op-art by lauri apple

What Will Levi Johnston Use To Hide His Schlong?

Valley trash.Our little Levi Johnston is known for one thing, and that’s putting his wang into Sarah Palin’s teen-aged daughter’s hoohah. AND YET … his Playgirl pictorial will be ruined by some type of duck blind over his ding-dong. But what will cover Wasilla’s most infamous working-class wiener? Our op-art specialist Lauri Apple has many suggestions.

Little Joe never once gave it away, Everybody had to pay and pay, A hustle here and a hustle there ....

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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79 comments

  1. RoscoePColtraine

    If we can’t all look at Levi’s penis, they’re gonna seriously need to work on his facial expressions. When he poses for pictures he sometimes loses the sexy. Hire someone to be in the room and tell him about all the homos that will be fapping to the images he’s making. If that doesn’t make him go GRRRR! then ask him when he’s going to start his American Gay Bar tour, and all the tighty whities he’ll be autographing.

  2. WadISay

    If he want to be photographed on a glacier, he could use the Alaska commerative quarter. In the cold, all men are created equal.

  3. NopantsMcGee

    I don’t know why it even has to be covered. But, one thing is for sure. This little upstart’s penis is never going to as famous as the number one penis in the world, Mr President Bill Clinton’s johnson.

    Damn it, Levi has to earn his Penile Cred. Yes, putting it in a hillbilly’s hoo-ha is a good start, but has he had it in someone’s mouth while talking policy on the phone with a congressman? No? Then, NO!

    I’m Pro-Clinton Penis and I vote.

  4. the problem child

    [re=409030]AKAM80TheWolf[/re]: “A bag with some salt and poison inside.”

    Much better, I think.

  5. Tundra Grifter

    [re=409041]NopantsMcGee[/re]: Sorry – the world’s most famous penis remains John Wayne Bobbitt’s…

  6. SparkleKitty

    I would like to see Levi’s schlong hidden in the butt-cheeks of a kneeling Sarah Palin, and a big “McCain-Palin” bumper sticker covering her mouth.

  7. El Pinche

    It should be black and white with a photoshopped picture of Trig (the one with his head as a cowbell) on Levi’s cack. It drips Ansel Adams.

  8. slappypaddy

    eyepatches, people, eyepatches. as many as it takes. (i’m seconding and thirding the previous motions. all in favor say, “eye!”)

  9. Kev-O-Tron

    Okay, okay, okay… a little OT but I heard a decent joke yesterday that fits here. What’s the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom? The pick pocket snatches watches.

  10. Darkness

    This is only titillating (ahem) because everyone thinks he put his thingamajig into Sarah’s hoohaa as well. Getting a christian right teenaged daughter who is butt-ignorant about everything pregnant is something teenaged boys have to work hard NOT to do. We should hand out a special medal to those who manage by some miracle to avoid it. We wouldn’t even have to order the medals in bulk.

  11. rmjag

    [re=409183]rmjag[/re]: with unlaundered scrotum stench in place . or maybe same thing in non edible microfibre jockstrap ……….

  12. Extemporanus

    By the way, Ms. Apple, lovely job on the op-art works, as per usual!

    I spent nearly an hour yesterday searching for images of mens’ moose head thong underwear for an earlier comment, but all I found were moose knuckles and elephant ears. My poor, desecrated browser…

  13. Uncle Glenny

    [re=409261]JooJoo Bee[/re]: DING! DING! DING! I think this is a winner, and a useful picture for future sex education classes.

    [re=409344]Gayer Than Thou[/re]: You have to fight me for the privilege.

  14. LoweredPeninsula

    [re=408966]Godot[/re]: Great minds think alike. Either that, or Larry Craig hiding the sausage from the front, and Mark Foley hiding the balls from the rear.

    [re=409041]NopantsMcGee[/re]: The Clenis is unstoppable. The Clenis is omnipresent and omnipotent. The Clenis is, quite frankly, god, himself.

  15. ElRat

    Yellow “thousand mile” tape with a pic of Palin winking and the words “You Betcha!” in honor of our troops.

  16. hunglikejesus

    Hopefully Britol can get her very own pictorial, and her fig leaf could be one of those “drill here, drill now” stickers

Comments are closed.