Wonkette
For this post we shall refer to that old axiom by the famous scholar, Jesus X. Christ: Before the socialist speech there came the socialist discussion, during which socialism was Made. This was the case today, when Barack Obama held a secret session with the children of Wakeview High School in Arlington, Virginia, to talk about how dumb they all are, before addressing the nation on the same topic. It was there that he gave the students the most important career advice available in this day and age: don’t write racist shit or whatever on your Facebook page.
The moment came near the end of his discussion with children, when young “Jessie” spoke:
THE PRESIDENT: Who’s got the mic? Well, he already had the mic, so we’ll give two last questions. These two right here. Go ahead.
STUDENT: Hi, Mr. President, my name is Jessie. When I grow up, I would like to have your job.
THE PRESIDENT: Okay.
(He’s thinking, “Jesus fuck…”)
STUDENT: Is there any advice you can give me, or career paths that I — things I need to know?
THE PRESIDENT: Well, let me give you some very practical tips. (Laughter.) First of all, I want everybody here to be careful about what you post on Facebook — (laughter) — because in the YouTube age, whatever you do, it will be pulled up again later somewhere in your life. And when you’re young, you make mistakes and you do some stupid stuff. And I’ve been hearing a lot about young people who — you know, they’re posting stuff on Facebook, and then suddenly they go apply for a job and somebody has done a search and — so that’s some practical political advice for you right there. (Laughter.) That’s number one.
So there you have it, kiddies! In the “YouTube age,” you must be very careful what you write on your Facebook thing.
“Jessie”/Santelli ‘36!
Obama warns students about posting on Facebook [Lynn Sweet]
We’re all doomed.
Man, these socialists have some good advice.
Jesus X. Christ? When I was a kid, one of the few bits of religious instruction that I got from my dad was that Jesus’s middle initial is actually “H”.
Um… Jon Faverau, Mr. Hillary groper/head speechwriter… he’s talking to you… yes, Jon… you.
Actually, that sounds like reasoned sound advice…now whether just having a clean Facebook page is the number quality we are looking for in a President, well I just don’t think that’s a high enough bar…I mean at least have some experience like Jr. Class treasurer or Sgt. at Arms of the World of Warcraft club or something.
And don’t be a “mad coon,” kiddies. That shit is trouble no matter which way you look at. Just some practical advice, for you “coons” out there.
I don’t let the kids write on my thingie at all anymore.
Prommie: I like to think that we have front row seats at a demolition derby. It helps with the ulcers.
“And second, fuck, please stop sending me that stupid shit about growing some plants in my garden on Facebook to save the rainforest.”
And Jessie, what goes without saying is that goes for nude, sexytime photos as well.
Oh Christ. Barry brought up universal health care AND Cesar Chavez? O’Reilly and Beck are probably soaking their panties trying to get their responses ready.
Did he specifically caution them about “poking” people on faceplace?
The olds have yet to grapple with the internets. To them, Google is a scourge upon the Earth for allowing anyone - anyone! - to check facts, or look up quotes.
Damned good advice. Also, KEEP YOUR WALL PRIVATE. You young ‘tards. And don’t post bikini pics, idiots. And for God’s sake, never ‘friend’ Wonkette under your own name, for the love of Plastic Geebus.
Oh, and Eric S. Piker: Enjoy a delicious bag of deep fried, post-immigrant-man-loving dicks.
Here’s another bit of advice - be sure your parents save a copy of your freaking birth certificate and don’t give you a name that rhymes with a future terrorist leader - it will save you a hell of a lot of trouble down the road.
That will be “Jessie-Santelli ‘36″ not “Jessie/Santelli ‘36.” Get your dash/slash (dash-slash?) usage right, Newell.
Sorry.
Pierce Moffett: Based on what I heard growing up his middle name must start with “F”.
Wow. The first piece of really good advice that Republicans could take from Obama, and none of them are listening.
Oh, well. Fuck ‘em. Still ironic, though.
Flying back from Atlanta(no, I did not see Sparkin Markie leaving for Argentina), I flew in with an old fat teabagger- wearing his stupid teabag shirt(I understand we have some march of old fat teabaggers coming to DC). I wanted to ask him if as a true patriot, he would give up his socialistic social security and medicare. I have my sign ready - “Half your weight, Twice your IQ”- wearing my Obama shirt.
Also, don’t videotape yourself doing stupid/illegal/sexual things. Like salmon swimming upstream, all video returns to its natural home: the internet.
RoscoePColtraine: Yes. Especially when the Scourge of the Earth is actually teh Youtubez. Youtubo delenda est!
I notice he did not specifically forbid the posting of cock pix on teh craigslist.org.
And now a nation of kindergartners is too scared shitless to ever use the Leap Frog Clickstart
system again.
finallyhappy: I rode into Atlanta on a plane with Ralph Reed. Damn, those wunderkinds sure go to hell in a hurry.
Sounds like Jessie’s dad is going to have to talk to him about the lameness that is community organizin’ before it’s too late.
Van Jones at 3:49am September 8
Hope against the machine, all you muthafuckin FaceTuberz, and gimme a goddamn http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVmY2DxReIA
finallyhappy: If I saw someone wearing a teabagger t-shirt in an airport, I wouldn’t engage them. But I sure as hell would report them to the nearest TSA agent.
Fox News crawler: Obama did not speak out against sexting, in post-speech comments to high school children.
godammit, it’s WAKEFIELD High School, asshole! That’s the one where all the foreigns go!
uh, what? Who just said that? Anyway…
I wish he’d said the real issue: don’t be a dumbass. Dumbasses posting their dumbass shit on Facebook is good, because then we can spot them. I feel oddly better that all these racist/fascist/whatever nuts are being recorded for all to see, so I know just how fucked up they are.
I guess there’s no real recovery if you’re already a dumbass, though. At least his advice was pro-active.
mookworthjwilson: Did he also suggest to keep a long-form copy of one’s birf certiphacutt?
unless you’re an artist, in which case the more you post and the more revealing, the better.
One Yield Regular: I thought the idea was to follow them to the bathroom and tap under the stalls so that you can get your balls licked before your flight.
Eric S Piker = I Risk Creep
Pierce Moffett: You’re thinking of Malcolm H.
>>”…you do some stupid stuff…”
Cue rightwingtards saying Obama says all our kids are stupid in 3… 2… 1…
Do not write a book that confesses to small amounts of marijuana and cocaine use if you want even the slightest hope of becoming president.
If he really wanted to help those kids, he would have told them to stay away from MySpace, which is populated entirely by idiot teenagers and pedophiles.
Native of SL UT: Sorry. I meant AFTERWARDS.
Again I ask: Wonkette, you are not keeping track of our real identities, are you?
Another thing for the wingnuts to complain about. Their Facebook pages are filled to the brim with ALL CAPS, their ‘toos, and their favorite beer, how dare he suggest they stop!?!
AbstinenceOnly Ed: That fucktard has 753 friends on Fb - must be all the KKK members in his little piece of paradise.
And Jesus wept.
Why is it that none of our nation’s racists can properly spell? I blame the black-run schools, myself!
i prefered the pootube age, when menudo was plentiful.
John McCain version:
Children, you want to be careful about where you dip your fountain pens (henngh!) because that ink is permanent and if you get any on you, you could be stained for life. [confused laughter]
And girls, no matter what your mother does, don’t be slathering on makeup like some common trollopy whore, you cunts. [stunned silence]
My choice. My Wonkette.: I think you meant to type Jessie—Santelli ‘36. Surely no civilized human could intentionally use a hyphen when it’s so self-evident that only an en dash could be appropriate.
Pierce Moffett: That’s an Anglicization; Our Lord’s middle name is more authentically rendered as ‘Xussein.’
Maxine of Arc: And yet you yourself indulge in the barbarism, however accidental, of inputting the alt-code for an EM dash (of all things)? Trollop.
I think in the spirit of “santorum” that the new definition of “piker” should be:
A flabby white guy who wants to be butt raped by a tall muscular African American gentleman.
Usage: “That Eric S. Piker is a real piker.”
And audra-shay is the delusional quality that a forty year old woman exhibits when she joins the “Young Republicans.”
Usage: “Your grandma wearing those skinny jeans is so audra-shay.”
Dr. Spaceman: Someone should clue in the military and out military contractors to this fact. you think they would have learned by now.
I thought it was FacePlaceSpaceBook
Humpback: Relax Mr. Gribble (if that is your real name?) until the brain implant technology is perfected, there is no way to track you.
Point of Advice #2. Forge your birth certificate now
Pierce Moffett: Yes, it was H. Christ and didn’t he have a crutch too?
There is no god but allah, and jebus x. christ is his prophet.
isn’t it time for warblog against audra sigler shay hhnnngnggghhh?
Is nobody else going to point out that Audra Shay STILL got elected as Prez O Dent of the Young Republicans DESPITE her racist wall kerfuffle happening ONE WEEK before the YR election?
Somebody here gets a fail. You want it, Wonkett?
The Young Republican lady who bravely called out Audra Shay is Cassie Wallander, available for emailing via linkedin as I have discovered.
My kid got off the bus tonight carrying a Koran in one hand and Mao’s Lil’ Red Book in the other. He had a swastika carved in his forehead and was wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with the N. Korean flag. When I asked him how school was today he answered me in Swahili. Right now he’s down in the basement listening to Iranian rap music.
Oh, I hope you liberals are happy now.
Scooter: Was the swastika carved backwards?
Maxine of Arc: I am so naming my firstborn ‘Xussein’.
More accurately, Jesus’s full name is ‘Jesus H.X. Christ’ (nee Hong)
I went to one of them Town Halls a few weeks back and I wore a “Who is John Galt” T-Shirt, and I talked to wingnuts all night and not one of them had any idea or familiarity with that quote.
Then again it WAS Texas.
These idiots are too stupid to join their own club
I suggest that you all do what I do and “friend” your 10 year old nephew on Facebook. It keeps the cock jokes down to a minimum “only when necessary” level.