great economic news!

Exciting News For Those People Who Bought Those Maps Of America With Holes For The 50 Different Quarters!

Sometime in January, the US Mint realized that the word “quarters” can refer both to a unit of currency as well as some sort of defined area of space. It is literally impossible to overstate the significance of this determination. To wit: Meet the “United States Mint America the Beautiful Quarters Program,” which begins issuing new quarters next year and will do so, at the breakneck speed of five per year, until 2021. The quarters are beautiful because instead of state flowers and state historical war whatever, they have images of national parks and shit, which are also quarters that are also beautiful. It is a priceless infinite regression that can be yours, starting in 2010, for 25 cents.

The first Quarters Quarters are going to be your standard, mass-appeal fare: Yellowstone, the Grand Canyon, etc., etc. Best not to alienate anyone right away by going too avant-garde or conceptual quite yet. But as the program matures and comes into its own—and as it is forced to recognize states like “The US Virgin Islands” and “New Jersey”—the coins will feature images of America’s lesser natural attractions such as”Salt River Bay National Historical Park and Ecological Preserve” and “Ellis Island National Monument (Statue of Liberty).”

[US Mint]

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Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

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  1. Chickensmack

    Jesus Christ, people… we can’t save these fucking quarters! We’re supposed to SPEND! SPEND! SPEND! That’s how you get out of a shitty economy! SPEND YOUR GODDAMN MONEY!!!

  2. samsuncle

    They better hold off on minting the Texas and South Carolina coins because the secession talk is heating up.

  3. sezme

    [re=408899]sezme[/re]: Oh never mind. I was being sarcastic about Guam and Puerto Rico, but apparently they along with American Samoa and the Northern Mariana Islands have been unilaterally declared states by the US Mint!

    Panama Canal Zone: still unrecognized.

  4. mookworthjwilson

    I love the fact that the Tuskeegee Airmen will be representing Alabama. Hahahah…I bet Senator Jefferson Davis Shelby spit out his coffee when he saw that one, and George Wallace required the assistance of his zombie nursing assistance to turn over in his grave…too bad by the time it’s scheduled to come out we’ll be using Ameros or Liberty Dollars or somesuch…

  5. mookworthjwilson

    [re=408903]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: I’m not familiar with that refinery…but it was a pretty site when the Sunoco tank in Rahway or Linden blew up while I was driving on the NJTPK.

  6. ogradybt

    Looking forward to the commemorative Bong Recreation Area quarter from Wisconsin. Because it will have the word “bong” on it, which is like a crack pipe for college students.

  7. the problem child

    It must all be a plot to get Roosevelt on a quarter, somehow, via Roosevelt Campobello Island International Park.

  8. Paul Tardy

    Your country is in trouble when the currency is reduced to collectible trinkets. I say put Chinese slogans on them to increase the collector base.

  9. Sarjo

    ****IMPORTANT****I has got all 49 or whatever many butcepts I have no IDAHO. Will trade ***authentic*** “USA” “bisontennial” quarters “FOR IDAHO”. Contac me fo pics, swatches.

  10. mookworthjwilson

    [re=408928]teebob2000[/re]: or the sand dune that he fell off of and broke his leg while taking a leisurely stroll with his “wife”

  11. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Wait. Louisiana gets stuck with Kisatchie? Kisatchie, which consists of two hills and a pine tree? Hell, for that they could’ve just as easily picked Monkey Hill.

  12. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=408941]Dumb Ass[/re]: Ooooooh, watch out. Your Wonkette is full of sensitive residents of the fly over states.

  13. the problem child

    [re=408930]the problem child[/re]: Oh never mind, they chose Acadia. Where people die being stupid playing in hurricane surge.

  14. dijetlo

    Wont somebody please think of the pole dancers? They have many interesting and scenic slots and in this hellscape of an economy, most will happily grind their pelvis all over your freshly cleaned and pressed Dockers for just a couple of these things you call quarters.
    Paper rots, memories last a lifetime…choose wisely.

  15. Guppy06

    [re=408942]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: What other natural wonder are you going to pick, though? The Magical Disappearing Delta?

  16. dijetlo

    [re=408915]Car Ramrod[/re]: Delawares contribution will be a grandiose image of that Toll Booth we plunked down in the middle of our 7.5 miles of US 95.
    “Welcome to Delaware, gimme a dollah…and a cigarette”.
    We’re like the stop light bums of the Mid-Atlantic regions.
    Still, we pay no sales tax so…suck it Jersey.

  17. Robot Santa

    As someone who used to work in a bank, I can tell you this program will give the olds something the live for again.

  18. Joehoya

    Excellent. Our plans to totally confuse foreigners with our currency is moving apace. They’ll never be able to figure out which ones are quarters now.

  19. SteamingPile

    I find it incredible that it is September already, and I have not seen a single one of the 2009 U.S. Territory quarters. Could it be possible that these are only being made available in the U.S. Territories (like D.C., or Puerto Rico) being commemorated and in very small numbers because we have been literally inundated by 25-cent coins these past ten years and the banks and vending industries are saying, “no mas?”

    I have no interest in collecting five coins a year forever as if they were postage stamps. I thought the idea of Richard Nixon being worthy of commemoration on a dollar coin (maybe get Matt Groening to design it) in 2016 a bit odd, but this is getting quite ridiculous. What’s next? New fifty-cent coins commemorating the Vice Presidents? Anybody seriously want a Spiro Agnew, Dan Quayle, or Dick Cheney coin (nobody lives forever)?

  20. George Oscar Bluth

    Obviously Seaside Heights is going to be on the NJ quarter. I did some illusions for a “Girls with Low Self-Esteem” video shoot there.

  21. Jim89048

    [re=408969]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Better still, just wait until they recreate the WTC in 3/4 scale on the Strip, right next to the Wynn monstrosities!

  22. Vulpes82

    For us coin nerds, this is like Christmas, Kwanzaa, and ARbor Day all rolled into one! I’m dribbling out of my eyepatch panties as we speak.

  23. Johnny Zhivago

    [re=408903]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: No way, our greatest natural wonder in NJ is corrupt politicians.

  24. zenferret

    [re=408904]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Cline is a good friend of mine seriously.

    I was just down there for our class reunion and a bunch of us went there are terrorized random tourists that were passing through.

  25. finallyhappy

    [re=408985]SteamingPile[/re]: well, being in the Dc metro area- I did see a few Dc quarters- but HOWEVER, I did see the cool new penny with Lincoln sitting on a log reading a book(or something like that). Oh crap, I just looked at my quarters and I have a south carolina.I bettter psend it before we make them secede this afternoon.

  26. snideinplainsight

    Maybe Minnesota can site the tenth amendment (states’ soveirrenouity) and get its quarter issued as a blank.

  27. zenferret

    [re=409029]zenferret[/re]: Dang couldn’t find anything quickly enough that I wouldn’t just give up on his newer attraction.

    Its the civil war era eating of the invading Union soldiers by dinosaurs.

    Yes. I said that right.

    Abe Lincoln’s there too. The reason the Gettysburg address was so short was so he could get away before the dinosaurs got there.

  28. the problem child

    [re=408977]Robot Santa[/re]: “I can tell you this program will give the olds something the live for again.”

    Then it must be stopped at all costs! (Unless it will also mysteriously turn them into liberals who love death panels.)

  29. Tundra Grifter

    [re=408976]Godot[/re]: Were you buying a package of Guam? Is it a Guam Guam quarter or a Guam US quarter?

    Meanwhile, I’m still looking for my first new penny. There are supposed to be 3 new designs out for 2009 – and I haven’t seen any yet.

  30. teebob2000

    My elderly ex-in-laws gave their 18-year-old grandson (my ex-nephew?) the quarter map with the full coin set for Christmas one year. I think it was maybe as long as 2 days later before he spent them on a nickel bag.

  31. dijetlo

    We pay unemployed auto workers to sit in front of the Australian Restaurant (not nearly as exotic as it sounds) and throw rocks at cars with out of state plates.
    Just give us the fugging dollah and get the hell out of here, if you know what’s good for you.

  32. Deacon Frank Orris

    [re=408985]SteamingPile[/re]: Apparently toilet designers in Holland or Europe or somewhere discovered that if you put a target in a urinal, the amount of “spillage” from drunk goobers who can’t hit a urinal they’re standing over decreases dramatically. I believe a Dick Cheney half-dollar could work equally well, properly placed, in US America.

  33. imissopus

    [re=408985]SteamingPile[/re]: Dick Cheney will live as long as his minions continue to bring him the blood of freshly slaughtered Messican babies, which he will drink from a golden chalice, while cackling like the Wicked Witch.

  34. mookworthjwilson

    [re=409085]dijetlo[/re]: That shortcut is great…and if you do it right, you hit multiple Wawas…and it’s 4 dollars, not one…Delaware, the state with no shame…

  35. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Oh YAY. Tennessee’s quarter gets to feature the Great Smokies! I didn’t figure they had room enough on a quarter to do Dolly Parton’s tits justice.

  36. TheUptightMidwesterner

    [re=408940]Guppy06[/re]: A co-worker tried to buy a pack of smokes with them at Super America and the clerk called 911 on her and reported her as using counterfit money. So…my guess is no, they aren’t working too great.

  37. Roll Fish

    I don’t understand what the fuck this fucking post is about. I’m going to do an infinite regression on this post until it starts to converge into a sensical post, or until it diverges into a Chuck Grassley tweet, for all real numbers.

  38. user-of-owls

    [re=408894]Cape Clod[/re]: How about Taunton, MA? Are they going to put that on a quarter?

    No, but they will put it on a qwawtuh, celebrating nearby Big Dan’s Billiards and Sex Crime Museum.

  39. dogscantlookup

    [re=409053]snideinplainsight[/re]: or just drill a hole in the middle to celebrate the big ass taconite mines that gives us Minnesotans the lung aids mesothelioma

  40. RoscoePColtraine

    Georgia’s Okeefenokee Swamp was passed over for the honor? That place is such a source of pride for Georgians, what with the theme park boat rides and cute, friendly, joke-telling wildlife.

  41. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Wait, don’t you want Yellowstone or Yosemite to be last, to give everyone an incentive to use quarters? Otherwise, once people get the big ones, won’t they just start throwing them away?

  42. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    I’m surprised Conservatives are not complaining about this, since it celebrates the state taking over land that could be used by corporations, celebrates Frank Church, who is personally responsible for 9/11 and the Soviet Union breaking up, and, let’s face it, at least a couple of times celebrates black people.

    For how long will we let Obama push his socialist agenda and quarters down our throats?

  43. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Boy, it does suck to be Alabama. Hell, you came in behind Puerto Rico, Northern Mariana Islands, The U.S. Virgin Islands and American Somoa. I’m sort of surprised they didn’t squeeze Mexico in there.

    And, really, do some states suck or what? Oregon and Washington are on, like, their fourth least interesting Forests or Parks, and they still kick ass over 80% of the list.

  44. SayItWithWookies

    [re=409306]finallyhappy[/re]: Oh dear — I thought you were kidding before I looked it up. I better hurry up and finish writing The Sound and the Fury and the Velociraptors before that gets taken, too.

  45. dijetlo

    [re=409108]mookworthjwilson[/re]: Delaware, the state with no shame

    Kewl…we were looking for new motto, “First in Democracy” isn’t selling anymore…

  46. sezme

    [re=408976]Godot[/re]: Yeah well, I haven’t been had any American change in my pockets for quite some time so I’m a little out of touch with the munnies and pieces of 8 and whatnot.

  47. mookworthjwilson

    [re=409377]dijetlo[/re]: I live in Maryland but all my relatives and friends live in NJ. I actually have a saved MS Word file of the directions of the best way to avoid that stupid toll on 95 that I send to anyone who is planning to come visit me. It’s something that all people in that, or the opposite, situation should have. New Jersey may have alot of toll roads, but at least it isn’t $4 to travel 10 miles on a road that almost none of your instate residents travel. Nice job fucktarded Delaware. You may have crappy public schools…but at least you can buy that big screen tv with no sales tax!!!

  48. LoweredPeninsula

    Michigan’s will be the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore. ‘The fuck?! It’s quite literally going to look like a blob on the quarter.

    What they need to put on our quarter is a crumbling abandoned auto factory, most of which are quite literally state and national historic places and landmarks.

  49. Count Spatula

    In my day, we held onto to our ha’-penny designs until until the cows came home …but they never did. Nowadays they issue new coins at the frickin drop of a hat.

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