RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS  5:08 pm September 1, 2009

When Will America Apologize For The Torture On FM Radio?

by Riley Waggaman

  • Some people are not fond of strokes, but if you are impartial, by all means: clicky clicky. [YouTube]
  • Eric Holder is in quite the pickle. If he doesn’t investigate torture, DailyKos will keep mailing him flaming boxes of poo. But if he does investigate torture … Point is, there’s a compromise that will satisfy both parties. [Matt Yglesias]
  • Come for the opaque comics, stay for the brilliant comments: “RACISM IS ONE OF DEMOCRATS’ CLASSIC POLICIES. THEY ARE STILL DOING IT, NOW AGAINST THE WHITE.” [RedState]
  • The CIA has a new thingamajig that’s “great for assassinations.” Hint: it’s a space laser. [Weekly Standard]
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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You Will Be Towed September 1, 2009 at 5:16 pm

Yea! We have a new phrase! As in “Don’t Mess with the White, Hussein.”

Sharkey September 1, 2009 at 5:17 pm


populucious September 1, 2009 at 5:18 pm

Space lasers from space! Oh I never dreamed this day would arrive! Whee!

hobospacejunkie September 1, 2009 at 5:21 pm

The compromise that will satisfy both parties involves moving forward and not criminalizing policy differences. A win-win for the torturers.

SayItWithWookies September 1, 2009 at 5:21 pm

The beam control system acquired the ground target — an unoccupied stationary vehicle…The laser beam’s energy defeated the vehicle.

Watch our enemies tremble as they realize their unoccupied stationary vehicles are no match for our superior glorified heatlamp technology.

V572625694 September 1, 2009 at 5:22 pm

That was a disgusting bunch of links to linky-linky to, here on the Wonkett. Particularly that singing guy. Why do you hate America, Riley?

Darkness September 1, 2009 at 5:22 pm


Since making you feel persecuted completes your existence, you owe us, red staters.

In your continuing battle against socialism, you can feel free to stop sucking on the agricultural subsidy teat so damn hard. (1/4 of American farms are on it. It’s like flaming Soviet f*cking Russia in your neck o’ the woods, you know. One would think you really are Red. Commie pinko Red, that is.)

Extemporanus September 1, 2009 at 5:25 pm

Mmm, that burnt toast smell is making me kind of hungry!

Also, kinda wingnustupooij aass bpffllisst a asl z wg33 ./ ~ .., !

slappypaddy September 1, 2009 at 5:26 pm

If redstate is so concerned about the white, then what’s with the name? huh? huh? why isn’t it whitestate? is there something they’re ashamed of? huh? huh?

Werefrog September 1, 2009 at 5:42 pm

@The awful youtube video:

The garbage man can
‘Cause he’s Homer Simpson, man.

MysteriousHoatzin September 1, 2009 at 5:43 pm

Who the fuck is Tim Hawkins and why isn’t he funny?

WadISay September 1, 2009 at 5:49 pm

Comedic FAIL at Redstate. A lot of these people are secretly sort of fond of the KKK.

Werefrog September 1, 2009 at 5:53 pm

[re=400148]MysteriousHoatzin[/re]: I think Tim Hawkins is like the Dane Cook of “Christian” “comedy.” This explains both who he is and why he isn’t funny.

Scoops McGee September 1, 2009 at 5:54 pm

[re=400148]MysteriousHoatzin[/re]: He’s got a website! Check it out! He plays to church crowds! They love him! He’s a crazy guy!

mdotsota September 1, 2009 at 5:57 pm

Why do Democrats practice racism against cocaine?

Humpback September 1, 2009 at 6:15 pm

[re=400115]V572625694[/re]: Ya’know, I actually like the government. I think the government helps more than it hurts. But that video was well done and funny. I laughed. And really, what more can we ask from YouTube?

Tommmcatt September 1, 2009 at 6:18 pm


Right? Space Lasers are an inherently good idea, like toilet paper or forks.

S.Luggo September 1, 2009 at 6:28 pm

Repubs are going to re-release Jesse Helm’s famous book, “Up From Slave-Holding”. Great read. I wept, I cried.

BTW: Some one tell Toby that the KKK was the first phase of Reagan’s Southern Strategy.

Min September 1, 2009 at 6:36 pm

Those people at Yglesias are clearly idiots or milk-fed youngsters. The worst song ever written is Dan Hill’s “Sometimes When We Touch”.

And I am unanimous in this.

Tommmcatt September 1, 2009 at 6:41 pm


Come now, the worst song of all time is CLEARLY The Wedding Song (There is Love) by that dood from Peter, Paul, and Mary. For sheer cheese and monotony, it simply cannot be surpassed.

Sometimes When We Touch, indeed.

Franklin Pierce & September 1, 2009 at 6:44 pm

Tim Hawkins’ love of private enterprise is undercut by his using a “Wonka Industries” tune without expressed permission.

Franklin Pierce & September 1, 2009 at 6:49 pm

Also, not to give this Hawkins-Man too much exposure, but one must read his site for actual, non-intentional comedy gold.

I enjoy how he is the recipient of a “Eegional Emmy”.

G. Friday September 1, 2009 at 6:51 pm

[re=400190]Tommmcatt[/re]: I’ve seen more marriages fail than succeed when they kicked things off with that number.

chascates September 1, 2009 at 6:51 pm

In other Weekly Standard news NASA has this Space Shuttle thing that would be great for flying to Mars.

on2u September 1, 2009 at 7:04 pm

So, supporting a man who voted to allow babies that survived abortions to be laid aside and allowed to die is concerned about torturing people that were a threat to national security. Pure unadulterated hypocrisy. I don’t believe it for a second – he has another agenda with this CIA business. My guess is he wants to weed out any possible opponents to his radical agenda and replace these people with his supporters…dictator.

JMP September 1, 2009 at 7:24 pm

[re=400214]on2u[/re]: The spelling is surprisingly good for a troll, but the grammar is as bad as usual. Especially the first section – for one, that’s not a sentence; it has no object, just two run-on introductory clauses (which are also completely unrelated). Also, look next to the M on your keyboard; see that “,” mark? It’s called a comma; it can be your friend.

RoscoePColtraine September 1, 2009 at 7:56 pm

Why does the government need so much of our tax money? Elective wars don’t pay for themselves, suckers!

the problem child September 1, 2009 at 8:14 pm

[re=400214]on2u[/re]: You really are hopelessly idiotic, aren’t you? The whole point of abortion is to kill a baby, as cruelly and slowly as possible, while the mom huffs crack and the doctors raise their glasses in a toast to death panels. In fact, if the kid makes it to his 16th birthday, he might get to kill someone else with a car on his way out.

(Yeah, that’s about as accurate as any information you have ever tried to peddle here.) Go take the piss somewhere else already.

RoscoePColtraine September 1, 2009 at 8:27 pm

Tim Hawkins…and you thought clean comedy couldn’t be funny!

Robert Zimmerframe September 1, 2009 at 8:46 pm


Werefrog September 1, 2009 at 8:48 pm

[re=400274]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Tim Hawkins… and you thought clean comedy [i]could[/i] be funny.

Werefrog September 1, 2009 at 8:49 pm

[re=400285]Werefrog[/re]: Bah, that was supposed to be italicized.

Mr Blifil September 1, 2009 at 10:09 pm

[re=400214]on2u[/re]: Please stop trying to convince us you’re funny Tim Hawkins.

Mr Blifil September 1, 2009 at 10:14 pm

I’m struck by how Tim Hawkins at one point resorts to mocking the act of marching and saluting as images of freshly printed dollars appear behind him. Presumably he hates the troops since they are paid by “the government” but does he have to stick their noses in it?

I think it is incumbent upon me to also express that parading around like an ass, even when your body language is saying “what an ass am I,” is not a substitute for “comedy.” There is also a certain precious quality about his physicality, as if every move has been over-rehearsed in front of a mirror. His every move is sustained with giant heaps of muscular tension, which belies incredible discomfort with his sexuality. I think he has teh ghey.

Packherd September 1, 2009 at 11:18 pm

Could someone sign up “It’s a space laser” with the International Meme Registry? Thanks.

JoeMac September 2, 2009 at 12:10 am

I could only watch about 30 seconds of that Hawkins douche bag before I had to tune out. Yeah why would you Christians have to pay for anything you use such as: roads, bridges, the FAA, the FCC God will just miracle you up all of those things you might need.

on2u September 2, 2009 at 12:13 am

I’m not writing a thesis, I am blogging. I probably have a higher education than you do. Other than point out grammatical errors, do you have anything intelligent to say in response? A logical argument perhaps? Think about it. It’s okay to kill a baby that survives an abortion, yet it is deplorable to torture terrorists who think nothing of slitting a womens throat after being raped for “honors” sake. Murder their own family members for choosing a faith that is different. Make their women completely cover themselves because the so called “men” do not have self control and its the womens fault if they are raped. You will defend these people, yet call for the bombing of Texans because they are discussing seceding. I am not for torture at all. I think it is horrible. Perhaps they all just should have been shot instead of being taken prisoner. When someone comes into your home with a weapon in hand you don’t just stand there – you fight back – you defend your family – you do not let your wife and daughters be raped – you beat the crap out of whoever is threatening your life and that of your families. These terrorists slit the throats of Americans on national TV, they tortured our guys in prisons and I do not here about them investigating their crimes. This is utterly ridiculous. – do you really think they obeyed the Geneva convention prisoner code? Naive, Naive, and Naive.

Liberals state that Texans hate America – that is the pot calling the kettle black. Democrats hate America, so much so that they want to see it radically changed – get rid of free speech, the 2nd amendment, democracy, and of course the biggest evil “capitalism”. Rally against hate, yet hate anyone who disagrees with them. Advocate for tolerance, yet call for the death of you countrymen. If liberals were honest with themselves, they would realize what they are really advocating for: an Orwellian society.

This administration has done a wonderful job of dividing the nation using the race card, among others, brilliantly. The agenda is a simple one: divide and conquer. Destroy America from within and the rest of the world is for the taking. Both liberals and conservatives are falling for this tactic hook, line and sinker. Despite the difference in political views, conservatives and liberals must uphold the constitution and the rights contained therein under any and all circumstances – that includes disaster, war, famine, plague, and whatever else that may disguise itself as reason for loosing some of our rights for our “own” safety. After all, isn’t this what made everyone angry with the Bush administration – all that was done in the name of national security?

This is the most obvious con, sting and hustle of the American people I have ever seen. The administration campaigns on a platform of transparency, among others, yet will not realease any school records, or medical records? Actually spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to have them sealed. One document – escaped sealing. The form asked our leader for name and then to list previous names – the previous names box was left blank. Why? We all know he was Barry Soretero at one time – this was deceptive, plain and simple.

Marquis de Villers-St-Paul September 2, 2009 at 3:18 am

[re=400350]on2u[/re]: Do you receive the talk radio broadcasts with your tooth caps?

hobospacejunkie September 2, 2009 at 3:37 am

[re=400350]on2u[/re]: I see a banhammer in your future.

LoweredPeninsula September 2, 2009 at 4:41 am

on2u, these two words: fuck off

jmfleetwood September 2, 2009 at 5:12 am

on2u, after more than 5 hours of laborious writing — crafting, really — a response to those who dared impugn her intellect, submits this magnificent manifesto. I wish I could have seen the self-satisfied look on her face as she clicked “submit content,” knowing she was establishing a semi-permanent monument to her own brilliance. I, for one, am impressed.

“I’m not writing a thesis, I am blogging. I probably have a higher education than you do.”


LoweredPeninsula September 2, 2009 at 6:38 am

[re=400422]jmfleetwood[/re]: Oh, just noticed the avatar. Go Green!

BTW, unfortunately for this ‘on2u’ (how very puny, no?), she is not even an idiot savant; she’s just a certifiable idiot with no special powers. She keeps going to the Wizard for brains, and he keeps blessing her with teh stupid.

Deacon Frank Orris September 2, 2009 at 9:26 am

[re=400154]WadISay[/re]: Secretly?

trickyrick September 2, 2009 at 9:31 am

[re=400422]jmfleetwood[/re]: why does this on2u think that a zygote is gonna survive the abortion? geez, you have to have a microscope to find them in the first place.

Maybe she just wants to keep alive the brainless fetuses? Keep those malformed, unable to live by any means on life support, and for what? Is she advocating selling fetus organs? It must be that higher education or a Cheney level of diabolical cruelty

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