Wonkette
Our little Levi Johnston is known for one thing, and that’s putting his wang into Sarah Palin’s teen-aged daughter’s hoohah. AND YET … his Playgirl pictorial will be ruined by some type of duck blind over his ding-dong. But what will cover Wasilla’s most infamous working-class wiener? Our op-art specialist Lauri Apple has many suggestions.
I vote for the back of Bill Kristol’s head. Denby will probably hold me up to scorn and reprobation. Also.
A small but tasteful death panel would do nicely.
How about some live scorpions that have a bad case of teh crabs?
Are eyepatches already a thing of the past?
Eyepatch panties, natch.
Pit Bull lipstick canister? Crystal Meth pipe?
Boo, Lauri Apple. I suggested the Baby Trig cock ring yesterday, dammit. Booooooooooo.
A trig sock puppet.
I figured it would be Vladimir Putin’s head, exclaiming that he can see it from Russia.
I heard Andrew Sullivan already called dibs.
A condom?
Stick with what made you famous, Levi. Cover your dick with Bristol Palin’s vagina.
Todd suggested using his dong bong.
Cesium codpiece, plz.
If we can’t all look at Levi’s penis, they’re gonna seriously need to work on his facial expressions. When he poses for pictures he sometimes loses the sexy. Hire someone to be in the room and tell him about all the homos that will be fapping to the images he’s making. If that doesn’t make him go GRRRR! then ask him when he’s going to start his American Gay Bar tour, and all the tighty whities he’ll be autographing.
Clearly not a condom, we know that much about him
A fucking redneck?
If he want to be photographed on a glacier, he could use the Alaska commerative quarter. In the cold, all men are created equal.
A walnut shell?
He could simply cloak it inside a freshly butchered baby Blue Whale penis.
Even wearing the Alaska cut-out you could still see his Wasilla.
A bowling pin (white with a red neck, of course).
Joe the Plumber’s sphincter?
A bag with some salt inside.
Definitely a gun holster, a well-regulated Johnson being vital to our national security and all.
I don’t know why it even has to be covered. But, one thing is for sure. This little upstart’s penis is never going to as famous as the number one penis in the world, Mr President Bill Clinton’s johnson.
Damn it, Levi has to earn his Penile Cred. Yes, putting it in a hillbilly’s hoo-ha is a good start, but has he had it in someone’s mouth while talking policy on the phone with a congressman? No? Then, NO!
I’m Pro-Clinton Penis and I vote.
Larry Craig’s mouth?
AKAM80TheWolf: “A bag with some salt and poison inside.”
Much better, I think.
NopantsMcGee: Sorry - the world’s most famous penis remains John Wayne Bobbitt’s…
Easton hockey stick.
well no one said slaughtered turkey yet, so there ya go
I would like to see Levi’s schlong hidden in the butt-cheeks of a kneeling Sarah Palin, and a big “McCain-Palin” bumper sticker covering her mouth.
It should be black and white with a photoshopped picture of Trig (the one with his head as a cowbell) on Levi’s cack. It drips Ansel Adams.
eyepatches, people, eyepatches. as many as it takes. (i’m seconding and thirding the previous motions. all in favor say, “eye!”)
El Pinche: For clarification, this one .
God bless.
The wound in JFK’s head?
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/JFK
Toward the bottom of the page. The Jackie O quote.
How about his mother-in-law’s (or father-in-law’s) hands as a reacharound ala Janet Jackson’s 1993 Rolling Stone cover?
http://i.realone.com/assets/rn/cms/2004/other/Janet_Jackson_rs_958.6478949.jpg
Are eyepatch panties available in camo?
Painting of a cross drawn in the sand by a North Vietnamese prison guard.
I think “johnston” should be the new euphemism we all use for “penis”.
A cockmullet.
Okay, okay, okay… a little OT but I heard a decent joke yesterday that fits here. What’s the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom? The pick pocket snatches watches.
A moose.
teebob2000: Or we could use “levi” to make it more personal.
A sheep to go with Levi’s sheepish grin.
Giraldo Rivera’s beard
Eyepatch with a “Palin 2012″ logo on it.
Suds McKenzie: Mustache damnit,
The animated .gif of Nancy Pelosi - the one with the serpent’s tongue.
AKAM80TheWolf: Effing WIN!!11!!
SC Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer. While posing on the Appalachian Trail.
A picture of Sarah Palin’s johnson.
A bouquet of Alaska’s state flower, the Forget-Me-Not.
hoping 4 edible leopard-skin bikini speedos , 2 b auctioned off on naughtybids.com 2 highest bidder ( me )
This is only titillating (ahem) because everyone thinks he put his thingamajig into Sarah’s hoohaa as well. Getting a christian right teenaged daughter who is butt-ignorant about everything pregnant is something teenaged boys have to work hard NOT to do. We should hand out a special medal to those who manage by some miracle to avoid it. We wouldn’t even have to order the medals in bulk.
rmjag: with unlaundered scrotum stench in place . or maybe same thing in non edible microfibre jockstrap ……….
THE WAIT IS OVER SHEEPLE!
Levi Johnston bares all RIGHT HERE!!!
That eyepatch underwear would work.
I’m still holding out for this little hi-tech number featured at a recent Burning Man get-together.
http://wakaaustingmot.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/scary-merkin.jpg
A box of Trojans would provide the redeeming social content.
Just as long as he doesn’t conceal his truck nutz.
I would be happy to hide it for him. I have a really good place where I like to hide the salami.
Min: Do those look anything like the New York state flower - Nevar-forgets?
By the way, Ms. Apple, lovely job on the op-art works, as per usual!
I spent nearly an hour yesterday searching for images of mens’ moose head thong underwear for an earlier comment, but all I found were moose knuckles and elephant ears. My poor, desecrated browser…
JooJoo Bee: DING! DING! DING! I think this is a winner, and a useful picture for future sex education classes.
Gayer Than Thou: You have to fight me for the privilege.
Speaking of hiding schlongs:
http://blogs.wsj.com/washwire/2009/09/09/former-rep-mark-foley-to-host-radio-program/
The name of the program is “Inside the mind of Mark Foley”.
Can’t you go to prison for going there?
Good old American duct tape.
bloatedwhitetruck: That site is vile.
toothpick?
Godot: Great minds think alike. Either that, or Larry Craig hiding the sausage from the front, and Mark Foley hiding the balls from the rear.
NopantsMcGee: The Clenis is unstoppable. The Clenis is omnipresent and omnipotent. The Clenis is, quite frankly, god, himself.
penis sheath
113 x 182 - 9k - jpg
anthro.palomar.edu
Yellow “thousand mile” tape with a pic of Palin winking and the words “You Betcha!” in honor of our troops.
Andrew Sullivan?
Gayer Than Thou:
You get in line sister!
Hopefully Britol can get her very own pictorial, and her fig leaf could be one of those “drill here, drill now” stickers
A Cockblocker™
the problem child: Too late!!!
Tommy Friedman’s head explaining an open society.