Wonkette
If you’ve ever dreamed of joining four other random slobs for a very sexy dinner with Sarah Palin and her snowmobile stoner husband Todd, next Tuesday is your lucky day! Maybe. That’s when you can start bidding on the eBay for a special group-food-eating occasion with some unemployed woman in Alaska who — for reasons not even Republicans pretend to understand — was a media celebrity for a few months last year.
So, anyway, imagine: Just you and Sarah, crammed into a booth at Chili’s in Wasilla, with fucking Todd, too, mumbling about nothing, and then these four other fools who somehow came up with TWENTY-FIVE-THOUSAND DOLLARS — in this economy? — just for the starting bids, and you order the fajitas and oh man it is just so many goddamned plates and Sarah is looking at you weird and there’s no room for her Fiesta Fishburger or whatever, and some really rockin’ Bob Segar or whatever is playing on the wall speakers, and it’s just magic.
Magic.
Do it now! It’s for some (non-Palin-household-expenses-related) charity, good cause, etc. Oh also you can bid on a dinner with Karl Rove. Just you and Karl, at Buca di Beppo, lousy Chianti in a little basket-bottle, some Krazy Bread, his hand on your thigh …. [CNN via Wonkette operative "Kevin T."]
Let’s all pitch in to send Jim.
So, how many unopened boxes from this “charity” are sitting in the Palin garage already?
Is Bob Segar related to Sammy Haagar?
Does Greta Van Susteran even have that kind of cash?
No, thanks. She’d probably cancel, anyway.
Oooh. An intimate sexytime supper with the Palins. Does that mean we all eat out of the same bowl of Funyuns?
I would most certainly bid $25K for dinner, a movie, and hot hot HOT buttsecks with Levi. Noshing with Sarah and Todd, otoh? Maybe a quarter, provided the bitch can give me back exact change and kept her mouth shut through the entire meal.
I believe there’s a circle in Hell that conists entirely of dinner with Karl Rove.
I would hope any dinner with Rove would end well for US America like the dinner Michael Corleone had with McClusky and the rival mob boss in that quiet bistro.
As for dinner with the Palins, I suspect it would be like eating with the Bundys.
“Bread!”
“Hummna!”
“Burp!”
“Mmmmmmmm”
“Sauce!”
And ends with Todd sticking his hand down his pants and Sarah flirting with the richest male guest while making awkward sexual innuendo.
Throw in that voodoo priest guy and Levi, oiled up and wearing a mankini, and I’m in.
Dinner will go smoothly until she inexplicably gets up and leaves.
V572625694: i’d sell my soul for that liveblog.
Hooray! It’s the Sarah-with-her-pants-around-her-ankles picture again!
Olbermann tried to bid on this last night. He fears that he won’t “qualify”.
Sorry, not remotely interested in the divine Sarah and her naughty monkeys. I’m saving my cash to bid on a midnight swim with Glen B., BillO, and a falafel.
Olbermann tried to bid on this on the air last night (he has a computer INSIDE his desk! neat!) but it said the seller had to pre-approve all bids. Which I suppose is a good idea given that cranks and trolls will try to screw with any auction like this involving a political figure, but most of the cranks (e.g.: Olbermann) actually WOULD pay the money, gladly, to get a chance to tell Sarah exactly what they think of her.
If people were willing to pay 25 grand to eat dinner with me, I wouldn’t stop there. I’d come up with lots more ideas. 25 grand to watch TV with me, 25 grand to help me walk my dog, 25 grand to stand outside the bathroom door while I take a shit. This could be lucrative.
I can just the winners nibbling at breadsticks while the candle melts down to nothing, before a spokesperson appears to apologize for the scheduling problem.
The the thing that would be intriguing about dinner with KKK Rove would be who would poison whom first. Reminds me of that scene in the Princess Bride: http://tinyurl.com/mgbydo
Min: It’s the bottom and final 9th Circle.
Rserved exclusively for traitors.
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081107020642AAImCrc
bhosp: So there goes my dream of Hugo Chavez, Michael Moore, Putin, and Perez Hilton being the final four.
Careful - Todd will have his semi-automatic handgun in case things go south.
You know Sarah and Todd would order a few bottles of champagne and the lobster and then have to “use the bathroom” just as the bill arrives.
If Sarah and Bristol did a mother-daughter, this-is-how-you-deepthroat, all-holes-in-play, porn- fest threesome on camera in living color in the Wasilla town square and I got the worldwide rights to the film, I might be willing to spring for dinner at Chili’s.
Mmmm..I hear Wasilla has outstanding Methican…
What the price NOT to have dinner with them instead?
Why isn’t this a wonkette contest, to send one lucky person to the dinner?
p.s. Palin had that baby so now there should be plenty of room in her Fiesta Fishburger or whatever
I’d definitely get dressed in my Sunday best, then rub the pot roast all over my chest. However, I’m pretty excitable.
Knowing the lyrics to any Warren Zevon song is an automatic DQ in rigorous pre-screening process.
Dinner with Sarah and Todd - if you’ve got the bread, they’ll bring the vegetable.
The best thing about dinner with Sarah Palin would have to be when they slaughter the turkey right in front of you. The worst thing would be that she’d be talking the entire time, and then you’d feel envious of the turkey.
Will a tiny blood covered human crawl screaming out of her vagina during dinner? If so, I’d pay 25 large for that.
Can I wear my suicide vest?
and 4 teh lulz
http://cheezburger.com/view.aspx?ciid=5178363
Why would anyone pay to watch Todd Palin talk with his mouth full?
Who has been photoshopping Saras gaping lady parts? There was bonafide cooch there the last time I saw that picture, now it’s just black splotches from a Microsoft paint program.
DAMN YOU BILL GATES!!!!!
Crab1: or this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYmDmoWrgMg
Ah, Karl Rove, a GOOD bottle of chianti, a torrent of Hellfire missiles . . . .
GreatOldOnesParty: Has Sullivan seen this? This is clearly a live broadcast of the birth of Trig.
Sarah really is going all out on the “I’m gonna get some money out of this” thing. In various other areas on ebay you can bid on some of the Palin’s old patio furniture, Trig, Willow, and a clock that blares sounds of classic muscle cars on the hour.
Okay SERIOUSLY! Has anybody said what the money will be used for? Sarah’s legal defense fund…Sarah for President ‘12…American ‘tarded babies society? Or is Sarah just a fucking megalomaniac?
Norbert: If you win you lose. If you lose you win.
PAYPAL ONLY — starbursts not included.
Sorry for the long post but these are direct quotes, people:
“Winner may take personal photos and allowed to bring one item of reasonable size i.e. no larger than what can be carried by hand (t-shirts, books, magazines, etc.) The decision to sign the item will ultimately be up to Ms. Palin. Respect for Ms. Palin and her guest(s) is expected at all times. Inappropriate behavior will result in the conclusion of the experience with no refund.
Dinner shall last no more than four hours, but could be less, in the sole discretion of Sarah Palin.* Governor Palin reserves the right to refuse dinner with a winning bidder if, in her sole discretion, the winning bidder is not a suitable bidder based on her subjective standards of suitability, professionalism, background and other factors.”
My blow-up doll is too big and my personal copy of Nailin Palin is clearly not a book or magazine. I want my theoretical money back.
RoscoePColtraine: yes.
Oh, the hell with this. I’m still jealous of the person who won the chips and dip debate night date with the Big Dawg.
“Ladies and gentleman, the highest bid goes to……. Larry Flint!”
I can dream.
I would gladly donate 25,000 of my finest sperm, with their dna all fucked up from my many years of pot smoking, just to make another triggg.
the world needs more triggggs, doncha know?
P Drizzle: I see a legal challenge in there somewhere.
Mustang: Gotta agree…this would be like winning the Special Olympics, even if you win, you’re still retarded.
I hope Chris Rock wins.
so messy !
Does the 25 grand include the jalepno poppers, or are those extra?
V572625694: Let’s all pitch in and send Riley.
Smoke Filled Roommate: hahahahah
And in the immortal words of Sarah’s Lord & Savior, “whosoever payeth teh big bucks to sitteth at my right hand, lo, though I stinketh, shall surely receiveth what I giveth…” KJV
Click: NICE.
ManchuCandidate: I suggest we collect money and send a certain California Assemblyman. This has sweet, dripping spanking written all over it.
Smoke Filled Roommate: ManchuCandidate: Ya know what you’d get if you merged your two posts and added a panda?
Smoke Filled Roommate: It wouldn’t be inexplicable…it would be for the “troops”, and little down syndrome teabaggers “everywhere”.
Can we annoint the Palins as the czars of irrelevant distractions?
RoscoePColtraine: Never mind….it’s for the troops. Of course.
I want to have dinner with Palin listening her speak about real Americans, while Cheney shoots me in the face, Yoo tries to drown me and Rove announces to the people at the restaurant that I enjoy killing bunnies for fun. I want the full wingnut treatment, and I’ll pay for nothing less.
friendlyskies: Maybe there’s still hope for Chelsea Handler and Stephen Colbert.
Mmmmmm. $25K for road kill at Casa Palin!
Waiting for Megamouth to put the kibosh on it in 3,2,1…
Click: “czars of irrelevant distractions”
Speaking of czars, why no wonkette thread of csars? I want to ask if the Republics will be with Trotsky or Lenin.
Oh, I get it. Very obvious and not funny. Never mind.
Will this be as much fun as dinner with the McGreeveys?
WIDTAP: Riley’d be good, no doubt, very witty and droll, but Jim’s quasi-insane screeds are incomparable.
Her fishburger has turned decidedly sour.
Lets just cut to the chase. How much for a sloppy blowjob in the front seat of my pickup truck parked in the back alley behind the restaurant?
hiphophitler: Well, you’re a cheap date.
…was a media celebrity for a few months last year.
She’s still important to Time, WSJ, etc. for some stupid reason.
~
Tell Todd take a hike leave the mother the daughter the bottle and the oysters. I got this.
How much does a vial of salmonella cost? I think I can afford to chip in for that …
Todd would order the Baked Alaska, and then giggle to himself.
I wouldn’t pay more than $25, though, if bitch wasn’t doing the cooking herself. Hello? Mooseburgers?
Can we get Code Pink on this? We need to warblog it up and win this shit. We could send batshit crazy Cindy Sheehan or maybe Michael Moore and a camera crew.
Right now, Palin stalkers Ziegler and Breibart are desperately trying to pull some cash together.
But, I’ll consider a date with Bristol on the other hand. I hope Trig didn’t hog up all the bag juice.
You just know Meg Stapleton is gonna totally cancel it via facebook like 30 minutes before the dinner.
Capitol Hillbilly: NOTHING could be as much fun as dinner with the McGreeveys.
SayItWithWookies: Win
This has orgy written all over it. Orgy, I say.
I only hope Mr. Creosote is in the dining room at the same time.
Eh, why not? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlK62rjQWLk
There aren’t enough barf bags in the world for me to risk having dinner with these nobodies. I’d be projectile vomiting in less than 30 seconds if I had to smell the stench of Palin desperation in person.
Who gets to cut Todd’s pork chop into tiny bites?
I’m not seein’ enough trashing of Palin’s kids people. Come ON already!
AnnieGetYourFun: “Todd would order the Baked Alaska, and then giggle to himself.”
Late in the day but damn that was good. Hats off to you.
user-of-owls: nicely done
No bidders so far and it says “Free Shipping”. Wtf. Ok then, box her up and I’ll Palinize the crazy out of her. For the troops.
Kev-O-Tron: Don’t think those two would work. The withered protest fairy Cindy Sheehan would just set up a tent in front of the restaurant for the next three years, and M. Moore’s meal tab would come to more than the $25K initial investment.
How about Nate Silver?
This is only the fourteenth Palin-related story today. Please rectify by spraying some Febreze on one of the previous 11,200 Palin-related stories and trying to pass it off as new.
P Drizzle: Governor Palin reserves the right to refuse dinner with a winning bidder:
Specially if they’s a niggra.
For $250, I had drinks and appetizers at a local mexican place with our future governor(who hasn’t quit) but there were at least another 100 people there. I bet I could have the same with Marky Sanford if I just paid for the taco special at Taco Bell.
I think Indecent Proposal was on TNT again this weekend
teebob2000: You got that right.
The posting says that the lucky winners can bring cameras. It could be the end of her politically if someone got pictures with one of “those people”.
And for another $10,000, Sarah will let you ghost write her next “column.”
Sounds like punishment. “If you don’t finish your vegetables, I’ll make you eat dinner with the Palins!”
It’s up to &37k. So much for Barry’s speech to work hard and persevere.
$
Dangerous: You couldn’t afford it.
I know I’m ill, but that snowbilly picture always turns me on. I may have to send her money. Sorry.
25 seems to be a cheap number.
Bill Kristol can afford that.
Failed snowbilly celebrity has some competition from ebayers offering dinners without her: http://cgi.ebay.com/NOT-Dinner-with-Sarah-Palin-Dinner-with-a-real-family_W0QQitemZ300346179813QQihZ020QQcategoryZ16071QQcmdZViewItemQQ_trksidZp4340.m7QQ_trkparmsZalgo%3DLVI%26itu%3DUCI%26otn%3D3%26po%3DLVI%26ps%3D63
Last night there were several auctions for dinners with nobodies, but ebay sent them to teh Death Panel.
Ah! A Palin ebay dinner I can support! FOrtEH TROoPS!!1!! “Winner will dine with agents of the apocalypse, Sexy Sarah Palin and Handsome Demon Magog! Prepare for a hearty meal of moose-flesh sushi and chili wolf-dogs with your favorite champions of war, hypocrisy and viral disinformation. Yay!” http://cgi.ebay.com/Dinner-with-Demon-Magog-and-Sarah-Palin-or-not-also_W0QQitemZ220478530788QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item33558b64e4&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14