so messy!

Vulgar CA Assemblyman Caught On Open Mic Bragging About Various Affairs With Lobbyists

Republican Michael D. Duvall, a California state assemblyman representing Orange County, loves family values and ethics, and thus is a member of the Rules Committee. Another thing he loves is pussy. He enjoys telling his assembly buddies about all of the sweet, sweet non-wife trim he gets on the side, with lobbyist gals. Unfortunately, open mics sometimes catch these conversations. If you want to see what this 54-year-old has to say about cum, click the clicky!

Here is what Michael D. Duvall has to say about cum:

Duvall, speaking to a relatively mum Republican colleague seated to his 
left, apparently had no idea his dais microphone became live beginning about a minute before the start of a cable-televised committee hearing. He was captured in the middle of recounting portions of an affair.


“She wears little eye-patch underwear,” said Duvall, who is married with two 
children. “So, the other day she came here with her underwear, Thursday. And
 so, we had made love Wednesday–a lot! And so she’ll, she’s all, ‘I am going 
up and down the stairs, and you’re dripping out of me!’ So messy!”

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Oh, golly. Poor “relatively mum Republican colleague seated to his 
left,” having to sit to the left of this slob. Because of all the CUM talk!

Duvall now finds himself in the delicate position of having to explain how he made up all of these stories, because c’mon… you did none of these things. You had sex with your wife maybe four times, 20 years ago, and that was it. C’mon.

OC Assemblyman In Bed With Lobbyist . . . No, Literally In Bed [OC Weekly]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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133 comments

  1. ManchuCandidate

    I think losing all that jizz has affected Doo-all’s mind. Maybe it’s just me, but I thought Wednesday came before Thursday.

  2. geminisunmars

    Man, is he hot! What lobbyist wouldn’t want some of that? Whether he could influence the lawmaking or not, just for the funs of it.

  3. Below the Beltway

    These women are still alive, right? If so, LBJ’s “live boy or dead girl” maxim applies, and there is no story.

    Is this guy a member of “The Family” or is he just emulating their above-the-law ways?

  4. LittlePig

    So the lady lobbyist didn’t bathe between Wednesday and Thursday? Suspicions about lobbyists confirmed!

    Or maybe she a Lewinsky “keep a souvenir” type…

  5. gurukalehuru

    It seems, on the surface, a pretty boring scandal. Female, over 18, consenting, not, technically, a prostitute.
    However, there is this little lobbying thingie. If people are paying higher utility bills than necessary just so this old geezer can get his tube steak marinated, they ought to be pissed.

  6. denver_80203

    well it was with Heidi DeJong Barsuglia who, according to her bio is “Director of Government Affairs”

    sounds like she’s perfect for the job!

  7. denver_80203

    sorry.. here’s a little more about the accomplished tramp:

    Ms. Barsuglia graduated cum laude from California State University, Sacramento with a Bachelor of Arts degree combining a double major in Political Science and Persuasive Communications

  8. 4tehlulz

    [re=405298]gurukalehuru[/re]: According to her bio, she lobbies for pharmacies to fleece MediCal:

    “Heidi DeJong Barsuglia joined the California Retailers Association in June 2004 as Director of Government Affairs. In this position, she focuses on issues of importance to the CRA’s Chain Drug and Grocery Store members, including Medi-Cal pharmacy reimbursement, product recycling, workers’ compensation, and precursor regulations. Prior to joining the Retailers in 2004, Ms. Barsuglia acted as legal and legislative consultant to Democratic members of the California legislature.”

    BIPARTISANSHIP

  9. geminisunmars

    [re=405302]denver_80203[/re]: I wonder how she lists these accomplishments in her resume. (By the way I”m 80222, but used to be 80203)

  10. Prommie

    [re=405304]denver_80203[/re]: I has seen her picture, there is a link to it on Kos, and characterizing her as “hot” is a stretch, “heinous” is more accurate.

  11. Oldskool

    Grossest mental images this year. Wonder if wifey will be at his I-did-not-sleep-with-those-women news conference.

  12. skutre

    I think she might have been playfully flattering him with the classy running down my legs and pooling up in my shoes prose.

    However, squirtBoy’s defense: ‘We’re Republicans we just make shit up all day long’ is a credible alibi.

  13. drpangloss

    We fuck alot, I blow my load in her pussy like Jesus intended and then she Gives Me money. It’s good to be the king.

  14. Paul Tardy

    And then there is the Sibel Edmonds lesbian blackmail allegations.

    “Ms. Barsuglia graduated cum laude from California State University, Sacramento with a Bachelor of Arts degree combining a double major in Political Science and Persuasive Communications.” I like the cum part he he … he he – beavis or butthead

  15. El Pinche

    Is lobbying the world’s oldest profession?

    Forget $300/hr for GFE, how about some anti-healthcare reform if you lick my old unwashed grundel .

  16. Min

    “He’s old and fat. She’s hot, blonde and about 20
 years younger. He could have never gotten a woman like that before he got
 this job.’”

    Ouch. The truth. She hurts.

  17. geminisunmars

    What does one expect from a representative of a place called Placentia (sorry Placentia, I’m sure you’re a really nice town, outside of being in Orange County – but really, you’re just asking for it with a name like that).

    I found a picture of Heidi (presumably) on Gawker comments, but not at the Kos.

  18. Poopley J. Crandleberry

    Ms. Barsuglia graduated “cum laude” from California State University, Sacramento with a Bachelor of Arts degree combining a double major in Political Science and Persuasive Communications. She graduated with honors from University of Pacific, McGeorge School of Law with a Juris Doctor.

  19. friendlyskies

    “Two Girls, One Repub,” gag. You know his friends didn’t want to hurt the GOP more by turning him in, but it was the only way to get his nasty ass to shut up.

  20. Oldskool

    You know every schoolboy in Orange Country who heard Obama’s speech yesterday is putting 2 and 2 together.

  21. rachelv

    The “please be a Republican” chant I begin whenever I hear the words “political sex scandal” has been working pretty well lately.

  22. as.the.world.burns

    so, i click the clicky, and then there’s a giant dildo on my computer screen.
    no, not the assemblyman loser, a REAL giant dildo, in an ad….

  23. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=405301]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: Right? The rest of it was fine, but who says “make love”. Fucking gross.

  24. Carl Spakler

    “…sensitive subject…”?!? “…hot mike…”?!? (actual quotes from the vid, not Palin-quotes)

    OK…cue the laughter.

  25. Egregious

    What the hell is eye patch underwear? What, like a pirate?

    BTW, did you get the sense that the poor SOB on the left of Duvall probably has to endure hearing Duvall prattle on about his exploits every week?…”Yeah, yeah, Duvall, you are youthful and virile. I get it.”

  26. teebob2000

    WTF is eyepatch underwear?? When I wear underpants on my head I turn it to look out the legholes. Is she got the stoopid and don’t know how to wear her underwear?

  27. Guppy06

    He’s a Republican, so he won’t be resigning and there’s a good chance he’ll win reelection. Remember, kids: the elected always represent their people, no matter what!

  28. ZombieRichardFeynman

    Kudos to the folks sho were able to decipher that tape. To me it sounds just like Led Zeppelin’s ode to Satan on Stairway to Heaven played backwards.

  29. blader

    [re=405406]teebob2000[/re]: It’s underwear that doubles as an eyepatch so you can go out dressed as a horny republican assemblyman pirate on halloween

  30. Downtheroadapiece

    As a Californian, I am so glad that our important and difficult budgetary issues are being handled with such aplomb and thoughtfulness.

  31. Kingbee

    [re=405376]Egregious[/re]: Well, that was only on “Talk Like a Pirate Day”. And then there was this thing where he made his “parrot” talk to her.

  32. HuddledMass

    You missed the good stuff: “SO I AM GETTING INTO SPANKING HER” A California assemblyman is in some hot water after having a hot conversation picked up by a hot mic before a recent hearing. But he’s not talking about sex with just anybody — this is hot, steamy sex with LOBBYISTS!

    “So, I am getting into spanking her,” says the assemblyman. “I like spanking her. She goes, ‘I know you like spanking me.’ I said, ‘Yeah! Because you’re such a bad girl!’”

  33. teebob2000

    Hey, give him a break, he’s no hypocrite. He preaches abstinence until marriage. He’s married, and she’s married. What’s the problem?

  34. Neoyorquino

    Those lobbyists – talk about taking one for the team! Can anyone really picture a woman earnestly reaching for his sagging, corpulent body, hands trembling in anticipation? Sorry, I’m not very good at this. Maybe Kristin Maguire can give it a shot.

  35. CollegeStudent

    Assemblyman Duvall- Has the John Edwards Saga taught you nothing, wrap it up home-boy, you know you can’t trust a lobbyist when she tells you she’s on the pill.

    God damn abstinence-only sex-ed

  36. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=405411]knoxtheharpy[/re]: Yeah, that’d be 36 years of being rode hard and put away wet.

    Which fits the narrative here. So yeah, she’s a lobbyist.

  37. Crank Tango

    um, it’s not hypocrisy if a family-values REPUBLICAN politician sleeps with two lobbyists and fills them with so much baby-batter it drips out of their “eye patch underwear.”

    and by “eye patch underwear” does he mean thongs? How does he describe anal, then? “So I’m driving down the hershey highway, and there is ‘gravy’ everywhere, and I do mean everywhere.”

    I can’t wait till this asshole is on the Mark Foley show.

  38. DustBowlBlues

    I know that part of California is conservative and anti-choice but really, naming a place Placenta? Placenta California. EEEWWWWW.Oh, Placentia? Just a matter of spelling. Dickwads, still crazy.

    I’m having a horrible year, but this news brightens me up. Plus, the news (bear with me–this just doesn’t fit anywhere) that a company in Wisconsin with a plant in Stillwater, OK, put out the word that since the Wisconsin union rejected the contract, they were moving everything to OK. Two days after the OK Republics jumped in front of teevee screen to do a press release about how great our right-to-work state is, that we can fuck the workers in Wisconsin and our dumb crackers score a win, another vote was taken and the contract accepted. And in two years the Stillwater Mercury Marine plant will be closing and 350 jobs goin’ to sweet union-lovin’ Wisconsin.

    Dumb okie scab fucks didn’t even know they were nothing but pawns in the negotiations. Since I’m still bummed by reading Matt Taibi’s article about health reform and my husband’s little community agency getting fucked over last ngiht, I’ll take the good news anywhere I can get it.

    Over and out from Okfuckistan.

  39. GreatOldOnesParty

    Wait, I’m confused.
    Who’s the whore in this situation?
    The cum-dripping lobbyist(s) or the spanking assemblyman who takes their money in return for goods and services?

  40. hiphophitler

    [re=405302]denver_80203[/re]: Says here she went to McGeorge Law School and graduated cum laude. Yuck.

  41. yellowdogdem

    [re=405298]gurukalehuru[/re]: It’s not just the lobbying connection, it’s the fact that he’s another Repug who pretends to believe in “family values.” I hope they kick him out on his fat ass. Those women must be really desperate to do it with that creep.

  42. as.the.world.burns

    [re=405519]DustBowlBlues[/re]: lots of talk about that very thing among the union workers here where i work.
    you’re welcome to join us in Wisconsin anytime you wanna leave that Red hellhole, Dusty…4 different seasons ! should be snowing in about a month.

  43. Junior

    My guess is that he pulled a Kenny Powers and came in like 5 seconds, catching Ms. Cum Laude by surprise. Then she jokes about it to make him feel like a man so she can continue to ‘represent her client.’ How does one person care enough about Sempra Energy to let some old douche blow a load in one? He of course is such a douche that he can’t wait to brag about it to anyone who will listen, hence his neighbor’s stunned silence.

    If absolute power corrupts absolutely, then he must have had some mundane and simultaneously sordid power.

  44. GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=405492]Neoyorquino[/re]: i write erotica and there is no way this story would be believable without it being NC (non-consentual); or at least some kind of mind-control/scary-old-man-turns-into-swarm-of-ejaculating-tentacles scenario.

  45. engulfedinflames

    “Vulgar CA assemblyman” ??? A fart is vulgar, a belch is vulgar, the false eyelashes of an Orly Taytz(sp) are vulgar. This guy is a big fucking disgusting pig who would kill himself immediately, rather than face the shame and disgrace he’s brought on his wife and children, if he had a shred of self respect or dignity. Alas, this is the USA! USA! so he’ll be reelected.

  46. Hedley Lamar

    I can get used to the gross sex, but I can’t tolerate another breathless, self-important local news reporter.

  47. Paul Tardy

    [re=405519]DustBowlBlues[/re]: The only workers that should be unionized are public servants. they are selfless so they deserve more.

  48. desertwind

    These guys like to talk about it. Talk about it. Talk about douchin’

    Next up? Quoting from the Book of Mark: No I’m not resigning. God wants me here. Blah blah. Blah.

  49. the problem child

    [re=405593]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: Nicely blingeed.

    Now the cumbucket… who will blingee the bucket?

  50. J. Robert Oppenheiner

    He’s issued an “apology” on his website ( http://www.duvallforassembly.com /)

    “I made a mistake and sincerely apologize. I deeply regret the comments I made in what I believed to be a private conversation. This is a private matter and I ask that everyone respect the privacy of all involved.”

    Gold, Jerry! Gold!

  51. badmuthagoose

    Ok wait, I’m pissed off after watching this video. They still have actual journalism in California?

  52. Guppy06

    [re=405758]J. Robert Oppenheiner[/re]: “I’m sorry I talked about it.” “I’m sorry the microphone was live.” “This is a private matter between me, my wife and family, some skank-ass Cali hoes, and half the members of the state legislature.”

    And, last but not least, “Please grant me the privacy in my own personal life and home (and cheap motels) that I would try to deny you in yours.”

    Dig, motherfucker, dig!

  53. geminisunmars

    Hypocrisy is never a private matter. I think the Repugnants would help themselves to revise their platform. “Icky sexcapades for elected offals” might sum it up.

  54. WendyK

    [re=405758]J. Robert Oppenheiner[/re]:
    Does mofo really think that’s an apology? He’s better off saying nothing than, “Ooops, sorry I got caught.”

    I hope there’s a sex tape.

  55. zaccapeters

    OMFD. I read all the comments before actually clicking on the vid and getting a look at this cotton-topped lard dripper. Yuk. Yarf. Eehwww and also. The only sense I can make out of it is that Heidi is a closet case acting out a fantasy tryst involving Barbara Bush and a strap-on.

  56. catsonmars

    SO glad I can’t get married (anymore) because of this guy! Oh, and good for KCAL, they actually got a scoop!

  57. Workinggirl

    The most hilarious thing about all this is the fool thinks these prostitutes actually enjoy sex with him – hahahahahahahahahahahah what a MOR ON. They only want his influence so he will vote on behalf of their interests = same as collecting money from a “john” hahahahaha what a dope.

    This has nothing to do the Republican or Democratic all men love **ssy and will do ANYTING for it especially make total asses of themselves – hahahahahaha

  58. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=405886]Guppy06[/re]: If you type in “Michael Duvall California” (in quotes) it comes up, though you’d be pressed to know it since it’s a) under Gretawire, b) none of the keywords are highlighted, and c) its title is so innocuous that you’d likely skip over it after being bombarded by all the newsworthy items about Robert Duvall’s most recent seaweed and lemonade enema.

  59. Jasph

    Re the Fox reporting…

    Just look for Michael Duvall (D) Cal.

    I’m sure there’s a quotation that applies from Oscar Wilde, Mark Twain, H.L. Mencken, one of those guys–something about how the more you preach morality, the less moral you’re likely to be. Too lazy too look it up. Guess I shouldn’t have jerked off to this story so much…

  60. EdFlinstone

    Well when Heidi comes home from work and tells her husband she had a hard day and worked sucked she aint lying.

  61. zhubajie

    Did the guy to the left turn on the microphone? Now there’s an opening in the assembly, to be filled by G-g knows what/whom.

  62. zhubajie

    “I’m sure there’s a quotation that applies from Oscar Wilde, Mark Twain, H.L. Mencken, one of those guys…”

    I seem to remember that _Roughing It_ calls US politicians “slimy pimps and slaves of the scum.

  63. Ohio Wonkette Fan

    Just think; old dude could be drilling the hot lobbyist right now, while we’re are screwing around with a bunch of freaking keyboards. Is there no justice??

  64. Rethugs_R_Weasels

    This man sold his vote to two corporations – Sempra Energy has made substantial profits from the defeat of the bill his vote helped table. That Sempra Energy hired a lobbyist, Heidi DeJong Barsuglia, to prostitute herself for this man’s vote is despicable – but check out their lobbyists – they are all women and all very good looking. Is sex the new money?
    Heidi DeJong Barsuglia should be charged, tried and convicted of both Prostitution and the manipulation of a legislator to abuse the power of his office (the latter is a major felony); Sempra Energy and its principals are all criminally and civilly liable, too.
    Duvall should be charged, tried, convicted of the felony of abuse of his office and entering into an act of prostitution, sexual abuse in the 1st degree for sexual battery and after he serves his jail time, he should become a broken man looking for scraps along roadsides. Dying alone of exposure in a sewer is too good for him.
    This is the definition of Orange County Corruption – and Duvall along with ex-Sheriff (now felon) Corona is but another of these criminals who betray their constituents for sex and money.
    Give it a rest. He is a piece of excrement and needs to be composted. If he is in Orange County in 6 months I’d be shocked.
    If he has his insurance business in a month, I’ll be shocked.
    The way political change is accomplished is to take aim at the worst of the worst and destroy them legally and in the popular press.
    Sex is nothing – look at Mark Sanford (as opposed to Spitzer). Beating a woman for your sexual pleasure makes you a sex offender and unemployable and essentially unable to find a place to live – and, you and your face go up on every sex offender registry wherever you go. Good luck, Mike.
    I don’t tolerate criminals.

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