TODAY IN DEATH  10:28 am September 8, 2009

Orgy Of Neocons (And Sarah Palin!) Write To Obama, Asking For More War In Afghanistan

by Jim Newell

As Afghanistan’s war-loving General McChrystal prepares to ask for more troops at the end of the month, will he get them, or will Obama be a massive vagina and say no fuck you? Bill Kristol, for one, thinks there ought be more troops! The Foreign Policy Initiative, Kristol’s new iteration of the famous Project for the New American Century, has gone back to its 90s-style out-of-power activist method of advocating for more newer wars: writing letters to the president about bombing people, and having lots of signatures. Just read the list of co-signatories on this thing: Max Boot, John Podhoretz, a million Kagans, Randy Scheunemann, and finally, the fire of Randy Scheunemann’s loins: Sarah Palin. We’ve never felt better about the “Afghanistan War,” have you? [FPI]

 
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{ 55 comments }

FMA September 8, 2009 at 10:31 am

I can’t see what could possibly go wrong. Bill Kristol has never been wrong about anything in his entire life.

ManchuCandidate September 8, 2009 at 10:32 am

The only thing most neocons really know about war, is how to keep their asses out of them.

4tehlulz September 8, 2009 at 10:32 am

It’s usually better to advocate a position _before_ it’s been made, not after.

But since Bill Kristol and Sarah Palin are involved, I can understand the error.

nbawriter September 8, 2009 at 10:32 am

Since Bill Kristol has never been right about anything in his life — he pisses out his ass and poops through his peen — I guess Afghanistan is officially a fail.

AnnieGetYourFun September 8, 2009 at 10:33 am

Ten to one that Palin’s signature backs out of the commitment before the letter is sent to the President.

Roger the Shrubber September 8, 2009 at 10:35 am

I, personally, have no problem sending these people to Afghanistan. Sarah Palin in combat boots sounds kind of hot.

gurukalehuru September 8, 2009 at 10:36 am

Among the numerous signatories, there is no Einstein.

Norbert September 8, 2009 at 10:36 am

Form all the co-signers into a very special fighting unit, and deploy to Afghanistan ASAP. reality TV at its finest!

friendlyskies September 8, 2009 at 10:37 am

This big government socialism has to end. Why do Afghanistans have more rights than me?

memzilla September 8, 2009 at 10:37 am

I am not sure which of these two people, Kristol or Palin, should eat a bag of lightly salted giant wooly rat dicks first, only that two bags of them should be eaten.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/earth/hi/earth_news/newsid_8210000/8210394.stm

All hail the Bosavi wooly rat and the amended Jim Newell internet meme.

freakishlystrong September 8, 2009 at 10:39 am

[re=404393]Norbert[/re]: Because Iraq has been such a resounding success, everything they say, do the opposite, sheesh.

Jumping Jim September 8, 2009 at 10:40 am

We don’t have enoigh troops to do everything the Neo Cons want us to do.

Answer.. hire Hessians.

Oh, sorry, forgot about Blackwater and Halliburton.

V572625694 September 8, 2009 at 10:45 am

[re=404387]Roger the Shrubber[/re]: Are you sure Sarah’d look hot in brogans?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biscuit

Well, maybe…

FMA September 8, 2009 at 10:46 am

[re=404393]Norbert[/re]: Didn’t Ben Stiller already make that movie?

TGY September 8, 2009 at 10:46 am

Needs more death.

norbizness September 8, 2009 at 10:47 am

I’d feel a lot better about this doomed mission if I knew that General McCrystalMeth and the baguette-eating NATO Chiefs of Staff were at least watching Rambo III for tactical inspiration.

magic titty September 8, 2009 at 10:49 am

[re=404386]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: She only signed it to practice her cursive.

WadISay September 8, 2009 at 10:50 am

The best argument for staying in Afghanistan is that it makes it much harder for us to get into other, newer, shinier wars. Other than that, Kristol has his head up his ass, as usual.

germansteel September 8, 2009 at 10:53 am

I’d have been a lot more uncertain whether the letter-writers were right or not if Sarah Palin had not signed it, too.

Now, I’m certain.

Monsieur Grumpe September 8, 2009 at 10:54 am

Crank up that uterus Palin, Krisco needs MORE TROOPS!!!!!11!

btwbfdimho September 8, 2009 at 10:55 am

More troops from an Army that haven’t won a war in more than 50 years.

Uncertainty Vice-Principal September 8, 2009 at 11:01 am

Look, William Kristol may have been completely wrong about advocating the invasion of Iraq, the WMD, the Iraq-Al Quaeda connection, and well, everything else he ever said.

However he completely redeemed himself by almost single-handedly engineering the selection of Sarah Palin to be Vice Presidential nominee for the McCain campaign.

We just have to make sure that the hermetically sealed wall stays up so that no one else ever takes him seriously outside that padded cell currently known as the Republican party.

Way Cool Larry September 8, 2009 at 11:02 am

In a world of sick warmongering fucks, those sick fucks are hard to beat

TGY September 8, 2009 at 11:03 am
nbawriter September 8, 2009 at 11:04 am

I wish Kristol would make football predictions. That way I could benefit from his extreme penchant for wrongness.

magic titty September 8, 2009 at 11:08 am

[re=404431]TGY[/re]: Is the airport in that picture pre-bombed or post-bombed?

Norbert September 8, 2009 at 11:13 am

[re=404393]Norbert[/re]: Who wouldn’t want to see a few Kagans triple-teaming a Podhoretz, anus-vodka style. This manoeuvre could be called a Kagan exercise.

Prommie September 8, 2009 at 11:23 am

I once new someone who struck it rich, as it were, in trade, he got quite wealthy. He once said to me “If you want to get rich, look at what poor people do, and don’t do that.”

I think that reasoning applies here. I can think of no better reason for a unilateral and complete evacuation, not even an orderly phased transition, no, an emergency evacuation, of all US troops and personnel from Afghanistan, no better reason, than the fact that Palin and Kristol and Podhoretz and the rest think they should be there.

The contractors, we leave them there to be killed, though. Thats my one caveat.

Paul Tardy September 8, 2009 at 11:25 am

I don’t mind a bunch of people being paid off to advocate something, but I think they should each write their own letter. Lazy Lazy Lazy.

Come here a minute September 8, 2009 at 11:35 am

[re=404417]magic titty[/re]: And she tried out her new dreamy “title”:

President Sarah Palin
President Sarah Palin
President Sarah Palin
President Sarah Palin
President Sarah Palin
President Sarah Palin
President Sarah Palin

hunter.blatherer September 8, 2009 at 11:41 am

He will reply by offering to send Sasha, Malia, and Van Jones; if only they promise to keep their kids in school.

hunter.blatherer September 8, 2009 at 11:42 am

[re=404401]Jumping Jim[/re]: Get the government out of our military!

V572625694 September 8, 2009 at 11:44 am

[re=404424]btwbfdimho[/re]: Haven’t won a war in 50 years? How about our glorious victories in Panama and Grenada and some other little banana republic I can’t recall right now? USA — fuck yeah!

Marlowe September 8, 2009 at 11:44 am

Did you know that the US has more troops in Afghanistan that the Soviets ever did?

lawrenceofthedesert September 8, 2009 at 11:51 am

Sorry, Wonkoids, but the English idiom, she is different itself. Like “a gaggle of journalists,” or a “murder of crows,” it’s a “limp of neocons,” not an “orgy.” However, it is proper usage, according to the Parliament-Fundadelic Manual of Style, to say “an orgy of hippies.”

slappypaddy September 8, 2009 at 12:05 pm

since this empire (the benighted states a-murky) is running aground, it might as well have its timbers stove in on the shoals of afghanistan as anywhere else. fuck, it worked for the russkies. and the brits also learned a thing or two. why should we think we’re any different? get with the program, imperial wizards!

Cape Clod September 8, 2009 at 12:23 pm

“The situation in Afghanistan is grave and deteriorating. This is in part the legacy of an under resourced war effort that has cost us and the Afghans dearly.”

Please remind me why this war was under resourced again?

Marlowe September 8, 2009 at 12:34 pm

[re=404519]Cape Clod[/re]:
“The situation in Afghanistan is grave and deteriorating. This is in part the legacy of an under resourced war effort that has cost us and the Afghans dearly.”
Somehow, I think the Afghans paid more than us.

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 8, 2009 at 12:38 pm

Thank God Bill Kristol had such a distinguished military career that he knows what he is talking about when it comes to sending young men to their deaths to make the world match his ideology.

PineyWoodster September 8, 2009 at 12:42 pm

I bet the Afghans are pretty tired of having to kick yet another Empire’s ass.

DemmeFatale September 8, 2009 at 12:45 pm

Please forward this list to the nearest Death Panel.

Manos: Hands of Fate September 8, 2009 at 1:05 pm

This might be why Van Jones called these people a**holes.

TGY September 8, 2009 at 1:18 pm

[re=404435]magic titty[/re]: I would say it’s bombed in flagrante delicto, in very appropriate Latin.

mardam422 September 8, 2009 at 1:33 pm

[re=404393]Norbert[/re]: Hilarity ensues.

Bruno September 8, 2009 at 4:01 pm

[re=404550]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: “Thank God Bill Kristol had such a distinguished military career”

Add Sarah 2012 to that list. She just sends her kin-folk in the mililary, and complains that soldiers in a combat zone shouldn’t be shot up, because God knows, that never happens.

chascates September 8, 2009 at 4:46 pm

The next Executive Order should give each of the signatories the rank of Specialist I and order them into Afghanistan to help fight Islamofascism.

Jukesgrrl September 8, 2009 at 5:21 pm

[re=404393]Norbert[/re]: What channel? I’ll make popcorn. And make sure the contestants know they’re allowed to take along all of their relatives. (In Palin’s case, she may take the Formerly First Dood AND Meg Stapleton. Kristol should be accompanied by the entire staff of FOX News and every conservatard who ever sent him a fan letter.) That should make a full fighting force. Who will be the last one standing? (My money’s on Greta Van Susteren.)

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 8, 2009 at 5:40 pm

[re=404851]Bruno[/re]: For the troops sake, we all should stop listening to Sarah Palin.

zhubajie September 8, 2009 at 6:05 pm

Are they going to enlist? I suggest the infantry!

zhubajie September 8, 2009 at 6:11 pm

[re=404409]V572625694[/re]: Maybe if you were an infantryman in Afghanistan and hadn’t seen a woman in a long time.

slappypaddy September 8, 2009 at 6:29 pm

[re=404467]V572625694[/re]: “Haven’t won a war in 50 years? How about our glorious victories in Panama and Grenada and some other little banana republic I can’t recall right now?”

the lesson may be that if we fight wars in the half of the world we live in and not clear around on the other side of the fucking planet, we might have a better chance of winning them. and also we need to remember to fight really tiny countries. and no more wars against nouns. nouns have proven to be much tougher than we thought (we thought verbs would be the tough ones).

NYNYNY September 8, 2009 at 7:35 pm

Well, Rumsfeld, Cheney, Osama Bin Laden, Charles Manson, Hank Williams Jr, Pol Pot Jr, Neil Bush and Hugo Chavez didn’t sign this letter for some reason. I’d still like to hear their views.

Average Citizen September 8, 2009 at 8:14 pm

I’m betting that if Obama calls his troop buildup a “surge”, Kristol and Palin will come out against the war.

heathenish September 8, 2009 at 11:43 pm

Well others have beat me to it, but we should always listen to William Kristol, because he is always right and never makes mistakes, ever. Except that one time, with Iraq, and oh…yeah, he IS a douchebag!

LoweredPeninsula September 9, 2009 at 1:31 am

‘Till Jesus supplies his John Hancock (ha…cock), I ain’t supportin’ no more escalations.

BTW, I’m more partial to the term “Clusterfuck/Clusterflock of NeoCons”, myself. Also.

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