Last Night’s Winners: Seniors, Derek Jeter; Losers: Joe Wilson, God

  daily briefing
  • Obama gave some big speech about health care last night. Joe Wilson gave some small speech about dishonesty and its practitioners. [New York Times]
  • As with all political acts, of any kind, anywhere in America, the big winners of last night’s speech were “Independents” and “seniors.” [Washington Post]
  • Here is a round-up of the GOP’s disrespectful forms of non-violent protest: homemade posters! Joe Wilson! Scattered “ooh” sounds! [Washington Post]
  • God, you know, God, ordered some Bolivian guy to hijack a jet flying from LA to Mexico City. Everyone is okay, except God, who feels a bit foolish. [AP]
  • Professional sports athlete Derek Jeter hit as many baseballs with a baseball bat as fellow “New York Yankee” Lou Gehrig. This has earned him the baseball equivalent of the Super Bowl (high praise). [WSJ]
  • Oh and while all this happened, Iran became nuclear-capable! [New York Times]

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Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

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44 comments

  1. slappypaddy

    good news from iran. now maybe we can stop it with all this seventh-grader stuff over health care “reform” and get back to the business of killing people in the middle east. time to grow up and stop the bickering, start the slaughtering. who wants to be first?

  2. 4tehlulz

    It’s nice to know that the Times kept Curveball’s number in the Rolodex. Good sources shouldn’t go to waste.

  3. Johnny Zhivago

    [re=407484]slappypaddy[/re]: I’d say start with Belgium – they’re a bunch of pussies and probably won’t even fight back – plus we earn kudos from the Muslim world for bombing a Christian country for a change.

  4. hobospacejunkie

    Congratulations Iran! Now for the easy part: designing & building a device capable of splitting or fusing atoms while hurling itself across the Middle East at supersonic speeds. Mazel Tov!

  5. Johnny Zhivago

    [re=407488]finallyhappy[/re]: Actually he’s been called over to the Rose Garden at 4pm for a beer waterboarding.

  6. T-thyme

    I was more shocked at the way Orangey McBoner started the day, saying Obama’s Health Care Speech ‘Will Try to Put Lipstick on This Pig’

    Why does Boner hate Sarah Palin so much?

  7. hobospacejunkie

    [re=407488]finallyhappy[/re]: Why not their sweaty balls after lunchtime basketball? With Gov. Sanford watching & taking notes, furiously.

  8. hobospacejunkie

    So how soon ’til marmel pokes its ugly, blog-whoring death’s head in here & stinks up the joint?

  9. steverino247

    [re=407493]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: Fuck the Royal Navy. Whip some William Tecumseh Sherman on their asses, baby!

  10. V572625694

    What the fuck is wrong with South Carolina? Can the electorate be that profoundly stupid? Charleston’s a beautiful city, somebody had to have built it. Look at that place, what do they call it…the Citadel: beautiful campus!

    Oh, right, it was slaves who built Charleston. And “the Citadel” was where the white people intended to lock themselves up in case there was a slave rebellion.

    All right then, let’s ask Governor Sanford what the problem is

    Where’d he go?

    Carry on, Rep Wilson!

  11. gurukalehuru

    Joe Wilson’s real name is ADDISON. He LIED about his name to get elected. He is a LIAR. This is FUN.

  12. 4tehlulz

    [re=407498]V572625694[/re]: I think “What isn’t wrong with South Carolina?” would be an easier list to compile.

  13. smellyal8r

    Thank you Joe Wilson. Thank you, thank you, thank you. This will be the clip shown ’round the world. Every GOP vet who gets all teary about this country and its President (no matter who it is) are now really pissed at you. Hooray! If Sheila Jackson Lee had shouted that at W during a speech in the chamber, we’d have never heard the end of it. I’m hoping the same is true now.

  14. the problem child

    Turns out the Bolivian hijacker was not only a maker of youtube gospel, but a self-described preacher. And scared of 09-09-09. Because it is 60-60-60 upside down? Are we sure he isn’t from Texas?

  15. ManchuCandidate

    Some guy on a non NY (or Bawstun) MLB team gets 3000 hits, 300 wins or pops 60+ Hrs (non stereo assisted) and all they get is a polite golf clap from the NY media. Some NY yankme gets ties a guy who had an iron horse for number of hits and they suddenly go fucking wild as if he won the world series and conquered the fucking universe.

    Wake me up when Jeter gets 4000 hits and/or bangs 20000 women.

  16. glamourdammerung

    [re=407498]V572625694[/re]: Also, keep in mind that South Carolina is the same state that started firing on American troops in that “War of Northern Aggression” they still cry about. They have a long, proud tradition of being fools and traitors.

  17. V572625694

    [re=407506]ManchuCandidate[/re]: New Yorkistan is the most self-centered place on earth, although Venice is close.

  18. T-thyme

    [re=407507]glamourdammerung[/re]: Pity that secession thing didn’t work out. Then they could be flying their dumbass loser traitor confed flag over their own cunt-ry instead of in our country.

  19. hobospacejunkie

    [re=407511]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Never trust anyone named after a disease, that is. And never post before fully waking up.

  20. V572625694

    [re=407493]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: There’s some vintage crazee on that Web site: no birth control! No marriage licenses! Fight the power!

  21. gurukalehuru

    Actually, I think this heckling thing is kind of cool and I hope it catches on. I just wish the Democrats had acted that way when Bush was president. (According to Matt Drudge, they did. I guess I must have missed that speech)

  22. Carl Spakler

    A perusal of the TV box this morning: Fox never disappoints. little Joey fuckface and Prez speech were all copiously absent from their round of AM idiocy. After enduring that, I must now go soak in a bleach filled tub for the next 2 days.

  23. bureaucrap

    [re=407483]Alpha O. Mega[/re]: Exactly. And I’m sure we’ll hear some GOP yahoo refer to Obama with that word before the year is up.

  24. McDuff

    From the Milbank piece in the Post: “An incensed White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel went up to GOP Reps. Roy Blunt (Mo.) and Paul Ryan (Wis.) to complain about the outburst. ‘No president has ever had that happen,’ Emanuel said. ‘My advice is he apologize immediately. You know my number.’”

    Milbank’s editors, of course, had to tone down his original draft which read, “Waving a switch blade and speaking to GOP Reps. Roy Blunt and Paul Ryan, Emanuel said, ‘That motherf*cking son of a bitch piece of shit had better f*cking apologize or I’m gonna f*cking put his f*cking balls in a f*cking vice before I f*cking cut’em off and f*cking feed them to f*cking Bo, and, by the motherf*cking way, Roy, does your wife f*cking know about that f*cking eye patch-wearing lobbyist over there at that f*cking whorehouse on C Street? You f*cking pricks know my god damn f*cking number.’”

  25. user-of-owls

    Our Bolivian friend actually jacked a flight from Cancun to the DF, not LA. Easy mistake, though. Both cities are on the coast, Spanish-speaking and wracked with crime and poverty.

    Oh, one more thing. He told flight attendants he had three accomplices. After he was arrested he told the police the names of said accomplices: the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. So Dad’s not the only one feeling sheepish, Junior and Sacred Casper are blushing too.

  26. flyingspaghettimonster

    Want a closer relationship with JEEBUS? Just become a drug addict. Jeebus loves drug addicts!! Funny how he never EVER talks to the normals… he hates normals.

  27. Downtheroadapiece

    I love that Bolivian dude. It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside to know that ‘Merikuh don’t hold the monopoly on the crazies.

  28. SparkleKitty

    Addleberry Wilson’s supporters are gatherin’ up their kin to help ol’ Addleberry. In Sphincter, SC, the locals who voted for Addleberry are showin’ their support of their local hero by loadin’ up all their boxes of gubmit cheese, their WIC vouchers, their food-stamp debit cards, their medicaid cards, and settin’ fire to em’.

  29. GreenHalo

    Yeah, if my buyer’s remorse had curdled into Stockholm Syndrome, I’d hate Independents a squillion times worse than Republicans too. That’s gotta be like a paper cut across your soul, considering, um, how Obama got elected in the first place. The will of the people demanding a seamless economic-policy transition, the escalation of Vietghanistan, pretending Camp X-ray doesn’t exist, and so forth. Oh, and peace love and dope between black people and white people.

    I skipped the deja-vu campaign speech last night and drank with professional stats majors. Word on the pollster street is — no, the words, plural — “Black Carter” and “pussies.” That’s the freestyle competition after a bunch of “better, worse, the same, no opinion” questions, during which most people hang up in boredom and then complain that polls are made-up bullshit. Of course polls are boring; you think proctologists get a giant charge out of their work?

    Dittoheads are ready to wear Semtex vests studded with nails. Disillusionment and accurate political awareness correlate damn closely with having voted for Obama. Ezra-Sully Greenwald can pound sand, but a lot of registered voters outside Iowa want to know when all those Dems they voted for are going to pull up their pants, get off the couch and act like grownups. I scanned last night’s Rorschach blot earlier and I’m damn glad I don’t get paid to pretend Obama plays 16-dimensional chess, because you can draw just about any conclusion you like from that marshmallow parade.

    Oh! Um. I find Rachel Maddow sexually attractive, and I came twice in my pants and then burst into tears behind the Kennedy death letter. I’m like, duh! I almost forgot my bona fides.

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