alternately "hammer time"

Do You Know What Time It Is? It’s Time For Pat Buchanan To Randomly Defend Hitler Again!

Every now and then Pat Buchanan wakes up and decides to defend Hitler. Like Actual Hitler not just Synonym Hitler (Barack Obama).  Today is just such a day! Well, this new column is tied to the the extremely important and memorable 70th anniversary of Britain declaring its official involvement in WWII. (By the way if you’re thinking of doing something special, the traditional gift for 70 years is a bomb shelter… or possibly amethyst.) And speaking of Britain, why did Britain force Hitler to participate in the war and refuse his many sincere peace offerings? Why were they being such, like, Nazis about it? It’s a good question to ask, of History! And Pat Buchanan has the most retarded answers this side of AP Euro.

Ahh, sorry, this was misleading. What was meant by “answers” was “grossly mischaracterized rhetorical questions seemingly culled at random from various sections of the WWII Wiki”:

Why, when Paris fell, did Hitler not demand the French fleet, as the Allies demanded and got the Kaiser’s fleet? Why did he not demand bases in French-controlled Syria to attack Suez? Why did he beg Benito Mussolini not to attack Greece?

Because Hitler wanted to end the war in 1940, almost two years before the trains began to roll to the camps.

Haha Pat Buchanan.

[Did Hitler Want War? via HuffPost]

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About the author

Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

View all articles by Juli Weiner

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102 comments

  1. Cape Clod

    Any first year student of history can figure out that Hitler wanted to end the war in the West by 1940 so that he could start on his main objective, kicking the shit out of Stalin’s Russia.
    How much liquor do you have to drink to come up with these ideas, Pat?

  2. Serolf Divad

    Hitler was an ordinary painter called upon by fate to rescue fair Deutschland from the clutches of wicked semitic bankers and the Bolshevik menace. He did not want war. He wanted peace, so he could paint, which was his first love.

    He also wanted a sleigh named rosebud, which some wicked Jew denied him. So of course, the jews had to be resettled in Madagascar… or better yet gassed.

    But that doesn’t mean that Hitler wanted war. He wanted to be left alone to peacefully gas Jews and Gypsies and Trig Palin.

    Is that too much to ask?

  3. your secret boyfriend

    Sweet Jesus on water skis – are we done pretending this is a sane person who should have a job where he says things?

  4. GuyClinch

    Thwarted in his sincere quest for the Nobel Peace Prize, uber-hippie Hitler really had no choice but to act out like he did. I blame Oslo.

  5. ManchuCandidate

    [re=401541]Cape Clod[/re]:
    Exactly. Barbarossa was a mere modest military operation involving 4 million men, thousands of tanks, planes and guns.

  6. Paterlanger

    “Eichmann! Get in here! Look what the Allies have done. Now this whole unfortunate misunderstanding about the French having weapons of mass destruction has gotten out of hand and as much as we’d like to end this and try to put things to right the damned Americans and British have forced my hand. Kill the Jews. There’s nothing else to be done. Hopefully history will record that we tried to avoid this.”

  7. magic titty

    Did he offer to suck Mussolini off? Cuz that’s the only way you get people to do stuff. Stupid Hitler.

  8. Dreamer

    I bet he did not mention in this important opinion piece that Hitler did not want to fight Briton in particular because he felt they could be close allies in subjugating other non Aryan nations.

    So is NBC now a Hitler apologist or are they just keeping him as their openly racist commentator, cuz the world needs more of those.

  9. Marquis de Villers-St-Paul

    Soviet Russia was an ally to Nazi Germany until the spring of 1941. Why-oh-why did EVIL Mr Stalin force that peace-loving Austrian graphic designer to launch Operation Barbarossa?

  10. doxastic

    Listen, just because you seek to dominate the earth and eliminate an entire race of people, it doesn’t necessarily follow that you enjoy warring. Pat Buchanan finds nothing more poignant than a reluctant Holocaust.

  11. Woodwards Friend

    Everyone knows France gave their fleet to Hilter in 1938 before he even started invading. That way it was one less thing to work out at the time of surrender.

  12. Hed007

    Pat, like Adolf, is just looking for a little attention. Mock him or ignore him at your own peril. He has his eye learing to the fertile fields of the workers’ paradise of Maryland. Or some such. Also.

  13. Cape Clod

    [re=401547]ManchuCandidate[/re]: There is very little written evidence that Hitler ever intend to do all the things that he did. Except, of course, his two volume political manifesto that laid out his intentions to to attack France and Russia, kill as many jews as he could get his hands on, and colonize Eastern Europe.

  14. charlesdegoal

    Did Bush want war with Iraq? Nooo! All he wanted was for the troops to be welcomed with open arms and for Saddam to promptly surrender. Their fault.

  15. adirtyrabbit

    The Nuremberg Laws and Kristallnacht happened in 1935 and 1938. And trains begin rolling into Dachau in 1933. But I’m sure Hitler would have stopped there if the rest of Europe hadn’t been just big meanies.

  16. Come here a minute

    Why didn’t Pat Buchanan ask these questions in Wikipedia like any decent AP European History student? Why did he write them down for publication and reveal his Nazi sympathy? Why keep you mouth shut and be thought a fool when you can open it and remove all doubt?

  17. Hed007

    [re=401564]Cape Clod[/re]: Did he write said manifesto in grad school (jail) at 34 like one Mr. Bob McDonnell? I think we see the true parallel here.

  18. ManchuCandidate

    [re=401564]Cape Clod[/re]:
    I think it’s strange that a guy who spent much of his TV career trumpeting the military might and successes of the US America Military (non anus vodka drinking section) in WW2 would screw up basic world history. Makes you wonder if he took the Grandpa Simpson route of historical study by learning from reading the backs of sugar packets.

  19. Joshua Norton

    Poor Pat. A down-trodden minority member. Again.

    He’s forced to take another unpopular stand because he’s pretty much the only member of this “Hitler was so misunderstood” demographic who is camera-ready, due to owning a suit and lacking the prerequisite shaved head and prison tatoos.

    It’s a lousy job, but somebody has to do it.

  20. nbawriter

    [re=401575]gjdodger[/re]: “Everyone knows Bundy wanted to call a truce after his 11th victim in Pensacola … but no, the Chi Omegas wouldn’t accept the simple agreement to change their motto to ‘No Means Yes.’ So who really is at fault here?”

  21. Scoops McGee

    Hitler didn’t want war. He just wanted all the Jews in Europe to disappear–peacefully if possible, but one way or another.

  22. Marquis de Villers-St-Paul

    Still, I’m bit confused. Is Hitler now a good guy or a bad guy? And what effect does this have to Barack Hitler Obama?

  23. groove

    I just learned more about the motivations behind the start of the second world war in the comments of the article linked than I ever did in my world history course in college.

    Internet: 1; college: 0.

  24. Birdcrash

    In modern Amerika we no longer hold any truths to be self-evident. In fact we no longer hold any truths. Nothing is decided. Even things that were decided are not decided. Everything is up for grabs. Hitler was a man of peace. Obama worships Hitler. It’s all the same. It’s all good. It’s all bad.

  25. nbawriter

    [re=401590]Airborne Toxic Event[/re]: Off? Please. That implies that Pat doesn’t allow the booze to run into G. Gord’s crack where it blends nicely with the Santorum.

    I believe you meant to say, “out of Gordon Liddy’s ass.”

  26. DeLand DeLakes

    Fuck excuses, Pat approves because Hitler shared his yen for exterminating the queers and the browns, and for banishing women to the kinder, kuche, kirche. I sure hope that Rachel Maddow has some PMS to take out on his piggy little ass.

  27. hunter.blatherer

    Hitler did not demand Paris Hilton’s feet because he was a homosexual. You should have known that, Juli.

  28. Lascauxcaveman

    Hitler didn’t want war. He’d already learned it was much cheaper and easier, and in some ways more fun, to just conquer other countries by making threatening noises at them and having them sign a piece of paper saying Uncle Adolf is now in charge.

    (*cough*Austria*cough*)

  29. binarian

    [re=401610]PoliticalGraffiti[/re]: Me too. All she needs now is to learn the Secret Jedi Art of the alt text and her training will be complete.

  30. Paul Tardy

    Cat looks like Chaplin to me.

    As to the Buchanan piece, yup its as much a fact as anything it a fact The Empires of Britain and France declared war and the Nazi Germany(*). Not the other way around. If you like you can say the Nazzies asked for it by invading Poland in alliance with the Bolsheviks, but they did not declare war on either the Empires of Britain or France. In fact the Nazzies weren’t even mean to them and helped them out when the commies tried to take over Spain and make the “hour” the unit of currency.

    But good news the Nazzies did declare war on all the is good and holey in this world. The US of A.

    (*) Not an Empire at this point as population was still Germany.

  31. give us a bob

    Oy. At some point Europe will grow tired of our continued publishing of blithering idiocy and start demanding back some of the nice toys they gave us so generously. Stuff like the Statue of Liberty, the Louisiana Purchase, and the State of Maine.

    Indeed, are we not certain there isn’t an obscure clause in one of the various treaties signed before 1830 that permits whichever European country to claim back their land in the event that Americans lose sound mind? Kinda like having your right of attorney automatically pass onto someone else when you grow too senile?

  32. WadISay

    I am totally confused about whether the right wants to demonize Obama or normalize Hitler. Maybe it’s just a win-win for them either way.

  33. zhubajie

    Splat Butt-Cannon is, of course, a racist and a Jew-hater. But why defend the mega-racist/jew-hater now? Answer: to make mega-bucks off dumb Paultards, who will spend G-d knows what share of their minimum wage paychecks on a history book by a REAL conservative who actually criticizes Roosevelt! Butt-Cannon is a millionaire, somehow, but wants to make more millions off the stupid by telling them what they sorta want to hear.

  34. zhubajie

    [re=401580]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Bazooka Joe comix. He was a Viet Nam Era draft-dodger, by the way. He had the kind of flat feet that miraculously healed themselves once the war was over, so that he could run marathons.

  35. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=401544]your secret boyfriend[/re]: It’s weird. At my high school, we had this German teacher who worked as a sub. One day, during history class, she explained to us how the Holocaust hadn’t happened and that it was all a Jewish plot. I went home to tell my grandmother about how she apparently had been hoodwinked into thinking that her family was killed, and it was all teh Jewz. The substitute teacher was fired the next day.

    And Pat has present employment how?

  36. memzilla

    Pat Buchanan is cut from the same anti-semitic turd-patterned revisionist cloth as Father Coughlin:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Father_Coughlin

    It is nominally true Hitler didn’t want war. He would have much preferred to have had to fight no one while he and Tojo and Mussolini carved up the world.

    [re=401613]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Ah yes, Austria. “Oh no, we wouldn’t want you to scratch the paint on your panzers and kubelwagens, we’ll lift up all these border gates ourselves. Here, have some AAA maps, too!”

    One Nazi official was quoted to the effect that “What took us five years to do in Germany took two weeks in Austria.”

  37. Manos: Hands of Fate

    Pat’s right. If the UK just let Hitler take over the world and kill all the jews, it wouldn’t have been a problem.

    I mean if guys just handed me their wallets I wouldn’t have had to beat them on the head with a lead pipe.

  38. Tundra Grifter

    “But why would Britain hand an unsolicited war guarantee to a junta of Polish colonels, giving them the power to drag Britain into a second war with the most powerful nation in Europe?”

    Was that “junta” of Polish colonels slaughtered in the Russian forest – by the Russians?

  39. SayItWithWookies

    [re=401716]memzilla[/re]: Oh, he gets worse — he conflates the casualties by saying the war killed “50 million Christians and Jews” — the subtext of which is that exterminating 6 million Jewish civilians in a concerted campaign is somehow equivalent to all the Christian casualties when the vast majority of the civilians and soldiery in all the nations involved were Christians. I’m predicting an outright Holocaust denial column within a year.

  40. american mutt

    [re=401560]doxastic[/re]: The [i]reluctant[/i] Holocaust? Is that like when parents spank kids and say, “This hurts me more than it hurts you”?

  41. RabidHamster

    Wish I could snark, but considering the extensive pruning of my family tree the Nazis did, the best I have is “fuck you you fucking fuck, Buchanan. There isn’t a bag of dicks large enough for you to choke on, so I hope some day soon your employers realize what a complete sack of shit you are and fire you. Too bad you didn’t invest with Madoff, as a homeless, penniless Buchanan would be a thing of beauty.” Okay, more like a flaming bag of dog shit rather than beauty. In case it’s not clear, I really hate rancid revisionist enema bags like Buchanan.

  42. albatross

    DeLand DeLakes; “for banishing women to the kinder, kuche, kirche” was Kaiser Wilhelm II in WWI. Hitler was all for it, though- as is Pat. And ain’t free speech wonderful? It lets you know where the snakes are.

  43. Hello Sunshine

    Wait, wait – if WW2 didn’t happen, wingnut bloggers wouldn’t be able to complain that the French would be speaking German now if it wasn’t for the USA. As I understand that’s been a central plank of Republican foreign policy since, ooh, about 1946.

  44. Hello Sunshine

    [re=401759]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Some of his commenters are already asking for one – “Maybe soon you can look at how those trains made it to the camps when all the railway junctions were bombed away”.

  45. GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=401541]Cape Clod[/re]: And the only reason he started the trains running on time was because the war went into overtime and he had to kill hizself some Judaisers before the U.S.American world-police came to shut him down and drink all his beer. He would have still killed all those gh3y, Romanian/gypsy communists anyway; war or no war.

    Way to fail history PAT!

    Expect a call from your friends at the ADL any time now.

  46. GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=401830]Hello Sunshine[/re]: Let’s see…
    If DubyaDubyaAyeAye didn’t happen, and America had no incentive to become the most powerful nation on Urth, wouldn’t we all be Soviets by now?
    Why does BO’chanahan luv Stalin?

  47. Zorg

    Oh, if only there was someone to play Charles De Gaulle to Pat Buchanan’s Robert Brasillach! What a beautiful, beautiful world it would be!

  48. bitchincamaro

    If any rant deserved the John Belushi Weekend Update treatment, with full-on mouth-foaming and fit-throwing, this would be it.

    I miss John.

  49. HillaryIsMyHomegirl

    [re=401746]Tundra Grifter[/re]: You are absolutely right my friend they were! More importantly Mother Russia lied about it afterward for many years. And Germany tried to shift all the blame to Russia wussies!. Here you go wiki fiends:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katyn_massacre

    Also I find it unbelievable that Pat characterized any group of Polish generals as a “junta”???? How after all these years do people still find a way to blame this whole mess on Poland!

  50. Jukesgrrl

    Today, we are all the French Fleet.

    [re=401680]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Thank you. I had a fifth-grade teacher who tried to tell us President Kennedy’s dad was a bootlegger … um, nevermind. But seriously, examples abound of Buchanan being a racist and an anti-Semite. And in his case it’s not heresay, it’s on tape and in print. Why the NAACP and the JADL don’t go after him is beyond me. What are those groups for if not to rid the national media of revisionist history?

    [re=401858]Mild Midwesterner[/re]: I agree. Maybe we could have someone cut-and-paste that cat into the Crying Santorums photo. That would be an awesome example of wonderous tubez tools I am too dumb to master.

  51. Katydid

    OK, so I know us Jews are known for being cheap, smart, rich, controlling the media, world banking, Wall Street, and retail establishments (but never paying retail). All sterling qualities, to be sure. But sometimes, sometimes, when things like this come up, I wish we were known instead for our gun-handling abilities.

  52. Hooray For Anything

    From the collected works of the bigotry of Pat Buchanan:

    “In a 1977 column, Buchanan said that despite Hitler’s anti-Semitic and genocidal tendencies, he was “an individual of great courage…Hitler’s
    success was not based on his extraordinary gifts alone. His genius was an intuitive sense of the mushiness, the character flaws, the weakness masquerading as morality that was in the hearts of the statesmen who stood in his path.” (The Guardian, 1/14/92)”

    http://frank.mtsu.edu/~baustin/buchanan.html

    You could say he’s a hater but I like to think that he’s got his brown shirt on too tight. Either way, the fact that he’s allowed anywhere near a TV is a huge indictment of the press corp and why people just don’t shut him down on Morning Joe or Christ Mathews by saying “shut the fuck up, you anti-semtic racist” is beyond me.

  53. ManchuCandidate

    [re=402053]Katydid[/re]:
    The baddest meanest military in the Middle East, the IDF? Major Uziel Gal, designer of the Uzi?

  54. imissopus

    [re=401875]Hello Sunshine[/re]: Do you want to explain to that guy that FDR refused to bomb the railways and is still roundly criticized for it 64 years after his death, or should I?

  55. geminisunmars

    [re=401810]RabidHamster[/re]: So my husband, the Holocaust Survivor, says to me, when I told him of PB’s current tiny little take on things, “gosh, I wish I’d just known the facts then. Maybe I, as a child, wouldn’t have had to leave my family to live with strangers in another country, and lost a good deal of the family that had to stay behind in Germany. . .” or some such words to that effect. Well, may not to that effect.

    Can we ask Rachel Maddow not to allow that piece of shit to appear on her show. The stench is audible. Visible? Olfactorible?

  56. GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=402062]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Gen. Moshe Dayan?
    The last of the eye-patch wearing badasses.
    Also quoter of the famous: “If you want peace, don’t talk to your friends. Talk to your enemies.”
    Not that anyone ever listened to him or anything.

  57. GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=402062]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Oh, and let’s not forget the Israeli Military Industries greatest contribution to modern gun-porn.
    Tha DEagel.

  58. Mr Blifil

    It should be stated, in all fairness, The Führer, even though he liked to have whores defecate on his chest, had some nifty dance moves.

  59. Starrigavan

    Let’s see if I understand Mr. Buchanan. World War II didn’t start on September 1st 1939 when Germany invaded Poland. It didn’t start when Britain and France honored their mutual defense treaty with Poland and demanded that the Germans withdraw. It didn’t start when the Germans refused. It started on September 3rd when Britain and France announced that the deadline for withdrawal had passed and declared war. And Germany wanted peace so badly that a couple hours later they torpedoed a British flagged cruise ship the S.S. Athenia, 112 civilians killed.

    So the Nazis wanted peace. They showed it by invading Poland. Refusing to withdraw under threat of war. And then immediately torpedoing a civilian ship. Okay. Now I understand. Buchanan. Is. An. Idiot.

  60. Katydid

    [re=402062]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Good point. I guess I was thinking of American Jews. I wouldn’t fuck with Israeli Jews, or even Russian Jews, and I’m Jewish.

  61. bebergebberson

    Pat is so American in that he knows jackshit about history — or makes up what he wants. Like the proverbial monkey at the typewriter, he occasionally gets something right, but 99 pct of the time he is wallowing up to his shriveled nethers in this kind of ridiculousity.

  62. Clankie

    Well, duhs Hitler didn’t want to be at war. He was afraid it would draw attention to the millions of people he planned on murdering (personally, with a 2×4 with a nail in it) in his own country (and a couple {for now} nearby.) All Pat’s suggesting is that Hitler just wanted to be left alone to pursue his objectives for the German society, i.e. Jew-killing.

  63. LoweredPeninsula

    I agree with the others who say they like Juli’s writing style. I love it, in fact.

    Pat’s already a proud defender of segregation (née slavery), so this doesn’t come as much a surprise. Next, he’ll be apologizing for the brave Hirohito.

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