Last week sometime, Meghan McCain heard that Tyra Banks talked about hair on The Tyra Banks Show. Talking about… hair, Meg thought. Why, I have hair! I can talk about hair, except instead of talking about Tyra Banks or her hair, I can talk about me. Me. My hair. Me, me. Hair. I even publish an international New York Times best-selling children’s magazine called Blog. I could write about Hair, in Blog. This is exactly what happened leading up to Meg’s column today, called “Yes, I Wear Fake Hair.” It answers all questions about everything hair: does Meghan McCain have it? And isn’t it true that some of it is not indigenous to her skull? And what does the fact that Meghan McCain sometimes wears extensions say about all women, everywhere? And more importantly, what does it say about Meg?
The scene: A beautiful YOUNG WOMAN, Meg, is at the BARRY GOLDWATER JR. HIGH SCHOOL DANCE. Zoom-in on BANANA HAIRCLIP in Meg’s HAIR.
“I wanted everyone to know this: Not all the hair attached to my head is real. Yes, I have been wearing different variations of permanent and semi-permanent hair extensions since high school. Even as far back as middle school if you count the banana hairclip with the sliver of hair attached to it I wore to my eighth-grade dance.”
If you went to that dance and are waiting on the outcome of a bet you made about what was beneath said banana hairclip… looks like it is time to PAY UP! Ha! Or COLLECT. Whichever. Anyway, you can stop worrying about it, is the point.
Thirty or so years later, Meghan’s dad handily won America’s contest for President. You see, this is like “politics equivalent” of receiving a handjob behind the folded up cafeteria tables at the Barry Goldwater Jr. High school dance, and Meg is wearing a blond tube of hair attached to her head for the occasion—a banana hairclip of the mind.
“On the night my father accepted his nomination for president, I wore a giant Madonna ponytail extension (circa her Vogue tour)— much to the dismay of some of the campaign advisers, I might add.”
The imminently applicable moral of the fable “I Wore A Giant Madonna Ponytail Extension (Circa Her Vogue Tour)” by Meghan McCain is that no one can make you take off your hair, girls! Even when it is not real and can easily be taken off and doing so really isn’t any sweat off your back and THIS NIGHT ISN’T ABOUT YOU anyway so why not just be a good sport. No one can make you do this.
“Why do I feel the need to share all of this now and expose that I am a frequent user of hair extensions? Because all the young women that follow me should know that it’s OK to look like your real self and it’s OK to get a little extra help when sometimes Mother Nature doesn’t give you everything you want.”