Wonkette
It has only been a week — one week — since Ted Kennedy died, and already some gal has exploited this by declaring her candidacy for the special election happening like 2 minutes from now. Her name is Martha Coakley and she has been the state’s Attorney General since 2006. We checked out her Wikipedia and there is absolutely nothing interesting or controversial on it. (There is for some weird thing about “Aqua Teen Hunger Force,” and how she released a couple of completely uninteresting and uncontroversial statements about its posters several years ago, as part of her job.) What else? She is experienced and stuff, with jobs. The ladies of M.A.D.D. think very highly of her, though, meaning she must not enjoy having awesome fun times and will probably pass annoying legislation about whatever. So just be extra careful, if she wins, to chew your two sticks of mint gum before turning the car on. [NYT/The Caucus]
Birth Certificate?
Not number one in Aqua Teen Hunger Force ‘hood, G.
As long as whoever beats Curt Schilling–hate that ass.
A teetotaler may not be an appropriate replacement for Sen. Kennedy.
1/31/07 NEVER FORGET!!!!!!!!
Too Geraldine-y.
Martha Coakley obviously HATES Aqua Teen Hunger Force!
Why do you HATE AMERICA, Martha Coakley?!?
I smell PUMA.
She is neither telegenic nor a boozer. Nor a dude.
Is there gonna be a primary? She will lose that if so.
Can we start hating her now? Just because.
Joshua Norton: She clearly loves war and cancer and raping children, what a loser.
Step 1. Call Martha Coakley campaign HQ.
Step 2. http://www.adultswim.com/shows/aquateenhungerforce/extras/soundboard/index.html
Step 3. THE INNOCENT SHALL SUFFER, BIGTIME.
she has obama-style “snappy!”
She’s also a Hillary supporter. She voted for Hillz at the DNC.
The PUMAs are going to love her.
Let’s see the costumes for the Aqua Teen Hunger Force….like the Power Rangers only anorexic.
NOT that anorexia is anything to laugh about.
This is all part of the estrogen leak from eastern Canada. Soon all Senators in New England will be women. Then more and more females, across the land. Just watch civility and compromise break out in that traditional cage match they call the world’s greatest deliberative body.
If Tweety doesn’t get a chill up his leg she’s doomed.
So this what our great democracy has become? Choosing between right wing freeptard rage-aholics and lefty boring empty suits. There must be something better out there.
Can we join back with England, if they’ll have us? Pleeeese. Parliament is 100 times better than this current crop o’ schmucks.
Stupid woman. You can’t get elected Infanta of the Holy Catholic Kingdom of the Kennedys.
jagorev:
But PUMAs don’t trust unmarried women. Sumthin not right about ‘em.
Martha Coakley Living
Humpback: We’ve been, like, shipping it from California, like, forever.
Hell even our Governor is female (and a Kennedy, too…c’mon Arnie doesn’t think for himself except when he gets a woody for low taxes and such t’ings like that)
So she moves to DC and hooks up with John Murtha for a second marriage and has the best name imagined today.
Joshua Norton: England may not be an earthly paradise, but at least their prime minister gets ridiculed and hooted at like a pathetic loser during Question Time. Imagine if Chimpy had had to undergo this — or Cheney!
Anybody who doesn’t think the moon rules A-number one should not be elected to public office.
Hell, I’d hit that. But then, I’m like umpty-bazillion years old.
Thou shall wait 7 days before filing your application for a dead Kennedy seat.
- The Constitution
So says the Constitution. amen.
Humpback: has your answer, Monsieur Grumpe: .
The hormone tanker Estrogen Valdez ran aground in the Bay of Fundy. The resultant spill nearly wiped out the Eastern seaboard’s crab and mussel populations, while simultaneously boosting snapper and clam numbers to record levels.
She may be boring, but didn’t she kill like 9 families while driving the wrong way on the Taconic Parkway recently?
Milquetoast!! Come on, Taxachusetts Dems!! You can bring on a more ridiculous candidate than this. I want to see Chappaquiddick 2: Electric Boogaloo!
Extemporanus: And now we are awash in bearded clams.
Folks, let’s remember that if Joe Kennedy Sr. were alive, he’d have filed the nomination papers for his next viable descendant during his son’s funeral. Coakley’s restraint is admirable.
Looks like she’s the first to claim “Obama Font” for her ads!
Hey the only race that counts is in California, which is heating up…
http://www.karlaforsenate.com and be sure to go to the blog…
Servo: Yes.
She is quoted on Wikipedia as saying the Aqua Teen signs were “sinister” because “they had batteries and wires.” Do not let AlGore show her the Internets or god forbid twitter or she is going to close massachusetts, forever.
Wonkette:
Disrespect this candidate at your peril. She is a recipient of the Leila J. Robinson Award for her contributions to the field of law.
She will eat your children if you oppose her.
I think she’s adorable, thinking she can be a Senator from Massachusetts without at least marrying a Kennedy.
I remember exactly where I was that dread day of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force bomb scare. Man– those LED signs were scarier than shit.
Way Cool Larry: YEAH? Well, I lived four blocks a way from where that happened, and it was NO LAUGHING MATTER.
AnnieGetYourFun: I had a view of Logan airport on the morning of September 11, so I know exactly how you felt.
(old Fark meme)
AnnieGetYourFun: I laughed my ass off, but I was living in NYC at the time.
~
jagorev: We are the meme peoples. I should apply for that job at LOLCats.
This is bullshit. Kennedy cousin Michael Skakel beat her to death witha golf club in 1975. Has she come back from the dead to exact her revenge?
Thanks all for pointing out her connection to the Mooninite bomb scare, most notably in Boston. Someone needs to fix here Wikipedia page.
The innocent shall suffer - big time.
Prepare for a pride-obliterating bitch-slap.
Not so boring. She made a name for herself as the prosecutor in the high-profile case in the British au pair Louise Woodward’s murder trial in 1997. Ambitious-relentless-go for the jugular-leave no prisoners. Boring no. Would she be a good senator for Massachusetts? I wonder.
I’m trying to think of an appropriately Kennedy-esque response to her actions…..Show us your tits? She’d look a lot better after five drinks?
Spiderfrommars: Hahahaha! Eat something, you stupid rich girl.
Martha Coakley killed Ted Kennedy for his Senate seat. At least that’s a better motive than Oswald or Sirhan had.
If she’s against drunk driving, she’s not fit to replace Teddy.
Martha’s daddy was a cop, not a bootlegger.
Don’t know why that matters — just sayin.
Flying out of the gate like this is tres tres puma-esque. Ain’t gonna get the blessing of the holy Kennedy’s like that. And not a good idea to forgo it.
Johnny Zhivago: Is that sarcasm? I’ve seen COFFEE ADS that use Gotham. It’s the new Comic Sans.
She prevented all led-sign related deaths in Massachusetts, except that one time.
Bow your heads and pretend to be serious.
If she hasn’t bit the pinky off a spittle flecked olds then I just can’t support her. Roll out another drunken Kennedy, let’s go with what we know.
AnnieGetYourFun: DAMN you are quick!
Servo: “But PUMAs don’t trust unmarried women. Sumthin not right about ‘em.”
You’ve got to be shitting. PUMA’s are almost exclusively unmarried women.
As for Ted’s Senate seat, can’t we just install Tom Menino, already? It’d be so cool to see him and Frank at a press conference lisping away to their heart’s content. Also, they could impersonate themselves when the other was missing. Also.
Monsieur Grumpe: Vice versa.
I like the Coakley it cleans out my sinuses….
Her campaign ad looks like it belongs in Cult weekly. I’d hit it.
Well…she’s no Sarah Palin.
Curt Schilling was the worst EQ player ever. Always standing in the fire…
I wish I lived in Massachusetts, I’d vote for Martha, but in my mind I’d secretly be imagining I was voting for J.K. Rowling.
You just know Shake is going to turn her campaign into his next get-rich-quick scheme, and we all know what Carl will be doing during her campaign ads.
Her candidacy is doomed if the wingnuts find out about her Aqua Teen affiliation.
Meh. Boring ladyperson is right on. As much as I’d like a woman in the Mass. delegation, I don’t care for the Martha.
She’s a competent AG, for the most part. Kind of a brainless and knee-jerky libtard on most policy issues and tends to pander to the oldz, the cranky “issue groups” and the various identity politics wings of the par-tay up here. This, coming from an analytical libtard type (who deplores policymaking by anecdote and pandering to the loudest mob). We need someone with strength of personality, passion, and an inner moral compass to lead and not follow to replace Teddy K. Martha ain’t the one. I not so secretly want Dukakis to ditch the Amtrak board and run. He sets my technocrat hart all aflutter.
Oh holy crap - on first glance I thought her name was Martha Moxley!
Coakley’s been circling around that Senate seat for months, if not a year now. Can we not convince Vicki Kennedy to run?