The year was 1999...“WASHINGTON – Former President George W. Bush took a step closer Thursday to establishing an ‘action-oriented think tank’ alongside his future presidential library by naming James K. Glassman, the longtime journalist and former administration official, as its founding executive director.” This post is complete. [NYT via Matt Yglesias]

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  1. “Bush Think Tank”?

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha (gasp)

    Whooo! I needed that.

  2. Oh, great. Now I have to melt down the bronze statue I was casting entitled “The Decider,” and instead do a new one called “The Thinker.” Oh, wait.

  3. Dow 36,000 – The New Strategy for Profiting from the Coming Rise in the Stock Market

    “New strategy?” Dude, if you’re predicting Dow 36,000 the only strategy you need is:
    1. Buy stock (preferably in a Dow industrial average company)
    2. Profit

    Can I have best-seller now?

  4. Even Dubya wouldn’t hire Alberto fuckin’ Gonzales for that position. And action-oriented think thank is going to be remembered alongside such Dubya phrases as education president, decider-in-chief, beacon of democracy, mission accomplished, heckuva job Brownie, stay the course, strategy for victory, and weapons of mass destruction as little papery husks that have had all the meaning sucked out of them by one of the biggest idiots to be in charge of anything more dangerous than a Big Wheel in all of recorded history.

  5. [re=403153]Come here a minute[/re]: Yeah, but a cup of starbucks will set you back forty nine billion zillion fucktillion dollars. What one hand giveth the other taketh away.

  6. [re=403172]gurukalehuru[/re]:
    In the olden days, it used to be a bunch of guys who thought of solutions (might not be good solutions) to various problems. These guys would normally have PhDs or some kind of knowledge that made them thinkers.

    Today, a tink tank is a place where various losers and failures of the RW wingnut stripe spend time jacking off in offices while ritting skreeds of stupidity that are published in dying print places called newspapers and often passed off as fact to justify the $ paid for bullshit. Usually funded by rich wingnuts who have more $ than brainz in the vain hope that ordinary people will buy into their pseudofeudalistic bullshit. It is also know as Wingnut welfare.

  7. I’ve always assumed some things have no explanation. Why are think tanks called think tanks? Why are sweetbreads called sweetbreads when no reasonable person on Earth would try to trick you into eating that shit.

  8. Date Line 7/24/10: Tragedy struck the new George Bush Think Tank today, its grand opening, as members of the Think Tank literally climbed into a giant tank filled with water, presumably to “think”. As humans can not currently breath underwater all were killed.

  9. If he really wanted to make a bundle, he could charge 1.00 for 3 balls for a chance to dunk him in his “think tank”.

    He’d pull in millions. And be pruny and waterlogged for the next 10 years.

  10. Overheard between Laura and George in Bush think tank:

    You’re a bum
    You’re a punk
    You’re an old slut on junk
    Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed

    You scumbag, you maggot
    You cheap lousy faggot
    Happy Christmas your arse
    I pray God it’s our last

    (think tank reminds me of drunk tank)

  11. If I’m among the first three to email you a line from George W. Bush extolling the virtues of investing my Social Security earnings in the stock market, will you send me a free copy of the book?

  12. It’s really his publisher’s fault that Glassman is considered an idiot who doesn’t know what he’s talking about. If they hadn’t used such a huge font, the “N” wouldn’t have run off the front of the book and today he’d be acclaimed as a genius.

  13. I always imagined George Bush’s think tank was the place George Sr. and Barb put him when he was acting up, akin to a time out.

    Barb: “Don’t want to eat your vegetables, huh, George? Well, it’s the think tank for you!”

    George: “Mamma, nooooooooo!”

    George Sr: “For chrissakes, Barb, he’s 32 years old.”

    Barb: “Shut up and lose the pants.”

    Wait…what was I doing again?

  14. “Action-oriented think tank?” I thought he said he was going to be a “fantastic freedom institute.” Well, history will decide in the centuries to come. After all, historians can’t agree whether George Washington was a good president or what.

  15. [re=403216]V572625694[/re]: The American Enterprise Institute and the Hoover Institution come to mind as well. My favorite is Victor Davis Hanson of the Hoover Institution who warned us that we were “literally teetering on an Obama implosion.” Literally. And this place is affiliated with Stanford University.

  16. Kitty Harris, Sara Palin and Michelle Bachmann can be on the Board of Directors along with Gary Bauer, Michael Steele, and the list goes on. I look forward to some Birther/Deather Member of Congress quoting this Shit Tank as proof of whatever they are saying is factual, and above challenge. Barney Frank will salivate from one end to the other over the thought.

  17. Mr. Assman really has his work cut out for himself, lets see, Iraq War, Katrina, stock market, $ 4.00+ gasoline, torture, and the cherry on top, “drum roll please”: 911 & my pet goat, upside down.

  18. In a Bush think tank, the thinkers will spend all day watching movies where the big gags are people farting and men getting kicked in the balls and making funny agonized faces at the camera. Then when the thinkers get up to go to the bathroom, they will fall down because they have secretly tied each others shoelaces together.

  19. Bush says he’ll need more think infantry and think airplanes to support an attack by his think tank and a brigade of his imaginary friends — “mission accomplished!”

  20. Don’t blame Glassman. The printer just mistakenly inserted the comma one space to the right. And that printer would have a better chance of bringing gravitas to Bush’s “institute.”

  21. It’s like one of those things in “Altered States,” right? I’d like to join one, as long as there’s a naked, 28-year-old Blair Brown in it. Without a naked, 28-year-old Blair Brown, you’d probably have to put up with a bunch of overpriveliged assholes who are cooling their jets until their party takes the White House again (or at least a few more seats in Congress.)

    Wait: they pay you to do this, right? Maybe I’ll join after all.

  22. Oh, I get it, now!

    The “Weapons of Mass Destruction” was a Thought Experiment!

    The think tank can continue on with research on other Thought Experiments:

    Mission Accomplished
    We Don’t Torture
    Our Economy is Strong

  23. [re=403209]Joshua Norton[/re]: We could coat him in a protective layer of shellac.
    [re=403263]hiphophitler[/re]: Do you think they could get Mel Brooks’ approval to do that? He’s not well known for conservative leanings.

    Also, 36,000 Lira.

  24. I remember, when I was just beginning my transition from high school into being an abject failure, my wealthy employer used to cite that ‘Dow 36,000’ book daily. Not being a very discerning fellow, I followed her advice and caught the fever and purchased such stock market comedies as and iomega. such was the spirit of 2000.

  25. [re=403284]fatherfigure[/re]:

    I bought WebVan and Compaq. They used to say “Buy stock in the stuff you use.” I figured how can I go wrong with groceries and computers? Turns out I could.

  26. [re=403174]Dr. Spaceman[/re]: You have successfully defined the fundamental thesis in all “business best sellers”.

    But as a follower of Minto’s Pyramid Principle (come on, don’t put your McKinsey training behind you), we need 3 facts to support the statement. Then you can write several hundred pages after the 3 fact/bullet-point synopsis.

  27. [re=403256]Custersdeadhorse[/re]: Good analogy, and like a septic tank, the big chunks rise to the top, anaerobic bacteria digest the material and the yield is methane and stank. Sums up the intellectual and philosophical nature of Dubya quite well.

  28. [re=403180]Dr. Spaceman[/re]: But is it actually IN a tank…because that would be awesome! Oh and F.Y.I. and just between us here…when the DOW hits 36,000…SELL!!!!!!! Sound market advise, free of charge.

  29. Doesn’t the phrase “think tank” sound like such a word that Dubya would make-up? In his lexicon, though, think tank would be a compound, hyphenated word, and it’d be used to describe ones skull.

  30. The George W. Bush Think Tank…what are ya gonna fill it with hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah HOW WILL YA KNOW WHEN IT’S EMPTY???HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..O.K. that’s enough, The George W. Bush Think Tank is BEYOND FUCKING BELIEF….

  31. The think tank in my head says the George W. Bush Library should be located at Ground Zero. And the only exhibits should be memorials to each person killed on 9/11 and in the two wars he began, brown people included. And maybe video of all the lies that got us into those wars. No books needed, because he never used those. OK, maybe someone can put the “Bin Laden Determined to Attack” warning in a frame and exhibit that. Along with his “now you’ve covered your ass” quote.

    And quite possibly a thoughtful collage dedicated to his dismantling of the Constitution.

    That is all.

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