Wonkette
WONKETTE, AMERICA’S MOST TRUSTED MARITIME NEWSWIRE, CONFIRMS REUTERS’ STORY ABOUT THIS MORNING’S POTOMAC BOAT WAR. The details: two boats, one belonging to the Coast Guard, were involved in a terrible sea battle in which the Coast Guard boat fired a shot at Other Boat (the underdog!!) as Other Boat started doing something weird over by the Pentagon during this morning’s 9/11-themed activities. [Reuters]
And it is being called a training exercise by the news, which you people apparently don’t watch, so it is nothing to be scared about. Just be pissed about the stupidity of people who schedule these things.
First Barry orders a Flight 175 re-enactment over Manhattan, now this. I want my America back!!
Captain Stubbing never dealt with Julie’s depression over this day. He knows how she goes all Bailey’s and vodka this time every year. Now she’s taken to having target practice. Tsk, tsk.
God damn the internet. If it weren’t for modern techmologies we could have had the War of 1812 all over again.
I blame T-Pain.
http://tinyurl.com/ckncf2
9/11 II: Electric Boogaloo.
“This Time It’s Personal. And In boats!”
Opens Fall 2009
Giuliani is behind this— somehow.
Anyone seen Bill Richardson lately?
Why does Reuter’s hate America?
user-of-owls: Oh poo…look at the link in the post first, dingbat.
“Bin Ladin Determined To Attack Using Rafts”
Brendan M.:
The Coast Guard authorized a training exercise near the Pentagon when the President was there for the 9/11 ceremony? Ooooh, someone’s got some splainin’ to do.
Not the best of ideas, Coasties.
And of course the guy who came up with the brilliant idea to do this on 9/11 is from… South Carolina! Teach them damn Yankees a thing or two!
BTW, “most trusted maritime newswire” - priceless.
Gallowglass: Brought to you by the same people that scheduled the Air Force One photo op!
“We’re going to need a bigger boat.”
Frankly, I don’t give a huck.
Cheney: “I told you”
Crab1: I thought Todd Palin stuck mostly to snowmobiles (a.k.a. “snow machines,” a.k.a. shut-the-fuck-up, snowbilly).
Now Wonkette is up against Jane’s All the World’s Ass-Fucking?
So what if, apparently, the Coast Guard didn’t inform either the Department of the Interior or the Department of Homeland Security, when the Preznit would be nearby, when exercises that included something that sounds like gunfire, from boats, on the Potomac, would be occurring, during a 9/11 memorial, which couldn’t have been predicted, also.
It’s not like the Secret Service is particularly jumpy about protecting Barack Obama for any particular reason.
What’s that? Oh. Never mind.
The Coast Guard done fucked up. Juli, please be sure to keep us updated on the status of Obama’s blood pressure thoughout the day, won’t you?
20 years later: “It was the Tonkin Gulf all over again. Garbled reports of shots fired, very poor video, politicans and military leaders looking for an excuse to act tough, Dick Cheney getting a boner for a war he then decides to sit out, and before you know it, bam! the Virginia legislature has authorized the governor to take action against the District of Columbia. Poor old neutral Montgomery County gets dragged into it too, and what do we have to show for it? Nothing but 58,000 dead and a million guys with PTSD.”
McDuff: hey, hey, MC is not neutral- we are some tough bitches here.
Katydid: What a shame, since the Coast Guard has had the status of “good kid” of the military-industrial complex ever since Katrina, since they were the one segment of government NOT complicit in drowning 1,800 po’ folks. Way to fuck that up!
POTOTMAC RIVER (AP), Sept. 11, 2001—-Flustered, beffuddled and harangued Metropolitan Police officials have confirmed that a viscious marine battle on the Potomac River this morning was actually a fierce, high-powered shouting match between Keith Olbermann and Bill O’Reilly, who were on opposing boats reporting commemorative activities related to Sept. 11, 2001. Olbermann yelled that his boat was “bigger than yours” to O’Reilly, who immediately responded, “You lie!” Olbermann then squirted O’Reilly with his Super Water Cannon XZ-90, and O’Reilly responded by squirting Olbermann with his FOXNEWS WATER PISTOL 69 model. The U.S. Coast Guard broke up the fight by sinking both of the boats. Olbermann and O’Reilly were rescued, and immediately placed in a Coast Guard stockade at the Pentagon.
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Up next: The Canadian army burns the White House to the ground AS A TRAINING EXERCISE
McDuff: Noam?
jagorev: They let those guys play with matches? Someone could get hurt.