DAILY BRIEFING  8:33 am September 3, 2009

New Details About Obama’s Big Health Care Speech Reveal This Thing Will Include Details!

by Juli Weiner

  • Obama’s big health care legislation presentation next week will feature such novelties as an explanation of the contents of said health care legislation. [New York Times]
  • Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens’ hiring of only one clerk for the 2010 Supreme Court regular season has many fans speculating that he could retire after next year. [LA Times]
  • Pfizer will be paying $2.3 billion in fines for illegally treating fat cat doctors to rounds of golf (and probably letting them win!) in exchange for promotion of Pfizer products. [AP]
  • A new report was released by Physicians for Human Rights that details American doctors’ bad habit of using terror suspects as subjects in impossibly evil torture experiments. [The Guardian]
  • The city of Chicago does not even want your dumb 2016 Olympics anymore, International Olympics Committee! This is because the 2016 Olympics happen to be the summer Olympics, which according to facts are the lame kind. [Chicago Tribune]
  • Oh holy god, someone found a dead frog in a Pepsi can. This is disgusting, although, if it helps, it could have just been a toad… so… no cause for alarm. [CNN]
 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 35 comments }

4tehlulz September 3, 2009 at 8:35 am

What are the odds of significant portions of the GOP boycotting? I say 2:1 in favor.

ifthethunderdontgetya" September 3, 2009 at 8:41 am

See! Yet again Coke > Pepsi.

Also: What are the odds of the Goopers making like Astroturfers at a town hall during the Hopey speech?

And p.s. furthermore, Mount Taylor!
~

ManchuCandidate September 3, 2009 at 8:41 am

Come on!

That toad in the can was part of Pepsi’s “Drink Pepsi, Get Stuff” campaign. They didn’t say it had to be GOOD stuff or (was once) ALIVE.

hobospacejunkie September 3, 2009 at 8:43 am

In a shocking development, congressional representatives have completely ignored Pfizer’s crimes, failing to use it as evidence of a health care system gone awry. Sources say this is in no way related to the millions of dollars lavished on congress by Big Pharma.

dijetlo September 3, 2009 at 8:45 am

[re=401509]4tehlulz[/re]: They’ll show, they have no choice. If they boycott, Obama can just lay out the plan and close with “All in favor say ‘Aye’.”
More likely they’ll follow their pattern and wave guns around and howl gibberish while he’s speaking. It’s their constitutional right, you know.

hobospacejunkie September 3, 2009 at 8:46 am

89-year-old John Paul Stevens says the other justices are big fuckin’ pussies for needing more than one clerk. He only uses his to make coffee and rub his bunions.

ManchuCandidate September 3, 2009 at 8:51 am

As for Chi-town Olympics. Tell those IOC fuckers to stick it up their rich entitled asses. It seems to me, the IOC gets most of the benefits and the host city inherits the headaches.

Let’s hope your mayor makes an insensitive remark about African nations like Toronto’s curly topped doofus and makes-an-international-ass-of-himself mayor, Mel Lastman. Who fucks up better than “Bad Boy”? Nooooobody!

(Although Mel’s stupid comment had no effect as Beijing was gonna get the 2008 Olympics no matter what–the IOC loves sucking up to dictatorships who throw money at “problems”.)

ProfessorJukes September 3, 2009 at 8:52 am

Fat cat doctors? I’m confused… is that doctors for obese cats, or obese veterinarians?

ChernobylSoup v2 September 3, 2009 at 8:54 am

[re=401514]hobospacejunkie[/re]: I’m a dumbass optimist, but I’m hoping Holder is just getting started. Tomorrow he’ll announce conspiracy charges against Aetna, followed by an indictment against the entire AMA for beastiality. On Monday we’ll hear about BCBS’s plea bargain for ass raping tens of thousands of bed-ridden seniors.

That’s how I would do it if I were Obama’s AG. You know, just to show support.

JadedDIssonance September 3, 2009 at 9:00 am

The telephone survey of 380 Chicago registered voters, conducted Aug. 27 through Monday by Market Shares Corp., has a margin of error of 5 percentage points.

Stellar Number Crunchin there. I could get a better poll at my local El stop.

[re=401521]ChernobylSoup v2[/re]: Stop Politicizizing Mah Justis Depot!

ifthethunderdontgetya" September 3, 2009 at 9:03 am

[re=401521]ChernobylSoup v2[/re]: I’d arrest Dick Cheney and send him off to the Hague.

“We’d try him for war crimes, but we fear he couldn’t get a fair trial in this country.”
~

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 3, 2009 at 9:10 am

AdvertisingAge is reporting that by a 3:1 ratio, today’s teen prefer to drink their toad rather than lick it.

Pepsi, the taste of the New Generation!

groove September 3, 2009 at 9:19 am

I heard about the Pfizer deal on NPR this morning. I like how their PR person released a statement saying that Pfizer’s number one priority is corporate responsibility. So for a number one priority, they’re doing a pretty shitty job of it.

I mean, did they send the government a letter saying, “Oh, by the way, thanks for investigating our unethical practices and bringing them to our attention.”

Riiiiiight…….

slappypaddy September 3, 2009 at 9:22 am

during these days of the seventieth birthday of germany’s tantrum across europe, let us pause and remember all that we owe the germans from those days. there are freeways and jet fighters, just to start. there’s renaming the “war department” the “defense department” so we too can launch unprovoked attacks and claim we’re defending ourselves, that’s one of my favorites. there’s the early developments of flying saucers (tricky buggers to fly, let me tell you), without which there would be no roswell incident to titllate the basement dwellers. and in keeping with this morning’s briefing, there’s using prisoners for unspeakable medical experiments, in which area the germans were teachers from whom we have learned so much. schnapps, anyone? i have a bottle i feel i must finish right away, before too much more reality slips in.

Carrie_Okie September 3, 2009 at 9:29 am

“It was disgusting,” said Amy DeNegri, 55. “And now, what started out as a normal afternoon in our tiki bar has blown up into this crazy thing.”

Only solution at this point was doing vodka shots out of my neighbor Bob’s ass krack.

Katydid September 3, 2009 at 9:34 am

[re=401527]groove[/re]: I mean, did they send the government a letter saying, “Oh, by the way, thanks for investigating our unethical practices and bringing them to our attention.”
I called Pfizer last week to ask about a med I’m taking. They said they couldn’t give me the info I needed, then sent me a letter saying, “Thanks for bringing this to our attention, we’re really sorry you had a bad experience with a Pfizer drug,” when I hadn’t at all. I just had a damn question they refused to answer.

Average Citizen September 3, 2009 at 9:42 am

Howard Dean, you know, The Deanster, claimed the other day that 100,000 people die each year from medical errors. Doctors are going to have to kill a lot more people and ramp up the contributions if they expect the Democrats to give them medical malpractice reform.

Maybe this torture program will help them gain favor from Cheney and help them win some seats on Obama’s Death Panels.

Norbert September 3, 2009 at 9:45 am

[re=401528]slappypaddy[/re]: Pat Buchanan has recently debunked the anti-Hitler hate speech of the far left. please try to keep up.

[re=401518]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Mel Lastman mentioned on Wonkette! my worlds are colliding…

Eric Cheney September 3, 2009 at 9:50 am

[re=401526]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Ah yes. But nothing compares to the taste of drinking a fresh toad straight from the anus of a Blackwater employee. Such a refreshing morale booster.

Mr Blifil September 3, 2009 at 9:50 am

Was it a dead frog, or a Palin fetus?

Rotundo September 3, 2009 at 9:53 am

[re=401519]ProfessorJukes[/re]: Good theory about the (fat cat) doctors-Do you suppose they are trying to market a veterinary application for Alli? I have 2 20 pounder kitties and the thought of anal leakage on the behemoth twins seems frightening. Couldn’t be for kitty Viagara, they don’t seem to have any problems in that department. The thought of some poor cat wrangler trying to get a pair of them to sit in a pair of bathtubs on a beach (a la Cialis) bloodied and covered in cat fur and sand makes me smile.

Katydid September 3, 2009 at 9:53 am

So this is good news/bad news for Barry. Big Pharma’s gonna be pissed.

Ever notice how the Dems actually – sometimes – enforce the laws when Big Pharma fucks up?

By contrast, under W, the DoJ fined Eli Lilly a lousy $36 million for illegally marketing Evista, when the company made billions off the drug.

Rotundo September 3, 2009 at 10:05 am

[re=401536]Eric Cheney[/re]: If done with Tequila, can the resulting brew be called a dirty sanchez? Montezuma’s revenge? Maybe mix a raw egg in it and call it tequila mockingbird? Sounds like there is a whole new world for budding mixmasters to conquer out there, they’ll have ideas coming out and in their asses…

Cape Clod September 3, 2009 at 10:08 am

I have John Paul Stevens rookie card in a shoe box in my basement. It goes on e-bay the moment he bites it.

Come here a minute September 3, 2009 at 10:12 am

Stevens has hired the Überclerk and has no need for more. Nothing to see here.

the problem child September 3, 2009 at 10:18 am

[re=401517]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Could be that he discovered that one clerk was enough, since he was actually writing his own opinions. And honestly, it’s hard to keep up with four young smartass clerks at a time. They tend to rampage (both legally and socially).

“Retired justices have one clerk.” To write their memoirs?

JadedDIssonance September 3, 2009 at 10:36 am

[re=401521]ChernobylSoup v2[/re]: Holder won’t do squat.

In an unusual twist, the head of the Justice Department, Attorney General Eric Holder, did not participate in the record settlement, because he had represented Pfizer on these issues while in private practice.

YAY AMERICA!

Godless Liberal September 3, 2009 at 10:41 am

You’ll take the Summer Olympics and you’ll like them. Besides, after global warming wins, there will be no more of this “winter” nonsense, for anyone.

Lascauxcaveman September 3, 2009 at 10:51 am

Winter Olympics in Chicago! The downhill skiing and sledding events are going to be awesome. (Short, but awesome.)

Guppy06 September 3, 2009 at 11:04 am

[re=401519]ProfessorJukes[/re]: Doctors that moonlight as furries.

Paul Tardy September 3, 2009 at 11:07 am

In honor of the Poopsi hoax:

Frog Legs Rag – James “Great” Scott
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ne2yR8EVkc

Anyone notice that the last hope for mankind, the US of A, is not turning out hits much anymore. Hey Yah, OutKast was the last US pop hit I can think of. Anyway what started with Ragtime seems to have died.

slappypaddy September 3, 2009 at 11:26 am

[re=401535]Norbert[/re]: i said nary a word about dear beloved dolphie.

Eric Cheney September 3, 2009 at 11:31 am

[re=401548]Rotundo[/re]: I think it’ll be safe to just go up to your bartender and say, “I’ll have a Patriot Act. Make that a double.”

house of the blue lights September 3, 2009 at 12:02 pm

[re=401518]ManchuCandidate[/re]: the IOC loves sucking up to dictatorships who throw money at “problems”.

Well then Chicago should fit right in.

OzoneTom September 3, 2009 at 3:49 pm

What business does someone with a tiki bar have drinking pepsi out of a can?

If he’d used mexican bottled Coca-Cola (w/cane sugar) and made a Cuba Libre he wouldn’t have had this problem.

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