Wonkette
Who doesn’t love Levi Johnston! Every magazine editor in fancy New York City has, at some point in the last few months, approached Levi and asked, “Hey, Levi, would you be willing to tell us some new hilarious embarrassing shit about Sarah Palin?”, and he’s always like, “Sure, whatever, when’s the photo shoot?” In today’s revelations, Levi appears to have given Vanity Fair the mother lode for a feature in its upcoming issue, several excerpts of which are now available. They are hilarious.
Levi notes that Sarah was so worried about her stupid political career when Bristol got pregnant that… oh, well, just read:
Sarah told me she had a great idea: we would keep it a secret—nobody would know that Bristol was pregnant. She told me that once Bristol had the baby she and Todd would adopt him. That way, she said, Bristol and I didn’t have to worry about anything. Sarah kept mentioning this plan. She was nagging—she wouldn’t give up. She would say, “So, are you gonna let me adopt him?” We both kept telling her we were definitely not going to let her adopt the baby. I think Sarah wanted to make Bristol look good, and she didn’t want people to know that her 17-year-old daughter was going to have a kid.
“We both kept telling her we were definitely not going to let her adopt the baby.”
Never change, Levi.
Me and Mrs. Palin [Vanity Fair]
Wait I’m confused. So he’s talking about Trig here?
He should have offered to impregnate Sarah in the most graphic terms possible.
So does this screw up the Alaskan bloggers that insist that Levi is really Palin’s? I am getting so confused by all this. I think we need to get this family on Jerry Springer and have a DNA study done. New season and all, could be a real ratings boost.
She probably just wanted to pair the baby up with Trigg, Olson Twin-style, so that she could double his public appearances.
Behind this scheming is Sister Sarah’s fiendish plot to switch Bristol’s baby with Trig. Sarah was sure no one would notice.
“Who? No, we have no knowledge of a Levi Johnston also though, he does not exist anywhere out side of the, ya’ know, liberal main stream media’s imagination and also, furthermore, Sarah Palin does not have a daughter named Bristol.” — Meg Stapleton.
And this is just the sort of “people” that were foisted on us by the mature candidate in last year’s presidential circus/campaign. Wow.
Or, I mean, fuck!!!!
We love us some Levi. Go ahead & tell us about the time she answered the door with just a towel on. Oh wait, that was Bullethead Steve Schmidt…
Can i just request that everyone watches the Vanity Fair video that is on the linked page. Especially around the 4:30 mark when Levi starts talking to his VF… bodyman? about getting naked together.
Sarah was sad for a while. She walked around the house pouting. I had assumed she was going to go back to her job as governor, but a week or two after she got back she started talking about how nice it would be to quit and write a book or do a show and make “triple the money.” It was, to her, “not as hard.” She would blatantly say, “I want to just take this money and quit being governor.”
And she thought being VPOTUS was going to be easy? oh well. maybe she was right there.
Well, hell, what’s the difference, just one more kid for Birstol and Levi to care for to add to the others. Is that why we always see Trig being held by his siblings- Sarah and Todd too busy to take care of their spawn?
He speaks just like a veritable philosopher. ‘cept different.
Me, that’s who. I don’t love Levi.
Elm Hugger: Yes, I second the call for a full DNA study, Springer-style. I can’t keep up with it anymore - who switched babies with who, who wasn’t really pregnant or was secretly pregnant or who gave birth on a plane or…. ahhh, they’re just snowbilly-inbred-whitetrash-crazies. I’m starting to think that the rest of them just hide their Downs better than Trig.
Someone alert Sullivan! This is the cause of his life ….. to proof Palin stole Trig from her daughter. This should give him the silver bullet.
I’m guessing that Levi’s mother could probably use a buck or two to sustain her meth habit. Why isn’t Vanity Fair interviewing her?
Not to throw a monkey wrench into your devious plan, Sarah, but wasn’t Bristol a bit, um… obviously pregnant? Are you just going to tell everyone she’s put on a lot of weight? “She can’t have any cake, it goes straight to her uterus. Isn’t that right sweetie?”
Redhead: I’ve known people with Down Syndrome who were better, more decent people than Palin will ever be.
Levi is a great American patriot. He is exposing all of Snowbilly’s lies for the troops.
Decker: Yeah, but it was always distracting how in half the scenes in “Full House” Michelle had Down’s Syndrome.
In Goopervillandia, no one will ever find out if your teenage daughter gets knocked up and whelps in the same time frame that you, yourself, are a main playa in the most-watched U.S. election in decades. No wonder these idjits believe in illogical, impossible conspiracy theories. Apparently the breezes whisking through their heads aren’t quite enough to power even a tiny little windmill.
Voyou Charmant: Maybe he couldn’t figure out her cloacal sac.
Ooooh, and she wanted to stop being governor right after the election because she could make triple the money writing a book or something and that whole governing thing is HARD.
Sarah, hon, we had your pegged.
poopsmith: He seemed fairly insistent that the bodyguard/agent/handler/manservant/whatever get naked with him for the Playgirl shoot. That would make for an interesting day at the office for the photographers.
And she wonders why people believe the rumors about Trig being Bristol’s baby….
I’m sure Sarah regrets every day that she didn’t have Levi offed as soon as she found out. Could’ve been a ‘hunting wolves from helicopters’ accident, I can’t imagine that would be hard to do.
Stay classy, Levi.
I’m glad I’m not the only one confused about who Levi is talking about!
Mel_David: the ironic thing is that the baby/toddler Olson’s did have sort of a Down’s look to them. (So ashamed to admit I’ve seen the show enough to say this)
So…she thought it would be LESS suspicious if a 45-year-old woman had two pregnancies 8 months apart? And that she would fake the majority of the second pregnancy while running for VPOTUS?
Seems reasonable.
Or maybe…just maybe…he’s talking about l’il Triggybear.
Gallowglass: Specially if the cake is made of Levi or any other teenager to get in the mix.
finallyhappy: I’ve known Khmer Rouge veterans who were better, more decent people than Palin will ever be.
Where’s the birf certificate, Bristol!?1 Show us the super-special longbox berth cirtificate - and you two, Sarah!11!
Redhead: It’s Maury Povich who’s always doing the paternity tests; not Springer.
This is one family that needs their very own trailer park.
Levi is singlehandedly keeping the Trig troofer industry alive. Thank dog he has found his niche.
takes12no1: The VEEP is in charge of the senate right, how hard can that be?
Being Governor is HARD!!! But, writing a book? Easy! Yeah, youbetcha!
Is it really good that a woman who was running for vice president of the United States of America was allegeldy telling her own daughter to lie about the birth of Palin’s granddaughter, and the conceal it, and lie about it, and then strangely adopt said baby? Is that really a person who should even be running for vice president? Heck, is that a person who should be a governor of our largest state, geography-wise? The answer is no. Palin should not hold any political office in this country, at any level, including dogcatcher. She is patently, completely unfit for political office. That may be humor-free, but it needs to be said!
Levi Johnston For Governor!
The comments over there are golden:
“LEVI JOHNSTON WHY ARE YOU DESTROYING YOUR BABY LIFE?YOU SHOULD LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND CRY.”
“IF SARAH WANT TO HIDE BRISTOL WHY WOULD SHE TAKE A THE JOB AS VICE-PRESIDENT?WAKE UP”
Oh sctina45, your wisdom is noted!
thefrontpage: What about Putin rearing his head? Huh? Huh??? She didn’t lie about that one, I bet. He’s doing that all the time!
I think it’s even more devious than this. I think Sarah was secretly disappointed with her Downs Syndrome baby and was planning on switching it with Bristol’s whelp, then explain to everyone that she prayed to Jesus for him to cure Trig and it worked.
The real Trig would then have become lunch meat for wolves.
For another $50, Levi will tell you about Sarah P. Offering to drown the baby ($100 if he’s naked).
Johnston/Federline 2012!
Um…didn’t we see that story on desperate housewives like two seasons ago?
What we need is a national, bipartisan, “Slap the Shit out of Sarah” campaign. Everybody who sees Sarah gets to give her one big slap across the face. If she opens her mouth, you get two slaps. Eventually, she’ll tire of this and go away.
I just found out today that Levi is my dad and Sarah gave me up for adoption because she couldn’t explain away why i look like Todd.
Fortunately, I’m in therapy.
Way Cool Larry: From a Down’s look as kids, they’ve morphed into looking like those little troll dolls you can buy at the drugstore.
thefrontpage: Have you been out of the country? Wonketteers have been saying this for many months. (But it never hurts to say it again, so thanks!)
Well since Levi obviously impregnated Sarah Palin with Trig, and he gave up that baby to Todd, perhaps giving up the child Bristol had with Levi (or Todd?) was the fair thing?
I want to know why Sarah was flying back from Kenya when she was supposedly in labor.
Elm Hugger: This revelation seems to strengthen the argument of the Sarah-was-never-pregnant bloggers. Now there is evidence of intent–according to Levi, Palin was willing to tell the public that Bristol’s child was hers.
It seems plausible that Palin announced she was expecting as part of the scheme to cover for Bristol. Then, for reasons unknown, the news that Bristol was pregnant became public or was about to become public. Palin nevertheless had to continue the farce and feign delivery of Trig/Tripp due to her public statements that she was pregnant.
She must have Monty Hall residing in her uterus.
i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: when levi johnston comes across as the ONLY sane person in the entire state of alaska, we really have a problem!!!
nbawriter: Yeah, but you have to offer a big prize to get in Door #3.
Has anyone else heard about Levi saying he would pose naked “for the right price” and that the same magazine that featured beau breedlove in his glory has offered an unknown sum to Levi? And that a gay online porn site has offered him $50,000 to go “gay-for-pay” with another guy? Surely this is worthy of our royal wonkette’s attention? PLZ??
http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2009/08/levi_johnston_nude_pose_offers.html
I would like to thank once again the snowtards of the great state of Alaska for electing this trog to the governor’s mansion which lead to her hijinks being shared with the rest of us on a nationwide scale. If there was any karma anyone who voted for this harpy would get herpes and be excluded from the new healthcare if we ever get it. I want death panels dammit!!!
Levi was fuckin both of them…He was.
yellowdogdem: I blame the congenital anorexia.
Don’t forget. One of the internet “just made up” stories was that Trig was secretly birthed by her daughter. Exactly, the story she was cooking up with same daughter before the election.
Hmmmmmmm, “Me thinks thou dost project too much,” oh killer of wolves and the uninsured.
Monsieur Grumpe: Monsieur, Vous êtes un véritable Voltaire!
Pity that Bristol and Levi didn’t buy an infant baboon and then call grammy Sarah’s bluff.
Sarah didn’t announce she was pregnant until she had the baby. We (Alaskans) didn’t have a clue she was even preggers until she flew all the way back from Texas, then drove past the state’s largest and best hospital (Providence in Anchorage) out to a tiny hospital in Wasilla (60 miles from the Anchorage Airport) to have her baby. And this was after her water broke. In Texas. Nothing suspicious here. Nothing at all. Keep moving. Don’t ask questions…
So the newly elected VP of the USA wanted to adopt a child straight after the inaugaration? Is that what we are supposed to believe here? When Sarah had supposedly just given birth to a DS-baby about 9 months earlier? Lots of babies in the White House then! The White House turns into a Doll House
Or was Levi talking about Trig? You decide!
By the way: Here is Bristol Palin pregnant in October 2007 as member of the audience in a MTV show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsuOWRL_Ios
gurukalehuru: Isn’t she in jail?
HomoSuperior: Before you know it, he’ll enlist with Xe, drink vodka from other soldier’s butts in Afghanistan.
Levi is so porking Mrs. Palin-if-you’re-nasty.
BTW, Levi is just as much a joke as the family he’s hitched his snowbilly wagon too. Now, go back to your methhead of a mother and help her sell her work. Levi’s the kind of guy who it is obvious would do anything for money. You hear me, gays? Anything.
Alaska is cold and boring, take a little vacay to Hong Kong if you have a moment!
Big Scarah In Little China - Murdoch Will Have The Last Laugh
http://nailinpalinnow.blogspot.com
“Is even the liberal free press a Murdoch pawn? Palin won’t be punked. In fact saying so is the perfect way to lower everyone’s expectations. This is an event designed and orchestrated by Murdoch himself.”