Wonkette
Mexican-ish Lousiana Governor Bobby Jindal loves old Jesus so much. We know this. One time, in college, he more or less raped “saved” a lady from the terrible devil-goblins inhabiting her body, with Jesus’ Magic! Anyway, he’s been doing some other weird thing recently: “In May, June and July, there was rarely a Sunday when the governor didn’t board a taxpayer-funded helicopter to attend church services in far-flung parts of the state. He traveled by helicopter to churches less frequently in March and April.” He’s not just going to these places to steal from the collection plates, either: he’s… preaching? About Paris Hilton? According to an Internet video? Come again? Let’s just let a blockquote do the work here…
The Governor’s Office refuses to disclose to the media ahead of time where Jindal will attend services. But a video posted on the Internet last year gives a glimpse into the Catholic governor’s visits to Protestant churches in North Louisiana.
In the video, Jindal addresses a congregation identified as New Chapel Hill Baptist Church on a stage decorated to look like a beach with a surfboard and Adirondack style chairs. The governor opens with a few quips from the campaign trail, including a riff about popular culture and Paris Hilton. He relates a story about military heroes before talking about his conversion to Christianity.
Jindal said it was a video about Christ’s death that spoke to him.
“It just hit me. How arrogant to do anything but to get on my knees and worship him. It was as simple as that,” he said.
…
Wait, what the fuck is going on?
Governor’s Sunday helicopter travels have come at taxpayers’ expense [WBRZ]
Oh wait I think I’ve seen one (the surfboard gave it away). You can skip to 5:41 on the video. That is where the buttsecks starts.
They just don’t get any redneckier than than that dude on the right.
Is he a big jesus-freak too?
Way Cool Larry: I don’t he knows that “Bobby” Jindal isn’t a white man who just has a good tan (see George Hamilton).
I thought pure of sprit, mind and body Xtians like Bobby didn’t need choppers. They just needed to float on the wings of angels to fly.
And why the fuck would the gubbinor go to church and speak to the congregations on A SUNDAY? Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t there something called a separation of churchie and statie?
I miss the days when Louisiana Gubbinors fell in love with strippers.
Is that fellow Jindal the one with the baseball cap and the beard? Regardless, I always thought that Catholics got excommunicated if they visited Protestant churches. No longer the case? If so, the governor would be an excellent choice for Republican presidential candidate in 2012.
How arrogant to do anything but to get on my knees and worship a guy who preaches symbolic cannibalism, has been dead for 2000 years (if he ever existed) and was dreamed up by desert nomads without an original thought who stole all their ideas from other religions.
Or, how arrogant to do anything other than embrace some sect or other of Christianity, because my craven political ambitions tell me no one of my family’s religion will get elected in this fucked up, jesusy country full of fat, pious blowhards.
To paraphrase the Right’s argument about, well, just about everything: I don’t mind people flying to church in a helicopter, I just don’t want big government paying for it.
Are helicopters allowed on the
AppalachianArgentine Goody Trail?I don’t see any Unitarian churches on that list. He’s probably sticking to the snake handler’s circuit.
takes12no1:
He would never be so arrogant! He goes down on bended knee to shine knobs for Jesus.
“Jindal said it was a video about Christ’s death that spoke to him.”
Which of his disciples had a video camera with him at the crucifiction?
If you pray hard enough, the levies will fix themselves.
I don’t not unnerstan.
Churches have stages (?) that you can decorate (?) and decorate, with surfboards? And this is still considered a church? Hm.
The flight path to hell is paved with good intentions.
So, wait, let me get this straight. The GOP is going to address the concerns of the only real voters it has left in its core -fucktard racists, frightened old white people, people of color with serious I’m-not-people-of-color issues, high school social studies teachers, closed-head injury sufferers, news anchors, and the obnoxiously wealthy and their sychophants, by running a dark-skinned guy with a funny name. Okay. It makes more sense if you write it out.
Cape Clod: Yes, but did they have a real conversation, or was it more of an impulse conversion?
I, too, pray to the gods of the surf. They answer my prayers with each hurricane, bringin’ the waves, for me to surf on.
Louisiana has no roads so as to protect LSU students’ God given right to drink. Also, the lynch mobs.
“A stage decorated to look like a beach with a surfboard and Adirondack style chairs.”
Jeebus doesn’t surf.
At least as far as I know…
Honestly, he barely looks human. He will never be elected president of anything except maybe an anti-science Muppet planet (the future United States?)
Jesus on the left of the photo, John the Baptist on the right. Some guy known as “Mary” in the middle.
Think about it like a Republican for a moment.
The state has a helicopter.I’m the CEO of the state, ergo, that’s my helicopter.
He was probably as surprised as Brother Mark was when people objected.
He is enough to make you miss Huey Long though, isn’t he?
I give you BJ chipmunk, the great brown hope.
Tax payer financed trips to church = good.
Tax payer funds to see if a fucking volcano is about to blow = evil.
FMA: Someone has made the action figures, so it must be true. http://tinyurl.com/surferjesus
Mao’s breath may have stunk to high heaven, but he was onto something when he said “religion is poison.”
FMA: Then again, maybe he hung ten on the Sea of Galilee, which would stoke anybody enough to make those totally tubular sermons. Also, the turning water into wine thing would’ve gone over well at keggers. What a way to wind up, though, nailed to your own board. Bummers.
the problem child: I like the soccer Jesus and the one where he’s holding a sign saying “Will Work For Food.”
Wasn’t M. Night’s last movie about suicide(I didn’t see it- I caught the part on TV where people are driving and see a whole bunch of people hanging from trees- changed the channel to Emeril Green). So M. Night can be Bobby J(cause he likes to be in his own movies) and a whole lot of people off themselves after he speaks so they can get to Baby Jeebus real soon. What do you think? I’m calling M. Night right now.
So Catholic Bobby Jindal is using taxpayer dollars to give testimony at Protestant churches that believe the Pope to be the Whore of Babylon.
Got it.
His mother, the Bene Gesserit witch, needs to pull this kid back into line before he starts some kind of jihad among the swamp Fremen there on Salusa Secundus. There’s only so much the Missionaria Protectiva can do…
That’s how southern governors get elected and reelected, by going to churches throughout the state each Sunday. Seriously. What Jindal doesn’t realize is that most baptists think all Catholics are going to hell. Not sure how he got elected in the first place.
Magic Titty: you haven’t been to a Protestant church in a while, have you?
magic titty: And who surfs in Lousiana?
“It just hit me. How arrogant to do anything but to get on my knees and worship him. It was as simple as that,” he said.
Bobby, I totally agree. Why not get back to basics? More worshipping of Jewish carpenters, and less politicking and helicopter-riding and governating and suchlike. Better for your soul, and better for the fine people of Louisiana, too. It’s win-win!
AKAM80TheWolf: ah. so that’s what the kids are calling it today…shine knobs for Jesus…catchy.
I’m guessin’ the helicopter entrance really impresses the folks at the Buttfucker Holler Baptist Church, sort of a descending from the heavens kind of thing. Even if it is only 45 minutes by car from Baton Rouge.
ForTheTurnstiles: riding those sandworms IS kind of like surfing.
(Deep heavenly voice from behind the wall): On your knees, young Piyush. Rest your brow against the wall and place your lips upon the hole of glory.
Piyush: Yes, Jesus. Oh, yes.
FMA: Regardless, JESUS WAS WAY COOL.
We Baptist simply do not care for Mary worshipers.
Jindal and I went to the same high school and although I was some years later we shared a couple of teachers. I used to think that was pretty cool, until he hopped aboard the crazy train. Exorcisms, volcano monitoring, Mr. Rogers speaking style, etc. Now when he comes up I have to pretend I don’t even know which state he’s from, let alone which high school.
In my day, Catholics wouldn’t dare spend their Sundays in protestant fake churches. Keep this up Jindal and the terrorists (i.e. Calvin and Luther) will win.
“How arrogant to do anything but to get on my knees and worship him.”
In my day we just called it giving head. But hey, whatever floats your boat.
the problem child: What? No Chippendale Jesus for BJ? He must feel so excluded.
FMA: Surf = Walk on Water
the problem child: I want a Jesus action figure wearing an “I’m with Stupid” t-shirt.
magic titty: Church, Hollister: what’s the difference?
Gallowglass: Mr. Rogers was a smooth lounge singer compared to this yokel. As was stated during the live-blogging of his Repub rebuttal speech during the elections, he sounds like Kenneth from 30 Rock.
Didn’t Jesus walk?
AnnieGetYourFun: Mr Rogers spoke to adults as adults. Bobby the Governor speaks to adults as Louisianians.
He had me at get down on my knees and worship
Seriously, what the fuck is up with this “one size fits all” generic Christianity? Nobody who actually goes to church in the US these days can actually explain any differences between their flavor of Protestantism and the flavor served up at the other Protestant church just down the road, and now we have even Catholics intermingling with them! This is stuff people killed each other over!
Centuries, centuries of schisms between Lutherans and Calvinists and Methodists and Baptists, each one with its own rich body of philosophy and arguments for how they’re right and the rest of wrong (and, of course, atrocities), and it’s all gotten to the point where it’s all so watered and dumbed down that people just gather in warehouse megachurches and praise some generic Buddy Jesus without even trying to figure out the whole Trinity thing?
Jindal should get some fucking balls and try speaking to the next bunch of Protestants in Latin.
Yes he spends a lot of time on his knees, every moment that he can possibly arrange, I’m guessing.
Okay, I might have a skewed perspective being from California, but is Louisiana really big enough to have “far-flung” parts?
Seanyboy: That was a typo.
It should’ve read “poo-flung farts”.
Guppy06: So true my friend. The real downfall of religious education today is the lack of “History of The Catholic (or insert other denominations here) Church” classes. And as a former scholar of Latin I applaud your suggestion!
Seanyboy: By “far flung” they most likely just mean inaccessible by anything but a swamp boat, hence the need for the state funded chopper. CA thankfully has gazillions of superhighways making most of it accessible to anyone with their little ol’ Prius and enough time to waste sitting in traffic.
Kaahli agge toye, Piyush-dandi!
See thayt, Vikki Sue, I’m a-shakin’ hands with that there nigra fella what’s the governor, whatz hiz nayme, Obammer.
gurukalehuru:
“(Deep heavenly voice from behind the wall): On your knees, young Piyush. Rest your brow against the wall and place your lips upon the hole of glory.
Piyush: Yes, Jesus. Oh, yes.”
Bwahahaha! Just think, in Mexico, right now, there must be thousands of folks ‘praising’ a carpenter named Jesus. It blows the mind.