Wonkette
At this actual moment a bunch of congressmen and senators are getting high in their offices before sitting down to listen to this nut, Obama, try to explain yet again why he wants to kill, literally murder with jackknives and poisons and AIDS, the Greatest Generation & babies. Is that any kind of “good” public policy? Doesn’t he know that they do this in Europe, which is stagnant? He loves Europe. Anyway let’s see what the dingbats are saying on cable news, in this very important pre-speech liveblog.
7:35 — We are watching, hmm, MSNBC. None of your editors have watched this channel or any of the other channels since… whenever the last primetime liveblog was? Goodness! Willard Scott and Brian Gumbel still manning the desk here?
7:36 — Ha ha evil Dick Cheney commercial. It is a commercial touting the evil of Dick Cheney.
7:36 — Brian Williams wants us to buy some DVD of him blowing Barack Obama, from INSIDE THE WHITE HOUSE. We’ll take nine.
7:37 — BACK FROM COMMERCIALS. Some guy we’ve never seen before has, on his panel, David Gregory and his “black foil,” Clarence Page, who has fun glasses. So… going with the C-team tonight. Where is that nice lesbian?
7:40 — No but seriously. Who is the guy running this panel. Looks like Sam Shepard, talks like Lincoln Chafee. Wait! Even kind of looks like Lincoln Chafee! Is it Lincoln Chafee? Could someone just e-mail jim@wonkette.com and tell us who this guy is??
7:43 — David Gregory decides that reform, REFORM, cannot simply be “throwing government money at people.” David Gregory sucks.
7:47 — You know who we miss is the Cum Goblin.
7:48 — Chris Matthews is coming out after the commercial break, to replace [Anonymous]. He is bringing with him a sportscaster named Keith Olbermann, who likes to yell at people from other networks who have higher ratings than him.
7:49 — Ahh, it’s MADDOW and Olbermann; no Tweetage.
7:50 — Keith Olbermann is talking about his personal dealings with the health care system for the second time this year. We’re just gonna… yeah… whew… just let that one go. HEY RACHEL SAY SOMETHING.
7:52 — Local experimental cartographer “Nikolas” send us a rudimentary outline for a drinking game, so here it is. COPY + PASTE:
1 - shot for universal health care
1 - shot for exchanges
1 - shot for 9/11
1 - shot for health insurance corporation
1 - shot for trigger
1 - shot for public option
1 - shot for town hall
1 - shot for reform
1 - shot for Ted KennedyFeel free to modify and add your own key words.
1 shot for trigger, 2 shots for Trig.
7:53 — Olbermann: BLOODSUCKING TYRANNY OF THE GREATEST EVIL, I SAYETH. (Talking about the current healthcare system.)
7:56 — FOR THE LAST TIME: WHO IS THE SECRET MSNBC ANCHOR? Is it “Anne Mary Cocks” or whatever?
7:57 — Boehner looks devastatingly orange. He is on fire. He uses his own self to light a cigarette.
7:59 — Nancy Pelosi is reading an instruction manual for robots now, into the microphone. This is called Congressional Procedure. This night is a disgrace.
8:00 — Rachel Maddow says that the Progressive Caucus will never back down from its stand on the public option. We have no comment on that. Oops it’s starting!
Go read JULI’S LIVEBLOG for the next half-hour, it will be funnier.
What are they saying? What are they saying? I don’t have a teevee in my cubicle.
This should turn out well…
can i get sick now?
AnnieGetYourFun: It depends which channel you are watching. Right now Fox is talking about what kind of flare the old people will be wearing after tonight.
I’m watching the show on Wonkette.
Don’t have the stomach for Faux, etc.
~
w00t! my ferst lavblawg!
I supposed the Congressguys are getting in one last spank. It would seem appropriate if health care lobbyists wore eyepatch underwear.
If he’d just announce a public health option that came with a free Smith & Wesson when you signed up, he’d checkmate the Republicans and Blue Dogs.
Where’s tingle leg? LAME!
This is THE SPEECH where every evil leader pulls off their rubber human mask and vaporizes the opposition.
“HAHA! YOU FOOLZ!!!!11″
oh please let it be…
Tonight’s the Night (da da da daa)
The sign is wrong. Should be So You Think You Can DIE.
First time commenter on Wonkette (yay!) and this seems like the best place to participate in a liveblog.
Am i wrong to want to make a drinking game out of this speech i’m almost sure i’m going to need it before it’s over?
Does Aljezeera have a live stream? I think I would enjoy seeing the speech simulcast in Arabic.
Neil Young will open the speech tonight with the song “Sugar Mountain.”
um.. Drinking Game is ??
Basic cable. No MSNBC or CNN. Still get Fox for some reason. Watching Shep Smith talk about progress in breast cancer treatments. Waiting for the inevitable “titty” slip.
David Gregory has clearly never had a pile of government money thrown at his naked body, like I have. It is actually quite awesome.
It is the absolutely delightful and delicious Lawrence O’Donnell, who should have had his own show a long time ago.
Would someone let me know when Barry pulls his trucknutz out of chuck grassley’s purse and starts talking r-e-c-o-n-c-i-l-i-a-t-i-o-n?
I’d so go gay for Rachel Maddow. Ohhh, me likey the lipstick.
Suds McKenzie: Open your mouth, pour back grain alcohol, try to make it into work the next morning. Just like every other Wonkette function.
Suds McKenzie: Anytime David Gregory is a tremendous douche, overdose on heroin.
I’ve got beer. I’ve got Indian food. Let’s get this show on the road
Thanks be to God we have David Gregory to guide us.
If you were married to the Cum Goblin, would you care that he was fucking a lobbyist? I ask because if he was my husband, I would be secretly relieved to know that I could take everything from him in the divorce, but I wonder if his atual wife is hurting? I feel bad for her, but mostly because she was married to that fleshy monster thing.
Helio: You might want to sit this one out and then decide if you want to be here. Wonkette is notorious for being brutal without any regards to the facts, and we are all very proud of that.
But if you can make teh lulz, then welcome!
jagorev: Slow down there, Sharts MacKenzie. Put down a TARP first.
I think what needs to happen is Joe Biden should set himself on fire to make the POINT that we need Health Care Reform NOW!!111!
Self-immolation works, sometimes. I think it might work tonight.
I hate that I have to get in my car and drive home listening to this speech with no witty observations from the Wonkette deck. I also hate that I don’t actually have Indian food.
Alright, I’m in my grandads lazyboy… the smell of hotwings from the oven is starting to drift into the den. All is right in the world. Full recline… full recline.
shellbomber: That Maddow dude’s a chick?
Bruno: “I would enjoy seeing the speech simulcast in Arabic.”
Why? It will be spoken in Arabic.
Plus, there will be signing translator who will use just the middle-finger on each hand.
Any chance Hopey will do like the Martian ambassador in Mars Attacks?
Yeah, I want to hear O’Bammy explain his position on ABORTIONS ALLOWED UP TO AGE 2. That’s what all the wingtards on my local news website keep saying. When I ask, how is that even possible?, they hiss that I’m a commie and hang up.
I look forward to a point-by-point repudiation of Sarah Palin’s WSJ op ed.
Suds McKenzie: well, during the campaign it was easy since taking a drink every time he said “hope” or “change” meant you were guaranteed to get slosh?
Drink every time:
Obama mentions the “Public option”
House members are “encouraged” to stand and applause
Obama uses a personal story of someone who is uninsured
we can think of others as the speech goes on, i guess…
I dragged out my stupid DELL laptop into the living room so I could watch Candy Crowley in HD. Rowrrr.
But I’m here! With all of you and the “best news team on television”! And Sanjay Gupta, who looks moderately frightened!
shellbomber: She is so butch, yet so cute. How did she manage that?!
Joe Biden has farted and Nancy is joining him. I love CSPAN!
Helio: On behalf of all of us, welcome! 2 basic rules here- please don’t be rude towards other commenters on the site, and please always try to be funny. Other recommendations include an encyclopedic knowledge of sexual deviancies, positions, and props, as well as a rigorously-maintained BAC of .06 or higher. So no, there is absolutely nothing wrong whatsoever with wanting to drink before this starts. In all honesty, you probably should have started hours ago. Again, we’re glad to have you.
Damn San Francisco and its incredible weather, gorgeous architecture, and world-class food! I wish I could be broiling my ass off in the EST watching this live, instead I’m busting my ass surfing Wonkette with 6 minutes to go before I get to go home to my gay wife, gay dad & gay kids to catch the last 75% of this health care concession fiesta. Life is crap.
Helio: There is no time, at Wonkette, in which starting a drinking game is inappropriate. You are welcome to enter suggestions.
Bad drinking game idea: Every time Maddow makes you starburst in your pants, you drink. You will have alcohol poisoning in minutes.
Good drinking game idea: Drink every time Olbermann makes a snarky comment about teabaggers, oily taintz, or birthers. Drunk in minutes, but probably still alive.
Is Sanjay Gupta wearing a shirt made from the leatherette seating surfaces of a Volkswagen Passat? HOW ELITIST.
MADDOW and Olbermann? Jesus Christ.
I think I will get some hummus and watch Ben Nelson pick his nose.
rocktonsammy: No. Go here:
ForTheTurnstiles
hoosiermama: makeup artist.
Helio: I suggest kicking onesself in the private parts every time he says “bipartisanship,” which is code for “sure we won, but let’s play this one like we lost just for shits and giggles.”
I’m only watching this so I can be indoctrinated into something.
zhubajie: ACKNACK GNACK NACKNACK RACKRACK!
Chuck Schumer bows to passing ladies, chivalry is not dead
I’m listening on NPR/WNYC:
http://www.npr.org/
Much less clowning around than on cable news.
“It’s really hard to blow the bugle and say follow me up the hill.” What? I don’t understand pundits at all.
O/T but how do I get that FIT personal trainer in my bed, like now? Jim, please assist me with your powers of anal-reckoning.
Nancy is passing a joint before the president gets there!
I wish I didn’t agree with Olbermann so I could hate him more.
Is Nancy Pelosi reading aloud the names of all the people in Congress?
Really?
AnnieGetYourFun: Chugalug for closeup of Bachmann till they cut to someone else.
jagorev: NPR? ELITIST!
“My fellow Kenyans. Well the time for bickering is over. The time for games has passed. Now is the season for action. Now is when we must bring the best ideas of both parties together, and show the American people that we can still do what we were sent here to do. Now is the time to address national unemployment. There are Death Panel jobs yet to be filled.”
I’ve mentioned before how much I’d pay to be in a Maddow-Olbermann sandwich, right? A LOT more than I would pay to have dinner with Sarah and Todd. And yes, I know how sick it is that I want to fuck Olbermann, but he looks like he could take it with minimal whimpering.
AnnieGetYourFun: Since he’s a Republican, there’s a strong chance it’s a marriage of convenience. So he can keep his political career going.
But let’s stay on topic.
Drink whenever the prez sez “pills”. Throw a shot of vodka at your neighbor’s house when he says “reform”… oh wait it’s starting, must go watch.
jagorev: I am also on the NPR feed. No pundits = less funneh/more sanity. It’s a fair trade.
Edywin: It’s HIS WEED!!
Fox News has already projected the speech a failure.
Harry Potter & the Chamber of Monsters
MzNicky: I’ve been lobbying for abortions through the 75th trimester. They get real difficult around the 55th. <>
Time to pour a glass of red wine and get this show on the road!
I am going to experience this speech with radio and Jim Newell’s words. No visuals. I’m kind of sad about missing the Boehner glow.
Drink the entire bottle - closeup of Michele Bachmann
Michelle wearing long sleeves. Significance?
Sharkey: Hey, Jim started it. That was pre-game talk, anyway.
Shit, it really is starting. And here I am, with no TV or soundcard. Suckage.
jagorev: Much less clowning around? Fuck’s the point, then?
wtf is michelle wearing?
Here I am. late as usual. I was in the other place because I was too busy making dinner. Shit. I’m on MSNBC.
Michelle gets applause! Vogue editor Anna Wintour next to her.
Loving the matching power-pantsuits on Nancy and Hillary
shellbomber: Nah, man — it’s the geeky horn-rims she wears on the talky-shows.
Hey, who’s the lady in the pantsuit?
jagorev: that motherfucker is waaaaay orange.
How many seconds after the speech ends will we be told the vital info from the newsies’ perspective: how many times he was interrupted by applause?
****GO READ JULI’S BLOG NOW PEOPLE ****
“Mr. Speaker, The President…..’s Cabinet PSYCH!
They really should get Joan Rivers to do a bit on the fashion. Just to liven things up.
AnnieGetYourFun: Oh right.
Ugh — watching this on CNN.com — if I had chosen “political capital” as a drinking phrase I’d be halfway lit already.
Uncommon Nonsense: yeah, if I have to sit thru this, might as well have someone to mock besides my family.
ray lahood looks like an old-timey mobster.
hillzy’s getting handzy with meeks!
Eric Holder gives Middle Eastern looking man a terrorist hug. So much for Dick Cheney Torture Scholarship
AnnieGetYourFun: Do you have a clock radio you can point to your local public radio channel? http://www.npr.org/stations/
Is that Kennedys corpse staggering into the chamber?
My, they are serious about getting the public option and Kudos to 1st Momma and her voodoo powers. Well Played.
Doesn’t Wolf Blitzer sound like he belongs in a Christopher Guest movie?
Watch on CSPAN to get the raw shit.
David Gregory is the poor man’s retarded Anderson Cooper.
I’m listening to NPR and fantasizing about a YOUNGER Mara. mmmmmmmm
Jim Newell: Hmmmm, what are you trying to to tell us?
AKAM80TheWolf: He was actually my personal trainer when I was in DC this summer. He’s a cool guy. I think he’s happily in a relationship, but if you wanna be that homewrecker, his name is Mike Everts. The address on his business card is everts@fit-dc.com.
They need to shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down. Lets get this going.
jagorev: I was told that I could listen to the radio at a reasonable volume from nine to eleven.
spouse and I just had our first fight of the night — I wanted Cspan, he wanted Katie Couric in hi-def. Fuck him. Cspan it is.
A sip of my cosmo for every “bipartisan.” And “health.” And “and.”
Will Joe Biden make a facial gaffe?
Let’s get this show on the road! Move it along…..
hillary, nancy both wearing red?loquaciousmusic: holla! i just did the same. Still trying to think of other things to drink to tho.
this whole thing makes me sad. both parties were promising single-payer a year ago, which is the sensible way to solve this problem. and now we are down to fighting over meaningless scraps like a trigger or an “option.” i want to go to bed and weep.
He’s just entered the room. Is it too early to claim a total knockout by the Bomber O’Bama?
jetjaguar: jetjaguar: 3 2 1 ignition liftoff whoooooeeeeeee!
nancy, hillary and obama all wearing red?! Subliminal messages?
dementor: No. No, it’s not.
OK, a sip every time they all stand up and cheer. Cheers!
MzNicky: We’d be through our bottles before the half! Also.
Pilate: Are they all dead? What day is it?
shellbomber: I would so go straight for Rachel Maddow. As a purebred gay, I have never seen a lady’s sexy-time bits, but I would hit it into next Sunday. Also.