It is a MEDICAL FACT straight from the basement laboratory of Dr. Charles Boustany that Congressional MVP Joe Wilson has won the Internet for the Republicans today! Hooray! Do not forget though, in your excitement for Wilson’s accomplishment, to pay proper respect to Lindsey Graham and Eric Cantor, who deserve other, lesser athletic superlatives! Last night, Graham and Cantor set USA records in the Who’s Paying Attention the Least competition. Let’s honor them!
“Best ‘Assist’”
Graham has earned this one, hands down, with his excruciatingly awkward indiscriminate clapping. Lindsey Graham hates the dumb public option so much that he will not clap but…”rub his hands together”… as if readying himself to MURDER it.
Graham then did the opposite of clapping, which is releasing a statement about how hurt his feelings are that the public option even exists. “When it comes to the public option, the President is either being disingenuous or misinformed. The public option, contrary to the president’s claims, will eventually lead to a government takeover of our health care system.”
“Good Effort”
Here is Eric Cantor, slime-covered tentacles a’flying, typing away on his Blackberry phone.
Ben Smith has already checked: Cantor was not Twittering any Twitters on his official Twitter.
Everyone please rise as Meghan McCain will now sing the National Anthem.
[Graham and Cantor via Ben Smith]
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{ 66 comments }
Lay off on Cantor, guys. He was just trying to convince his mistress to stop calling him at home at 2:00 am.
Boehner looks more like a pig’s anus every day.
I have to say, watching Cantor and Boner stare at Obama with a mixture of disbelief, smugness, and disdain was… well, it was really kind of gross. Watching them. Their faces and stuff. Bleh.
Ew, ew, ew, why do I find Cantor kind of hot? That smarmy Jew fetish pops up at the most inappropriate times…
Lindsey Graham and Eric Cantor, who deserve other, messier terrific laxatives
FIXED
Lindsey’s aborted clap cannot hope to compete w/ his BFF McCain’s creepy old man sneer to his right.
I missed these two, because I wasn’t paying enough attention.
[re=407779]Serolf Divad[/re]: No, he was trying to score more Britney tix -
The only better way for the GOP to demonstrate what a party of regionalized dumbfucks they’ve become would be if they had five people deliver the rebuttal by popping up out of a cornfield, Hee Haw-style.
Cantor on Twitter: “zomg just got btchn gd seats 4 nxt britny shw!!! dghtrs r mega-hppy!! im dad-o-yr!!!!”
Is it just me, or did Boehner look as though his Poligrip had given way, and he was trying to gum his dentures back in place?
For the first few seconds after the camera panned to McCain I really thought he was dead.
Sen. Graham: “Oh, my, it’s so hawt in he-uh. Johnny, would you be terruhbly put out if I removed my cravate and overgahments?”
Lindey Graham Thought Bubble: “Mmmmmmm…rat dicks….”
Uh-Oh, looks like John Boehner’s drunk again. Maybe the spray-tan he uses has an alcohol base, ’cause he looks like he just got a touch-up.
Gee, they look like Barry shoved their faces into a warm pile of poop. Poor guys. But hey, it could’ve been avoided by PAYING FOR THOSE THINGS.
[re=407799]norbizness[/re]: I read that as “pooping up out of a cornfield.”
Which, upon thinking about it, would work, too.
Is Boehner the really orange one?
Other things Lindsay Graham thinks the president needs to be informed about:
* Fluoridation is a plot to rob virile Americans of their precious bodily fluids
* There are 44 active communists in the president’s Czarist politburo
* “Staying in school” is just the beginning of a vast conspiracy to force students into reeducation camps (called “college”)
* Latinas cannot be objective in their judgment, as their criteria for legal decision-making is founded in whether or not the case in question would be better or worse when combined with pork, cheese and beans.
* As a corollary, the Latinas in question must always be presumed as having dealt it, whether or not they in fact smelt it.
[re=407799]norbizness[/re]: Brilliant. That could be a regular bit on The Daily Show.
[re=407805]mephistopheles jefferson[/re]: [re=407806]dijetlo[/re]: Oh, you two. Y’all both know that Lin-Lin was thinking this:
“If only Chuck Grassley had used a condom, I wouldn’t be dripping out of my voluptuous granny panties. So messy!”
[re=407799]norbizness[/re]:
“Doom, Despair, and Agony say we!
A Public Heathcare option will cause excessive misery!
If we don’t Block Obama, Our republic it will fall!
Doom, Despair, and Agony say we!”
[re=407813]doxastic[/re]: You too, Sir, are brilliant. This thread is filled with comic greatness.
You know, I would take Republican “claims to know” more seriously if <a href=”http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/rulings/pants-fire/”the Politifact pants-on-fire lie list weren’t such a murderer’s row of GOP credibility and intellectual heft: Florida GOP, Limbaugh, Taitz, Blount, Palin, McCaughey, Beck, Bachmann (x3!), Liberty Counsel, Gingrich, King (Steve), IBD, and the true foundation of their policy platforms, “chain email”
No damned insurance blabbing would keep Cantor from getting to Level Four on Critter Crunch.
Hee hee hee haw haw
Hee hee hee haw haw
[re=407791]Norbert[/re]: They could try these Messier objects instead. They’re meant to be inserted rectally.
You know who else used his BlackBerry often during srs gubmint bizness? Mark Foley.
[re=407782]thejesusandmarycheney[/re]: I think if you really listen to his hideous nasal voice and imagine it whispering dirty things in your shell-like ears you will rid yourself of all your base desires for this character…maybe you could imagine double-teaming the Levin Brothers, Sandy and Carl? Just trying to help.
[re=407793]Clamps[/re]: That’s a Cheney sneer. It’s obvious that McCain passed away last year and Cheney donned a McCain disguise in a futile attempt to gain power. And he’d have gotten away with it too it it weren’t for you meddling kids.
Hey, I live on the West Coast, but is there a fortune waiting to be made in opening a Rat Dicks Marquet in the D.C. area for these guys, or has that niche been filled awready?
I should hate to relocate, but my capitalist genes are not completely dormant.
[re=407799]norbizness[/re]: agreed.
Cantor looks so pasty next to Boehner’s orangy goodness.
[re=407815]Paterlanger[/re]: I have obtained exclusive footage of the rebuttal originally planned by Cantor and Boehner.
[re=407782]thejesusandmarycheney[/re]: I thought he was Stephen Colbert there for a minute…
Olympics? Wait a minute…what channel is my new favorite show on? I can’t wait for the next episode of “Which Utter Dickwad Is Embarrassing South Carolina Now?”
[re=407779]Serolf Divad[/re]: I think that’s a capital-M mistress, as in “plz Mstrss Coulter may I srv U 2NITE???” (used to think he had a bad case of (closeted) teh gay, but now this seems much more likely
Fuck OFF, Juli! If Eric Cantor wants to play with his Gameboy during class, he should be allowed to do it, because his parents disallowed him from hearing Obama’s speech. Why do you hate our freedumbs?
[re=407827]jasper f. krone[/re]: Coinkidonk! I JUST learned about these from my neighbour who showed me her book on Messier objects. c’est bizzare! my stars!
She did not mention anything about rectal insertion but it’s only a matter of time.
Joe Wilson’s main page for his site is down, presumably b/c of high volume. HOWEVER, you can go directly to his comment page for fun and games here: http://www.house.gov/formwilson/IMA/issue.htm
Jesus, that picture. Laura probably spends her days thinking she ran over the wrong dude afterall.
Turns out that Joe Wilson violated House Rules by calling the president a liar. Pelosi could have had the Sergent at Arm toss him out, or present the Mace. Personally, I would have loved to see him get the mace.
Eric Cantor is so in trouble as we come to the High Holidays. Rahm is going to talk to the Lord about Eric and the Book of Life.
[re=407871]freakishlystrong[/re]: win.
[re=407874]WIDTAP[/re]: HAHA. Joe Wilson Day is FUN!
Sorry if someone posted this already, but it turns out that everyone is sending money to Joe Wilson’s opponent.
[re=407799]norbizness[/re]: Nicely done!
[re=407799]norbizness[/re]: I believe that’s how they auditioned the possible rebuttees.
It is a medical fact that Republican politicians have their heads up the Insurance companies asses and also their own. Which explains why they had trouble hearing what the president said and therefore didn’t know whether to clap or not.
They need the Public Option to medically withdraw their heads from said asses.
Is it just me, or does Lindsay Graham seem sort of, well, gay? He’s kind of prissy and he lisps, and who has a name like “Lindsay” anyway? Plus he’s from a state where the lieutenant governor is named “Andre.” I’m just sayin’
Cantor was just confirming his plans for Rosh Hashanah. It’s the High Holy Days, people! Hey, you know who else hated the Jews…
[re=407782]thejesusandmarycheney[/re]: Fear not, it’s just a relic of your crush on Dr. Egon Spengler.
[re=407896]hiphophitler[/re]: Sort of? Where’ve you been, son?
[re=407896]hiphophitler[/re]: It is a well-known medical fact around here that Lindsay Graham is, in fact, as gay as a songbird. I do believe one of our illustrious commenters was mentioned on The Daily Show for remarking on this obvious fact with considerable eloquence.
I just want to explode the Boehner spray on tan myth. The guy has a 7.5 golf handicap. That chewy orangy glow comes from UV A and B rays smacking into Boehner skin…for 5-6 hours a day on a golf course.
[re=407920]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Songbird, eh? “Cawk! Cawk!”
[re=407799]norbizness[/re]: Saaaaalute!!!11!!1
If I were Lindsey Graham, I think now would be the best time EVER to just come out (and he’d have to switch parties, obvs., as a ghey would never win a primary as a Republican in SC).
Think about it: his most notable fellow SC politicians are Mark “Argentine Trail” Sanford and Joe “You Lie” Wilson. Even South Carolinians would probably be ‘meh’ about that development at this point.
Queens of Lindsay’s vintage, I mean advanced years, love the feel of the closet. All those feathers and furs next to his old military uniforms make him feel all warm and cozy.
He’s just demonstrating the Lindsay Graham soul clap.
And Cantor? Can he help it if His Hotnessess Blackberry is ringin’ off the hook?
There’s no excuse for The Boner.
[re=407841]norbizness[/re]: As Towmater would say, “I don’t care who ya are, that’s funny!” And by the way, being able to footnote your earlier comment with a link to video like that, that’s why the internet exists, thank god. We’ve come so far since Borges and Derrida.
Actually, Cantor’s twitters have been found under his alternative account “BlackLeatherGod”:
Boehner giving me hand job now. Hands like leather, but nothing is like getting yanked in the House Chamber with Obama smiling at me.
[re=407804]aleks[/re]: In an alternate universe created by Rick Davis and Lindsay Graham, McCain is already dead. He won the presidency but died the day after a celebratory hump with Cindy, so Palin is now Preznit. Remember this, the World According to Davis?
“Obama is running out of states if you follow out a traditional model. Today, he expanded his buy into North Dakota, Georgia and Arizona in an attempt to widen the playing field and find his 270 Electoral Votes. This is a very tall order and trying to expand into new states in the final hours shows he doesn’t have the votes to win… In short: the McCain campaign is surging in the final 72 hours. Our grassroots campaign is vibrant and communicating to voters in a very powerful way. Our television presence is strong. And, we have a secret ingredient – A candidate who will never quit and who will never stop fighting for you and for your families.”
[re=407779]Serolf Divad[/re]: He gave his real phone number? He doesn’t have a separate whore phone?
I’m confused. I thought a government take over of health care was the entire POINT of the public option. Someone please explain this me. Thank you.
First, silly Juli; everyone knows that Jews have claws, not tentacles.
Secondly, did anyone notice the all of the Republicans chewing fucking gum?! They looked like a bunch of immature schoolchildren who’d been sent to dentention. I particularly noticed smug-looking Thaddeus McCotter, one of my state’s congressional delegation, and brilliantly white (as in quite literally glowing), doing it.
Looking on the right side of the aisle resembled looking upon a Saturday afternoon at the La Jolla County Club clubhouse.
i agree to this -http://bit.ly/ag_opportunity/?refer=wonkette
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