Wonkette
Mark Sanford has admitted to a lot of sketchy behavior and pretty much constant lies about everything, and he is a weeping emo douche, but there’s one thing Mark Sanford wants you to know: HE DID NOT START THE RUMOR THAT HIS HATED RIVAL, LT. GOV. ANDRE BAUER, IS A BIG FAG. Somebody else must’ve done that. Still, “Andre Bauer” is such a gay name we don’t really need Mark Sanford to clue in the blogs, about that. [Palmetto Scoop]
Don’s put on a bit of weight since his days on “Andy Griffith.”
Jeez, Mark does seem to have a high opinion of his impact in the world and/or view himself as the center of the SC universe.
The “outing” of Andre came from the stories from dudes Andre slept with.
Wait a minute… Mark’s gay?
Bauer had to get Knotts to write a letter defending him. That’s uh, kinda passive.
That’s really a stroke of genius, I wish Hopey had that kind of vision when dealing with the Republicans
” I am not the person who started the well founded rumor that Charles Grassely turns into a mad pole smoking child molester every time he sees a cub scout troop. I think that was Senator Craig.”
” Sara Palin does not smoke crack cocaine every time she masturbates with a crucifix. It’s only happened a couple of times, as far as we know and, ladies and gentlemen, she masturbates a lot. I’m told, pretty much all the time, but I’m not here to spread rumors, I’m here to talk about health care.”
He must be a fag because he wants to fill Sanford’s seat.
Judging by his attire, he’s intending to bike the Appalachian Trail this time. Someone should tell him he’s not going to get to Numero Uno base dressed like that.
Andre Baurer’s photo does all the talking.
you cannot be serious: The seat or just the taint?
This from CNN: “I have known Andre since he was eight years old,” Knotts [a Bauer 'ally'] told CNN. “Ain’t a homosexual bone in his body. That boy is a good boy. It’s a just an attempt to prevent Andre from become governor.”
Yo, dude, come to Nellie’s tonight at 9th and U Street. You’ll get a homosexual bone in your body. Maybe 2 if you swallow.
That’s it, I’m leaving the democrats. The GOP is like one big wife-swapping party with crazy TV hosts. That’s a party, man!
The Palmetto Scoop? Isn’t that some kind of manure for lawns?
The “Palmetto Scoop” sounds more like a sex act than a news outlet.
Called it! lol
widget09: Exactly. Or as we say in legal Latin, “Capillae ipsa loquitur” (”The hair speaks for itself”).
Not a single “bone”, eh?
grevillea: The Palmetto Scoop is more commonly known as the Double-kangaroo Scissor Kick.
Mark’s gonna be holding Gov. Rick Perry’s dick any day now.
Andre Bauer sounds like a spin-off of the Jack Bauer character on 24, except in Andre’s show he has 24 hours to find a public restroom and surreptitiously drill a hole in the stall.
Andre Brauer was not available for comment because Detective Frank Pembleton ain’t no homo.
I did not start the rumor that Pat Buchanan fucks pigs. I swear I didnt.
With a t-shirt like that, maybe Sanford has intimate inside information:
http://www.outspokin.org/
NoYou’: Lemme guess. Good ol’ boys who say “doesn’t have a gay bone in his body” simultaneously believe the ghey is a “lifestyle choice”.
you cannot be serious: Either that, or push in his stool.
one zen bullet: What you said.
dijetlo: Most excellent.
I thought it was interesting where Gov. Sandford talked about meeting up with Andre Bauer on the Old Appalachian trail where Mr. Bauer informed Mr. Sandford that he “sure had a pretty mouth.”
I wouldn’t say that Andre Bauer is gay. What he chooses to do in his own private life with hot young skinheads is his own business.
When the pressure on Sanford gets too intense, some celebrity will have to die to create a distraction, as Michael Jackson and Ted Kennedy know only too well.
V572625694: Knott’s forgot the first rule of berry farming:
Don’t get high on your own pie.
Hey - was Bauer moonlighting as a security contractor in Kabul?
He looked good in that coconut codpiece.
Whether it’s the moonlight under magnolias or the mint juleps South Carolina is one epicenter of sexytime. Does the state government ever have time to accomplish anything not involving precious bodily fluids?
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Two scoops, one box.
[in Tim Gunn voice] Now Wonketteers, we have to look after Andre. She’s our little lamb.
The best way to get people to stop talking about whether you are gay or not is surely to have your buddy deny it in colorful language on CNN.
the guv’s denial is straight out of the “when did you stop beating your wife” school of cross-examination.
One Yield Regular: No. Fuckin’ WAY!
Vanity Smurf: What happened to Andre?
Oh, pardonnez moi monsieur!! J’ai insertez mon penisse turgide en votre buttoques et mouvez mon penisse tres rapidemente!!! Oh! Oh! Oh! C’est une grande accidente terrible pour des Republiquains de l’etat de Caroline de Sud, non?
Let’s see: an undisclosed friend of the Governer is writing in salcious detail on the internet about “Andre’s” sexual proclivities. Guess the resigned Sec. of Ed has a new job! But is naming the gay protagonist “Andre” too cliche?
Are we done with this Sanford clown?
No son, no junkyard, no care.
The gig was up when the gay bloggers insisted that Andre had multiple boyfriends in Kenya.
Whoa, Sweet TEAPARTYSC is righteous in the comments section of Palmetto Scoop! One good thing about “the psychologically impaired, morally devoid, blasphemous, deranged, vindictive vermin” holding office in SC. They make the elected officials in my neighboring state look good. My “psychologically impaired, morally devoid, blasphemous, deranged, vindictive vermin” is better than yours.
Doesn’t André Bauer host that show on HGTV? Isn’t it called 24? The one where he’s only got one day to redecorate an entire room? He TORTURES the home owners by not letting them see the room until it’s done and then BLINDFOLDS them before showing them the WATER feature and the new side BOARD!
Thank Jesus South Carolina doesn’t have it’s own nukes. That is all.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: GAH! Thanks for the vision of sanford’s saggy mansack.
Wait, I’ve said too much.
Also, if Mayberry could accept Floyd the obviously gay barber, I think the state is sophisticated enough to accept a gay governor.
Gopherit: Sorry, wrong Carolina. Mayberry was in commie-pinko, socialist, Nazi North Carolina, where they vote for Kenyan-born Muslins, and love gays and abortion doctors. This is South Carolina. You know, Real America.
Was that Andre who sang, “Nothin’ could be finer than a boyfriend who’s a minor in the morning?” Isn’t that the South Carolina state song?
one zen bullet: Thank you! I totally thought Andre Braugher as well. I found it odd that he was Lt Gov of South Carolina but then I’ve been overseas for a while. I figured, if the old, fat guy from Law and Order can be a presidential nominee, I’d think the guy from Homicide can be a Lt Gov. Probably not in South Carolina though.
one zen bullet: expatinOz:
André Bauer is the new star of “Homo Side: Life on the Sheets”.
He’s not queer, he’s just a lifelong bachelor who lives with his 22-year-old male “staffer”!!
It was just a coincidence that Andre was spotted in a conga line at P-Town Bear Week.
Gov. Sanford doesn’t have to leak information about anyone. That’s what the boys at C Street are for.
Gopherit: If I am ever in a punk band, I am going to insist we call ourselves Sanford’s Saggy Mansack.
So that my clever research will not go to absolute waste, I must remind you that “South Carolina” is an acronym for “Oh, Rustic Anal!”
This is a state whose motto is: “Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo.”
Bauer sham marriage coming in 3, 2, 1…
God my head hurts from all this Sanford shit, South Carolina isn’t even part of the US, didn’t it secede in 1861? Who gives a fuck whether Sanford is engaging in teh Brazilian slave trade nearly 200 years after it closed? Outside of Texas, GA, MS, and AL, SC has the most fucked politix ever
Extemporanus: “Homo Side: Life on the Sheets” ding, ding, ding. We have a winner.
Extemporanus: That’s so beautiful it made me cry a little.
bored Socialist/Communist: He and his beard-wife can go on vaca with Charlie Crist and his beard-wife. If they both marry lezzies, everyone wins!
““I have known Andre since he was eight years old,” Knotts [a Bauer 'ally'] told CNN. “Ain’t a homosexual bone in his body. That boy is a good boy. It’s a just an attempt to prevent Andre from become governor.”
Oh, boy. The jokes just write themselves down their in South Confederacy, huh? “Ain’t a homosexual bone in his body”, huh? Well, that’s probably true for the time he was standing next to Knott. But, let’s get this straight? How many homosexual bones do you have to have in your body before you can definitively be labeled as a homosexual, yourself? One, two…ten? Also, lets say half of them are homosexual; what if the other half are heterosexaul larger bones like the ulna and tibia and femur, and the gay bones are just the hammer, anvil, patella, etc…? Also, what if you have the gay bones surgically removed? Does that cure you?
bored Socialist/Communist: expatinOz: Morning mail time… bloody hell! It’s a fancy envelope, all the way from Columbia, South Carolina, United States of America par avion…
“You are cordially invited to witness the blessed, surprisingly sudden and not-at-all-suspiciously-convenient heterosexual wedding of The Honourable Rudolph Andreas Gai-Pierré “André” Bauer, currently Lieutenant Governor of South Carolina, to his newly-engaged, genetically-female, politically-ambitious fiancée Ima Gaye Beard, the wealthy, baby-hungry, 51 year-old heiress of one of South Carolina’s Oldest, Whitest and Christianest slaveholding families.”
“The ceremony will be held on Friday, September 5, 2009, 7 p.m. sharp, for prime-time broadcast throughout the Sovereign State of South Carolina, in the Executive Ballroom of the Blue Cross And Blue Shield Of South Carolina skyscraper, located directly adjacent to the State Capitol Building.”
“Private Reception/‘BAUER 2010′ Gubernatorial Fund-raising Dinner (separate RSVP invitation required for entry) to follow immediately after ceremony upon confirmation of complete absence of all media personnel, recording devices, and registered Democrats. Escort-staffed Open Bars will be provided.”
“Formal attire requested. All recording devices will be confiscated upon entry and no note-taking will be allowed. No questions will be taken or answered. God Bless South Carolina.”
one zen bullet:
Nice. The 90s ruled, except when they didn’t.
But, Mark is SURE he’s gay because…No I will not be the one to start that rumor, and if anyone says I did…they’re a big homo!
Yes the SC motto — “Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo — means “I will bugger you and fuck you in the mouth.”
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Nah. That sounds more like a jam band. Maybe emo, except the use of “mansack” is probably too butch for the likes of them. I’ll go with jam band.
there’s an easy lindsay graham joke in here somewhere, but i’m too hungover to make it right now.
Scrodd: Lives with his attractive young male “staffer”? Oh really now.
As a data point, I lived in Sacramento when Jerry Brown was governor of California, and a lot of people knew that he had a boyfriend and a girlfriend. Obviously only the girlfriend (who, admittedly, was notable in her own right) got press.
So, as much as I think that Sanford is a lying liar who lies, the “wasn’t me, half the state knows that Andre is gay and someone must have talked” is a lot more plausible than some of the other stories he’s been spreading.
WadISay: Well, I _was_ wondering what shenanigans Sarah Palin would pull to get back in the news cycle, but apparently that one got covered by Vanity Fair.