RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS  3:40 pm September 3, 2009

Congressional Hearings Make For Great Baroque Madrigals

by Riley Waggaman

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 31 comments }

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 3, 2009 at 3:55 pm

It was the 80s. Your day would be ruined if you didn’t snort a few lines and buy a Porsche in the morning. Sort of like Starbucks. You had to be there.

charlesdegoal September 3, 2009 at 3:56 pm

Ah yes, with the memorable aria “L’avvocato e mobile qual piuma al vento…”. He dies at the end, of course.

facehead September 3, 2009 at 3:57 pm

In other news … I’ve noticed a derelict lack of alt text comments at WONKETTE lately, wtf is going on here? Is Ken Layne vacationing in Alaska and so everyone injects crank into their faces? COME ON PEOPLE, AMERICA IS DYING!!!

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 3, 2009 at 3:58 pm

In the words of Lenin: “A lie told often enough helps Jim Inhofe manage a chubby.”

Isn’t that “manage a HUBBY,” until the end of September?

freakishlystrong September 3, 2009 at 3:59 pm

Has anyone else noticed that all these elected!!? flame throwers all have these teutonic names? I’m liikin’ at you, Broun.

ChernobylSoup v2 September 3, 2009 at 4:00 pm

Gosh I miss the ’80s. Employers didn’t know a thing about drug screening. Sigh.

OzoneTom September 3, 2009 at 4:03 pm

The troglodytes of Oklahoma keep re-electing Inhofe so he seems to be representing them well.

slappypaddy September 3, 2009 at 4:06 pm

“how much cocaine did you people snort in the ’80s? ”

a gram a day
kept the sandman away.

Servo September 3, 2009 at 4:08 pm

[re=402100]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]:
The clothes and hair said it all. Everybody was high. Everybody.

Lascauxcaveman September 3, 2009 at 4:13 pm

[re=402100]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: It was the 80s. Your day would be ruined if you didn’t snort a few lines and buy a Porsche in the morning. Sort of like Starbucks. You had to be there.

I was there, too. In my 20′s, in my prime of life. Microbreweries were sprouting up like mushrooms in the Seattle rain. Thai food had been introduced to America. All women looked like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance and were eager to prove their womyn power by being as sexually aggressive as they could stand.

It was the best of times; it was th…

Heck, it was the best of times, that’s all.

LittlePig September 3, 2009 at 4:19 pm

[re=402128]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Thai food had been introduced to America.

Thai Stick was easily available, too.

All women looked like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance and were eager to prove their womyn power by being as sexually aggressive as they could stand.

The best of times, indeed.

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 3, 2009 at 4:19 pm

The 80′s had its downside. Always fretting about whether your hair was high enough or your shoulder-pads large enough. I cringe when I look at my college pictures.

Oh and no one ever offered me coke, so thanks for nothing you hipsters!

you cannot be serious September 3, 2009 at 4:20 pm

I relive the 80′s at every opportunity by watching Bert Convy host Super Password on the Game Show Network. Good times, y’all. Good times.

CaiteeCruelle September 3, 2009 at 4:24 pm

God DAMMIT!! Ya know, I had a chance to try out for the Gonzales Cantata and delayed contacting the composer too long!

*sniff* I coulda sung for Andrew Sullivan. Curse you, procrastination!

ShamWow September 3, 2009 at 4:26 pm

All the talk about orgies in the comments of Matt’s article and Jim Inhofe’s chubby are making me feel warm inside

“Why does the increase have to continue in order for the “orgy” to continue?

Let’s say the orgy starts when Matt goes from having sex with one person at a time to having sex with five people at a time. Does the orgy then stop the next hour when Matt is still only having sex with five people and not ten?”

Extemporanus September 3, 2009 at 4:29 pm

I was so rich in the 80s that every day I would wake up and fuck a kilo of coke, snort a Porche, and then crash my fully loaded supermodel.

And don’t even get me started about my fucking business cards.

Lascauxcaveman September 3, 2009 at 4:31 pm

[re=402136]LittlePig[/re]: Thai Stick was easily available, too.

OH MAN! I forgot about that part. How’d that happen?

mollymcguire September 3, 2009 at 4:32 pm

[re=402110]freakishlystrong[/re]: Rep. Broun is the sponsor of the “Military Honor and Decency Act,” which prohibits our dedicated men and women in the Armed Services from viewing porn. This, above all else, proves how much this man hates America.

When our soldiers in the field can’t get porn, the terrorists have won.

Lascauxcaveman September 3, 2009 at 4:37 pm

[re=402144]Extemporanus[/re]: You are (were?) like a God to me.

Mr Blifil September 3, 2009 at 4:59 pm

I don’t like the idea of slipper tempura.

rocktonsammy September 3, 2009 at 5:31 pm

One word to describe why we needed drugs in the 80′s, REAGAN.

widget09 September 3, 2009 at 5:36 pm

If Barrack Obama “already has or will have the three key elements necessary to become a dictator: A national police force, gun control and control of the press.” It will be because you republicans, insert R-(Here)railroaded the Patriot Act through Congress & with a R-(Idiot) presnit, giving “Him” those powers.

chascates September 3, 2009 at 5:41 pm

And Inhofe worries for America’s future: “Those of you who think like I do, hope this country can hang on another 16 months.”

Eight years of Bush/Cheney was a breeze, I guess.

hobospacejunkie September 3, 2009 at 5:48 pm

The 80s were pretty much the greatest decade in the history of mankind, and I pissed it all away boozing & smoking pot, only doing coke once, before work @ my $3.75/hour mall job. The regret will last a lifetime. I miss Marisol Massey on MTV’s first gameshow, whatever that was called.

AnnieGetYourFun September 3, 2009 at 6:43 pm

Sometimes I wish I was old enough to experience the 1980s as anything other than a dim memory of maybe lip synching to Madonna songs. But then I see the photographic evidence of me in the 1990s, and that’s bad enough.

My boyfriend, mind you, is 8 years older than me and sported a mullet from 1985-1992, long past the mullet’s prime. Oddly enough, he doesn’t find this embarrassing in the least.

nbawriter September 3, 2009 at 6:53 pm

Baroque Madrigals? Riley, you’re a bit uppity.

What, you’re white? Never mind then.

kapish September 3, 2009 at 7:10 pm

Jeez, all us old hippy musicians (for whom coke was free – at least in CA) had given up cocaine by 1980 (really for reals kids). The decade of the 80′s was when all the straight business people discovered coke, and put their businesses up their noses.

Jukesgrrl September 3, 2009 at 8:12 pm

Sometimes I wish Obama DID have all the elements “necessary to become a dictator.” In fact, Craig Ferguson was talking about Stalin last night and I was thinking that Hopey should try to be more like Uncle Joe. Especially the part where he “disappeared” people. We wake up tomorrow and … no Glenn Beck. We wake up next week and … what ever happened to Pat Buchanan? Someone calls the police and they say, “Don’t worry, he’s just on vacation.” Like that.

chascates September 3, 2009 at 8:36 pm

[re=402321]Jukesgrrl[/re]: I second that conspiracy.

expatinOz September 3, 2009 at 9:39 pm

[re=402336]chascates[/re]:[re=402321]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Me three.

LoweredPeninsula September 3, 2009 at 10:52 pm

Braun is such a fuckin’ Nazi (Godwin’s law fullfilled). That is all, for that.

“All women looked like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance and were eager to prove their womyn power by being as sexually aggressive as they could stand.”

Alas, I was too young to have known. And, now, us Millenials are outwardly aggressive and open, but so privately Puritanical it’s not even funny.

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