Wonkette
Heavens! The DEBT COLLECTORS are in hot pursuit of America’s prized orator, JOE WILSON! Apparently Joe purchased 30,000 “I’m With Myself” tee shirts with his credit card, because he forgot to buy his wife something nice for 9/11. But guess what? BANK OF AMERICA does not accept SCREAMING as a form of payment! (It used to, when we were still on the gold standard.) Run for your life, Joe Wilson! You would not enjoy DEBTOR’S PRISON, where they make you talk with “inside voices.” …
ENORMOUS GOSSIP SCOOPS: The HOUSE CLERK has written the first ever TWITTER VIRUS (using C++ and LOLz) … DICK CHENEY was caught buying “veggies and fruits”, two bottles of red wine, and sushi. How many LIBERALS does Dick Cheney have imprisoned in his basement, and why is he feeding them so well? … TIM KAINE’S INTERN does a fantastic job, and deserves a raise. 2 x $0 = $0 … ELIOT SPITZER, best-selling author of Bury My Hooker At Wounded Knee, is in DC to talk about the economy, which sounds innocent enough, until he gets the hooker itch …
REP. STEVEN COHEN (D-TN) might look like a frail balding white guy, but that’s not who he really is, on the inside. Steven has come to accept he is really SAPPHIRE, a 45-year-old black woman with feminine curves and a preposterous badonkadonk who is trapped in a boring white dude’s body.
Riley Waggaman’s WAGG THE BOG appears constantly here at Wonkette. Send your hot gossip to the usual tips@wonkette.com
Riley, you wag my bog.*
*”bog”=authentic Elizabethan slang for ladyparts
“Preposterous badonkadonk” is my new favourite phrase. Congratulations.
“BANK OF AMERICA does not accept SCREAMING as a form of payment!”
This is why Riley does all his banking with Wells Fargo!
No, that’s ‘librul sushi’, made from freshly-caught libruls.
using C++ and LOLz
Dude, you’re killing me here.
The sushi isn’t for Cheney’s prisoners — he eats it because it helps power the mercury-lithium batteries in his rather substantial pacemaker.
Joshua Norton: Wells Fargo doesn’t accept it either. And I’ve tried many times.
If Cohen is Sapphire then who is Steel? Is it still Joanna Lumley? She may be older now but she still looks great.
Also why no mention of CORY BOOKER, mayor of NEWARK who made an appeareance on the COLBERT REPORT last night? He is either the next BARACK OBAMA or the next VIN DIESEL.
Riles has really outdone himself here. “Bury My Hooker At Wounded Knee” was especially nascent.
Nice contrasting tie and face: http://voices.washingtonpost.com/reliable-source/cheney15.jpg
Two bottles of T-Bird will always do that to you.
Don’t worry fans of broke-ass Confederate Representative Addison “Confederate Joe” Graves Wilson! He’s selling AUTOGRAPHED CONFEDERATE FLAGS on EBAY that flew—at his very special Confederate request—above the South Carolina capitol building in a Confederate show of racial confederacy.
He is also auctioning off a super stylish AUTOGRAPHED CONFEDERATE BEDSPREAD!
Place your bids everyone! TIME IS RUNNING OUT!!
Where’s your “fiscal responsibility” now, bitch?
And as for the “I’m with Joe” shirts, where were the shirts made? Where was the cotton grown?
And the “I’m with Joe Wilson” t-s were hastily redone from “I’m with Stupid” rejects, obvs.
Extemporanus: OH HOLY FUCK! How did I live my life before that? AND JOE WILSON TO BOOT? OMG OMG OMG OMG.
Riley, your posts are a sore to my eyes, but a jizzing orgasm to my funny bone.
Extemporanus: “AUTOGRAPHED CONFEDERATE BEDSPREAD!” And jizz-stained by Blurtin’ Joe, himself!
not sed and awk? not even perl or python? how about PL/I?
there replies at The Examiner suggest ol’ Joe was a patriot.
hobospacejunkie: Sapphire and Steel have been assigned!
Ahhh…yumley Lumley. *sigh*
TGY: YOU LIE…ON IT!
bank of america doesn’t accept falling to the lobby floor, balling up in a fetal position, and sobbing like a baby in payment, either. or at least they didn’t last time i tried it, which was monday morning.
Anybody up for a GOOD TROLLING?
http://www.campusreform.org/blog/k-state-to-host-conceal-carry-debate#comment-85
Just saying…
And Spitzer is INNOCENT, so you can just stop all that business.
Heh. We love us some Steve “Preposterous Badonkadonk” Cohen down here in Gracelandistan. He provides some much needed sanity from the other assclowns that populate the state. Our only worry is that he’s facing off with our former mayor, King Hater McCrazypants, in the next election, and insanity may very well prevail.
How much longer will it be before Young Riley gets spirited away by the corporate hacks at Viacom and becomes a Daily Show newest reporter as its Senior Preposterous Badonkadonk Correspondent??
shortsshortsshorts: Will the topless 18-year-old gun toting Libertarian New Hampshire girl who was just cleared of indecency charges be there?
Extemporanus: Infiniwin.
Oh, Riley, please tell me that in a sixty-nine your Riley nose will tickle my rear.
Pleeze…no more Cheney going soft references…I won’t be able to sleep tonite with the vision that headline conjured up in my mind!
Riely, you are so naive. Obviously the food is meant to be set just outside of the reach of Cheney’s prisoners, so that it decays in front of them as they starve.
LEAVE STEVEN COHEN ALONE!! [sobbing, incoherence, running mascara] Just LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!
Seriously, leave him alone. Dems are scarcer than hen’s teeth down here in the glorious border state, let alone white dudes who even realize black women get to vote.
S.Luggo: Epic liver FAIL.
How many LIBERALS does Dick Cheney have imprisoned in his basement, and why is he feeding them so well?
Perhaps he’s been trying out actual Nazi interrogation techniques. Giving nice shit to your best prisoners while their comrades are suffering makes them sing like birds.
So, how DID the confederacy end up with a bastardized version of the Union Jack, anyway?
SayItWithWookies: His heart wasn’t transplanted from a 15 year old volunteer at Bagram?
Darkness: Because they were informal colonies, largely dependant on British cotton mills buying their cotton. They thought this would guarantee British intervention to help them, but they were wrong.
Conan O’Brien –> Tim Schafer –> Riley Waggaman.