DAILY BRIEFING  8:30 am September 10, 2009

Last Night’s Winners: Seniors, Derek Jeter; Losers: Joe Wilson, God

by Juli Weiner

  • Obama gave some big speech about health care last night. Joe Wilson gave some small speech about dishonesty and its practitioners. [New York Times]
  • As with all political acts, of any kind, anywhere in America, the big winners of last night’s speech were “Independents” and “seniors.” [Washington Post]
  • Here is a round-up of the GOP’s disrespectful forms of non-violent protest: homemade posters! Joe Wilson! Scattered “ooh” sounds! [Washington Post]
  • God, you know, God, ordered some Bolivian guy to hijack a jet flying from LA to Mexico City. Everyone is okay, except God, who feels a bit foolish. [AP]
  • Professional sports athlete Derek Jeter hit as many baseballs with a baseball bat as fellow “New York Yankee” Lou Gehrig. This has earned him the baseball equivalent of the Super Bowl (high praise). [WSJ]
  • Oh and while all this happened, Iran became nuclear-capable! [New York Times]
 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 44 comments }

4tehlulz September 10, 2009 at 8:38 am

God is the ultimate troll.

proudgrampa September 10, 2009 at 8:39 am

The Republicans continue to implode. What fun!

Alpha O. Mega September 10, 2009 at 8:43 am

Kudos to Joe Wilson for restraining himself. What he wanted to say was, “You lie, n*****!”

slappypaddy September 10, 2009 at 8:43 am

good news from iran. now maybe we can stop it with all this seventh-grader stuff over health care “reform” and get back to the business of killing people in the middle east. time to grow up and stop the bickering, start the slaughtering. who wants to be first?

Johnny Zhivago September 10, 2009 at 8:44 am

It would have been a perfect evening if only they had Sarah Palin deliver the follow-up address…

4tehlulz September 10, 2009 at 8:45 am

It’s nice to know that the Times kept Curveball’s number in the Rolodex. Good sources shouldn’t go to waste.

finallyhappy September 10, 2009 at 8:45 am

I hear Joe Wilson has to clean Rahm and Obama’s shoes today – with his tongue.

Johnny Zhivago September 10, 2009 at 8:47 am

[re=407484]slappypaddy[/re]: I’d say start with Belgium – they’re a bunch of pussies and probably won’t even fight back – plus we earn kudos from the Muslim world for bombing a Christian country for a change.

hobospacejunkie September 10, 2009 at 8:48 am

Congratulations Iran! Now for the easy part: designing & building a device capable of splitting or fusing atoms while hurling itself across the Middle East at supersonic speeds. Mazel Tov!

Johnny Zhivago September 10, 2009 at 8:49 am

[re=407488]finallyhappy[/re]: Actually he’s been called over to the Rose Garden at 4pm for a beer waterboarding.

T-thyme September 10, 2009 at 8:50 am

I was more shocked at the way Orangey McBoner started the day, saying Obama’s Health Care Speech ‘Will Try to Put Lipstick on This Pig’

Why does Boner hate Sarah Palin so much?

ForTheTurnstiles September 10, 2009 at 8:53 am

Can’t we just let these fuckers take Joe Wilson back to Jesusstan?

http://www.christianexodus.com/

Or can we politely ask the Royal Navy to “take back” the Carolinas?

hobospacejunkie September 10, 2009 at 8:54 am

[re=407488]finallyhappy[/re]: Why not their sweaty balls after lunchtime basketball? With Gov. Sanford watching & taking notes, furiously.

hobospacejunkie September 10, 2009 at 8:56 am

So how soon ’til marmel pokes its ugly, blog-whoring death’s head in here & stinks up the joint?

steverino247 September 10, 2009 at 9:01 am

[re=407493]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: Fuck the Royal Navy. Whip some William Tecumseh Sherman on their asses, baby!

V572625694 September 10, 2009 at 9:02 am

What the fuck is wrong with South Carolina? Can the electorate be that profoundly stupid? Charleston’s a beautiful city, somebody had to have built it. Look at that place, what do they call it…the Citadel: beautiful campus!

Oh, right, it was slaves who built Charleston. And “the Citadel” was where the white people intended to lock themselves up in case there was a slave rebellion.

All right then, let’s ask Governor Sanford what the problem is

Where’d he go?

Carry on, Rep Wilson!

gurukalehuru September 10, 2009 at 9:04 am

Joe Wilson’s real name is ADDISON. He LIED about his name to get elected. He is a LIAR. This is FUN.

4tehlulz September 10, 2009 at 9:05 am

[re=407498]V572625694[/re]: I think “What isn’t wrong with South Carolina?” would be an easier list to compile.

freakishlystrong September 10, 2009 at 9:05 am

Anybody else ashamed of the Strident Minority this am?

pirate of blackwater September 10, 2009 at 9:05 am

Time to give SC a taste of their own medicine. Plz reinstate the Scorch The Earth policy.

smellyal8r September 10, 2009 at 9:07 am

Thank you Joe Wilson. Thank you, thank you, thank you. This will be the clip shown ’round the world. Every GOP vet who gets all teary about this country and its President (no matter who it is) are now really pissed at you. Hooray! If Sheila Jackson Lee had shouted that at W during a speech in the chamber, we’d have never heard the end of it. I’m hoping the same is true now.

the problem child September 10, 2009 at 9:09 am

Turns out the Bolivian hijacker was not only a maker of youtube gospel, but a self-described preacher. And scared of 09-09-09. Because it is 60-60-60 upside down? Are we sure he isn’t from Texas?

ManchuCandidate September 10, 2009 at 9:09 am

Some guy on a non NY (or Bawstun) MLB team gets 3000 hits, 300 wins or pops 60+ Hrs (non stereo assisted) and all they get is a polite golf clap from the NY media. Some NY yankme gets ties a guy who had an iron horse for number of hits and they suddenly go fucking wild as if he won the world series and conquered the fucking universe.

Wake me up when Jeter gets 4000 hits and/or bangs 20000 women.

glamourdammerung September 10, 2009 at 9:10 am

[re=407498]V572625694[/re]: Also, keep in mind that South Carolina is the same state that started firing on American troops in that “War of Northern Aggression” they still cry about. They have a long, proud tradition of being fools and traitors.

V572625694 September 10, 2009 at 9:16 am

[re=407506]ManchuCandidate[/re]: New Yorkistan is the most self-centered place on earth, although Venice is close.

slappypaddy September 10, 2009 at 9:16 am

[re=407489]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: didn’t they invent cheese whiz? bombs away!

T-thyme September 10, 2009 at 9:17 am

[re=407507]glamourdammerung[/re]: Pity that secession thing didn’t work out. Then they could be flying their dumbass loser traitor confed flag over their own cunt-ry instead of in our country.

hobospacejunkie September 10, 2009 at 9:17 am

[re=407500]gurukalehuru[/re]: Never anyone named after a disease.

hobospacejunkie September 10, 2009 at 9:20 am

[re=407511]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Never trust anyone named after a disease, that is. And never post before fully waking up.

V572625694 September 10, 2009 at 9:20 am

[re=407493]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: There’s some vintage crazee on that Web site: no birth control! No marriage licenses! Fight the power!

gurukalehuru September 10, 2009 at 9:21 am

Actually, I think this heckling thing is kind of cool and I hope it catches on. I just wish the Democrats had acted that way when Bush was president. (According to Matt Drudge, they did. I guess I must have missed that speech)

Carl Spakler September 10, 2009 at 9:23 am

A perusal of the TV box this morning: Fox never disappoints. little Joey fuckface and Prez speech were all copiously absent from their round of AM idiocy. After enduring that, I must now go soak in a bleach filled tub for the next 2 days.

bureaucrap September 10, 2009 at 9:24 am

[re=407483]Alpha O. Mega[/re]: Exactly. And I’m sure we’ll hear some GOP yahoo refer to Obama with that word before the year is up.

the problem child September 10, 2009 at 9:25 am

Joe Wilson’s webzit was down last night and still is. But you can share the love with him at http://www.house.gov/formwilson/IMA/issue.htm

finallyhappy September 10, 2009 at 9:35 am

[re=407517]the problem child[/re]: I did, thanks!

TGY September 10, 2009 at 9:35 am

[re=407497]steverino247[/re]: Goddamn YES!!

McDuff September 10, 2009 at 9:39 am

From the Milbank piece in the Post: “An incensed White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel went up to GOP Reps. Roy Blunt (Mo.) and Paul Ryan (Wis.) to complain about the outburst. ‘No president has ever had that happen,’ Emanuel said. ‘My advice is he apologize immediately. You know my number.’”

Milbank’s editors, of course, had to tone down his original draft which read, “Waving a switch blade and speaking to GOP Reps. Roy Blunt and Paul Ryan, Emanuel said, ‘That motherf*cking son of a bitch piece of shit had better f*cking apologize or I’m gonna f*cking put his f*cking balls in a f*cking vice before I f*cking cut’em off and f*cking feed them to f*cking Bo, and, by the motherf*cking way, Roy, does your wife f*cking know about that f*cking eye patch-wearing lobbyist over there at that f*cking whorehouse on C Street? You f*cking pricks know my god damn f*cking number.’”

Car Ramrod September 10, 2009 at 10:00 am

Just to be clear: this is the same god that’s going to make Michelle Bachmann run for president?

ManchuCandidate September 10, 2009 at 10:03 am

[re=407557]Car Ramrod[/re]:
Yes. The name’s not God though, but GAAAAAAWD.

user-of-owls September 10, 2009 at 10:04 am

Our Bolivian friend actually jacked a flight from Cancun to the DF, not LA. Easy mistake, though. Both cities are on the coast, Spanish-speaking and wracked with crime and poverty.

Oh, one more thing. He told flight attendants he had three accomplices. After he was arrested he told the police the names of said accomplices: the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. So Dad’s not the only one feeling sheepish, Junior and Sacred Casper are blushing too.

flyingspaghettimonster September 10, 2009 at 10:06 am

Want a closer relationship with JEEBUS? Just become a drug addict. Jeebus loves drug addicts!! Funny how he never EVER talks to the normals… he hates normals.

Downtheroadapiece September 10, 2009 at 11:56 am

I love that Bolivian dude. It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside to know that ‘Merikuh don’t hold the monopoly on the crazies.

SparkleKitty September 10, 2009 at 1:39 pm

Addleberry Wilson’s supporters are gatherin’ up their kin to help ol’ Addleberry. In Sphincter, SC, the locals who voted for Addleberry are showin’ their support of their local hero by loadin’ up all their boxes of gubmit cheese, their WIC vouchers, their food-stamp debit cards, their medicaid cards, and settin’ fire to em’.

GreenHalo September 10, 2009 at 2:03 pm

Yeah, if my buyer’s remorse had curdled into Stockholm Syndrome, I’d hate Independents a squillion times worse than Republicans too. That’s gotta be like a paper cut across your soul, considering, um, how Obama got elected in the first place. The will of the people demanding a seamless economic-policy transition, the escalation of Vietghanistan, pretending Camp X-ray doesn’t exist, and so forth. Oh, and peace love and dope between black people and white people.

I skipped the deja-vu campaign speech last night and drank with professional stats majors. Word on the pollster street is — no, the words, plural — “Black Carter” and “pussies.” That’s the freestyle competition after a bunch of “better, worse, the same, no opinion” questions, during which most people hang up in boredom and then complain that polls are made-up bullshit. Of course polls are boring; you think proctologists get a giant charge out of their work?

Dittoheads are ready to wear Semtex vests studded with nails. Disillusionment and accurate political awareness correlate damn closely with having voted for Obama. Ezra-Sully Greenwald can pound sand, but a lot of registered voters outside Iowa want to know when all those Dems they voted for are going to pull up their pants, get off the couch and act like grownups. I scanned last night’s Rorschach blot earlier and I’m damn glad I don’t get paid to pretend Obama plays 16-dimensional chess, because you can draw just about any conclusion you like from that marshmallow parade.

Oh! Um. I find Rachel Maddow sexually attractive, and I came twice in my pants and then burst into tears behind the Kennedy death letter. I’m like, duh! I almost forgot my bona fides.

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