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This non-existent Coast Guard sea battle with the terrorists, it is confusing. The White House is SUPER-FURIOUS at CNN! As usual, this anger is manifesting itself in the form of Robert Gibbs’ charmingly vicious sarcasm. CNN says it saw Coast Guard boats racing to catch a speeding boat on the Potomac and overheard screaming radio cries of bullets firing left and right, but no matter, it was just a “training exercise” that not a single government official seems to have known was scheduled for today, which is 9/11. Drinks all around! Meanwhile WHERE IS OSAMA? [YouTube, Michael Calderone]

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64 COMMENTS

  1. is everybody paying attention now? who’s in charge here? (no, what’s in charge here. who’s in charge out in left field, losing pop flies in the sun.)

  2. They’re keeping a lid on it right now, but the Iraqi invasion force that was going to conquer America just showed up. They were fairly easy to disarm, though, as they were exhausted from rowing for the past six years.

  3. Hey, at least CNN kept things in proportion and left up the sub-head on Ellen DeGeneres being a judge on American Idol.

    That is the one thing that I hated about the first 9/11, it was so hard to get your entertainment news.

  4. I think they could have sold more tickets if they flew Air Force One around again in circles being chased by helicopters at the same time.

  5. POTOTMAC RIVER (AP), Sept. 11, 2001—-Flustered, beffuddled and harangued Metropolitan Police officials have confirmed that a viscious marine battle on the Potomac River this morning was actually a fierce, high-powered shouting match between Keith Olbermann and Bill O’Reilly, who were on opposing boats reporting commemorative activities related to Sept. 11, 2001. Olbermann yelled that his boat was “bigger than yours” to O’Reilly, who immediately responded, “You lie!” Olbermann then squirted O’Reilly with his Super Water Cannon XZ-90, and O’Reilly responded by squirting Olbermann with his FOXNEWS WATER PISTOL 69 model. The U.S. Coast Guard broke up the fight by sinking both of the boats. Olbermann and O’Reilly were rescued, and immediately placed in a Coast Guard stockade at the Pentagon.
    # # #

  6. [re=409284]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: I thought it was Ellen’s commentary on our new(ish) American Idol, Barack Hussein Obama, who was being attacked by terrorist Coast Guard ships.

  7. My guess is they were filming another episode of NCIS to be released this September. Alt. explanation: Al-Quida operatives were seeking out the Wonkett server & blow it up, they really do hate (love) this site, therefore it must be blown up (confiscated for their own nefareous purposes.)

  8. [re=409294]Oldskool[/re]:

    [ Holsters quick-draw snark launcher, jauntily blowing a puff of smoke from its diamond encrusted muzzle ]

  9. Love the Coast Guard, but, damn, don’t you think actually guarding the Potomac on 9/11 during the President’s visit to the Pentagon is a bit more important than training to guard the Potomac on 9/11 during the President’s visit to the Pentgon?

  10. The Coast Guard is like a stalker showing up at an extremely inappropriate time with an equally inappropriate “gift” and screaming: “IT’S ALL FOR YOU, OBAMA! I MADE IT FOR YOOOUUUUUU!!!”

  11. Instead of trying to quash fear and panic caused by this putative training exercise, W would have used the opportunity to raise alert levels to day-glo orange, or maybe even red. And when no one was looking, push through whatever “security” bill he wanted.

  12. [re=409309]TGY[/re]: America has s long history of this. During the Cuban Missile Crisis, the Air Force conducted ballistic missile launches and detonated a nuke over the pacific without telling anybody.

  13. Sadly true. I was at DHS headquarters this morning when this went down, and the Coast Guard rep there did not know about this exercise — and remember, the Coast Guard is part of DHS. He said, “an exercise? On 9/11? Right where the President’s going to be? Heads will roll.”

  14. [re=409342]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Gibbs is a wimp. I was really disappointed in him when there were those cell-phone-ringing incidents in the press room – like the one where he confiscated one, then another guy’s rang, and Gibbs let him get away with it.

    My mother, on the other hand, taught second grade: she had a Bene Gesserit “Shhh!” and stare that worked effectively on the immature – like second graders and the White House press corps.

  15. I am stuck watching CNN all day and they are STILL bitching about this. Granted, it was stupid that the CG did this in the first place, but CNN went nuts this morning and actually sounded disappointed when they found out it was a drill.

  16. oh man, more petition fun. Just a tip, to sign the petition, you must enter from the main page, if you use the link provided above, it tells you you already signed.

  17. Sometimes an unanswered question hangs heavily in the air, while history itself makes pause. Faint hearts yearn for a champion to step forward and fearlessly prick the despot’s glassy bubble of invulnerable hubris with a rhetorical épee. The very angels of liberty hold their breath.

    Then there are the times when everything is ruined by a deluded fartsack with a microphone.

  18. [re=409327]geminisunmars[/re]: Close you are grass hopper. Mr. Chimp’n Chief would have disbanded the Coast Guard and out sourced (with a no bid contract process ) to Xe.

  19. [re=409356]TheUptightMidwesterner[/re]: Of course they were disappointed; it makes them look like schoolgirls peeing their panties in fright over a stick that resembles a snake, and like lame-asses for encouraging others to panic along with them.

    If I were stuck with a TV all day tuned to CNN, said TVs would mysteriously always break. (Electromagnets work well for this…)

  20. [re=409326]Humpback[/re]: Win! Of course, it wasn’t a training exercise. Such an exercise wasn’t corroborated by the CG, local government, astrological charts, etc. And it was not the Russians — their boats in the area are submarines. It was an actual terrorist event by someone the White House doesn’t want to implicate. Obviously, Hillary. Betcha the Bomber sends her on a mission to a mountainous island, first thing in the morning. She’s gonna get that 3:00 a.m. call, and he’s gonna tell her, “Don’t worry about it. You can do your makeup on the plane.”

  21. I live in Erie PA and from what I’ve seen the CG definitely does NOT play games. You can bet this was an actual penetration of a restricted area, probably by some drunk with a death wish. 7.62 Full Metal Jacket projectiles hurt and make holes in your boat.

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