News

sounds kind of fun

Why Was There A Fake Sea Battle On The Potomac River Today?

September 11, 2009 - 3:41pm

This non-existent Coast Guard sea battle with the terrorists, it is confusing. The White House is SUPER-FURIOUS at CNN! As usual, this anger is manifesting itself in the form of Robert Gibbs’ charmingly vicious sarcasm. CNN says it saw Coast Guard boats racing to catch a speeding boat on the Potomac and overheard screaming radio cries of bullets firing left and right, but no matter, it was just a “training exercise” that not a single government official seems to have known was scheduled for today, which is 9/11. Drinks all around! Meanwhile WHERE IS OSAMA? [YouTube, Michael Calderone]

Roger the Shrubber

Har Bush would’ve already attacked somebody by now.

Come here a minute

I wish this bitch Wonkett would quit making the stupid Obama/Osama joke. You think everything is funny.

slappypaddy

is everybody paying attention now? who’s in charge here? (no, what’s in charge here. who’s in charge out in left field, losing pop flies in the sun.)

the problem child

CNN should just quit making stuff up!

Scruffy_The_Janitor

I forgot that thing I was supposed to remember….
what was it again? clean belly button lint? no..
Cut nose hair? No…
Oh yeah…9/11

Come here a minute

[re=409274]the problem child[/re]: For the troops!

Frampton Comes Alive

Today, we all live 4 blocks away from the Potomac….

AggieDemocrat

What CNN didn’t report is that the Coast Guard pirate ships were originally going to fly in front of the Pentagon for a photo shoot.

El Pinche

If it ain’t on a facebook or twitter, CNN doesn’t know shit about shit.

SayItWithWookies

They’re keeping a lid on it right now, but the Iraqi invasion force that was going to conquer America just showed up. They were fairly easy to disarm, though, as they were exhausted from rowing for the past six years.

Lionel Hutz Esq.

Hey, at least CNN kept things in proportion and left up the sub-head on Ellen DeGeneres being a judge on American Idol.

That is the one thing that I hated about the first 9/11, it was so hard to get your entertainment news.

Uncertainty Vice-Principal

I think they could have sold more tickets if they flew Air Force One around again in circles being chased by helicopters at the same time.

Oldskool

No pics were taken of AF1 in NY today? Someone hates America bigtime.

thefrontpage

POTOTMAC RIVER (AP), Sept. 11, 2001—-Flustered, beffuddled and harangued Metropolitan Police officials have confirmed that a viscious marine battle on the Potomac River this morning was actually a fierce, high-powered shouting match between Keith Olbermann and Bill O’Reilly, who were on opposing boats reporting commemorative activities related to Sept. 11, 2001. Olbermann yelled that his boat was “bigger than yours” to O’Reilly, who immediately responded, “You lie!” Olbermann then squirted O’Reilly with his Super Water Cannon XZ-90, and O’Reilly responded by squirting Olbermann with his FOXNEWS WATER PISTOL 69 model. The U.S. Coast Guard broke up the fight by sinking both of the boats. Olbermann and O’Reilly were rescued, and immediately placed in a Coast Guard stockade at the Pentagon.
# # #

Oldskool

[re=409287]Uncertainty Vice-Principal[/re]: Ha! Some of these write themselves, eh?

finallyhappy

[re=409284]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: I thought it was Ellen’s commentary on our new(ish) American Idol, Barack Hussein Obama, who was being attacked by terrorist Coast Guard ships.

hiphophitler

Jeanne Meserve should have been a professional tennis player. ‘Cause of her last name, see.

widget09

My guess is they were filming another episode of NCIS to be released this September. Alt. explanation: Al-Quida operatives were seeking out the Wonkett server & blow it up, they really do hate (love) this site, therefore it must be blown up (confiscated for their own nefareous purposes.)

Uncertainty Vice-Principal

[re=409294]Oldskool[/re]:

[ Holsters quick-draw snark launcher, jauntily blowing a puff of smoke from its diamond encrusted muzzle ]

GreatOldOnesParty

Homeland Security FAIL.

and OT, who’s seen my latest Joe Wilson Blingee?!

http://blingee.com/blingee/view/98772684-Tweakin-Joe
McDuff

Love the Coast Guard, but, damn, don’t you think actually guarding the Potomac on 9/11 during the President’s visit to the Pentagon is a bit more important than training to guard the Potomac on 9/11 during the President’s visit to the Pentgon?
TGY

Again, what idiot schedules a fake attack on America’s National Day of Paranoia?
TGY

[re=409304]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: The Dancing Hitler is a nice touch.
GreatOldOnesParty

The Coast Guard is like a stalker showing up at an extremely inappropriate time with an equally inappropriate “gift” and screaming: “IT’S ALL FOR YOU, OBAMA! I MADE IT FOR YOOOUUUUUU!!!”
WideStance

A “drill” involving a renegade boat weaving towards a bridge that THE PRESIDENT IS ACTUALLY CROSSING, with simulated warning shots being fired?
TGY

OMG, catastrophe! ELLEN DEGENERES ON AM-IDOL! ’tis the Apocalypse!
GreatOldOnesParty

[re=409316]TGY[/re]: Why is CNN trying to bury the real story? COVERUP!
TGY

[re=409321]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: COVERUP!
Humpback

What makes you think it was a sea training exercise? WHERE’S THE BERTH CERTIFICATE?
geminisunmars

Instead of trying to quash fear and panic caused by this putative training exercise, W would have used the opportunity to raise alert levels to day-glo orange, or maybe even red. And when no one was looking, push through whatever “security” bill he wanted.
the problem child

[re=409304]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: I see you thought the tie was tasteless enough without blingee.
GreatOldOnesParty

[re=409326]Humpback[/re]: ZING!
snideinplainsight

Needs more evil squid overlords.
ManchuCandidate

Long John Silver is not amused.
Snarkalicious

Is Michael Jackson still dead?
AbstinenceOnly Ed

[re=409326]Humpback[/re]: I’m giving you a STERN reprimand for your NAUTI-pun.
El Pinche

[re=409304]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: dude, you’re blingee animal. Nice touch on the dancing Bratz hooker
El Pinche

[re=409274]the problem child[/re]: Yep, and on 9/11 day

MSNBC: “CNN shits all over our Soldiers and then wipes itself with the U.S. Flag.”
AnnieGetYourFun

A better question might be, “How can I get Robert Gibbs to insult me, and then make out with me a few minutes later?” I love that guy.
S.Luggo

[re=409304]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: Excuse me while I kiss the sky.

BTW, show Joe Wilson that America applauds his courage:
http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/GoJoeWilson
the problem child

Needs more PIE RATS! Pile the rats higher! http://images.filedby.com/bookimg/0679/9780679947608.jpg
MARCdMan

[re=409309]TGY[/re]: America has s long history of this. During the Cuban Missile Crisis, the Air Force conducted ballistic missile launches and detonated a nuke over the pacific without telling anybody.
GreatWhiteSnark

Sadly true. I was at DHS headquarters this morning when this went down, and the Coast Guard rep there did not know about this exercise — and remember, the Coast Guard is part of DHS. He said, “an exercise? On 9/11? Right where the President’s going to be? Heads will roll.”
Uncle Glenny

[re=409333]snideinplainsight[/re]: Cthulu is pissed – he wasn’t notified either.
Uncle Glenny

[re=409342]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Gibbs is a wimp. I was really disappointed in him when there were those cell-phone-ringing incidents in the press room – like the one where he confiscated one, then another guy’s rang, and Gibbs let him get away with it.

My mother, on the other hand, taught second grade: she had a Bene Gesserit “Shhh!” and stare that worked effectively on the immature – like second graders and the White House press corps.
Johnny Zhivago

Wonkette has failed to turn up any Mayor of 9/11 stories so far today…

What gives?
TheUptightMidwesterner

I am stuck watching CNN all day and they are STILL bitching about this. Granted, it was stupid that the CG did this in the first place, but CNN went nuts this morning and actually sounded disappointed when they found out it was a drill.
Johnny Zhivago

[re=409301]widget09[/re]: They were filming “Deadliest Catch: Potomac Mudpuppy Edition”
dave666

oh man, more petition fun. Just a tip, to sign the petition, you must enter from the main page, if you use the link provided above, it tells you you already signed.
Joshua Norton

Sometimes an unanswered question hangs heavily in the air, while history itself makes pause. Faint hearts yearn for a champion to step forward and fearlessly prick the despot’s glassy bubble of invulnerable hubris with a rhetorical épee. The very angels of liberty hold their breath.

Then there are the times when everything is ruined by a deluded fartsack with a microphone.
Joshua Norton

[re=409365]dave666[/re]: NEVER SIGN PETITIONS. You will get fired in 3 – 4 years for doing so.
Pithaughn

[re=409327]geminisunmars[/re]: Close you are grass hopper. Mr. Chimp’n Chief would have disbanded the Coast Guard and out sourced (with a no bid contract process ) to Xe.
Joshua Norton

[re=409372]Joshua Norton[/re]: Whoopsie. This shoulda gone in the Glenn Beck post.
geminisunmars

[re=409379]Pithaughn[/re]: I think too small.
Guppy06

[re=409374]Joshua Norton[/re]: That only happens to the negros.
dijetlo

Oh Good Lord people, it’s Aqua-messican and his posse of drunken white aides.
skutre

CNN,the motorboat truthers
bitchincamaro

[re=409460]skutre[/re]: I feel C-sick.
GivingForehead

But the REAL question is, could we have asked “Will there be a sea battle tomorrow? yesterday? Would there have been an answer?
Darkness

[re=409356]TheUptightMidwesterner[/re]: Of course they were disappointed; it makes them look like schoolgirls peeing their panties in fright over a stick that resembles a snake, and like lame-asses for encouraging others to panic along with them.

If I were stuck with a TV all day tuned to CNN, said TVs would mysteriously always break. (Electromagnets work well for this…)
zhubajie

“Olbermann and O’Reilly were rescued”

Too bad.
sadderbutnowiser

How did they get CJ to do the story on the nooz? Pretty cool. Is West Wing coming back now that Barry Santos is in charge?
villageatrois

[re=409326]Humpback[/re]: Win! Of course, it wasn’t a training exercise. Such an exercise wasn’t corroborated by the CG, local government, astrological charts, etc. And it was not the Russians — their boats in the area are submarines. It was an actual terrorist event by someone the White House doesn’t want to implicate. Obviously, Hillary. Betcha the Bomber sends her on a mission to a mountainous island, first thing in the morning. She’s gonna get that 3:00 a.m. call, and he’s gonna tell her, “Don’t worry about it. You can do your makeup on the plane.”
yardley

I live in Erie PA and from what I’ve seen the CG definitely does NOT play games. You can bet this was an actual penetration of a restricted area, probably by some drunk with a death wish. 7.62 Full Metal Jacket projectiles hurt and make holes in your boat.

RELATED ARTICLESMORE FROM AUTHOR

Senate Obamacare Repeal Now At ‘Confused Clusterfuck’ Stage

Serious Question: Is Anthony Scaramucci A Clinton Mole?

Super Christian Donald Trump Big Fan Of God And His Blowhard Son Jesus

RELATED ARTICLES MORE FROM AUTHOR