Wonkette
Oh ho ho, a secret human, unearthed? We have found the Third Goldberg: Lucianne, Jonah, and now Joshua — who is running for New York City Council representing the Upper West Side! As a Republican, of course, so… yeah. Just a complete waste of time, this campaign.
What do we KNOW about Joshua Goldberg? Most glaringly: unlike his brother Jonah, Joshua is not fat. Joshua also has not written fine leatherbound historical masterpieces arguing that the American Democratic Party is literally Hitler. Joshua has failed his family.
He is an actual hobo.
Goldberg, whose candidacy was endorsed by the New York County Republican Party screening committee, has worked as a tour guide, and has also been a fishmonger and worked in the media.
He has been unemployed for a full 42 years, is the takeaway. You must watch his video. This is something that you must do.
Jonah Goldberg’s Brother Running for District 6 City Council Seat [West Side Independent]
Joshua Goldberg — City Council #6 [NBC New York]
So Weird Al Yankovic is this one’s father? Christ, what an unappealing family.
well the repubs had to run somebody.
Why the fuck is he purple? I will not vote for a purple man.
That’s almost as bad as being a fishwife. Fishwife. Yeah, Fishwife.
A ginger with a porn ’stache … nothing says “future indicted state senator” like that look.
Jesus, if someone said to me “Imagine Jonah Goldberg,” first I would vomit. But then if they said “now imagine that he is thin and has red hair and a kind of icky mustache,” I would probably imagine exactly this guy.
Pointed out buildings to gaggles of camera-bedecked Asians? Check.
Disemboweled marine life? Check.
Has tree growing out of left shoulder? Check.
This simply has to be performance art.
Ick, he looks vaguely like Joe the Ginger…
That’s the photo from his sex offender registry?
Fucking ginger.
Looks retarded.
Godless Liberal: That’s not racial transcendence! I bet you boycott the Blue Men too. Stinkin’ chromatist.
Jonah’s the successful one?
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
This might explain why mama Goldberg is such a bitch. I’m betting she seethes inside when she gets asked the inevitable question:
“So, what do your children do?”
I’ll assume that “worked in the media” refers to producing kiddie porn.
Jonah, Joshua and, what, Jehosephat?
If the video doesn’t have a strong “laughing” lead in an hour or so (pull down, top right), I’m becoming a communist.
Jim is a ginger. This human gefilte fish is not a natural color.
i kept adjusting the color and contrast on my screen, but nothing works, he’s literally purple WTF?
Is he having a stroke? Medic!
I watched the video until the “swoop and drop” looping map graphic in the background made me hurl. Yeah, I’m sure that’s what did it.
Red Zeppelin: No kidding. Before anybody votes for him, let’s make sure he isn’t hiding a kidnapped 16 year old blonde in a shed in his backyard.
Who the hell goes to their stylist and says, “Make me look like an ex-security guard who has little boys’ bodies stuffed in the crawl space under his house?” Oh — Jonah Goldberg’s brother.
Talk about transparency in government! I can see the blood beneath this fishmonger’s skin. I have a feeling that in direct sunlight (if he didn’t spark like a fork in the microwave) I would be able to see straight through this chap.
Blue skin is in baby
“I love this city but not enough to button my shirt”
When do we get the thread where we size up Ms. Coakley for sexual suitability?
I hope Linda Tripp’s happy now.
When did being on a public access show make you qualified to run for office?
And where is our Peggy Noonan. I need my weekly dose.
Holy shit is that ginger boring. And what the fuck is up with his clothes? You want my vote try putting on a coat and tie you fucking slob ginger Goldberg fuck.
OMG i wantsta butt sects him so gud!
He’s so sweaty!
Did Trig write that campaign speech?
“Strong new branches are growing”??? Doesn’t he mean aren’t growing?
Hell’s kitchen is on the edge of a fiscal precipice?
What is with his skin tone?
What are those three dots on his neck and chest?
Why do I feel like I’ve been put in a hypnotic trance after watching that?
How is it he can afford to live in Manhattan as a fish whatever, and I have to live in New Jersey.
NO FAIR
That pedophile seems to enjoy collodial silver, too.
he does look like a skinnier version of Jonah, I have to say
Way Cool Larry: Those are either lesions or marks from his make-out session with a blow-up Newt Gingrich doll with patented suction action.
It’s as if Carrot-Top and Dwight from “The Office” had a love child, and now he wants power.
Colloidal silver is sometimes used to treat gonorrhea and yeast infections.
Jonah says he’s agin “extravagant benefits” for city workers such as “unfunded pensions and medical insurance….and numerous holidays and generous overtime.”
Yeah, what he said. Why doesn’t NYC just have the FDNY and the NYPD pay the city for the privilege of defending numerous freedoms from now on?
9/11? Just a distant memory for 42-year-old Jonah.
A fish-monger? Seriously?
Too precious for words.
Katydid: Fuck. Joshua, not Jonah. Joshua. One prick, two names.
Send photo of boat and motor.
He looks suspiciously similar to the semen stain that launched Lucianne’s career.
Weasel is as weasel does.
Katydid: Which one gets to hold the prick?
I’ve been watching ironic mock-shitty commercials for so long that real shitty-commercials like this now seem to me like they’re third-rate shittier knock-offs of ironic mock-shitty commercials.
Post-modernism is freaking weird.
That’s totally Joe the Plumber with a wig and ’stache.
Good lookin’ feller. I’ll bet he speaks Klingon.
I want to know what he thinks about Firefighters Hosing Down an Elephant with their Hoses!
He sounds so media saavy, I’m expecting a personal complaint to Wonkette real soon which will be just as quickly posted for that we can tear him to shreds some more.
Anonymous Office Zombie: Would you believe me if I said I thought the same thing?
privatejoker: I think there was a comedy/mockumentary that ran about five years ago called Run Some Idiot. Sounds about right.
Blacks, Asians, even Redheads: these things I’ve learned to tolerate. But I cannot accept someone who is purple. Does that make me a racist? Screw off purp-lover!
Mojopo:
We should come up with a name for our disease, like “The Hipster Vertigo” or “WTF? Syndrome” or something.
Pedobear has endorsed him…so he’s got that working for him…
Pretty soon the oompa loompas are gonna drag his purple ass away…
Anonymous Office Zombie: Mojopo: Virtual Worldlweariness?
How much must it suck to go through life known as the uglier stupider Goldberg? Doesn’t he know that after Masada, the Jews are cool with suicide?
Godless Liberal: Colloidal silver. Lots and lots of colloidal silver.
the problem child:
Nice.
How about “Deconstructionaire’s Disease” or “The Gout 2.0, Now with More Hyperreality!”
Man, the move to Los Angeles has not been kind to Conan.
Godless Liberal: He’s after the Barney Dinosaur vote…
I would not hit it. Not for a million dollars.
This video is a lie. Everyone knows Hell’s Kitchen is currently represented by Daredevil the Man Without Fear.
Katydid: Going after the firefighters - Now THAT should work out to be a brilliantly successful platform in Manhattan…
Also, is he wearing one of Jonah’s shirts?
IaNYGB: What are you gonna do today, Napoleon Goldberg?
JG: Whatever I feel like I wanna do. Gosh!
assistant/atlas: Maybe with Michelle Bachmann’s dick, but even then, just for the laffs.
Ughh…
I feel a little dead in my soul just for having even typed that.
Hart88: Kiddie pron? He looks more like a freelance fluffer…
Nice teleprompter work, lad.
Without this video, I never would have believed that Jonah got the looks in that family, but…
Pantload’s brother is Jeffrey Dahmer?
And here I was worried that Violet Beauregarde could never find true love.
Good thing Jonah didn’t get this complexion; he’d be the spitting image of the Grimace.
Didn’t I see this guy running in and out of peep shows in Times Square in the early 80s?
Looks like a pedo-Dad, but still the better looking of Lucianne’s spawn.
Jonah Goldberg now tweeting as @JonahNRO
Don’t forget NYC is one of fun spots for the Gayz. I could offer suggestions on where to go, but I’m guessing this guy has a closeted pair of black leather straps and/or gimp outfit and is much more up-to-date than me.
Pervert.
There. I said it.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
But still… Pervert.
Another unfuckable Republican? Say it ain’t so, Joe!
Vulpes82: In the 18th century they used mercury.
Excellent well; you are a fishmonger.
ladymacbeth: Well, yes, fishmonger-BUT!! also worked in the media, so….
This fishmonger, he has nipples in his v-neck. Or maybe zits, or a rash. He looks like he gets a lot of rashes. He looks like he runs Lucianne’s newsletter from the part of her house where the sun doesn’t shine.
Don’t fishmongers wrap the fish corpses in newspaper?
There’s his “media” experience for ya.
A victim of failed autoerotic asphyxiation?
Yet another case in which the world would be a better place if Lucianne had just swallowed.
Rumproast: Done.*
yargisbargis: And done.**
*Laughing: 74%
**With requisite misspelling of editor’s name.
I love it that Lucianne set up “Cummings and Associates” early in her career.
Male rangas really are the unluckiest white people around.
Holy crap! you’ve got to click on the link to “Jonah at the Corner” above. He states that his brother’s “led a colorful life.” You mean orange and purple?
bouffant
Wow, this dude is a total ringer for Seth, infamous delinquent asshole, scumbag brother of DethkloK drummer, Pickles… but in disguise, with glasses!
Like this guy, Seth also led a “colorful life” — as head of DethkloK AustraliA, he was last sighted fleeing a howling mob of enraged Aussie deathmetal fans. Details at 11.
How the hell did he do his entire spiel without blinking? Is that even possible?