Wonkette
Here’s another way to mark the inevitable passage of time since everybody was all nutty about the 9/11, eight years ago: Jenna Bush, fun-loving teen-aged drunkard of Smith Point and daughter of America’s worst president, is now so grown up and harmless that she’s going to do some video stuff for the Today program, which is a soothing combination of cooking tips and birthday greetings to 100-year-olds, early in the morning, because old people get up crazy early for no reason at all. Jenna! She’s married and is a teacher or something in Baltimore, too. [Baltimore Sun]
Will she be the show’s resident mixology expert?
no comment
Walter Cronkite is LOL-ing in heaven.
I actually thought that was Terri Schiavo at first glance. I am a bad, bad person.
Huh. She’s not a natural blonde? Shocking.
She’s been rebranded as “Jenna Hager” but she’ll always be Amurka’s lil cirrhotic whore-face darlin’!
I was hoping the Bush Twins would star in a remake of “The Patty Duke Show,” only this time the joke is that they don’t look anything alike and no one is fooled when they try to pass for each other but they’re just too drunk and stupid to care the end.
She’s already got a spot on Anchorbabes.com
http://anchorbabes.blogspot.com/2009/09/looking-forward-to-hot-jenna-bush-on.html
Nigerian Business Executive: Now that was funny. I like your handle, too.
OzoneTom: LOLing? Or wishing he was alive so he could kill himself?
Jenna Bush interviewing an 11-year-old motivational speaker — what the hell. That’s like a virgin sex therapist interviewing a blind eunuch.
Jenna is “Hager the Whore-able”.
Hey, could be worse — could’ve been Levi on the Today show and Jenna in Playgirl.
And where’s not-Jenna? In rehab, or out campaigning for Addison Graves Lou Gehrig Crohn Tay-Sachs Mesothileoma Montezuma’s Revenge WIlson?
She’ll report on where to buy crack in Ethiopia, I hope.
Both Bush brats remind me of one of my favorite quotes from “Casa Blanca”
Ugarte : You despise me, don’t you?
Rick : If I gave you any thought I probably would.
It’s kind of like that.
SomeNYGuy: I would watch that.
Can Jenna be any worse than that nasal droning Maria Shriver-Kennedy-Reaganegger-Roseanne-Arnold?
She’s probably less of a wingnut than the wingnut ladies in Fox’s stable of yappie shitzus. Blond bimbo Gretchen Carlson of Fox will call her a communist and America-hater.
proudgrampa: Thank you! I made it myself!
Zzzzz…
The Today Show has nightclub reporters?
Glad I don’t has me a teevee…
Anyone got pics of this Hager guy? Maybe I’ll go after him instead of fighting you for Levi.
I bet I hold my vodka better than Jenna.
SomeNYGuy: That killed me!
In that photo, her mouth is not open wide enough for . . . .
. . . well, you know.
I’m sorry, but that picture makes it look like she is ready to be bukkake blasted by Peter North.
Neilist: HAHA, dirty minds think alike jinx.
Yet The Baltimore Sun continues to lay off reporters. Will the refurbished Hubble Space Telescope be able to provide pictures of whatever BIZARRO PLANET this news emanates from?
They’ll have to find some way to keep her half-way sober first.
Jenna. She’s adorable.Got that mouth-breather gene from both mom AND pop!
proudgrampa: You should have seen his old avatar. Priceless! (as was his winny-win comment)
Extemporanus: Josh is so gonna kick you in the neuticles for that.
Neilist: finger?
Oh great, umpteen more years of Bushes. I miss the days when shame sent families moving out of town in the middle of the night.
All-time Bush twin quote: “Those cupcakes are crazy as barn-cats…”
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=thompson/040915
So, last week’s open thread meltdown was about Vin Jones and ZOMG TEH DRAMAZ! Now, the bait the editors have thrown at us is a Bush twin. Let’s see what we find in our very own internet petri dish come Monday morning!
I thought it would be fun if Jenna replaced Paul Abdul on “American Idol,” but I see they went with Mary Cheney instead.
Wow, Jenna as “education correspondent”, huh? Every child left behind– and then profiled!
Amusingly, Today recently got through firing its remaining real correspondents. And their first new correspondent hire after the bloodbath? Jenna fucking Bush. If any of the senior producers had any balls, they would walk the fuck out.
That said, she’s less annoying than Kathie Lee Gifford, so that’s something.
SomeNYGuy: If you pitched that to the right network, it would totally get picked up.
ALSO!
…not that I care, but simply for the record: this is super-old news in terms of modern news cycles since it happened like 3 days ago or so. And hooray, work day is ending here on the West Coast–I’m off to get coked out of my gourd. Happy weekend, y’all!
JUST MORE PROPAGANDA FROM THE LIEBERAL MEDIA
assistant/atlas: super-old news — Yes, but it needed just the right spot and look at the spot it got. Above the ad the Wonkette has photos of a fake mouse, a real monkey and then Jenna Bush. It’s old news but it’s super found its place.
I’ll definitely watch her interview Levi Johnston, but otherwise not so much.
shadowMark: And the fake mouse, the real monkey and the Jenna Bush all have their mouth open in something like inviting sexy pouting gapes… Although I think the fake mouse does the inviting sexy pouting gape best, the Jenna Bush does the inviting sexy pouting gape better than the monkey.
What’s all this talk about Jenna’s bush on the TV? Britne did it first.
Maus: Let me guess: You’re from South Carolina and your father married your aunt.
This has got to be the least appetizing First Daughter story since Vice President Agnew popped Julie Nixon Eisenhower’s cherry.
By the way, is it just me or does Jenna’s young beau bear a striking resemblance to David Berkowitz?
Save Mina, Van Helsing!
Ah, the grand tradition of Bush progeny earning their positions. Good thing this is American and we don’t have an aristocracy or anything.
Let’s face it. Try as we might, we’re all pikers compared to the nutters in making fun of the other party’s First Family. While some of you (looking at you, Extemporanus) land some solid punches, we’ve got nothing on “ghetto trash.”
I think she would be a natural for a Hee-Haw Reunion.
SomeNYGuy: That supposes that Agnew had enough of an IQ to find his way through yards of tafetta without William Safire guiding his crank.
But I mean this in a good way.
ALIVE!: How about “Spotted, corn-holing peckerwoods”?
At least there’s this FIT guy to look at.
she is a teacher like my family friend was a teacher. he was a coke addict and he had six fingers on each hand, not that There’s anything wrong with that. I’m sure he is still a teacher, a sub anyway
ALIVE!: Suitably admonished. Mouth-breathing troglodytes, we have not yet learned to show the same respect that you Brits do towards, e.g., the Royal Family.
http://www.propeller.com/story/2009/08/21/british-royal-family-concerned-after-queen-elizabeth-ii-beheads-7-tourists/groups/
ALIVE!: You guys use Ni88er daily. You’re ahead of thee wingnuts with that one.
Good for NBC, plunging the dagger into the almost-dead body of journalism by hiring someone with zero qualifications for the job.
Regardless, I would hit that like a red-headed stepchild.
Jenna Jameson would be so much better informed, and nobody’s “red-headed stepchild”.
SWEET. More news to not watch.
If NBC films To Catch a Predator in Baltimore, maybe Hubby Henry will turn into a TV star, too.
Joshua Norton: That’s a Gary Cooper line from The Fountainhead as well, so Rand stole it.
ACORNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheat-sheet/item/us-census-drops-acorn/scandal/?cid=cs:headline1
Will she tell us how not to go to jail, even after being picked up with crack cocaine hidden in your shoe? Something that doesn’t involve choosing your parents carefully?
Neilist: When I first saw it, I thought it was a gang rape waiting to happen.
SomeNYGuy: Is that for real? I’d never heard it before, yet it’s incredibly juicy.
zhubajie: Nothing about Julie Nixon Eisenhower has ever been or could ever be described as “incredibly juicy.”
I’m sorry..I didn’t read the whole thing, because, afterall, it is just about another Bush whore. Did she show her pussy again, or something, for public money, again? Or did she show her pussy and decide that made her brilliant enought to to get a job with a network? I’m really confused why Jenna’s bush is on this site!
sense Tim Pawlenty lovez the 10th so mutch he must have benz ejumakatid by a Jenna Bush type. iz sent a email reminding him that Minnesota is not a repub state it is a farm/labor state and not to forget it!
who am I kidding he will be our next prez hooray for tha tards
And where are these “balls” our Wonkette was supposed to have? My drier eats them all the time. FINE. LAURA BUSH. I prefer Norm Coleman, but you have a liberal evil agenda here. This place is full of godless heathens.
“She’s married and is a teacher or something in Baltimore, too.”
A teacher in Baltimore, you say? My condolensces…both to Jenna and the children she’ll have to fail. Balitmore, after all, is Philly’s STD-ridden, more stabby-shooty sister. And, I have permission to say this because I’m from Detroit.
Damn, Kirstie Alley’s career has went way downhill since “Cheers.”
I wonder how many Bloody Marys they had to agreed to have ready for her when she shows up in the morning?
Is Wonkette liveblogging the thousand moran klan rally on the Potomac tommorrow? hahaha…I guess no one volunteered to work the weekend to watch a bunch of sweaty overweight retirees whining and crying about how black our president is.
Did Jenna go to the Baltimore ACORN office for assistance in finding this job? Did she get discounted membership dues?
I know her skill-set has to do with children and reading. Still, she can pet my goat.
Happy 9-11 Afterglow, everybody!
Snark freely, please, but remember - Jenna’s half librul. Sure, she’s camouflaged behind that Bible-belt bottle blonde hair… but note her do’s subtle “not huge and hairsprayed” dimensions. *And* she’s a socialist schoolteacher. Have you considered that she may be a Fifth Columnist?
Honestly, I figured within a year or two of Daddy leaving the White House she’d have locked in a job as a spokesmodel for some really cheap vodka.
yawn
Why are her shoes on? Why is she not pregnant? Why is she talking? Is she wearing pants? What kind of Republican is she?
????
Does this mean wonketeers will be reduced to standing in that douchebag crowd with their glitter glue signs about how cool they think the Radio City Christmas show is? If we are serious warbloggers and want to go national, we’ll need some volunteers to paint faces, make vulgar signs about the relative viscosity of Jenna’s cooter (”My Love for Jenna Is Dripping Out of Me!!!”), and otherwise do the legwork. And if Al Roker comes over to you, activate the device.
El Pinche: When’s it going on? I say all bets are off for a crappy Jenna Bush weekend drop — livecomment the teatards!
America’s Sweetheart? I must protest!
I fear no one will get his, or if they do, I shall be chastised for my poor taste in music!
I was hoping for a Jenna segment from ground zero on 9-11-09.
Bars, shoe stores, out door dining and what not in the neighborhood.
About the only thing I want to see Junna (Bush) Hager in involvolves no talking, as that orifice is filled.
AKAM80TheWolf: I AM WITH YOU NOW. MY THOUGHTS ARE YOURS. TELL ME ABOUT THE GLANDS.
Jennuh Bush and her “News Cooter”?
Hey! Completely off topic and not from (near) DC.
Apparently, the t-baggers/truthers/birf certificates/…/…./ have converged in DC to protest the nigger kenyan president. Question is, are the Wonkerrati going to live blog these asshats? Please, Please
Nigerian Business Executive: She looks like she’s in a persistent vegetative state, but from this 72 dpi image viewed through my soon-to-die monitor suggests that she’s going to be just fine.
I’m a doctor of philosophy, so don’t y’all try this at home.
If anyone wants to lay the butthurt on the 9/12 teabagger assholes, there’s an open, unmoderated liveblog on the National Taxpayer’s Union website commemorating the event - Some Kossacks have already salted the earth, but everyone knows that Wonketeers are needed to perform the job properly.
http://blog.ntu.org/main/post.php?post_id=4859
Monsieur Grumpe: “Why is she not pregnant?”
I’ve honestly been wondering the same thing. As far as I know, going on TV does not give one a baby bubble. I know some ppl ready and waiting for a call to doody / booty…
DangerousLiberal: My philosophy is sick, can you write a script?
Anita Dickens-Hyde: Now that was tooooo easy. Something is amiss.
DangerousLiberal: Please for to have identical pose pic of Dame Noonieblossom.
widget09: Let us hope that the intrepid Wonkett Staff are at said 9/12 teanut rally, ready to record every second of the madness.
Either that, or they sent Riley over with an iPhone.
Is she gonna read My Pet Wild Turkey?
Pardon, but hasn’t the photo from this story been switched accidentally with the photo from the “Filipino Monkey” story?
Oh my fucking fake deity — Dick Armey just spoke and after he left the stage, they turned up the music — it’s Ray Charles’ version of America the Beautiful. So if you hear a whirring sound, you know what it is.
It would be really horrible if Jenna were embarrassed on live teevee. But we all know that won’t happen because Jenna got this job by her talent alone and no other reason. It would be even worse if someone were to post the video here on Wonkette.
SayItWithWookies: The irony of that choice of music is, well, ironic. Unless Ray Charles was a Secret Negro Republican, y’know, like the kind who brings automatic rifles to teabag events!
“Breaks my heart, a boy that young goin’ bad.”
friendlyskies: Nice try, but if she’s a Fifth Columnist, she’s doing a great job of staying behind enemy lines. Jenna had her chance to escape the life Daddy’s built for her. Instead, she chose to hook up with one Henry Chase Hager, son of a former lieutenant governor of Virginia who’s a muckety-muck among Richmond Republicans. Worse yet, according to the Washington Post’s Reliable Source column, “young Hager got his start … as an intern in the White House for Karl Rove and later moved to the Bush-Cheney reelection campaign. ‘He’s a nice guy, a smart guy, an ambitious guy,’ a Bush adviser told us.” He’s now working for an energy company and I would guess its mission isn’t getting heating oil to the poor.
It opened with Bruce Springsteen on FNC
Dammit, Fox is showing the Gator/Troy slaughter — anybody know what’s going on with the teatarders?
hoosiermama: One of the newspeople mentioned something about a lot of boos from the crowd and Dick Armey went running into the crowd because he thought he heard them say “a lot of booze”.
“The men and women in our military didn’t fight and die for this country for a communist in the White House,” she says, and the crowd erupts in a chant of “U-S-A, U-S-A!”
Wake up Wonkette, this is the Glen Beck inspired craziness goings on in your own back yard.
First Meghan McCabe now this. Connections are everything in this country, just like the rest of the world. Fuck it.
The signers of the Declaration of Independence pledged their fortunes to each other? SOCIALISTS!!!
Pumalicious at Rumproast informed us that there’s an unmoderated 9/12 liveblog at the National Taxpayer’s Union: http://blog.ntu.org/main/post.php?post_id=4859
It’s awfully easy, too: no email, just name and comment, done!
Isn’t that interesting?
President Beeblebrox: hmmm yes…reminds me of a timeless quote from one of cinematic histories greatest endeavors:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lv8xFI32hJM
Fly Over Girl: In the South, they have stupid nicknames like ‘Skeeter’ and ‘Cooter’. I think her sign off should be, “I’m Skeeter Bush, Your News Cooter”.
Jenna & Meghan. Hot & naked.
Jukesgrrl: Those Richmond Republicans are the worst, as they are the type of cultivated Southern aristocrats that can couch their biases in language that sounds reasoned. Growing up a liberal Jew in Virginia, those preppy, UVA-legacy bourbon swillers used to make me nuts.
imissopus: They’s JEWWWSSS in da Souf? I thought they were all expelled by the white Christian gentility like they did in England and Spain.
President Beeblebrox: Nah. They like the religious right likes to have Jews around for the same reason they like Israel. Apocalyptic stuff. Re-built Temple, seven angels with bowls, many-headed beasts, etc. Jews and Israel are tangible evidence that its all real and about to go down.
Hanging head in shame, but I watched Glenn Beck a little today. I actually see how he takes in these people, because he starts out with stuff that many reasonable would agree with–that’s how he hooks them–and then he starts the crazy stuff. Did he intern under Hitler or something?
hoosiermama: I’m hoping for the DC police to break out the dogs and fire hoses.
After all, if they want to be an oppressed minority, let them get the full effect.
What?! No Glenn Beck coverage!?
Why is my Wonkette covering it up?!
Smoke Filled Roommate:
She must also speak like Dixie Carter; gives the secessionists li’l ol’ chubbies.
“Ah dew de-clare…”
She looks like a trannified version of Dubya. She has the same squinty, beady eyes that are much too close together. Barbara is more attractive (the twin, not the former First Lady).
I love Wonkette, but I am sad that there has been no coverage of the DC tardfest today. That is all.
All of Wonkette is in the future! Last time stamp is 6:41, but my clock says 5:55! SOCIALISM! (Sorry, that’s all I’ve got folks. If you want me commenting on random hot people, please do a thread about Mr. Fit)
chascates: is this Bush sandwich open-faced, as well? Just askin’
. . . In other news, a henchman of Rod Blagodicks has died of an ‘aspirin overdose’.
So what Jenna’s a drunk and a bratty little bitch. She’ll always be daddy’s girl.
hoosiermama: Yes, and it’s a hot mess. Neither one should be allowed to drive afterward.
RoscoePColtraine: She probably wouldn’t have much of a broadcast career if the car had hit a speed bump at exactly the moment that picture was snapped.
BlueStateLibtard: Did he intern under Hitler or something?
I laughed big ho-ho-ho’s on that nifty bit of phrase-ation.
Well, unintended truth-telling from the 912ers: http://mypict.me/upload/0/9/72/9072446.jpg (That’s slang for drunk where I live.)
Someone requested an Invader Zim/Joe Wilson internet artifact so….
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/98854418-Invader-Joe?offset=0&owner=czn939
Oh, Wonkett… how you have disappointed me. Today’s 912 teabag rally was full of racist comedy and all we got was this Jenna Bush article to comment on.
snarkopolitan: Anita Dickens-Hyde: Thanks for sharing http://blog.ntu.org/main/post.php?post_id=4859
Well worth the price of admission. Check it out before daddy comes home and throws all the cool kids out.
the problem child: My heart swells with eagle tears when I read those comments.
I can’t help thinking that, if Intern Riley weren’t so busy sexing up the blingee winners from yesterday, he’d have fielded the 912 wingnut festival.
http://image.blingee.com/images17/content/output/000/000/000/5e4/514052297_1271117.gif?4
Smoke Filled Roommate: Aaaagh! My eyes! Too busy, you should have taken out a couple of cans of beer and put in more Bush-and-Osama-Making-Out blingee gif magik.
President Beeblebrox: And the stars and bars is not a racist symbol. It is more about heritage than hate, I believe. And that heritage is remembering how you badly you got the crap kicked out of you during the War of Northern Aggression. I believe.
wheelie: Looks like suicide. Someone should’ve told this dude that life is a fucking valuable thing. You don’t just give it away.
OMG. I was looking for images of the protests. Google image “tea party,” then “teabagger” or “teabagged.”
Jukesgrrl: I just looked up Henry’s father on Wiki. Good God, that’s what he’s going to look like when he gets older? Game over. lol More important than any of that is that it seems the guy can’t hold and office, which is more pitiful than anything. I don’t see anything to say he’s terrible as Republicans go, but his resume looks like that of a hanger-on and party insider, and they are generally not very genuine people (I’m trying to be kind).
hoosiermama: Disagree. It’s a symbol of terrorism. It may as well be alternating stripes of iron crosses and pinochet signatures, with fifty seven-headed cobras on a blue field.
Huffpo has a pretty good slide show of teabag photos. One sign reads “Obama: More Czars than USSR”
If he had even a single czar, that would be more that USSR? Help?
jasper f. krone: In America, you have czars. In Soviet Russia, czars HAVE YOU!
Srsly, what did you expect from a crowd that hates the idea of a single-payor system but luvs its Medicare because they wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford to buy Rascals and CPAP devices after being struck with diabetes from consuming too many Crystal Burgers and sweet tea?
I was at the scene of the crime today (not the teaparty, Elephant Butte). No evidence of Bloody Marys crashing into Floating Irishes, but the boat rental lady at the marina has been deluged with phone calls. She was all like, “sorry, that was the other marina”.
But seriously, President Beeblebrox, 20% of the parking spaces there were handicapped, occupied by Yukons and Suburbans with Rascal trailers in tow. AT A MARINA!! IN THE DESERT!!
I don’t know the context of that pixxx, but that guy looks like he has the sad. I’m assuming the thought he was going to get laid, then he smelled a vomit-like burp
Athar: “Let me guess: You’re from South Carolina and your father married your aunt.”
maybe i should have been *more* sarcastic
So when do Jenna and the rest of the clan flee to Paraguay?
Alpha O. Mega: “Looks like suicide”. It’s a homicide investigation, which means suicide will be the conclusion.
It’s beginning to look like we’re going to trial!