TODAY ON THE DAILY BEAST  12:12 pm September 16, 2009

Meghan McCain On Meghan McCain’s Hair And What Meghan McCain’s Hair Really Says About YOU

by Juli Weiner

The hair in questionLast week sometime, Meghan McCain heard that Tyra Banks talked about hair on The Tyra Banks Show. Talking about… hair, Meg thought. Why, I have hair! I can talk about hair, except instead of talking about Tyra Banks or her hair, I can talk about me. Me. My hair. Me, me. Hair. I even publish an international New York Times best-selling children’s magazine called Blog. I could write about Hair, in Blog. This is exactly what happened leading up to Meg’s column today, called “Yes, I Wear Fake Hair.” It answers all questions about everything hair: does Meghan McCain have it? And isn’t it true that some of it is not indigenous to her skull? And what does the fact that Meghan McCain sometimes wears extensions say about all women, everywhere? And more importantly, what does it say about Meg?

The scene: A beautiful YOUNG WOMAN, Meg, is at the BARRY GOLDWATER JR. HIGH SCHOOL DANCE. Zoom-in on BANANA HAIRCLIP in Meg’s HAIR.

“I wanted everyone to know this: Not all the hair attached to my head is real. Yes, I have been wearing different variations of permanent and semi-permanent hair extensions since high school. Even as far back as middle school if you count the banana hairclip with the sliver of hair attached to it I wore to my eighth-grade dance.”

If you went to that dance and are waiting on the outcome of a bet you made about what was beneath said banana hairclip… looks like it is time to PAY UP! Ha! Or COLLECT. Whichever. Anyway, you can stop worrying about it, is the point.

Thirty or so years later, Meghan’s dad handily won America’s contest for President. You see, this is like “politics equivalent” of receiving a handjob behind the folded up cafeteria tables at the Barry Goldwater Jr. High school dance, and Meg is wearing a blond tube of hair attached to her head for the occasion—a banana hairclip of the mind.

“On the night my father accepted his nomination for president, I wore a giant Madonna ponytail extension (circa her Vogue tour)— much to the dismay of some of the campaign advisers, I might add.”

The imminently applicable moral of the fable “I Wore A Giant Madonna Ponytail Extension (Circa Her Vogue Tour)” by Meghan McCain is that no one can make you take off your hair, girls! Even when it is not real and can easily be taken off and doing so really isn’t any sweat off your back and THIS NIGHT ISN’T ABOUT YOU anyway so why not just be a good sport. No one can make you do this.

“Why do I feel the need to share all of this now and expose that I am a frequent user of hair extensions? Because all the young women that follow me should know that it’s OK to look like your real self and it’s OK to get a little extra help when sometimes Mother Nature doesn’t give you everything you want.”

Any questions?

[Yes, I Wear Fake Hair]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 111 comments }

Downtheroadapiece September 16, 2009 at 12:14 pm

There’s a lot of things that aren’t indigenous to that ditz’s skull come to think about it.

finallyhappy September 16, 2009 at 12:17 pm

hey, she looks like she is worth 1 whore diamond.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 16, 2009 at 12:18 pm

Too bad she can’t wear a fake brain..

V572625694 September 16, 2009 at 12:18 pm

Meghan: please get out the dictionary (or open dictionary.com on your Internet browser) and look up “solipsism.” Please do it soon.

Anonymous Office Zombie September 16, 2009 at 12:19 pm

Banana Hairclip of the Mind would be a kick-ass band name.

nbawriter September 16, 2009 at 12:19 pm

I’m going to wear a fake interest extension for this post.

Verrrrrrrry interesting!

OzoneTom September 16, 2009 at 12:19 pm

As long as she’s not getting $400 haircuts.

CrunchyKnee September 16, 2009 at 12:20 pm

Today, we are all Meg’s hair extensions!

thefrontpage September 16, 2009 at 12:20 pm

Meghan McCain: Please shut up and retire. No one cares anymore.

gurukalehuru September 16, 2009 at 12:21 pm

This is what’s wrong with America: Barry Goldwater Junior High School.

slappypaddy September 16, 2009 at 12:21 pm

[re=412102]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: her fake hair covers it.

pattycake September 16, 2009 at 12:21 pm

Merkin McCain.

bitchincamaro September 16, 2009 at 12:21 pm

What about her hairball?

Crab1 September 16, 2009 at 12:21 pm

If you can’t be smart, be pretty. If you can’t be pretty, spend a bunch of money on shit that covers up the shit that makes you feel ugly.

god.was.stingy September 16, 2009 at 12:21 pm

“It’s OK to get a little extra help when sometimes Mother Nature doesn’t give you everything you want.”
I’m pretty sure that’s the only remaining platform of the Republican Party.

thefrontpage September 16, 2009 at 12:21 pm

Banana Hairclip of the Mind.

Banana Hairclip of the Mind.

Banana Hairclip of the Mind.

Tundra Grifter September 16, 2009 at 12:21 pm

So why didn’t M2 just come out and answer the damn question: Does she have “good” hair or not?

Min September 16, 2009 at 12:22 pm

Wigs are better than extensions, ’cause you can’t take off your extensions when you get ready to fight.

Tundra Grifter September 16, 2009 at 12:23 pm

[re=412110]nbawriter[/re]: WIN!

PrairiePossum September 16, 2009 at 12:23 pm

“Any questions?”

Does the carpet match the drapes?

ManchuCandidate September 16, 2009 at 12:23 pm

My brain just seized at Meg’s hair talk.

I can see why the MSM uses her as a pundit…

shadowMark September 16, 2009 at 12:24 pm

Any questions? — When Pixar makes the Wonkette movie, can Meghan play herself, please?

CrunchyKnee September 16, 2009 at 12:24 pm

What about the “hair down there”, Megs?

Tundra Grifter September 16, 2009 at 12:27 pm

And her next column? “Meghan McCain – My Boobs.”

If Mother Nature didn’t give you everything you want…

But enough about me. Let’s talk about you. What do you think of me?

Gorillionaire September 16, 2009 at 12:28 pm

They didn’t know that Mary Queen of Scots wore a wig until the executioner chopped her head off. He reached down to pick her head up and triumphantly show it to the crowd, but instead he just pulled off a wig. Oh man, so embarrassing!

Bowdoin September 16, 2009 at 12:28 pm

it is reporte in another blog (Vanity Fair) that the McGoo girl burst in upon a hairstyling session featuring most of the Wasillabillies and demanded to be seen to by Kenneth first and foremost, for wasn’t she the princess of the whole court? And these mere trailer trash cluttering up the space. She huffed off.

Should’ve taken a clue from Dolly Parton, who, when asked, “How much time does it take to do your hair?” replied, “I have no idea; I’m never there.”

Tundra Grifter September 16, 2009 at 12:29 pm

Blonde is the new Black. Or, Dark Brown, anyway…

Bowdoin September 16, 2009 at 12:29 pm

[re=412104]V572625694[/re]: All my references are from my youth, and that term is always the “solipsism of johns” portion from Howl.

Jim Demintia September 16, 2009 at 12:30 pm

Meg McCabe, Pride of Drury Lane/ For whom no shepherd sighs in vain/ Returning at the Midnight hour/ Four stories climbing to her bower/ Then seated on a three-legged chair/ Takes off her artificial hair…

norbizness September 16, 2009 at 12:30 pm

I got to the end of the first excruciating paragraph of this post, and I thought it had been wrapped up with the rhetorical question “What does this say about Meghan McCain?” Then I saw the MORE link. I mean, seriously?!?

AngryBlakGuy September 16, 2009 at 12:31 pm

…did she just admit to having hair plugs?!

jeebuscreebus September 16, 2009 at 12:31 pm

wearing fake hair is like taking penis enlargement pills! it doesn’t mean you don’t LOVE yourself!!!!

Bowdoin September 16, 2009 at 12:31 pm

[re=412118]Crab1[/re]: You just gave away the busines plan of Vogue, and lots of clones.

Better American Than You September 16, 2009 at 12:33 pm

We don’t use the term “merkin” nearly enough, but when I think of Meg’s hair, that the word that comes to mind.

bureaucrap September 16, 2009 at 12:33 pm

Tomorrow: “The Hair Club for Men is a Sexist Organization!”

Bowdoin September 16, 2009 at 12:34 pm

[re=412122]Tundra Grifter[/re]: In La Zona Roja in days long gone by, there was a very decisive signal that the festivities were over, similar to the ringing of the bell to end trading on Wall Street. At around two AM, the girls took off their hair.

Come here a minute September 16, 2009 at 12:34 pm

What a revelation — Madonna Hairclipgate cost John McCain the the election. I am surprised she wasn’t fingered in the post-election sniping.

Suds McKenzie September 16, 2009 at 12:36 pm

I DON’T find any of this funny!

especially “a giant Madonna ponytail extension (circa her Vogue tour)”

Again NOT FUNNY!1!!

queeraselvis v 2.0 September 16, 2009 at 12:36 pm

Meghan’s gotta weave
Phyllis has a weave
Cindy’s gotta weave
J.T.’s gotta weave
Carol’s fall fell
Bubba’s gotta big bouffant on
We all got weaves, so…let’s go!

/B-52s

SlouchingTowardsWasilla September 16, 2009 at 12:39 pm

What about the hair on her hoo hoo? Has it been waxed off like a porn star, or does she have extensions there too? Inquiring minds want to know.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 16, 2009 at 12:40 pm

[re=412159]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: On the neon, neon side of town.. Thank you–this song will now remain in my head for the rest of the day.

Tundra Grifter September 16, 2009 at 12:40 pm

[re=412155]Bowdoin[/re]: In San Francisco’s Tenderloin, to this day that tradition continues. Those girls standing on the street corners at 1 am? Some of them are, actually, girls…

nbawriter September 16, 2009 at 12:42 pm

I’m thinking Cindy McCain calls this “Wonkett” because she has defiantly ripped off Wonkette’s vowel extension to shame it.

Now I feel so … ashamed.

Gallowglass September 16, 2009 at 12:44 pm

“You see, this is like “politics equivalent” of receiving a handjob behind the folded up cafeteria tables at the Barry Goldwater Jr. High school dance, and Meg is wearing a blond tube of hair attached to her head for the occasion—a banana hairclip of the mind.”

That’s beautiful poetry, man.

plowman September 16, 2009 at 12:44 pm

As Richard Pryor said, “Da bitch so hot I’d suck her DADDY’S dick!’

thegunner September 16, 2009 at 12:44 pm

****************LIVE MEGHAN ALONE**********MUAHHHHHHHHHH

Retard Strength September 16, 2009 at 12:47 pm

[re=412156]Come here a minute[/re]: Didn’t she already write a column about not getting fingered post-election? http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-03-02/looking-for-mr-far-right/

Dreadful Gate September 16, 2009 at 12:47 pm

I’d hit it. Hard, and twice. You Wonketteers gotta get off Meg McCabe, plucky First Daughter’s case. She’s trying single-handedly to make the GOPee fun again

liquiddaddy September 16, 2009 at 12:49 pm

This just reminds me how much more fun the Bush girls were, and with real hair.

Carl Spakler September 16, 2009 at 12:52 pm

[re=412173]thegunner[/re]: “Live Meghan Alone”….Is that name taken? Lots of potential for a new amateur streaming video site.

Carl Spakler September 16, 2009 at 12:53 pm

[re=412179]Dreadful Gate[/re]: Get off? Hell, I’m still waiting in line to get on

voyetra8 September 16, 2009 at 12:53 pm

“it’s OK to look like your real self”

No, apparently not.

Instead, you have to bolt on shocks of pastured swayback mane.

Extemporanus September 16, 2009 at 12:53 pm

Take it away, Phife:

If you can’t achieve it, then why not try and weave it
If you can’t extend it then you might as well suspend it
If you can’t braid it, best thing to do is fade it
I asked who did your hair and you tell me diane made it?

the problem child September 16, 2009 at 12:55 pm

[re=412144]Jim Demintia[/re]: Wonkett is raping Meghan’s locks on the intertubes again, now with help from Swift.

magic titty September 16, 2009 at 12:56 pm

Young women follow her? She certainly has an inflated view of herself. And not just because she’s bloated and gross.

Extemporanus September 16, 2009 at 12:57 pm

[re=412159]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Posdnuos would like to add:

Look, you don’t have to play fly in here
I can tell your fly by the weave that you wear!
But you must be aware that a fly can be swatted by a BK tray
By the way yo, here’s yours!

thegunner September 16, 2009 at 12:58 pm

[re=412183]Carl Spakler[/re]: reserved it for meg ma belle..

Carl Spakler September 16, 2009 at 1:02 pm

[re=412194]thegunner[/re]: Damn, now I’ll have to make my fortune selling Palin/Wilson 2012 t-shirts

nightshift September 16, 2009 at 1:05 pm

And does the carpet match the drapes?

queeraselvis v 2.0 September 16, 2009 at 1:05 pm

[re=412193]Extemporanus[/re]: Now that’s pure poetry.

Way Cool Larry September 16, 2009 at 1:06 pm

It’s Amerkin to wear a merkin!

Way Cool Larry September 16, 2009 at 1:07 pm

FWIW, she looks pretty hot in that picture, but on “The View”, she was so not.

BigBrainOnBrad September 16, 2009 at 1:07 pm

What do you get when you turn the blonde Meghan upside down? A brunette with bad breath.

pirate of blackwater September 16, 2009 at 1:07 pm

I’ve been wearing pubis extensions for years and now I feel comfortable letting you know this. Thank you Meggles.

RabidHamster September 16, 2009 at 1:10 pm

Oh Meghan, hasn’t your mother ever told you that quantity is NOT better than quality?

user-of-owls September 16, 2009 at 1:11 pm

Any questions?

“Yes, Ms. McCain, I have a question. Will you be doing a followup piece describing what your non-native hair tells us about the invasive species debate?”

swayzeland September 16, 2009 at 1:12 pm

“That one” inspired her Foxy Brown merkin on Nov. 3rd

sezme September 16, 2009 at 1:15 pm

Oh Meghan! You’re real pretty, and your fake hair is spectacular. But you’d be truly beautiful with a backwards B carved on your forehead.

Jim Demintia September 16, 2009 at 1:16 pm

[re=412190]the problem child[/re]: At least we haven’t mentioned her glass eye or wooden leg yet.

dijetlo September 16, 2009 at 1:16 pm

So if we find ourselves straddling Ms McCains nude hindquarters, using her tresses to keep her forehead from beating a dent into the headboard and should those tresses suddenly come out of her head with a tearing sound to dangle limply in our hand, should we stop and attempt to reattach them, get another handful of hair or just beat a dent in the headboard?
And if this blogpost had any other purpose than to inform our actions should we find ourselves in the previous predicament, what purpose would that be?

user-of-owls September 16, 2009 at 1:20 pm

[re=412211]sezme[/re]: Actually, she’d look better still with a backwards “GOPACORNRRCmte” carved on her cheek.

TGY September 16, 2009 at 1:20 pm

I suppose a columnist just has to let her hair down, sometimes. Right before she jumps up and down on the corpse of journalism.

not indigenous to her skull
But then ‘torrid affair’ isn’t entirely off the table.

Junior September 16, 2009 at 1:22 pm

“it’s OK to get a little extra help when sometimes Mother Nature doesn’t give you everything you want.”

So she had a small ass back then too and didn’t like it?

samsuncle September 16, 2009 at 1:24 pm

Judging by the looks of her plastered down hair I’m thinking a vigorous shampoo would do wonders for her looks. Or, at least an oil change.

Tengrain September 16, 2009 at 1:27 pm

The future Little Edie talks about her hair: http://www.mockpaperscissors.com/?p=23526

Regards,

Tengrain

user-of-owls September 16, 2009 at 1:30 pm

[re=412212]Jim Demintia[/re]: Good point. Has anyone seen both her hands? How can we be sure one of them isn’t a hook?

shadowMark September 16, 2009 at 1:36 pm

Maureen Dowd’s thread has been out longer than Meghan’s thread. Maureen has gotten 38 comments. Meghan’s thread has gotten 76 comments. Meghan is so animated. I bet Meghan is thinking Fuck you, Maureen! in a very pretty, colorful sort of way.

kewlguy42069 September 16, 2009 at 1:40 pm

did she just feel like telling someone all this

Snarkalicious September 16, 2009 at 1:43 pm

[re=412135]Tundra Grifter[/re]: I would also reference the Parable of Glenn McGrath’s Haircut.

queeraselvis v 2.0 September 16, 2009 at 1:45 pm

[re=412232]shadowMark[/re]: I bet Meghan is thinking

Objection: Facts not in evidence.

Chet Kincaid September 16, 2009 at 1:47 pm

Every time Wonkett brings another episode of Meg’s doings to my attention, I reflect on how fucked up it is that Meg is not upholding the McCain Family Tradition of Service by enrolling in the military like her brothers, and instead is wasting everyone’s time writing about the nothing she has achieved thus far in her life. Then I reflect on how fucked up the McCain Family Tradition is: all male McCains must accept a commission and risk getting their asses shot off, while the female McCains apparently have no responsibilities whatsoever. So long as they eventually get married and knocked up, it is perfectly acceptable for McCain women to exist in a state of triviality and irrelevance. With extensions.

Hedley Lamar September 16, 2009 at 1:53 pm

[re=412116]pattycake[/re]: Win for you. On another note, did she stuff her bra back at Goldwater? I think
this whole thing is false advertising.

bloatedwhitetruck September 16, 2009 at 2:04 pm

Is John Waters considering a cameo for The Megs in an upcoming feature film? Did I hear that somewhere? What with passing of Divine, doesn’t he need another muse?

bopumofu September 16, 2009 at 2:07 pm

Cindy must be secretly sad to have such a dumpy daughter.

AbstinenceOnly Ed September 16, 2009 at 2:15 pm

Hey Meg, didn’t you listen to your father? Hair extensions are for trollops, you cunt.

bloatedwhitetruck September 16, 2009 at 2:16 pm

Cindy is secretly happy cause her aging rock musician / gigolo “friend” doesn’t even look up with Megs enters the room. Even when she is extentionless and begins rolling around on the carpet like a cat in heat trying to get his attention. Cindy snickers at all of this. Secretly of course.

http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/strollerderby/archive/2008/11/13/morning-news-31.aspx

Flanders September 16, 2009 at 2:17 pm

[re=412128]PrairiePossum[/re]: +1

AKAM80TheWolf September 16, 2009 at 2:20 pm

I feel guilty, like I should be paying for this.

nader paul kucinich gravel September 16, 2009 at 2:24 pm

Meghan McCain v Charlie Sheen

Can O Whoopass September 16, 2009 at 2:42 pm

Meghan McCain’s hair says, “Isn’t Obama really, really that Minute Rice guy on the box”!

snideinplainsight September 16, 2009 at 2:43 pm

MoDo would kick MegsMcC’s *$$, and I for one am waiting to see that. If you could get that on HD or DirecTV, I’d pay. Probably a lot.

Lee September 16, 2009 at 2:52 pm

Oh Meghan, I’ve tried giving you up but I’ll just come out and say it: MEGHAN MCCAIN YOU BLOW MY MIND!

And stop talking about a little extra help Meg, MOTHER NATURE MADE YOU PERFECT!!!!

lawrenceofthedesert September 16, 2009 at 2:53 pm

Do Republicans send their children off to a special school for patronizing? Even the lower-key GOP kids seem to have a terminal case of it. No one could be more egregiously patronizing than the late limpdick toad William F. Buckley, but even this sophomoric level of the behavior ranks right up there with self-pity as the ugliest human activity. Few people are more depressing than a celebrity in search of a purpose.

bloatedwhitetruck September 16, 2009 at 3:01 pm

Meghan’s frank disclosure, allows me to sport my codpiece with dignity. I might just start wearing it on the outside. Go Megs!

AKAM80TheWolf September 16, 2009 at 3:14 pm

I knew Ms. McCabe was behind ACORN’s ‘extended’ services.

Godot September 16, 2009 at 3:28 pm

“…it’s OK to get a little extra help when sometimes Mother Nature doesn’t give you everything you want.”

What’s she talking about here? Boob job or lipo? Why not a little of both, put that fat where it’ll do some good.

GreatOldOnesParty September 16, 2009 at 4:22 pm

Meg McCabe wears hair-extensions?
Is she trying to make me fall in love with her or what?

Potater September 16, 2009 at 4:34 pm

[re=412140]Bowdoin[/re]:
Ah, Miss Dolly: “It takes a lot of money to look this cheap.”

You could learn a thing or two from her, [i]Meg[/i].

GreatOldOnesParty September 16, 2009 at 4:35 pm

We must now speak of Megz as Yuri otakus refer to Shizuma from the lesbian schoolgirl anime “Strawberry Panic”. You see, teh Shiz iz actually a symbiotic character, the two halfs being: Shizuma and Shizuma’s hair.

http://www.animeph.com/screen%20Strawberry%20Panic.JPG

ie. Shizuma and Shizuma’s hair love Nagisa-chan.

From now on, all referrences to Ms. McCain must include “-and her(Meghan McCain’s) hair.”

Potater September 16, 2009 at 4:47 pm

[re=412530]Potater[/re]: Aaaaand I failed. Excuse me, I’ll just go hide my shame like the southern belle I was raised to be.

duckman September 16, 2009 at 5:43 pm

I’d hit it. Don’t care how stupid she is, I’d hit it, tell my friends about it, then hit it again!

duckman September 16, 2009 at 5:45 pm

I’d hit it, tell my friends about it, then hit it again!

guerilla-nation September 16, 2009 at 5:49 pm

i don’t have the time or patience to read the article. is this about megan shaving her pussy?

lochnessmonster September 16, 2009 at 5:51 pm

She can’t run for office now…she has “alien” hairs on her head.

Bowdoin September 16, 2009 at 7:01 pm

[re=412530]Potater[/re]: Yes, and everybody forgets Mel Gibson quotes if it’s out of character. Like Dolly, who was shopping a dippy screenplay around to no takers, huffed: “You think all those Jews in Hollywood would accept a nice Christian story?”

There was a minor uproar, and she did the celebrity two-step, and everybody went into memory lapse.

Dapushamon September 16, 2009 at 8:51 pm

I love you guys…so much thoughtful rudeness.
Can’t wait for the Wonkette movie!

Dapushamon September 16, 2009 at 8:53 pm

I love you guys…such thoughtful rudeness!!!
When is the Wonkette movie coming out??

Darkness September 16, 2009 at 9:13 pm

[re=412145]norbizness[/re]: I’m glad I wasn’t the only one. I got to the More link and thought. God, I understood all that, but kinda wish I hadn’t.

sezme September 16, 2009 at 11:05 pm

[re=412610]duckman[/re]: Shut up! Shut up!

[re=412794]Dapushamon[/re]: Coming soon! Coming soon!

Tundra Grifter September 17, 2009 at 11:16 am

[re=412241]Snarkalicious[/re]: Thank you! I really liked the parts I could understand. I certainly agree that some people peak in high school. More in college. But to peak in “life” – ah, that is the question!

But, at what age? Too soon is, well, too soon. And putting it off – well, that could easily be too late.

Never peak? Always peak? Life is tough to understand…

Jennasaurus Rex September 17, 2009 at 5:39 pm

Oh Megs. Mother Nature may not have given me everything I want, but at least I don’t plaster on extensions like a trollop, you cunt!

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