toad William F. Buckley, but even this sophomoric level of the behavior ranks right up there with self-pity as the ugliest human activity. Few people are more depressing than a celebrity in search of a purpose.

  25. “…it’s OK to get a little extra help when sometimes Mother Nature doesn’t give you everything you want.”

    What’s she talking about here? Boob job or lipo? Why not a little of both, put that fat where it’ll do some good.

  26. We must now speak of Megz as Yuri otakus refer to Shizuma from the lesbian schoolgirl anime “Strawberry Panic”. You see, teh Shiz iz actually a symbiotic character, the two halfs being: Shizuma and Shizuma’s hair.

    http://www.animeph.com/screen%20Strawberry%20Panic.JPG

    ie. Shizuma and Shizuma’s hair love Nagisa-chan.

    From now on, all referrences to Ms. McCain must include “-and her(Meghan McCain’s) hair.”

  27. [re=412530]Potater[/re]: Yes, and everybody forgets Mel Gibson quotes if it’s out of character. Like Dolly, who was shopping a dippy screenplay around to no takers, huffed: “You think all those Jews in Hollywood would accept a nice Christian story?”

    There was a minor uproar, and she did the celebrity two-step, and everybody went into memory lapse.

  28. [re=412145]norbizness[/re]: I’m glad I wasn’t the only one. I got to the More link and thought. God, I understood all that, but kinda wish I hadn’t.

  29. [re=412241]Snarkalicious[/re]: Thank you! I really liked the parts I could understand. I certainly agree that some people peak in high school. More in college. But to peak in “life” – ah, that is the question!

    But, at what age? Too soon is, well, too soon. And putting it off – well, that could easily be too late.

    Never peak? Always peak? Life is tough to understand…

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