DEATH OF DEATH PORN  4:42 pm September 11, 2009

by Ken Layne

TeeVee's Glenn Beck.ALL OF THIS IS FACTUAL TRUTH: “So thank fucking christ that the Commander in Chief is no longer subjecting the nation to death porn. No, this year it’s limited to a nutty little cult leader on basic cable who is encouraging his radicalized band of fanatical followers to invade the cities where the tragedy actually happened in order to shock the populace back into fear. Glenn Beck is an actual terrorist, and the people attending his rally in DC tomorrow are al-Qaeda in America.” [Alex Pareene]

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Hola wonkerados.

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ManchuCandidate September 11, 2009 at 4:48 pm

AQ called and they’re pissed that you associated them with Glen Bekc and his band of angry ‘tards. They have standards, too.

Extemporanus September 11, 2009 at 4:52 pm

Did someone say “porn”? Well, alright, if you insist…

Levi Johnston Bares All!

Fappy 9/11 Holiday Weekend, everyone!

V572625694 September 11, 2009 at 4:52 pm

Since it’s 9/11 Nostalgia Day, Ken, perhaps you’d like to reprise the Hunter Thompson quote you ran a while back. It was pretty pertinent and prescient.


dave666 September 11, 2009 at 4:58 pm

BTW, show Joe Wilson that America applauds his courage:

Oldskool September 11, 2009 at 4:59 pm

[re=409363]V572625694[/re]: We could substitute Beck for Nixon in Thompson’s eulogy sending him down a drainage ditch in LA. Still makes me laugh.

Kev-O-Tron September 11, 2009 at 5:00 pm

That is EXACTLY how I’ve felt about this for the last eight years. After 9/11 when I would tell people from, oh say, Oklahoma that I was in Queens that morning they would look at me like I had leprosy or something.

Well, if Obama really is a terrist than the teabaggers can count on a 747 making an unexpected landing wherever they’re holding the little conservative circle jerk tomorrow.

Hey? Where’s the Children’s Treasury of 9/11 art? I need my Space Jesus guys.

widget09 September 11, 2009 at 5:03 pm

It would be awesome if they all wore Mickey Mouse ears. I think this is the culmination of the T-Bagger Express that was on tour around the country. If only all of the non teabaggers would collectivly moon the T-Baggers, they might get the message. This would be very difficult to coordinate.

GreatOldOnesParty September 11, 2009 at 5:04 pm

[re=409361]Extemporanus[/re]: not clicking the clicky.

shadowMark September 11, 2009 at 5:05 pm

[re=409363]V572625694[/re]: pretty pertinent and prescient.–trucknutz turgid and tumescent.

GreatOldOnesParty September 11, 2009 at 5:06 pm

[re=409373]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: It’s funny how people who live more than a thousand miles away from New York can be more “traumatized” by 9/11 than the people who were actually there.
We can thank TeeVee news and FOX for this lovely social phenomenon.

Joshua Norton September 11, 2009 at 5:10 pm

Sometimes an unanswered question hangs heavily in the air, while history itself makes pause. Faint hearts yearn for a champion to step forward and fearlessly prick the despot’s glassy bubble of invulnerable hubris with a rhetorical épee. The very angels of liberty hold their breath.

Then there are the times when everything is ruined by a deluded, screaming fartsack with a microphone.

Suds McKenzie September 11, 2009 at 5:14 pm

9/11 Worst Birthday Ever.

Extemporanus September 11, 2009 at 5:16 pm

[re=409378]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: It’s safe for work, I promise!

Your heart, however…

Limeylizzie September 11, 2009 at 5:17 pm

[re=409373]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: I loved the fat fuck Southerners who came to NYC in the months after 9/11 and roamed the “Ground Zero Tourist and Souvenir Mecca” with flags coming out of every orifice ..they were SO willing to take a bullet for the President.I have lived in NYC for 11 years and have never gone down to that place, so I suppose that made me a traitor until the annointing of our Muslin/Hawaiian Overlord.

V572625694 September 11, 2009 at 5:18 pm

[re=409373]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Your wish was fulfilled earlier today, so prescient is our Wonkett:

GreatOldOnesParty September 11, 2009 at 5:18 pm

Am I the only person that finds an ominous undertone to the “9 Principles and 12 Values”

And this is bullshit: “The day after America was attacked we were not obsessed with Red States, Blue States, or political parties. We were united as Americans…”
Well, thanks to his buddies at FOX all of that has been undone and we are now obsessed more than ever with Red States, Blue States and political parties, also.

GreatOldOnesParty September 11, 2009 at 5:20 pm

[re=409393]Limeylizzie[/re]: Now, aforementiond fat fuck Southerners want to put a bullet IN the President.

Carl Spakler September 11, 2009 at 5:20 pm

I’m just wondering how our fair city plans to welcome the fruit-bat/birfer/Joe Wilson fan club convention tomorrow?

Kev-O-Tron September 11, 2009 at 5:21 pm

[re=409383]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: For real. I lived in a Pakistani/Afghan neighborhood in Queens and I mostly remember my neighbors being very distressed and upset. The whole population of NYC sort of smoked a collective cigarette, drank some beers and started cleaning shit up.

Of course it was a really sad time and I still get sad thinking about my experience that day but COME the FUCK ON with all the despair and anguish. Michele Malkin is prattling on about Obama working with Habitat for Humanity today AFTER he went to the South Lawn and got his 9/11 on. I’m curious…what’s the appropriate way to spend the day if you’re a Real American? Take the day off and watch Fox all day in your 9/11 T-shirt and other assorted gear with colors that “don’t run”?

Death Panel Wagon September 11, 2009 at 5:21 pm

I seem so recall “united we stand” being the motto, and letting the president do his job and shit. Is that what Becky wants?

Today, we all have 912 dripping out of us. Messy!

V572625694 September 11, 2009 at 5:21 pm


Principle 1: Be afraid all the time.
Principle 2: Government is evil!
Principal 3: A check from the government will make me less afraid.

Gallowglass September 11, 2009 at 5:23 pm

[re=409396]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: Can you still call it an undertone if he’s screaming it in your face? I hate that man. You could light him on fire and it still wouldn’t be enough.

GreatOldOnesParty September 11, 2009 at 5:26 pm

[re=409399]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: I live in Tempe, which is right next to Mesa, AZ where the Sikh 7-11 store-owner was gunned-down by some hick with “9-11 Shock Syndrome”.

Snarkalicious September 11, 2009 at 5:26 pm

Not helping really hard in the other direction = bringing balance to the national discourse. Promise.

GreatOldOnesParty September 11, 2009 at 5:28 pm

[re=409403]Gallowglass[/re]: Yeah, but I can’t read the first principle “America is good.” without it sounding like 0:27 in this classic animated film.

nader paul kucinich gravel September 11, 2009 at 5:29 pm

Ventura Sheehan Perot Paul Nader McKinney Kucinich Kaptur Gravel Gonzalez Clemente Choate Carter Baldwin Anderson

Israel-first dual-nationals of AIPAC
Willful major media disinformation
Federal Reserve scam
Anthrax intimidation
9/11 sham

Kev-O-Tron September 11, 2009 at 5:34 pm

[re=409408]nader paul kucinich gravel[/re]: wha? Maybe I don’t want this explained to me…

GreatOldOnesParty September 11, 2009 at 5:35 pm

[re=409408]nader paul kucinich gravel[/re]: Thanks for the Paultard quiz cheat-sheet. But what about the essay questions?

jasper f. krone September 11, 2009 at 5:38 pm

[re=409369]dave666[/re]: It only let me sign once! Now I have to walk ALL THE WAY DOWN THE HALL to my other computer.

SayItWithWookies September 11, 2009 at 5:40 pm

[re=409399]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Charity is one of those things that’s great until the president (well, this one in particular) embraces it, at which point it’s the epitome of the great socialist takeover.
You’d think if it was one of those great American qualities that the terrorists hated us for, we’d all be out practicing it — which is why I was much more of a promiscuous atheist after 9/11 than before — but every time President Obama mentions service, the Malkins and Becks yell “Hitler Youth” and fearmonger about indoctrination. All I can imagine is their conservative worldview must be a real house of cards if one day at Habitat for Humanity or a fifteen-minute speech in the nation’s classrooms can turn so many kids away from it.

hobospacejunkie September 11, 2009 at 5:42 pm

[re=409417]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: [re=409416]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: This jackoff disappeared for a while. Now it’s back with the retarded political doggerel. It speaks a language only taught at Clown College.

Guppy06 September 11, 2009 at 5:43 pm

[re=409408]nader paul kucinich gravel[/re]: Do we really want Wonkette’s pagerank to go in that direction, especially on Rudy Giuliani day?

dijetlo September 11, 2009 at 5:44 pm

You people are ruining the day for Dick Cheny with your snarky snark, this is the closest he gets to sexy-time all year long. It’s probably breaking his heart…well the contraption they installed to replace his heart, as he’s reading these comments from his secret lair.

June Cleaver 2.0 September 11, 2009 at 5:52 pm

You know, one of my daughter’s classmates died in one of those towers. He was a nice kid too, and his mom had just died the year before of cancer. At his memorial, his dad just stared at his picture, looking so sad. The dad died a year later, I don’t know what of, maybe a broken heart. I hate Glenn Beck and the Republics for making every effing thing a political stunt. At long last, have they no decency?

The Other Sarah T September 11, 2009 at 5:56 pm

Thank you thank you thank you, Alex Pareene : Finally someone’s summed up exactly what I’ve wanted to say to non-New Yorkers – and especially to Red State non-New Yorkers – for 8 long years…

GreatOldOnesParty September 11, 2009 at 5:57 pm

[re=409438]June Cleaver 2.0[/re]: The day before 9-11 my Uncle had just sent his best friend of 20 some-odd years to run their New York office, which was in tower 1 and he died in the attack. And another friend of the family died in the Bali bombings. And still, we aren’t nearly as bad or full of venom as people who lost nothing on that day but a shattered sense of superiority.

Johnny Zhivago September 11, 2009 at 6:02 pm

Alex hits the nail on the head – and as an actual ex-New Yorker, who came really, really, really close to being in the wrong place that day, I can verify that I spent the next month very, very drunk! :)

I have to admit though that the evening of 9/11, when Bush spoke, I had this weird feeling that “maybe he’s not such a bad guy afterall”. Undoubtedly there is some scientific explanation for this, but fortunately it only lasted a few hours.

rocktonsammy September 11, 2009 at 6:05 pm

Its time we all, including New York to move on.

Enough with the bell ringing already.

surfacenoise76 September 11, 2009 at 6:06 pm

Awesome, just awesome. I love Pareene. He’s too good for the current incarnation of Gawker.

Snarkalicious September 11, 2009 at 6:10 pm

[re=409417]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: 1. In 500 words or less, BUCK BUCK BWAKHA!!

Johnny Zhivago September 11, 2009 at 6:14 pm

[re=409422]Guppy06[/re]: Where is Rudy??? What does he hide in his full length Burka on 9/11 these days???

Brendan M. September 11, 2009 at 6:19 pm

Ken, this Pareene character seems pretty smart. Perhaps you should consider hiring to work for Wonkette?

Guppy06 September 11, 2009 at 6:20 pm

[re=409472]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: I hear he’s out in Afghanistan, hunting Osama personally.

June Cleaver 2.0 September 11, 2009 at 6:23 pm

[re=409442]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: Yes, you’re so right. The angriest, twisted up faces are always the ones who “lost” in the abstract, but no real sons, no flesh and blood daughters or friends. They send other people’s sons to war, even when they have five of their own, and not one brave enough to put on combat gear.

Anyway, God be with those who we lost. And God send all Republics to hell. Because by now, they know better.

Oldskool September 11, 2009 at 6:35 pm

[re=409438]June Cleaver 2.0[/re]: ” have they no decency?”

Nah. They believe decency is for pansies. Somewhere along the way, prolly in the Atwater era, they came to believe bullies may not be admired but they usually get their way.

BlueStateLibtard September 11, 2009 at 6:40 pm

[re=409442]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: Ugh, your words remind me of the most most nauseating experience I ever had. A few days after 9/11, I was in an “upscale” shopping area in a wealthy metro suburb, when these two dingbats in their ridiculous Hummer decked out with flags started whizzing around and shouting. “U.S.A, U.S.A.!” I kid you not.

Uncle Glenny September 11, 2009 at 6:44 pm

[re=409447]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: You admitted to being very, very drunk…

surfacenoise76 September 11, 2009 at 7:04 pm

The creepiest thing to me is still the fact that some (mega-) churches wanted (and got!) pieces of the WTC wreckage. It strikes me as wrong on so many levels ( and I’m a Southerner, so I’m fairly accustomed to kooky religious nonsense).

bitchincamaro September 11, 2009 at 7:05 pm

[re=409399]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: There’s a Greek Orthodox church here in Astoria (Qns), with a pair of blue bulbous turrets on top that some local patriot wingnuts mistook for muslin minarets on 9/12 and began stalking and threatening, requiring the local Greek vigalanties to a 24/7 stake-out for about a week. Haahaaa. True story.

Don’t you miss Queens?

doxastic September 11, 2009 at 7:06 pm

[re=409408]nader paul kucinich gravel[/re]: I’ll take Libertarian tone poems for a $1000, Alex. What is Paultard Word Cloud?

Prof. Junk September 11, 2009 at 7:09 pm

Speaking of exploitive douchebags… Did anyone else have to right the date over and over again today, and hear Rudy Guiliani’s voice saying “Nine eleven” every time they did it?

The Church of Realism September 11, 2009 at 7:14 pm

[re=409388]Suds McKenzie[/re]: Today is, in fact, my official bird serftifikat day. And I’m taking it back. I intend to saw off Glenn Beckkk’s diseased cock and feed it to Jonah Goldberg, for America.

Kev-O-Tron September 11, 2009 at 7:14 pm

[re=409518]bitchincamaro[/re]: That’s fucking crazy! I lived right off Steinway for a while and then fourtieth and Ditmars. Yes, I miss the delicious Greek food on Ditmars… That and the strip clubs under the Queensboro bridge.

Suds McKenzie September 11, 2009 at 7:24 pm

[re=409525]The Church of Realism[/re]: I’m just going to get Shit Hammered.

bitchincamaro September 11, 2009 at 7:28 pm

So that was you at Scandals?

Studebaker Hoch September 11, 2009 at 7:40 pm

I think tommorow would be a perfect day for New Yorkers to have a Tea Party of their own. Take all the fat , pasty , Teatoddlers and throw them in the Hudson River.

Athar September 11, 2009 at 7:55 pm

Think someone at the big rally tomorrow will hang a “No coloreds allowed!” banner across the front of the Lincoln Memorial?

m_supercomputer September 11, 2009 at 8:06 pm

Ah, I saw about 3 of these crazy douches on the metro today – pasty white dudes in flat tax t-shirts who were too dumb to figure out that maybe they shouldn’t stand in front of the train doors when a few dozen people have to get out. Apparently public transportation isn’t actually socialism, if these patriots are willing to use it.

Hooray For Anything September 11, 2009 at 8:07 pm

[re=409399]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Maybe he wouldn’t have gotten criticized by Malkin et al if he went to do his Habitat for Humanity thing in a flight suit or if he helped fellow Habit for Humanity folks go through poor neighborhoods and put American flags in their lawns. Maybe even beat up a few members of ACORN while doing so. 9/12, bitches!

Paul Tardy September 11, 2009 at 8:26 pm

Ok why is Canada invading the US to celebrate 9-11. Who ever thought this up should get American medical benefits.

Canadians scale back planned military demo in DC

Johnny Zhivago September 11, 2009 at 8:36 pm

[re=409517]surfacenoise76[/re]: Yeah, but most of it probably got shredded, shipped to China, melted down and is now for sale as lawn chairs at Wal-Mart, so Mr. and Mrs. US America can sit on their fat asses watching Fox News and be convinced Al Queda is still plotting to bomb their local shopping mall.

tootsieroll September 11, 2009 at 9:04 pm

[re=409526]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Oh you guys!

I grew up in Woodside— the part scrunched in between Astoria and Jackson Heights. God I miss Steinway St. Both my Nanas lived in Astoria.

I wrote to my sister (who still lives there) this morning:
“The Times has link to an archive of personal video footage from that day, from all over the city.
It is fucking amazing. And sad. Not sure if you are into seeing something like that. This woman from Brooklyn caught the second plane hit, and then you see her capturing papers floating over her, and she picks them up and says, shit this stuff is from over there…
I wasn’t there. I felt like my whole connection to the city was lost that day, because I left and didn’t live through it, you know?”

So yeah. Fuck Glenn Beck and the little boys he rode in on.

DustBowlBlues September 11, 2009 at 9:43 pm

Speaking of Oklahoma (and fuck you very much for dragging us into this, Kev), a friend who owns a livestock auction barn (first step to unspeakable cruelty for cattle) claimed that, after the Big Day, sale barns around the country (I take that to mean a few ag people like the one who told this story–virulently conservative) saw “middle eastern looking people” standing across the road from sale barns, just lookin’ . Presumably, that was the place they intended to start poisoning our precious meat supply, rather than waiting for the fast food burger joints to do it for them.

Remember the DC sniper? Another “friend” of ours who’s lived his whole life in rural OK, informed my husband that it was Al Queda, he was pretty sure. When my husband told me that I laughed out loud.

This is one of those days when I’m glad the satellite dish includes “Broadway’s Best” on the radio teevee. America’s collective victimization obsession: Let me tell you how 9/11 made me feel. No, let me tell you how I felt. Etc. I don’t even want to hear any more about the way it made New Yorkers feel.

DustBowlBlues September 11, 2009 at 9:51 pm

[re=409405]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: A horrible and believable story. I was in OKC when the Murrah building blew up, and remember that a few middle eastern “looking” (I think they were actually South Indian) (And I don’t mean Chickasaws) were harrassed–garbage thrown over their lawns. I was back in my Seattle that evening and said that I hoped it was a white Christian man who did it, because it would just be easier.

About the only time my fucking fairy godmother chose to answer my wish. Come to think of it, Tim McBeck pretty much blends, rhetorically.

BlueStateLibtard September 11, 2009 at 9:55 pm

[re=409582]DustBowlBlues[/re]: You are a wise person, despite the fact that you live in flyover-land.

Jim89048 September 11, 2009 at 10:22 pm

[re=409522]Prof. Junk[/re]: I take mine with a noun and a verb.

One Yield Regular September 11, 2009 at 10:39 pm

Thanks to all of you in D.C. tomorrow who may be there to offer a response to our American Taliban – though God Weeping Eagle knows why in hell you’d want to mix those people. But if you do go, don’t forget to bring your giant posters underscoring etiquette for displays of the American flag; that should provoke some excellent reactions.

Jim89048 September 11, 2009 at 10:53 pm

[re=409557]Paul Tardy[/re]: Canadian World Domination marches on!

DustBowlBlues September 11, 2009 at 11:38 pm

[re=409442]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: ” full of venom as people who lost nothing on that day but a shattered sense of superiority”

Damn, GOOP. I don’t read wonkette for thoughtful insight. Now you’ve gone and ruined it for me. To be honest, okies carry on about 9/11 more than they do the Murrah Building. If you recall, those were people who were, literally, targeted because they were working for the federal government. When will Sean O’Rushbeck start proudly displaying Tim McVeigh tributes?

DustBowlBlues September 11, 2009 at 11:42 pm

[re=409438]June Cleaver 2.0[/re]: “I hate Glenn Beck and the Republics”

But I love you for being a part of the movement to drop the an off Republican the way they do the ic off Democratic. If it weren’t for the wonkeratti, I would hate everyone tonight. Maybe I’ll pack teabags to the Health Care Reform march on Sunday and throw them at hecklers and yell, “Go teabag yourself.”

DustBowlBlues September 11, 2009 at 11:46 pm

[re=409525]The Church of Realism[/re]: Happy birthday. Sorry you have to share it with so many attention-grabbing selfish, self-pitying dickwads.

GreatOldOnesParty September 12, 2009 at 12:09 am

[re=409614]DustBowlBlues[/re]: sorry. I lapse into seriousness from time to time.

Oh, btw, will Ken/Jim/Juli/Intern Riley be covering Beck’s 9/12 event LIVE for us faithful Wonkeratti?

S.Luggo September 12, 2009 at 12:15 am

[re=409602]Jim89048[/re]: In English or in Belgian?

S.Luggo September 12, 2009 at 12:32 am

[re=409452]rocktonsammy[/re]: Agreed. And let’s get beyond December 7, 1941, too. And the Lincoln assassination and the day JFK died. And every other bloody event that turned history inside out.

LoweredPeninsula September 12, 2009 at 2:47 am

Anyone remember the name of the death mouse in the picture, up top? I believe he like the Palestinian Barney, only he teaches children how horrible Jews are, right?

nader paul kucinich gravel September 12, 2009 at 7:04 am

[re=409421]hobospacejunkie[/re]: [re=409421]hobospacejunkie[/re]:
Thank you so much for your honesty, compassion, intelligence, and guts.

KilgoreTrout_XL September 12, 2009 at 8:15 am

“So thank fucking christ that the Commander in Chief is no longer subjecting the nation to death porn.” Well done, Pareene.

I’ve always thought that the worst part of 9/11 wasn’t that day, though it was plenty awful.
It was the disgraceful way the names of the dead were so unashamedly and so quickly manipulated into political capital by some of the most cynical and low group of people you could even think of, and how effortlessly these same monsters were able to convince so many fucking idiots, for so long, that they were right.

[re=409652]nader paul kucinich gravel[/re]: Hey! So you’re new here, huh? That’s cool. Now fuck off.

Jim89048 September 12, 2009 at 9:15 am

[re=409625]S.Luggo[/re]: Depends. Muffins or waffles?

nader paul kucinich gravel September 12, 2009 at 9:37 am

There are children standing here
Arms outstretched into the sky
Tears drying on their face
He has been here
Brothers lie in shallow graves
Fathers lost without a trace
A nation blind to their disgrace
Since he’s been here

And I see no bravery
No bravery in your eyes anymore
Only sadness

Houses burnt beyond repair
The smell of death is in the air
A woman weeping in despair says
He has been here
Tracer lighting up the sky
It’s another families’ turn to die
A child afraid to even cry out says
He has been here

And I see no bravery
No bravery in your eyes anymore
Only sadness

There are children standing here
Arms outstretched into the sky
But no one asks the question why
He has been here
Old men kneel and accept their fate
Wives and daughters cut and raped
A generation drenched in hate
Yes he has been here…

Custersdeadhorse September 12, 2009 at 10:41 am

[re=409482]Brendan M.[/re]: He is a former employee of Wonkette, and I think worked for Ken, or are you snarking?

widget09 September 12, 2009 at 11:21 am

[re=409662]nader paul kucinich gravel[/re]: Ah, a reference to 1940′s Germany, it really is the Jews fault, just ask your leader, Dr Paul. Perhaps the poem was written by a Dresden survivor.

DustBowlBlues September 12, 2009 at 7:32 pm

[re=409652]nader paul kucinich gravel[/re]: Whatever hobospacejunkie said? Me too.

liquiddaddy September 12, 2009 at 10:05 pm

[re=409662]nader paul kucinich gravel[/re]: I don’t get it. Dude, if you want to talk about butt sex, we’re here for you.

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