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After Today, The Foibles Of Kanye West Will No Longer Constitute “Breaking Political News,” Maybe

  • You, the worker, have actually been getting paid more, not less, over the last year.* (*Except if you are unemployed. Salaries of the unemployed have been comparatively static.) [New York Times]
  • The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff has joined most of Congress in thinking Obama’s idea about a new surge in Afghanistan is in fact a terrible one. [Times Online]
  • Bill Clinton, on one of his bimonthly goodwill visits to Earth, has endorsed attractive Californian Gavin Newsom for the position of Governor of California. [Los Angeles Times]
  • Police announced that Blagojevich’s former gal Friday, Christopher Kelley, who died of an overdose last weekend had previously tried to die of an overdose. [Chicago Tribune]
  • Some religious Southwesterners are fighting to keep Big Government from taking away their constitutional right to brew psychedelic tea, which … helps them with their God. [WSJ]
  • Here is your CLOSURE: Kanye West has apologized to Hilary Duff for his failure to observe congressional protocol. She was like, “Fine.” The end. [CNN]

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Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

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37 comments

  1. Mumbletypeg

    Members say the church is based on Christian theology but also borrows from other faiths and finds spirituality in nature.

    What Would Magog Do??

  2. slappypaddy

    we can all sleep easy tonight knowing that the kanye west crisis has been resolved. the implications for nuclear confrontation between east and west and north and south and center and periphery were dreadful to contemplate.

  3. Larry McAwful

    I used to work with a guy who looks exactly like Kanye West. He was a douchebag, too, and also hated the president. And he also thought he could sing. Then he moved to the South to become a preacher. He sucked.

    So yeah, Kanye West is a jackass.

  4. samsuncle

    RE: Kanye
    The 24 hour news cycle makes me nostolgic for the good ole days when we only had 30 minutes of network coverage and it was actually news.

  5. TGY

    one of his bimonthly goodwill visits to Earth

    So, in lieu of marriage or a torrid affair, how about dinner and a drink?

  6. slappypaddy

    [re=411896]Mumbletypeg[/re]: magog would gag. that stuff is vile. you drink it down, it makes you sick, then you take the kind of trip that used to be referred to has a “bummer.” it shares these traits with many other religions, though for most of them the effects are more metaphorical.

    i mean, you can imagine that if it were an easy and delightful way to meet your god, the church would have more than a few dozen members. the people of santa fe have more to fear from their own shadows than they do from the church of the bad trip. if they wanted to look at a religion to be frightened of, they have plenty of more prominent examples right there where they are. christianity can offer such a wealth of nightmares. just for an example, i’m sayin’.

  7. Monsieur Grumpe

    “The resulting tea is quite bitter and often induces intense vomiting and diarrhea.”
    This might be where the phrase worshipping at the porcelain alter originated.

  8. Come here a minute

    There may be disagreement about the number of US military troops in Afghanistan, but there is no question that there needs to be a surge in ass-crack vodka.

  9. the problem child

    Oh those nutty Bromfmans! Next thing you know, they’ll be selling tea out the back door in little bottles with XXX on them. Prohibition was so much fun and profitable!

  10. ManchuCandidate

    In US Americal, the stats boys only want happy news because lumping in unemployment just depresses them.

  11. Servo

    Intense vomiting and diarrhea?
    Too bad there wasn’t any complimentary iced tea made available at all those town hall meetings.
    “Keep yer hands off my..BLAAAA!”

  12. Darkness

    right to brew psychedelic tea, which … helps them with their God

    You know, if I thought there was an all powerful mind that had existed before the universe and had created the universe and He had human-like four limbs and two eyes, and I believed that he actually talked to me, personally . . . I’d stay doped up pretty heavily too.

  13. jasper f. krone

    Because the UDV is a bona fide church, it can build a house of worship almost anywhere in the county, as long as it complies with requirements for parking, waste disposal and the like

    I don’t understand. Can’t these Santa Fe Hippies trip their asses off without the Wall Street Journal getting involved? Do the Heroin Hobos of Williamsburg seek WSJ’s permission before nodding?

  14. Rotundo

    [re=411918]WadISay[/re]: Doesn’t he usually do this with a live one, starting from the rectum? The future will be round dark and unpleasant smelling!

  15. Darkness

    [re=411986]Kathryn.[/re]: I must be getting the wrong salad mix. I never have this. Or maybe it’s my dressing?

  16. gurukalehuru

    [re=411902]slappypaddy[/re]: The Bummer is in the head of the beholder.
    I used to do a fair bit of hallucinogenics as a wayward youth, but nobody offers old, fat, bald guys any cool drugs and my wife would flip and I wouldn’t want my kids to know so those days are probably over, but I totally support this church and if I were ever in the Santa Fe area, would love to drop in for a service, but as far as the god-seeing aspect of it, my take is that you can’t spell intoxicant without toxic, that is, essentially what you are taking is a mild dose of poison, which is cool, a little bit is great but too much will kill you, rather like driving too fast or diving too deep, and the reason you feel closer to God is like maybe because you fucking ARE,(of course presupposing the existence of aforesaid god which is a whole nother question) and that is a place you don’t necessarily want to be unless its time, so I am of mixed opinions, I had a couple of trips that started off pretty nasty but none that ended up that way and I must confess, I loved that stuff, so it’s a mixed bag and that’s how I feel about that.

  17. Way Cool Larry

    [re=411912]Bruno[/re]: I dunno. I smoked a lot of dope in my time, and never saw god. Psychedelics– that’s another story. There’s a book out there that said how the early Xians did a lot of shrooms– “The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross”.

    Although the coolest out of body experience I ever had was with nitrous oxide.

  18. jagorev

    Um. The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff said the exact opposite of what you think he said. Read the second paragraph of the article pls. Thx.

  19. Bowdoin

    I knew this puppy, see. She was very smart. Rather than just sit there and be ignored, she would jump up on somebody, be yelled at by her owner, cringe so adorably, and then be loved in compensation by all the forgivers present. It’s why kids act out, why celebrity racists rant at cops and rock stars burn down hotel rooms. Forgiving provides, according to Kipling, fame’s crepuscular curtain-call.

    This is supposed to tie into that West guy squib, not the Joint Chiefs.

  20. house of the blue lights

    Will someone please tell my employer that “salaries going up” means “workers get MORE money.” I don’t think she’s doing it right.

  21. The Lucky Republican

    Gavin Newsome’s politics and policies are great but nothing can make me vote for a creep that pulls an “Ensign” and sleeps with his (former) friend/employee’s wife.

  22. swayzeland

    Psychedelic Teabagging is when your one of your balls accuses the other of raping and murdering a young girl in 1990 and your penis responds by singing Revolution No. 9. Meanwhile, your dad is choking.

  23. Hooray For Anything

    [re=412134]The Lucky Republican[/re]: Newsom’s a month or two away (at most) from throwing in the towel so I have no idea why Bill decided to do what he did, unless he felt like helping out another bro who got in trouble for sticking things in places he shouldn’t have had while governing.

  24. LoweredPeninsula

    I love how the Los Angeles Times is covering the endorsement as if him choosing Newsom is some slap to Brown. For it to be a slap against Brown, he’d have had to consider Brown in the first place. But, in the media’s eyes, any candidate Bill would have chosen would have been ‘payback’ against Brown, huh? Nevermind that Newsom supported Hillary’s White House bid.

    Oh, and they are both adulterers, except that Newsom has amazing tastes in trysts. Jennifer Siebel. **drool**

Comments are closed.