The health care debate’s fifteen minutes are finally, finally up. Ugh, do you even remember all that? Anyway, Obama will now solve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, America’s original synonym for “unable to be fixed with one swift gesture.” Obama’s (alleged!) new peace plan includes TEN swift gestures, which he will (allegedly!) present at a peace conference in Egypt at the end of the month. This does not leave much time for every person on Earth to begin absolutely despising each clause of the hated plan for quasi-personal reasons of varying legitimacy! Let’s begin immediately.
Laura Rozen, POLITICO’s new first-round draft pick from Foreign Policy, outlines the peace plan as such on her new POLITICO blog, “Laura Rozen”:
- Deploying international forces in the Jordan Valley and some areas of the West Bank.
- Placing some areas in east Jerusalem under the authority of Israel and keeping the Islamic sites in Jerusalem under Arab control.
- Disbanding all Palestinian factions and transforming them into political movements.
- Keeping the large settlements that are built in the West Bank under the authority of Israel, while negotiations, which will last three months, will begin after agreeing on this plan to discuss the status of the small settlements.
- Disarming several areas in the West Bank, while Israel will retain air control.
- Enhancing security coordination and cooperation between the Israelis and Palestinians.
- The PNA will not be allowed to forge any military alliances with any countries in the region.
- The United States commits to the establishment of a Palestinian state in the summer of 2011.
- Allowing a number of refugees to return to several areas in the West Bank, specifically in the cities of Ramallah and Nablus, along with ensuring the provision of the necessary financial support for the return of those refugees.
- Israel will start releasing the Palestinian prisoners immediately upon signing the plan, provided it releases all prisoners within three
Why does Obama keep trying to take medicine away from our seniors?
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His birth certificate is obviously in one of those “settlements” or “Islamic sites”. I’ll leave it to greater minds than mine to figure out which.
Sounds like a lot of communism to me, just tell’in folks whats they gots to do and nots to do.
Now that White American children have they own copies of Chairman Obama’s “Little Red Coloring Book”, they don’t need capitalist running-dog ‘health care’ – the power of INEVITABLE SOCIALIST VICTORY will keep them physically fit for the Long March ahead…
Won’t this, like, bring on The Rapture? Oy vey, this Kenyan Muslin.
11. Deport the health insurance companies to the middle east in order to give Israelis and Palestinians a common enemy.
Two birds: one stone.
Typical Nobama, somebody disagrees with his death-panels and forced-abortions health agenda so he cries quits and takes the easy way out. When does he show up on the Israeli and West Bank teevee (I think all the Gazan teevees got bombed) and tell them to wash their mouths out with soap?
Obama wants to pull the plug on grandma so he can give her hospital room to Palestine.
Shema, Yisrael…
OK, so…the Israelis and the Palestinians…which one is Gog and which one is Magog, again?
[re=404606]sezme[/re]: Blue Cross would achieve this by itself.
Are pinky fingers even kosher?
[re=404616]WadISay[/re]:
I always thought Gog was the cat and Magog was the mouse. It depends on whether you’re a Looney Tunes or Hanna Barbera kind of a guy.
I’d offer the guy advice along the lines of “baby steps”; like, choose a cause that won’t have everyone up in arms, literally. And then I realized that there is nothing, absolutely nothing that his man could do that wouldn’t have the right shrieking. If tomorrow he decided to officially outlaw abortion, they would howl about how it’s just because OBAMUSLIM wants to steal your babies and feed on their infant brains.
[re=404620]Extemporanus[/re]: Gano!
Actually, this maneuver has a faint aroma of political shrewdness. You wave the shiny object of God’s hometown in front of the anger-droolers, et voila…”Health care, Schmealth care…ISRAEL IN PERIL!”
Or, Obama’s a serial masochist.
[re=404622]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Or a Maus aficionado.
[re=404623]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]:
Actual freeper post:
Lib crap: You’ll need the knowledge and problem-solving skills you learn in science and math to cure diseases like cancer and AIDS, and to develop new energy technologies and protect our environment. You’ll need the insights and critical thinking skills you gain in history and social studies to fight poverty and homelessness, crime and discrimination, and make our nation more fair and more free.
History’s greatest monster.
Seriously, though, both sides will totally say, “Fuck no, Hopey!” to this, and go merrily on their way. The Israelis think he’s a Muslin meanie who won’t let them play like Uncle Georgie used to, and the Palestinians think he’s another American President stooge of the Zionists who talks but does nothing.
[re=404628]user-of-owls[/re]: Obama is a ganó faucet.
[re=404620]Extemporanus[/re]: Nice.
Dear Laura Rozen:
Please, when constructing a bulleted or numbered list, keep its entries parallel. Perhaps, then, some outfit besides Politico will consider publishing your writings.
Thank you
/too skew; didn’t read.
Next on Obama’s agenda-
1)10 point plan to bring the Cubs a World Series
2)Mediating dispute between John & Kate Gosselin
3)Give congress “Cash for Rock Band Beatles” plan
4)Will try and reunite the original members of the Smashing Pumpkins
5)Start peace process between Keith Olbermann and Glenn Beck
Questions.
How do you get Netanyahu to agree to anything? How do you get the Palestinians to believe Netanyahu has agreed to anything?
Demilitarizing the Palestinian political parties is a great idea, but how do you get the parties themselves to agree to this when international entities (who, one assumes, will be the ones projecting force in the PNA in place of Fatah/Hamas) have an established pattern of not recognizing the outcomes of Palestinian elections?
[re=404623]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Yeah, I hate to say it, but turns out Hillary was right about the whole “new way of doing business in Washington” thing. No amount of good will, good faith, good policy and good speeches by Obama will make the wingnuts want to work with him for the benefit of all Americans. Baby Jesus riding in on a rainbow-farting unicorn wouldn’t change their dedication to DESTROYING TEH BLACK MAN IN THE WHITE HOUSE.
[re=404631]bago[/re]: It’s always lovely to see that freepers have mastered the art of cut and paste. It saves them so much precious time from actually having to think.
No, *really* shema, Yisrael. This time.
[re=404606]sezme[/re]: Common enemy was my plan, except like this:
1- Bomb the West Bank, killing settlers and Palestinians.
2- Have marines erect a Gold statue of Obama shaking hands with Jesus. Both are naked.
3- Order a gay pride parade that will thread through all Jewish and Muslim communities except Tel Aviv.
4- Watch as everybody unites against us, we slink away in shame.
[re=404612]TGY[/re]: Win.
[re=404666]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Ah! Yes, reunite the fucking Pumpkins! James and Billy need to be on stage again!
[re=404620]Extemporanus[/re]: As long as you skip on the the cheese, s’arright.
[re=404666]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Barry’s a South-Sider (ifyanowhaddimean). Your number one science proof is invalid. The White Sox will be the Blackety Black Black Blax, instead. In this way, he will avoid having to handle a goat. This will free up the goat for deployment to Afganistan, placating the fears of other Muslins in the region and proliferating peace all over the place. QED.
[re=404645]Extemporanus[/re]: That was not in the lesson plan.
[re=404701]NYNYNY[/re]:
Somebody call the Nobel Committee – we have a winner!
[re=404709]american mutt[/re]: Granted, it’ll probably be easier to bring peace to the Middle East as I don’t even think Netanyahu is as big of a douche as Billy Corgan
[re=404620]Extemporanus[/re]: Only the pinkies of rabbis are kosher. Wait, wait, ‘chew the cud’ and ‘cloven hoof’. Um, Bill Kristol?
[re=404777]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Maybe you’re a douche. Maybe you should see Billy Corgan’s side of things. Maybe you should see what he has to put up with in the recording studio. Maybe sometimes people act like douches because they’re carrying the weight of the whole band?
[re=404724]Snarkalicious[/re]: Teh drinkin’ begins early in Chi-town I see.
[re=404850]Red Zeppelin[/re]: Seshafukkindershamn…ahmanshenfa.
Damn communist.
Actually it’s part of a 3-way trade. In order to get peace, Israel gives up land to the Palestinians, and gives up its universal health care to us.
So, everyone’s happy.
Until the rapture.
WTF? The 10-steps should be named ‘the 10-steps to least offend Israel’. He’s calling this a peace plan?
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