Professor of Communism Barack Obama’s Mandatory New Pupils: YOUR CHILDREN

  teach them well

Do you know where your child is? No, not right now. No don’t worry, you don’t have to know that. But know this: On September 8th, President Barack Obama will be INDOCTRINATING your children with well wishes and vague pleasantries about doing their best and working hard. He will speak to them, via video, which our nation’s teachers will turn on after an estimated three to five minutes fiddling with the TV. But America’s school children want—nay, need—to know just this one thing: Will this be the sort of activity that cuts into their class time, or do they just have to make it up at the end of the day? The support of an entire generation depends on this crucial question.

But many conservative adults are more concerned with how much socialism, rounded to the nearest hundred, will Obama be exposing the young people to?

“The idea that school children across our nation will be forced to watch the President justify his plans for government-run care, banks, and automobile companies, increasing taxes on those who create jobs, and racking up more debt than any other President, is not only infuriating, but goes against beliefs of the majority of Americans, while bypassing American parents through an invasive abuse of power,” Chairman Jim Greer said in a press release.

Added conservative talk show host Tammy Bruce, in a Twitter feed: “Make September 8 Parentally Approved Skip Day. You are your child’s moral tutor, not that shady lawyer from Chicago.” And conservative author Michelle Malkin said the lesson plans have a “heavy activist bent.”

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Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

View all articles by Juli Weiner

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74 comments

  1. hockeymom

    He might show them ART, too. Dirty, rotten COMMUNIST art. Like the kind known FASCIST, COMMUNIST LOVER Rockefeller put on the walls in New York City. The kind of art that Glen Beck hates.
    Shield your children’s eyes against indoctrination of all kinds!

  2. Paterlanger

    That’s right Tammy, you are your child’s moral tutor so be sure to teach them that the best way to stay on the straight and narrow is to stay at home and hide. And that it’s only necessary to respect the office of President when the person holding that office has actual skin colored skin like mommy and daddy.

  3. charlesdegoal

    “Shady lawyer from Chicago” is new to me. Since there is nothing wrong with being a lawyer or from Chicao, I suppose “shady” is supposed to mean “non-white”. Good point.
    Also, I thought Reagan and GWB had both “racked up” more debt than any president before them. Isn’t Obama entitled to the same privilege?

  4. Trace

    Eh, nothing new here. Conservative Christians actually do the whole “pull your kid out of school for the day” thing pretty often, most recently because of some sort of “it’s ok to be gay” day, which, of course, it is NOT ok to be, not in God’s America, a Christian nation shat from the glorious, puckering anus of Jesus the Christ.

    Then there are the really crazy ones who just say fuck it and homeschool their kids. That’s how we got conservapedia, after all.

  5. Lascauxcaveman

    I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with a secrit muslin talking to my kids. Or child molesstor or drugdealer for that matter. Or a black man.

  6. trickyrick

    These kids are going to be putting Obama posters on the walls in their bedrooms.

    !just to piss off teh ‘rents as usual

  7. Advocatus_Diaboli

    America’s school children want—nay, need—to know just this one thing: Will this be the sort of activity that cuts into their class time, or do they just have to make it up at the end of the day?

    I think the more critical question is whether this will be on the test.

    Please choose the best answer:

    1. Barrack Obama is:
    a. God
    b. President of the World
    c. Watching you
    d. A hope unicorn that farts love
    e. All of the above

    2. Your grandparents should:
    a. Slit their own wrists
    b. Submit to the death panels
    c. Enjoy becoming solyent green
    d. Die already

  8. gurukalehuru

    Keep your children out of school
    keep them home to fast
    fight against the future
    and to resurrect the past
    go down on your knees to pray
    that’s all you really need
    then all slit your wrists, together
    and then, you can secede

  9. Fake Thomas Jefferson

    Oh, that’s a terrible reason. I thought we were having our kids skip school for a good reason, like protesting the breakdown of the apprenticeship system.

    Imagine what I could’ve become if I’d apprenticed to an auto mechanic, or an astronaut! PUBLIC SCHOOL IS DESTROYING OUR CHILDREN’S FUTURE.

  10. 4tehlulz

    Dear Conservative Parents who Approve of Skipping School:

    Please keep your spawn at home; we need to boost our graduation rates and test scores, especially for biology.

    KTHX,
    80% of America’s School Systems

  11. rev_matt_y

    This is win win for the GOP: encourage parents to keep their kids out of school all on the same day (the kids need no such encouragement) then cite the drastically reduced attendance as proof that free public schools don’t work and shut down the Department of Education (which has been a core principle of the GOP for decades) in favor of private religious schools for families that can afford them or low paying low skilled farm and factory jobs for everyone else. Child labor, no public education, it’s like their much beloved Gilded Age coming back again.

  12. the problem child

    And organization called Savour Cuntry Now (or something) has the following suggested parental note:

    “To Whom it May Concern:

    When it comes to teaching my child about personal responsibility and life goals, I have determined that I am a far better teacher of those objectives than a President who has chosen to surround himself with known anarchists and terrorists.

    Therefore, will be at home on Sept 8th in order not to be corrupted by the propaganda that will be shown in his class room.

    Respectfully Yours,”

    If I was a teacher, that would count as an unexcused absence and a reason to call social services.

  13. WadISay

    I hope Obama spends a little time talking about how it’s cool to notice how nice kids of the same sex look, how great abortions are, and telling kids to read the Holy Koran daily.

  14. One Yield Regular

    [re=401608]Norbert[/re]: Or reads “My Pet Goat” backwards, like the White Album played backwards.

  15. Bypartizoa

    When you have a party that claims to speak for God or claims that God is on it’s side, the rhetoric heats up and the anger heats up because it’s not just a battle about ideas and positions what’s good for the country and what’s bad for the country it’s a battle about what God want’s and what God doesn’t want and it’s easier to demagogue about your enemies and despise them and to dehumanize them in this really personal and viscous way and the religious right is fomenting this kind of hatred in the country, I think, at our peril. I think the Michelle Bachmann’s of the world and the Glenn Beck’s of the world are actively and consciously or subconsciously trying to get, I’m just going to say it, trying to get the president killed. That’s why they’re setting this up as “kill or be killed” arguments: “He’s going to kill your grandma, death panels that little children are going to have to go in front of”. This kind of rhetoric, this paranoid style on the religious right from Birchers to Birthers, doesn’t usually end well. And somebody’s got to put the breaks on. Unfortunately in the Republican party, there are no adults left in the room. — Dan Savage

  16. ManchuCandidate

    [re=401614]the problem child[/re]:
    Hahahaha

    Based on the spalling, ritins and buk reeding of the loons, those kids is fucked (if genetics didn’t doom them already.)

    I’m thinking that a guy who TAUGHT constitutional law (without a PhD) and get degrees from some of the top skules in US America is probably better qualified to teach a kid than the average US American who believes in “paying to save”, “Extenze increases penis size”, “no money down is a great deal”, and “drinking flavored sugar water is good.”

  17. TheNavOne

    It’s better than when a conservative (Reagan) was in office and we were forced to watch a Space ship blow up all over Florida. I wanted to be an astronaut until then. Reagan was destroying our dreams.

  18. Tundra Grifter

    [re=401619]One Yield Regular[/re]: You beat me to My Pet Goat. Well, not exactly, but you may get the idea.

    For a President to sit in front of a bunch of kids and read a book is cool. However, to actually say something important to them – say, like, “Duh – Stay in school!” is bad?

    The right wing nutz want to keep me dumb, barefoot and otherwise without the benefit of a decent education.

    Global climate change? Evolution? Basic human sexuality?

    Nope! You betcha!

  19. Tundra Grifter

    [re=401593]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: 2.(a.): Slit their wrists and become blood brothers (and sisters, I guess)…

  20. peggynooner

    Hey, I’ve seen this somewhere before.

    [re=401576]Prommie[/re]: Heh. heh. I’ll bet the two of you were all over Bush, eh wot?

  21. peggynooner

    [re=401576]Prommie[/re]: heh heh, and both of you were probably all over Bush, eh wot?

    Hey, I’ve seen this before.

    [sorry for the double commenting, if they both show up.]

  22. Hooray For Anything

    I’ve been thinking all summer that this is all some sort of brilliant, elaborate plot to overwhelm the system with so much batshit insane stupidity that at some point progressives, liberals, Democrats, people with IQs over 100 just basically throw in the towel, quit, and pick up and move to France or Denmark or Sweden. To which I say, well played conservatives, well played. And Denmark is supposed to be lovely in the fall

  23. DustBowlBlues

    [re=401588]Trace[/re]: A crazy preacher who has a tiny church (mostly made up of his inbred cousins) and two little kids was investigated by children’s services after his 7 year old couldn’t sit down in class because his father had beaten him with 2×4 and it hurt to sit. Kids were removed from home (although son assured them dad only beat the infant with a very small belt) for several months, even though father explained that it was his right and the head of a Xian household.

    He got the kids back and now he’s home schooling.

  24. pondscum

    My librul mom used to enact Parentally Approved Skip Days. She called it a mental health day and we would all go shopping. She rocks.

  25. Guppy06

    While Bush only ruined children indirectly, turning the nightly news into an NC-17 gorefest of exploding soldiers and civilians.

  26. DustBowlBlues

    [re=401620]Bypartizoa[/re]: For a second I started to trash you for sounding smart and articulate, but then was it was a quote from Dan Savage, whom I really admire, so you’re forgiven.

    [re=401646]Hooray For Anything[/re]: As I’ve said it many times before, the thing about the righties is their absolute relentless pursuit of anything meaningless, like American Idol or a pizzas on sale for a $1.00 (limit, 20) at the Walmart.

    Liberals get tired and would rather have a drink and get laid. Or at least think about it.

  27. gurukalehuru

    [re=401620]Bypartizoa[/re]: If your going to demonize your enemies, you should do so in as viscous a manner as possible.

  28. finallyhappy

    Yes, he will hypnotize them and they will all go home and become muslins and eat fruits and vegetables instead of hamburger helper and cheetos and read books instead of watching American Idol, Big Brother and Real House. It is a sure fire plot to rid the US of small minded, dumb obese people(or the GOP as we like to call them).

  29. jasper f. krone

    Parentally Approved Skip Day was called Rosh Hashanah. And the other kids hated me for it. Let’s hope that happens this time around. Your parents are crazy wingnuts who hate the President? Taunt, taunt, etc.

    [re=401656]pocket Liz[/re]: There was just way too much crazy on that page. And the ones before and after it. MUST BECOME MARXIST NOW.

  30. Zadig

    Everyone knows that liberal socialisms are just like radiation: after a certain amount of exposure our children will become tainted, and must be put down.

  31. Baconbits

    [re=401658]Hooray For Anything[/re]: i was actually sort of impressed by the comments on that article. Overall, they seemed pretty sane, and the “thumbs up/down” rankings definitely leaned in a non-crazy way. Glad to see Houston regaining its soul, just in time for my annual trip home. Maybe I won’t be called a Yankee terrorist-loving socialist this time… but I doubt it.

  32. Zorg

    I was surprised last night by a Facebook post written an attractive woman who runs a cafe in a little, meth-scented town in East Texas. It goes “Little ones across the nation will be subject to watch Obama give a speech on Tuesday AT school. We’re keeping our little one home! There r rumors- if you keep your child home it will count against perfect attendance records. R you kidding me? We did not vote for him. We do NOT agree w/his policies & we do NOT want him chanting to our child. Where AM I???? America? Who’s America?”
    Now, thanks to Chairwoman Wonkette, I can learn where this particular strain of crazy is being bred. Chanting? Count against a “perfect attendance record” for a, uhm, third-grader? Well, butter my buns and call me a biscuit! Is there anything, anything at all, that BHO can do or say that does not leave these people peeing themselves in terror?

  33. desertwind

    Do they still make kids do The President’s Physical Fitness thingie?

    The one where you have to jump over “the horse”?

    Mein Gott!

    I’d’ve begged to have to watch a few minutes of video instead.

  34. GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=401772]Marmel[/re]: Dear Marmel,
    I believe you raise some interesting points; many of which I agree with. However, the sign on the door sez “TITZ OR GTFO!” so, yeah. Whore who whores blogs is a blogwhore, also.

  35. Extemporanus

    I hope Obama’s Reading Rainbow Coalition is a more entertaining kids’ show than Clinton’s Blue Dogs’ Clues, or Bush’s Says Me Street.

  36. Studebaker Hoch

    I blame all of this on Reagan. If that drooling asshole hadn’t closed all the insane asylums , most of todays Republicans would still be safely locked up , painting the walls with their own shit,and arguing with the voices in thier heads.

  37. Holy Cow!!

    It’s a remarkable achievement in unconscious projection that the author of a book called “Unhinged” could lose her mind over a patterned scarf in a donut ad much less a speech to school children.

    In terms of completely false outrage, the only thing that rivals this travesty of reason is last year’s “lipstick on a pig” metaphor panic.

    It’s another embarrassing, over the top sham by the right-wing fact-phobic horde.

    Just hope Obama doesn’t read “My Pet Goat.”

  38. BlueStateLibtard

    I love how the repubatards are ranting that it’ll be “political.” As if making them recite the Pledge of Alliance every day, feeding them the “greatest country on earth” stuff, and omitting all the oops mistakes like slaughtering the American Indian isn’t “political.”

  39. kapish

    Little Republitardettes will still receive The One on the antenna created by the tin foil hats
    their parents gave them for labor day. They will then gladly turn their parents into frogs, with the magic they will learn
    from Obama’s broadcast. They can boil these frogs anytime they wish. Mebbe invite some French folks over for dinner that night.

  40. natteringnabomb

    Well weren’t these children forced to read those literary classic short stories by Kristen Maquire,how boring it must have been.The president,if he stays on message,should have them cumming in his hand.

  41. McDuff

    Will someone wake me up and tell me this is all a bad dream and that Republicans in the waking world, while conservative, actually do have brains and ethics. Otherwise, it may be off to the looney bin for me — I can’t take much more of this Hopey is a ‘Kenyan commie-fascist-socialist-grandma killer’ crap spewing from the pie-holes of these insane clowns.

  42. Melange Rehab

    I hope any child pulled out of school for this crap gets horribly humiliated by their peers for having retarded parents and will lose any and all respect for their retarded parents, forever.

  43. Bruno

    Ehh, if Tejas school books support creationism, I’d figure watching a few minutes of Obambi won’t really impact their intellectual development in the Right Way

  44. slowhansolo

    [re=401630]TheNavOne[/re]: Shit, I remember that. I think I was a sophomore in high school, bad time to get a first inkling of the empire’s collapse.

  45. badmuthagoose

    Oh please. None of these lame-ass losers are going to keep their kids at home. They get to GET RID of them for 6-8 hours a day! Are you kidding me? I teach middle school in a, erm, red state. I guaran-damn-tee you we’ll have the same attendance on the 8th that we have on every other day.

    They’re all temper tantrum, no go.

    Hell I WISH they would keep them home that day. That’d be awesome. It’d be like President Magical Obama Awesomeness Day.

    And by the way parents: the kids don’t really much listen to that stuff, anyway. They’ll be picking their noses or thinking about sex. No worries.

  46. LoweredPeninsula

    [re=401772]Marmel[/re]: I wish Hypocrisy was physically painful – I’ll bet there’d be less of it.

    Wouldn’t that be just awesome? Yes, it will be the “shady lawyer from Chicago” who destroys this country, not about the “unrepentant alchoholic (née cokehead) from West Texas (via Connecticut).”

Comments are closed.