glenn beck

TeeVee's Glenn Beck.ALL OF THIS IS FACTUAL TRUTH: “So thank fucking christ that the Commander in Chief is no longer subjecting the nation to death porn. No, this year it’s limited to a nutty little cult leader on basic cable who is encouraging his radicalized band of fanatical followers to invade the cities where the tragedy actually happened in order to shock the populace back into fear. Glenn Beck is an actual terrorist, and the people attending his rally in DC tomorrow are al-Qaeda in America.” [Alex Pareene]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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83 comments

  1. ManchuCandidate

    Pareene,
    AQ called and they’re pissed that you associated them with Glen Bekc and his band of angry ‘tards. They have standards, too.

  2. V572625694

    Since it’s 9/11 Nostalgia Day, Ken, perhaps you’d like to reprise the Hunter Thompson quote you ran a while back. It was pretty pertinent and prescient.

    /trucknutz

  3. Oldskool

    [re=409363]V572625694[/re]: We could substitute Beck for Nixon in Thompson’s eulogy sending him down a drainage ditch in LA. Still makes me laugh.

  4. Kev-O-Tron

    That is EXACTLY how I’ve felt about this for the last eight years. After 9/11 when I would tell people from, oh say, Oklahoma that I was in Queens that morning they would look at me like I had leprosy or something.

    Well, if Obama really is a terrist than the teabaggers can count on a 747 making an unexpected landing wherever they’re holding the little conservative circle jerk tomorrow.

    Hey? Where’s the Children’s Treasury of 9/11 art? I need my Space Jesus guys.

  5. widget09

    It would be awesome if they all wore Mickey Mouse ears. I think this is the culmination of the T-Bagger Express that was on tour around the country. If only all of the non teabaggers would collectivly moon the T-Baggers, they might get the message. This would be very difficult to coordinate.

  6. GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=409373]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: It’s funny how people who live more than a thousand miles away from New York can be more “traumatized” by 9/11 than the people who were actually there.
    We can thank TeeVee news and FOX for this lovely social phenomenon.

  7. Joshua Norton

    Sometimes an unanswered question hangs heavily in the air, while history itself makes pause. Faint hearts yearn for a champion to step forward and fearlessly prick the despot’s glassy bubble of invulnerable hubris with a rhetorical épee. The very angels of liberty hold their breath.

    Then there are the times when everything is ruined by a deluded, screaming fartsack with a microphone.

  8. Limeylizzie

    [re=409373]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: I loved the fat fuck Southerners who came to NYC in the months after 9/11 and roamed the “Ground Zero Tourist and Souvenir Mecca” with flags coming out of every orifice ..they were SO willing to take a bullet for the President.I have lived in NYC for 11 years and have never gone down to that place, so I suppose that made me a traitor until the annointing of our Muslin/Hawaiian Overlord.

  9. GreatOldOnesParty

    Am I the only person that finds an ominous undertone to the “9 Principles and 12 Values”

    And this is bullshit: “The day after America was attacked we were not obsessed with Red States, Blue States, or political parties. We were united as Americans…”
    Why?
    Well, thanks to his buddies at FOX all of that has been undone and we are now obsessed more than ever with Red States, Blue States and political parties, also.

  10. GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=409393]Limeylizzie[/re]: Now, aforementiond fat fuck Southerners want to put a bullet IN the President.

  11. Carl Spakler

    I’m just wondering how our fair city plans to welcome the fruit-bat/birfer/Joe Wilson fan club convention tomorrow?

  12. Kev-O-Tron

    [re=409383]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: For real. I lived in a Pakistani/Afghan neighborhood in Queens and I mostly remember my neighbors being very distressed and upset. The whole population of NYC sort of smoked a collective cigarette, drank some beers and started cleaning shit up.

    Of course it was a really sad time and I still get sad thinking about my experience that day but COME the FUCK ON with all the despair and anguish. Michele Malkin is prattling on about Obama working with Habitat for Humanity today AFTER he went to the South Lawn and got his 9/11 on. I’m curious…what’s the appropriate way to spend the day if you’re a Real American? Take the day off and watch Fox all day in your 9/11 T-shirt and other assorted gear with colors that “don’t run”?

  13. Death Panel Wagon

    I seem so recall “united we stand” being the motto, and letting the president do his job and shit. Is that what Becky wants?

    Today, we all have 912 dripping out of us. Messy!

  14. V572625694

    [re=409396]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]:

    Principle 1: Be afraid all the time.
    Principle 2: Government is evil!
    Principal 3: A check from the government will make me less afraid.

  15. Gallowglass

    [re=409396]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: Can you still call it an undertone if he’s screaming it in your face? I hate that man. You could light him on fire and it still wouldn’t be enough.

  16. GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=409399]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: I live in Tempe, which is right next to Mesa, AZ where the Sikh 7-11 store-owner was gunned-down by some hick with “9-11 Shock Syndrome”.

  17. Snarkalicious

    Not helping really hard in the other direction = bringing balance to the national discourse. Promise.

  18. nader paul kucinich gravel

    Ventura Sheehan Perot Paul Nader McKinney Kucinich Kaptur Gravel Gonzalez Clemente Choate Carter Baldwin Anderson

    Israel-first dual-nationals of AIPAC
    Willful major media disinformation
    Federal Reserve scam
    Anthrax intimidation
    9/11 sham

  19. GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=409408]nader paul kucinich gravel[/re]: Thanks for the Paultard quiz cheat-sheet. But what about the essay questions?

  20. jasper f. krone

    [re=409369]dave666[/re]: It only let me sign once! Now I have to walk ALL THE WAY DOWN THE HALL to my other computer.

  21. SayItWithWookies

    [re=409399]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Charity is one of those things that’s great until the president (well, this one in particular) embraces it, at which point it’s the epitome of the great socialist takeover.
    You’d think if it was one of those great American qualities that the terrorists hated us for, we’d all be out practicing it — which is why I was much more of a promiscuous atheist after 9/11 than before — but every time President Obama mentions service, the Malkins and Becks yell “Hitler Youth” and fearmonger about indoctrination. All I can imagine is their conservative worldview must be a real house of cards if one day at Habitat for Humanity or a fifteen-minute speech in the nation’s classrooms can turn so many kids away from it.

  22. hobospacejunkie

    [re=409417]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: [re=409416]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: This jackoff disappeared for a while. Now it’s back with the retarded political doggerel. It speaks a language only taught at Clown College.

  23. Guppy06

    [re=409408]nader paul kucinich gravel[/re]: Do we really want Wonkette’s pagerank to go in that direction, especially on Rudy Giuliani day?

  24. dijetlo

    You people are ruining the day for Dick Cheny with your snarky snark, this is the closest he gets to sexy-time all year long. It’s probably breaking his heart…well the contraption they installed to replace his heart, as he’s reading these comments from his secret lair.
    YOU’RE MAKING OUR NATIONAL CYBORG CRY, CUT IT OUT

  25. June Cleaver 2.0

    You know, one of my daughter’s classmates died in one of those towers. He was a nice kid too, and his mom had just died the year before of cancer. At his memorial, his dad just stared at his picture, looking so sad. The dad died a year later, I don’t know what of, maybe a broken heart. I hate Glenn Beck and the Republics for making every effing thing a political stunt. At long last, have they no decency?

  26. The Other Sarah T

    Thank you thank you thank you, Alex Pareene : Finally someone’s summed up exactly what I’ve wanted to say to non-New Yorkers – and especially to Red State non-New Yorkers – for 8 long years…

  27. GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=409438]June Cleaver 2.0[/re]: The day before 9-11 my Uncle had just sent his best friend of 20 some-odd years to run their New York office, which was in tower 1 and he died in the attack. And another friend of the family died in the Bali bombings. And still, we aren’t nearly as bad or full of venom as people who lost nothing on that day but a shattered sense of superiority.

  28. Johnny Zhivago

    Alex hits the nail on the head – and as an actual ex-New Yorker, who came really, really, really close to being in the wrong place that day, I can verify that I spent the next month very, very drunk! :)

    I have to admit though that the evening of 9/11, when Bush spoke, I had this weird feeling that “maybe he’s not such a bad guy afterall”. Undoubtedly there is some scientific explanation for this, but fortunately it only lasted a few hours.

  29. Johnny Zhivago

    [re=409422]Guppy06[/re]: Where is Rudy??? What does he hide in his full length Burka on 9/11 these days???

  30. Brendan M.

    Ken, this Pareene character seems pretty smart. Perhaps you should consider hiring to work for Wonkette?

  31. June Cleaver 2.0

    [re=409442]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: Yes, you’re so right. The angriest, twisted up faces are always the ones who “lost” in the abstract, but no real sons, no flesh and blood daughters or friends. They send other people’s sons to war, even when they have five of their own, and not one brave enough to put on combat gear.

    Anyway, God be with those who we lost. And God send all Republics to hell. Because by now, they know better.

  32. Oldskool

    [re=409438]June Cleaver 2.0[/re]: ” have they no decency?”

    Nah. They believe decency is for pansies. Somewhere along the way, prolly in the Atwater era, they came to believe bullies may not be admired but they usually get their way.

  33. BlueStateLibtard

    [re=409442]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: Ugh, your words remind me of the most most nauseating experience I ever had. A few days after 9/11, I was in an “upscale” shopping area in a wealthy metro suburb, when these two dingbats in their ridiculous Hummer decked out with flags started whizzing around and shouting. “U.S.A, U.S.A.!” I kid you not.

  34. surfacenoise76

    The creepiest thing to me is still the fact that some (mega-) churches wanted (and got!) pieces of the WTC wreckage. It strikes me as wrong on so many levels ( and I’m a Southerner, so I’m fairly accustomed to kooky religious nonsense).

  35. bitchincamaro

    [re=409399]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: There’s a Greek Orthodox church here in Astoria (Qns), with a pair of blue bulbous turrets on top that some local patriot wingnuts mistook for muslin minarets on 9/12 and began stalking and threatening, requiring the local Greek vigalanties to a 24/7 stake-out for about a week. Haahaaa. True story.

    Don’t you miss Queens?

  36. doxastic

    [re=409408]nader paul kucinich gravel[/re]: I’ll take Libertarian tone poems for a $1000, Alex. What is Paultard Word Cloud?

  37. Prof. Junk

    Speaking of exploitive douchebags… Did anyone else have to right the date over and over again today, and hear Rudy Guiliani’s voice saying “Nine eleven” every time they did it?

  38. The Church of Realism

    [re=409388]Suds McKenzie[/re]: Today is, in fact, my official bird serftifikat day. And I’m taking it back. I intend to saw off Glenn Beckkk’s diseased cock and feed it to Jonah Goldberg, for America.

  39. Kev-O-Tron

    [re=409518]bitchincamaro[/re]: That’s fucking crazy! I lived right off Steinway for a while and then fourtieth and Ditmars. Yes, I miss the delicious Greek food on Ditmars… That and the strip clubs under the Queensboro bridge.

  40. Studebaker Hoch

    I think tommorow would be a perfect day for New Yorkers to have a Tea Party of their own. Take all the fat , pasty , Teatoddlers and throw them in the Hudson River.

  41. Athar

    Think someone at the big rally tomorrow will hang a “No coloreds allowed!” banner across the front of the Lincoln Memorial?

  42. m_supercomputer

    Ah, I saw about 3 of these crazy douches on the metro today – pasty white dudes in flat tax t-shirts who were too dumb to figure out that maybe they shouldn’t stand in front of the train doors when a few dozen people have to get out. Apparently public transportation isn’t actually socialism, if these patriots are willing to use it.

  43. Hooray For Anything

    [re=409399]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Maybe he wouldn’t have gotten criticized by Malkin et al if he went to do his Habitat for Humanity thing in a flight suit or if he helped fellow Habit for Humanity folks go through poor neighborhoods and put American flags in their lawns. Maybe even beat up a few members of ACORN while doing so. 9/12, bitches!

  44. Johnny Zhivago

    [re=409517]surfacenoise76[/re]: Yeah, but most of it probably got shredded, shipped to China, melted down and is now for sale as lawn chairs at Wal-Mart, so Mr. and Mrs. US America can sit on their fat asses watching Fox News and be convinced Al Queda is still plotting to bomb their local shopping mall.

  45. tootsieroll

    [re=409526]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Oh you guys!

    I grew up in Woodside— the part scrunched in between Astoria and Jackson Heights. God I miss Steinway St. Both my Nanas lived in Astoria.

    I wrote to my sister (who still lives there) this morning:
    “The Times has link to an archive of personal video footage from that day, from all over the city.
    It is fucking amazing. And sad. Not sure if you are into seeing something like that. This woman from Brooklyn caught the second plane hit, and then you see her capturing papers floating over her, and she picks them up and says, shit this stuff is from over there…
    I wasn’t there. I felt like my whole connection to the city was lost that day, because I left and didn’t live through it, you know?”

    So yeah. Fuck Glenn Beck and the little boys he rode in on.

  46. DustBowlBlues

    Speaking of Oklahoma (and fuck you very much for dragging us into this, Kev), a friend who owns a livestock auction barn (first step to unspeakable cruelty for cattle) claimed that, after the Big Day, sale barns around the country (I take that to mean a few ag people like the one who told this story–virulently conservative) saw “middle eastern looking people” standing across the road from sale barns, just lookin’ . Presumably, that was the place they intended to start poisoning our precious meat supply, rather than waiting for the fast food burger joints to do it for them.

    Remember the DC sniper? Another “friend” of ours who’s lived his whole life in rural OK, informed my husband that it was Al Queda, he was pretty sure. When my husband told me that I laughed out loud.

    This is one of those days when I’m glad the satellite dish includes “Broadway’s Best” on the radio teevee. America’s collective victimization obsession: Let me tell you how 9/11 made me feel. No, let me tell you how I felt. Etc. I don’t even want to hear any more about the way it made New Yorkers feel.

  47. DustBowlBlues

    [re=409405]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: A horrible and believable story. I was in OKC when the Murrah building blew up, and remember that a few middle eastern “looking” (I think they were actually South Indian) (And I don’t mean Chickasaws) were harrassed–garbage thrown over their lawns. I was back in my Seattle that evening and said that I hoped it was a white Christian man who did it, because it would just be easier.

    About the only time my fucking fairy godmother chose to answer my wish. Come to think of it, Tim McBeck pretty much blends, rhetorically.

  48. BlueStateLibtard

    [re=409582]DustBowlBlues[/re]: You are a wise person, despite the fact that you live in flyover-land.

  49. One Yield Regular

    Thanks to all of you in D.C. tomorrow who may be there to offer a response to our American Taliban – though God Weeping Eagle knows why in hell you’d want to mix those people. But if you do go, don’t forget to bring your giant posters underscoring etiquette for displays of the American flag; that should provoke some excellent reactions.

  50. DustBowlBlues

    [re=409442]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: ” full of venom as people who lost nothing on that day but a shattered sense of superiority”

    Damn, GOOP. I don’t read wonkette for thoughtful insight. Now you’ve gone and ruined it for me. To be honest, okies carry on about 9/11 more than they do the Murrah Building. If you recall, those were people who were, literally, targeted because they were working for the federal government. When will Sean O’Rushbeck start proudly displaying Tim McVeigh tributes?

  51. DustBowlBlues

    [re=409438]June Cleaver 2.0[/re]: “I hate Glenn Beck and the Republics”

    But I love you for being a part of the movement to drop the an off Republican the way they do the ic off Democratic. If it weren’t for the wonkeratti, I would hate everyone tonight. Maybe I’ll pack teabags to the Health Care Reform march on Sunday and throw them at hecklers and yell, “Go teabag yourself.”

  52. DustBowlBlues

    [re=409525]The Church of Realism[/re]: Happy birthday. Sorry you have to share it with so many attention-grabbing selfish, self-pitying dickwads.

  53. GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=409614]DustBowlBlues[/re]: sorry. I lapse into seriousness from time to time.

    Oh, btw, will Ken/Jim/Juli/Intern Riley be covering Beck’s 9/12 event LIVE for us faithful Wonkeratti?

  54. S.Luggo

    [re=409452]rocktonsammy[/re]: Agreed. And let’s get beyond December 7, 1941, too. And the Lincoln assassination and the day JFK died. And every other bloody event that turned history inside out.

  55. LoweredPeninsula

    Anyone remember the name of the death mouse in the picture, up top? I believe he like the Palestinian Barney, only he teaches children how horrible Jews are, right?

  56. nader paul kucinich gravel

    [re=409421]hobospacejunkie[/re]: [re=409421]hobospacejunkie[/re]:
    Thank you so much for your honesty, compassion, intelligence, and guts.

  57. KilgoreTrout_XL

    “So thank fucking christ that the Commander in Chief is no longer subjecting the nation to death porn.” Well done, Pareene.

    I’ve always thought that the worst part of 9/11 wasn’t that day, though it was plenty awful.
    It was the disgraceful way the names of the dead were so unashamedly and so quickly manipulated into political capital by some of the most cynical and low group of people you could even think of, and how effortlessly these same monsters were able to convince so many fucking idiots, for so long, that they were right.

    [re=409652]nader paul kucinich gravel[/re]: Hey! So you’re new here, huh? That’s cool. Now fuck off.

  58. nader paul kucinich gravel

    There are children standing here
    Arms outstretched into the sky
    Tears drying on their face
    He has been here
    Brothers lie in shallow graves
    Fathers lost without a trace
    A nation blind to their disgrace
    Since he’s been here

    And I see no bravery
    No bravery in your eyes anymore
    Only sadness

    Houses burnt beyond repair
    The smell of death is in the air
    A woman weeping in despair says
    He has been here
    Tracer lighting up the sky
    It’s another families’ turn to die
    A child afraid to even cry out says
    He has been here

    And I see no bravery
    No bravery in your eyes anymore
    Only sadness

    There are children standing here
    Arms outstretched into the sky
    But no one asks the question why
    He has been here
    Old men kneel and accept their fate
    Wives and daughters cut and raped
    A generation drenched in hate
    Yes he has been here…

  59. Custersdeadhorse

    [re=409482]Brendan M.[/re]: He is a former employee of Wonkette, and I think worked for Ken, or are you snarking?

  60. widget09

    [re=409662]nader paul kucinich gravel[/re]: Ah, a reference to 1940′s Germany, it really is the Jews fault, just ask your leader, Dr Paul. Perhaps the poem was written by a Dresden survivor.

  61. liquiddaddy

    [re=409662]nader paul kucinich gravel[/re]: I don’t get it. Dude, if you want to talk about butt sex, we’re here for you.

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