Osama Has Literally Phoned It In For 9/11 This Year
by Juli Weiner 8:31 am September 14, 2009
- A BROKEN RECORD named Osama bin Laden released another tape. To review, likes: Islam, recording audio tapes, routine; dislikes: America, Israel, insolence. [Times Online]
- China is forcing the Chinese to pay very high taxes on, let’s see, American-made chickens and car parts. This aggressively random move is in response to Obama’s announcement on Friday that he was going to tax the shit out of Chinese tires. [New York Times]
- Green Revolution guy Dr. Norman Borlaug, who won the Nobel Peace Prize after he showed billions of people how to grow wheat more efficiently so as to avoid starving to death, has died. “Fields of Gold” will be especially relevant when it is inevitably played at his funeral. [WSJ]
- President Barack Obama is visiting Wall Street today to tell everybody to take responsibility for their actions, because this will help him institute financial reform eventually. It is an invaluable form of legislative savvy he has mastered. [Washington Post]
- Police found a body in a campus building and they think it belongs to that gal at Yale who was missing and is now dead, probably. [Los Angeles Times]
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{ 42 comments }
I know how Osama feels. I’m sitting on my porch in my tighty whiteys, typing my comments into my mobile phone. We are both just regular guys. Also, I’ve had my eyes on a badass set of Chinese tires (wtf?) for weeks, saving my renminbi for the glorious day I can trot those bad boys out of the showroom. Damn you, Nobama!
This is an old tape; if it was new, Osama would be gushing about Whitney Houston’s new album.
President Barack Obama is visiting Wall Street today to tell everybody to take responsibility for their actions
He will also tell people having sex for fun to get married, and everyone else to wear a sweater and crank down that thermostat this winter.
[re=410087]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Nobama has marxized your opportunity to buy Chinese tires on teh Free Marketsâ„¢!
~
I bought Chinese tires, once. Trouble is they only lasted only 20 miles before I had to get new tires.
Who is this Osama Fellow and what are cassette tapes? Why doesn’t he just call it in from his cellphone. Hmmmm… I can’t seem to remember what or when. What did he do that was so deadly? I guess I’ll just have to go to Burger King and get me some Medium Freedumb Fries.
Tires made by and out of Chinese. Recommended by Obama’s Death Panels.
I thought the Taliban was against audio tapes, as they had something to do with being satanic – or was that just those that tapes with recorded music?
(Maybe the bin Laden group has cornered the CD market in Afganistan, therefore meaning tapes are ban-worthy)
China, please do not increase the import duty on Peking Duck and those associated baby pancakes. I would be very very sad
[re=410093]Bruno[/re]: No, they just banned mix tapes, because of the RIAA.
[re=410092]Glenn Smeck[/re]: A la Soylent Green? “Chinese tires are people!!!!”
We will miss Dr. Norm, and the wheatness he brought to our lives.
I was listening to a person being interviewed on NPR yesterday who was working hard to explain exactly how increasing crop efficiency and feeding more people was a bad, bad thing.
I guess it depends if you and your family are among the folks who were raised out of near starvation by it.
I give credit to the Chinese for identifying American imports to China tax. That must have taken some work.
Wait, you mean the Chinese don’t make parts for American cars?
[re=410100]Terry[/re]:
True, but the “millions” of fatties huffing and puffing in the streets of DC at the Beck and Call of Glen do show the downside. For everyone helped by it there are others who stuff their faces with pancake/snausages on a stick and Cheetos.
[re=410100]Terry[/re]: But if we can teach them to enjoy genetically modified crops, they will grow to be more and more like us, or like jellyfish, or maybe monkey-rabbits.
[re=410102]slavojzizek[/re]: Actually it was easy, they just taxed both of them.
WaPo seems to thing the WH is loaded for bear on its trip to Wall St. I say, bull. Presidential testicles always seem to shrink when they come in contact with those schemers. This regulation campaign is coming way too late; look at the life insurance securitization scam gaining steam. Lamb to the slaughter (to completely abuse the furries metaphor). Ugh.
[re=410104]ManchuCandidate[/re]: For everyten helped by it there is one American being stuffed by the pancake/snausages-on-a-stick-and-Cheetos-industrial-complex.
JULI, PLS TLK AB KANYE WEST!!!
Osama should have had a DJ take all his pronouncements and mix them with some back-spinning for a re-release. “Osama’s Greatest Hits: Jihad Jammin’”
[re=410110]bitchincamaro[/re]: I thing; therefore I ham.
[re=410100]Terry[/re]: I had a professor in college who used to rant about the green revolution, always throwing in mentions of Monsanto, birth defects, and patents filed on living organisms. I think her point (and she was very senile, so it’s hard to say) was that many of the modified crops are controlled tightly so that farmers can’t harvest grain from one year’s crop to plan another, and have to buy seed year after year. I don’t know how true this is.
Everyone knows that the man behind 9/11 was caught in Iraq and hanged by the locals years ago. Who is this Osama chancer anyhow?
Re: Yale gal — FOUR BLOCKS anyone?
Norman Borlaug is my hero.
I looked at the title of this at least 5 times before realizing it said Osama not Obama…. Of course I am from South Carolina, and so is Kayne West.
[re=410103]Hart88[/re]: Yes, they do, actually.
Never forget, there is a Sting song for every occasion.
[re=410122]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: That’s the current lot of GM crops, not Borlaug’s. Yes, giving control of improving crops to Monsanto, and not the International Rice Insitute, like before, was a bad idea.
Chickens = Chinese slang for prostitutes. Taxing blonde hookers in China won’t work, though; they mostly come from Russia.
Are the parents of the Wall Street bankers going to keep their kids home from work today so that they don’t have to listen to Nazi Marxist propaganda?
1) American troops out of Saudi Arabia, check.
2) Saddam’s atheist non-burqa-enforcing ass put to bed with a shovel, check.
3) Israel to be isolated militarily and diplomatically, um… quick, let’s blow up Iran, now now now! Because shut up is why! (The U.K. has restricted the sale of weapons to Israel; won’t someone think of the British arms dealers? Maybe in retrospect, shelling and firebombing UN facilities every time the IDF mobilizes is actually a pretty freaking stupid policy. Incidentally, guess who supplies most of their cluster bombs? D’oh!)
I’m still waiting for a grand jury somewhere to hear evidence and actually indict OBL for blowing up those buildings. It’ll never happen, but I’m still waiting. Okay, he’s a dickweed, but if he wants to fart in our general direction, he kind of has a point. We’re getting ready to add another tombstone to the Graveyard of Empires, and once again OBL doesn’t have to do a damned thing.
THIS is what 23-dimensional chess looks like, kids. Letting your obnoxious opponents drown in their own bluff and rhetoric? Bin Laden doesn’t get heckled or attend town meetings. He just sends a birthday card once a year.
I don’t think the dead woman at Yale is news worthy, snark worthy, or a DC story so I think Wonkette should have skipped over it.
[re=410121]bitchincamaro[/re]: You’re getting Descartes before the horse.
[re=410150]SnarkNotFark[/re]: “There’s a hole in my heart as deep as a well for that poor little boy who’s stuck halfway to hell…”
[re=410122]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Wikipedia is the font of all knowledge, whether Helvetica or Arial or whatever.
[re=410122]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Your professor may have been senile, but on this point she was right. 6 Companies control 98% of the world’s seed sales.
So now we see why Obama wants to indoctrinate the school children with messages of Nazi-Communist responsibility so he can get that propaganda in them before he has to give it to them on Wall Street.
[re=410122]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: True.
[re=410210]TGY[/re]: Wow, there are a lot of words on that page. Would you mind summarizing it in a way that includes no more than two polysyllabic words?
I would have thought OBL would get more than play. Evidently OBL ♥ Kennedy (assassinated for opposing neo cons), Jimmy Carter (nice to Palistinians), and Obama(Black dudes are cool especially if they wear sun glasses)
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