Some Pro Sports Performer Wants To Be Ted Kennedy

The race to fill Ted Kennedy's ample seat in the Senate is heating up like a corpse in the summer tide! (Sorry, Denby.) Curt Schilling, world champion quarterback for Boston's "Mighty Ducks," loves George W. Bush and jacking off in bloodstained sock, so he is qualified to be the Republican candidate. Schilling, heir to his family's spice fortune, joins a crowded Republican field that includes former Lieutenant Governor Kerry Healey and pretty much nobody else.

Schilling's main credential? He's pretty fat! Given time, he could become as fat as the late Ted Kennedy, although there's absolutely zero chance of Schilling becoming smart.

On the Democrat side, another Kennedy and some other people might run, who knows, it's a long ways until January, when Massachusetts will have a special election to fill the seat. Meanwhile, maybe, Gov. Deval Patrick may be allowed to appoint somebody, even though that's illegal, at least until the Dem-run Massachusetts legislature changes the law so that a Democrat can symbolically sign Ted Kennedy's name on the death panel legislation after Obama makes it law. It will be awesome to have no more poor old white people! [ WCVB TV ]