TUESDAY FUN VIDEO  12:56 pm September 1, 2009

Middle-Aged Secessionist Lady From Texas Will Launch Bloody War For Her Freedom

by Jim Newell

The secessionist losers in Texas held a major rally (like 2 people) in front of the state Capitol this past weekend, but whither be leader Rick Perry and his 70 pretend-secessionist allies from the state legislature? Apparently they were all busy doing… let’s see… anything else. But the Texas Observer was there to cover the madness and met some interesting “Real Americans,” who at one point very patriotically shouted, “we hate the United States.”

Our favorite is the second speaker — a Paultard lady — saying, “We are aware that stepping off into secession may in fact be a bloody war.” Yes, there will be much blood when a few F-18s utterly obliterate your new country’s infrastructure and murder most of its population before lunchtime.

[Texas Observer]

 

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{ 129 comments }

mardam422 September 1, 2009 at 12:59 pm

Why bother? It’s Texas.

Neilist September 1, 2009 at 1:00 pm

Rally round General John Bell Hood and the Texas Brigade, boys! We’ll drive these Wonkette Blue Bellies out of the Confederacy, or die in the attempt!

For your wives! For your sweethearts! For the Birthers!

the problem child September 1, 2009 at 1:01 pm

Why do they have dildos on their flags? Or is it rolling pins?

Hawaiiexpat September 1, 2009 at 1:02 pm

Please – GTF out of my country. And take fucking Okalahoma with you too.

Sick Puppy September 1, 2009 at 1:02 pm

Nice sound quality. Kudos to the roadies.

Baconcat September 1, 2009 at 1:02 pm

Ah, my beloved home state. Little known fact, Texas’ sunsets are so beautiful because of the steam that emanates daily from the ears of thousands of smart people there who have to listen to these idiots on a regular basis.

Neilist September 1, 2009 at 1:02 pm

“will be much blood when a few F-18s utterly obliterate your new country’s infrastructure and murder most of its population before lunchtime.”

Gee, Jim. You say that like it’s a BAD thing.

This is Texas we’re talking about, remember? You know, the State whose residents prove that Oakies fuck Mexskins?

RoscoePColtraine September 1, 2009 at 1:03 pm

You could easily let some of the steam out of blue shirt guy by telling him that Little Debbies brand snack cakes come from outside of Texas.

CrunchyKnee September 1, 2009 at 1:03 pm

Maybe Mexico want’s Texas back? Really, they can have it.

Snarkalicious September 1, 2009 at 1:04 pm

Jim, please stop giving free press to this woman. If she sees this on the intertubez, she may become emboldened and then the F-18′s would also have to blow the fuck out of her three-legged Min Pin and Finger Hut statuette collection when she gets them involved in this grave threat to our national desire to give a shit.

V572625694 September 1, 2009 at 1:04 pm

Please go! And by the way, we’re closing Fort Hood, Fort Bliss, two Naval Air Stations, the F-16 factory in Fort Worth. And the Trinity River will flood Dallas every spring because the Corps of Engineers won’t run the dams’n'shit at taxpayer expense for you anymore.

And good luck with the border! Now you can kill all the Mexicans you want!

teebob2000 September 1, 2009 at 1:05 pm

Fuck

them

all.

InsidiousTuna September 1, 2009 at 1:06 pm

May need a place to crash in, oh, let’s say Chicago, DC, or New York if shit goes down. Just saying. If secession happens, I’m only 2 hours from the Louisiana border and am getting the fuck out.

Poopley J. Crandleberry September 1, 2009 at 1:06 pm

Oh No! They can’t take Texas!
cuz then how would our messican nannies and housecleaners get here?

IceCreamEmpress September 1, 2009 at 1:08 pm

“Yes, there will be much blood when a few F-18s utterly obliterate your new country’s infrastructure and murder most of its population before lunchtime.”

Okay, NOW I know what I want for my birthday.

Extemporanus September 1, 2009 at 1:09 pm

The lovely little lady in the red smock is Debra Medina, and she is running for President of Nuevo Texas.

Jim89048 September 1, 2009 at 1:09 pm

[re=399727]V572625694[/re]: Not to mention renamimg any and all Naval vessels named after ANY Texans, past, present and future.

ManchuCandidate September 1, 2009 at 1:10 pm

Hey come on peoples. The most important question this time of the year in Tejas is, how will this affect the Cowboys, US America’s Tejas’ Team?

finallyhappy September 1, 2009 at 1:11 pm

Goodbye, and don’t let the door hit your fat asses on the way of the US.

Another DC Lawyer (Again) September 1, 2009 at 1:12 pm

Jesus Christo! Can we please please PLEASE retire that “tree of liberty needs to be watered with the blood of tax-payer funded abortions” trope? Can’t someone take out their Thomas Paine reader and come up with a new line?

Doglessliberal September 1, 2009 at 1:13 pm

[re=399727]V572625694[/re]: and no Medicaid, Medicare, SSI, Transporation money, federal subsidies for oil and gas drilling, federal subsidies for crops and ranches, FEMA money for Galveston and the whole coast, etc etc. Let them leave, please. They can run their own country quite successfully, I am sure.

Katydid September 1, 2009 at 1:13 pm

Gazunta hey (Yiddish for “Go with God but GO!)

This reminds me of the non-controversy every once in awhile in New York City, when Staten Island periodically threatens to secede, but never does. I once read something along the lines of(paraphrasing), “As Staten Island again threatens to secede, the other four boroughs are wondering what’s taking it so long.”

PrairiePossum September 1, 2009 at 1:14 pm

[re=399727]V572625694[/re]:

Oh, and we’re also cancelling all your social security benefits, medicare benefits, medicaid benefits, education subsidies, crop subsidies, highway and bridge subsidies, head start subsidies, energy subsidies, federal aviation subsidies, small business administration subsidies, bank bailout subsidies, FDIC subsidies, NASA subsidies, health care subsidies etc. Good luck Texas. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass as you leave.

Doglessliberal September 1, 2009 at 1:14 pm

Oh, and keep George W, please.

ignatius_riley September 1, 2009 at 1:14 pm

“Don’t cry for me Argentina?” Guess the guy screaming “Get a job!”‘s job is to…watch musicals starring Madonna?

Another DC Lawyer (Again) September 1, 2009 at 1:15 pm

oh…and also…do they expect to be able to run this revolution sitting on their fat asses in the SHADE? I know it’s hot in Texas, but people c’mon, talkin’ bout a revolution here…going to have to sweat a bit…

AxmxZ September 1, 2009 at 1:15 pm

Wow, that guy has a squeaky-ass voice… Wait, I think may have just inadvertently solved the mystery!

Mild Midwesterner September 1, 2009 at 1:16 pm

How could such a lame state produce something as awesome as Chuck Norris?

Baconcat September 1, 2009 at 1:18 pm

I will repeat this over and over again until these tardos understand:

the second Texas secedes from the union, Travis County (AUSTIN) secedes from you. Have fun without IBM, UT, Dell, AMD, the Capitol, etc…

The Socialist Republic of Austin would do quite well on its own, though.

nbawriter September 1, 2009 at 1:18 pm

I did a cross-country drive this summer from Scottsdale to Philly and purposely took this route (Route 59?) that cut northeast in New Mexico and literally bumped against the Texas border before entering Oklahoma.

I stepped out of my car at the point where it bumped against Texas and mooned that collection of cowboy hat-wearing assfucks (and the cattle who happened to be hanging out there) before moving on.

True story. Good times.

Buzz Feedback September 1, 2009 at 1:19 pm

Whitey sure goes off the rails quickly.

McDuff September 1, 2009 at 1:20 pm

Our ancestors put the Indians on reservations. Our grandparents put Japanese-Americans in prison camps. I say we take up that great American tradition and build a fence around Loving County, Texas (pop. 70) and tell the Secessionists, “No Federal law or taxes, no Federal money or programs of any kind, and good luck with that whole ‘live free or die’ thing.”

hobospacejunkie September 1, 2009 at 1:21 pm

Bombing won’t be necessary. Simply import ever larger amounts of high fructose corn syrup and we’ll soon kill ourselves. Sugary snacks + red meat with every meal will doom us all.

V572625694 September 1, 2009 at 1:21 pm

[re=399745]Doglessliberal[/re]: Yeah, really: lookit what a great job they did running this country.

Carson September 1, 2009 at 1:21 pm

I’m sure Fox News is in full coverage mode on this one.
Pissed-off, undereducated white people! It’s a groundswell!

ExecutorElassus September 1, 2009 at 1:24 pm

Later on, y’all! Why would we bother bombing them? Hell, can we offer them buyouts, like GM does when it needs to shitcan useless members of its workforce?

Does this make Texas the Quebec of America?

blogslut September 1, 2009 at 1:28 pm

[re=399736]Extemporanus[/re]: Even better, the yeehaw in the ten-gallon hat is running for TX governor – for the second time! http://www.larrykilgore.com

Oldskool September 1, 2009 at 1:29 pm

This will make a good reminder at election time of how bad an idea it is to elect people who hate their government. It should’ve occurred to us in 1980 but we’re suckers for tough guys. Make that tough-talking guys.

slappypaddy September 1, 2009 at 1:30 pm

you can get the most amazing weed in texas, and these secessionistas have clearly been smoking the shit out of it.

facehead September 1, 2009 at 1:32 pm

Obama is indeed the Abraham Lincoln of our times, only he can re-unite the great states from this terrible threat of secession.

S.Luggo September 1, 2009 at 1:34 pm

“we hate the United States.” I thought that only Marxist ObamaCare Democrats said that. Disappointed.

The Cold Sea September 1, 2009 at 1:34 pm

The idea that anyone would fight to keep Texas in the Union is kind of funny. GET THE FUCK OUT1 MAKE AMERICA A SMARTER PLACE11 Texans always have such a high opinion of themselves. Fight. To. Keep. Texas. Insane! Go be a Third World country. If you don’t know you get $1.03 back from every $1 in federal taxes then leave.

Serolf Divad September 1, 2009 at 1:34 pm

Apparently there’s a negress in the White House with a bunch of aides, and We The People are paying their salaries!!!!!

aleks September 1, 2009 at 1:35 pm

That weird Mark Sanford reference was pretty random.

Werefrog September 1, 2009 at 1:36 pm

[re=399725]CrunchyKnee[/re]: I’m sure Mexico would love Texas back. Maybe not the Texans, but the land itself.

Holy Cow!! September 1, 2009 at 1:41 pm

Can we just nuke Texas?

GreatOldOnesParty September 1, 2009 at 1:41 pm

why is Max Hardcore in TX?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Max_Hardcore

JoeMac September 1, 2009 at 1:42 pm

I have T-Shirt that says Don’t mess with Texas it is not nice to pick on retards. You know one bougus arrest in Texas and I carry a life long grudge. Go figure.

If Texas left and took Oklahomo with them I would be ecstatic. I would miss Austin but the rest can go and take the Damn Cowboys with them.

MARCdMan September 1, 2009 at 1:43 pm

I vote we keep Texas but get rid of the Texans.

Randeep Mann September 1, 2009 at 1:47 pm

Why does Slim Pickens want to secede from the union?

You Will Be Towed September 1, 2009 at 1:47 pm

All right, all right. Not everyone in Texas is a lunatic.
http://www.texasmonthly.com/blogs/inthepink/?p=10577
I’m with Don’t Mess w/ Pink (about comment number 20).

As for Perry … you will recall that although Governor Goodhair was indeed elected, it was with only 39% of the vote. Meaning the majority of voters said “Thanks, but no thanks.” Of course, that was before he and Sarah P became BFF’s, which may just put him over the top this time. Sigh.

Maxine of Arc September 1, 2009 at 1:48 pm

[re=399722]Neilist[/re]: I’m trying to figure out what the hell “prov[ing] Oakies fuck Mexskins” is supposed to mean, but I’ve got nothing. Care to throw me a bone?

Terry September 1, 2009 at 1:49 pm

[re=399745]Doglessliberal[/re]:

Close all the bases around San Antonio and the rest of the state. NASA out of Houston, too.

Oh, and apparently that Paul-tard lady is running for governor.

dijetlo September 1, 2009 at 1:51 pm

That was cute as hell, guys. Everybody got a turn to speak, standing up there at that grown up lookin’ podium… they even had flags and signs to wave around…that was the best eight grade field day I’ve ever seen.

Extemporanus September 1, 2009 at 1:53 pm

[re=399775]blogslut[/re]: “SUCK SESSION IS THE ANSWER!”

Every single person in that video is running for governor of Texas except for the pro-health care reform dude. He’s just running.

Unindicted Co-Conspirator September 1, 2009 at 1:54 pm

[re=399762]McDuff[/re]:
Loving County is down to just 70 people?
I remember when it had only 210 people & was still the least populated county in the country.
What’s the current population of Mentone, the county seat?
30?

CaiteeCruelle September 1, 2009 at 1:57 pm

NASA could be like Guantanamo. Not like THAT, but in the sense of “American soil in a hostile foreign land” or whatever. (I await factual corrections and better analogies.)

privatejoker September 1, 2009 at 1:57 pm

i wish texas luck. or something.

El Pinche September 1, 2009 at 1:57 pm

[re=399816]Terry[/re]: If you see a Medina sticker on a car or truck, I guarantee you he or she has a giant flag pole in their front lawn. They probably have an American and Don’t Tread on Me flag which they put in half mast for stupid fucking reasons. Meet my neighbor, Mike. And guess what? He’s from Wisconsin! The same goes for his other Paultwat buddy who’s kids run around my front yard yelling “chink” and “nigger”. He’s from Michigan. I’m a big fan of shooting and hunting accidents at this point.

rmontcal September 1, 2009 at 1:59 pm

[re=399749]ignatius_riley[/re]: If he hadn’t trilled the fuck out of that R, he would have sounded totally insane.

For just a moment, that one lady was just a tad embarrassed to be standing next to him.

assistant/atlas September 1, 2009 at 2:01 pm

Just do it already and secede, pussies.

Seriously, we’ll definitely throw in Oklahoma, and hell, you can have Shreveport, Lousiana if you ACT NOW!

Is there any way we can just vote them out? Like they do on Survivor?

Maxine of Arc September 1, 2009 at 2:01 pm

[re=399812]You Will Be Towed[/re]: And there were about 5,029 other candidates who kindly split the non-Perry vote among themselves, including Democrat/anti-campaigning activist/invisible hermit Chris Bell and, of course, good old Kinky Friedman.

This time around, there’s me, already fantasizing about casting my first (and, with any luck, only) vote against Perry of the 2010 season in the Republican primary. Thank Christ for the semi-open primary.

Baconbits September 1, 2009 at 2:05 pm

Hey now, there are more Texans on the Wonkett than there were at this “major rally.” That should be proof enough that we’re not all bad. Can’t the bloody decimation wait until we’ve developed stupid-seeking missiles?

Voyou Charmant September 1, 2009 at 2:05 pm

At least give it back to Mexico.

Extemporanus September 1, 2009 at 2:07 pm

[re=399835]El Pinche[/re]: You are the Lake Michigan of Texas. Kill them with cryptosporidium.

Mr Blifil September 1, 2009 at 2:08 pm

Don’t be so sure. I’m pretty sure the Air Force Academy has set it up so that those F-18 pilots are Texas Ranger fans at the very least.

Snarkalicious September 1, 2009 at 2:08 pm

[re=399773]ExecutorElassus[/re]: Nah, Quebec totally has hotter strippers.

twowheeljunkie September 1, 2009 at 2:09 pm

The only blood I see being spilt is if they try to re-join the union.

McDuff September 1, 2009 at 2:10 pm

[re=399829]Unindicted Co-Conspirator[/re]: Got that number off Wikipedia, which noted it was from the 2000 Census, one of those socialist government make-work-by-counting-people programs, so take that number with a grain of salt or a Lone Star long neck (your choice).

Lazy Media September 1, 2009 at 2:12 pm

Meh. Any cause that draws a smaller crowd than your average middle-school soccer game is not one I’m going to waste a lot of time thinking about. These folks are about as representative of Texans as the naked cowboy in Times Square is representative of New Yorkers. Oh, shut up, New Yorkers, you are not that fucking cool.

Lazy Media September 1, 2009 at 2:13 pm

[re=399850]Mr Blifil[/re]: F-18s are Navy/Marine Corps planes, dammit. Fuck those church-going Air Force pansies.

whiskey tango foxtrot September 1, 2009 at 2:20 pm

Let Texas secede. Mexico can march right in and take their territory back. That should make these idiots happy!

Baconbits September 1, 2009 at 2:25 pm

[re=399842]Maxine of Arc[/re]: Oh, I love the open primaries. My first vote ever was for McCain, in the 2000 republican primary. A desperate and failed attempt to keep the moronic monkey from being the nominee.

[re=399857]Lazy Media[/re]: Eh. The naked cowboy’s from Ohio: http://www.newyorker.com/talk/2009/08/24/090824ta_talk_frazier

MOG September 1, 2009 at 2:26 pm

Ann Richards weeps from above.

junkscience September 1, 2009 at 2:31 pm

Why do you guys hate the veterans of the Mexican American war?

Lazy Media September 1, 2009 at 2:31 pm

[re=399877]Baconbits[/re]: Awright, that makes him MORE representative of New Yorkers.

Now for some REAL Fuck America action, y’all should attend/contribute to <a href=http://www.fartparty.org/2009/09/01/finger-paint-the-date/<this.

NYNYNY September 1, 2009 at 2:31 pm

[re=399738]Jim89048[/re]: “past, present and future”- I assume you’re talking about USS Cybortagus Gonzolas. My favorite S-Class destroyer BTW.

Tundra Grifter September 1, 2009 at 2:33 pm

During President Reagan’s S&L crisis, the Federal government spent a whole ton of money bailing our bad real estate deals in Texas.

And this is the thanks we get?

This time around, you jokers can spend your own money making it right!

What’s that? You lost it all? And that’s why you’re now in trouble?

Oh, Geez. That’s just a durn shame…

You betcha!

Lazy Media September 1, 2009 at 2:34 pm

[re=399888]Lazy Media[/re]: Rats. Fuck America

Hooray For Anything September 1, 2009 at 2:34 pm

[re=399840]assistant/atlas[/re]: I LOVE that idea. They could have a bunch of states go through a series of challenges- like basic science, history, economics, or geography questions and maybe a few physical challenges too like any sort of physical activity and the winning state gets immunity and gets to vote off other states. Of course, some of those states might have an advantage if there were challenges involving how to fry pancakes, college football, or misquoting Jesus but I think it could still work.

Terry September 1, 2009 at 2:34 pm

[re=399731]InsidiousTuna[/re]:

On your first day, drive a bit further east than just the Tx-La border. Lake Charles is pretty craptastic if you are in I-10. Way up north on I-20, Shreveport worth driving fast through, as well.

Way Cool Larry September 1, 2009 at 2:35 pm

where was Palin? I thought she was into that sort of thing.

friendlyskies September 1, 2009 at 2:36 pm

Oh, Texas already has its own electrical grid separate from the rest of the country, they’ll be fine. Anyway, this is older, but if you haven’t seen this yet: “Texas secessionists, what are you waiting for? Just go!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCLz7XQOIOQ

proudgrampa September 1, 2009 at 2:38 pm

Is there some way to save Austin? Otherwise, I’m OK with the nuclear option.

Guppy06 September 1, 2009 at 2:41 pm

Si, se puede, Tejas!

Trigvhe from Texas September 1, 2009 at 2:42 pm

Theze mad dogs water the liberty tree with pee. Theze peepol are the ass of Texass. There, I make protest back on theze peepol.

trondant September 1, 2009 at 2:43 pm

Texas should totally do this – we need another Snake Plissken movie anyway, so one that’s a documentary would be even cooler.

ProfessorJukes September 1, 2009 at 2:48 pm

Screw the F-18′s. Deploy a couple of B-2 bombers and nuke everything south of …oh, let’s say San Antonio and DFW. Create a nice irradiated buffer zone, which will save money on the immigration security fence.

Done and done.

Also… Did some one in that crowd shout “Remember Waco?”

badmuthagoose September 1, 2009 at 2:59 pm

I love living here because I fuck with people like these every single day. They’re almost too easy. Poor things. They’ll believe just about anything you tell them, as long as it involves Democrats being evil and coming after their guns and grandbabies and such (for the gay indoctrination).

Paul Tardy September 1, 2009 at 3:07 pm

You know after listening to those speeches, I am getting the impression Dubya’s accent wasn’t legit. I am also saddened that no one said “If frogs had side pockets, they’d carry a gun” – Dan Rather being Texan.

Guppy06 September 1, 2009 at 3:08 pm

[re=399781]The Cold Sea[/re]: No, you misunderstand; the F-18s wouldn’t be bombing them because we’re trying to keep them, we’d be bombing them because they’d be a new Latin American country, and the Monroe Doctrine requires that we bomb the living fuck out of those Hispanophones.

Elephants Gerald September 1, 2009 at 3:12 pm

They don’t need to secede. All four dozen of those douchebags should stake out a corner of a WalMart parking lot and go ahead and start their country. I’ll park over yonder and not bother them any more.

Guppy06 September 1, 2009 at 3:19 pm

[re=399898]Terry[/re]: IMO, I-10 from the Texas line east is a smooth drive and downright scenic in places (St. John the Baptist and St. Charles comes to mind). It doesn’t really start to turn into a hellhole until you pass I-310 and start getting into Jeff Parish. Metairie to pretty much Slidell is just a big bunch of suck.

And I’m talking about before Katrina.

Grovite September 1, 2009 at 3:20 pm

I feel I must apologize for these morons. It’s hard to pinpoint the exact time and place when these idiots lost their minds…I think it might have been the mid 90s. I can tell you that despite the coverage, these people are regards as bat shit crazy by the bulk of us (Texans).

You folks can really help us out by supporting Kinky Friedman and other like minded people in the vein of Ann and Molly.

Remember Waco? What the fuck? The only thing good to come out of Waco is Dr. Pepper.

schvitzatura September 1, 2009 at 3:37 pm

[re=399738]Jim89048[/re]: The WW1-era USS Texas (BB-35) will be refloated and rechristened the IRTN (Imperial Republic of Tejas Navy) Hofheinz…and immediately sent to the bottom of Galveston Bay by sorties out of NAS/JRB New Orleans.

schvitzatura September 1, 2009 at 3:48 pm

[re=399756]Baconcat[/re]: Obama will supplied the isolated Austin outpost, via a Berlin Airlift-style ops. Arugula supplies will not be disrupted due to air-superiority over “sesesh” rabble F4s, F104s…

Doglessliberal September 1, 2009 at 3:59 pm

My husband suggested we broker a deal with Canada and send them to northern Sasketchewan. Then force Sarah Palin to be the president, and make sure she has no travel budget.

TheRealJimbo September 1, 2009 at 4:04 pm

[re=399840]assistant/atlas[/re]: I’m cool with giving them Texas with an option for Arkansas. I’d humbly ask that we keep Austin for the music scene and bbq. We could support it Berlin airlift style.

If we go this route, I’d totally support an anti-immigrant fence, whatever the cost.

Thanks in advance.

Neilist September 1, 2009 at 4:07 pm

[re=399813]Maxine of Arc[/re]: It’s a variation on the old carnad to the effect that “Oakies are proof that Texans fuck buffalos.”

Or something.

Gesh, don’t ask me. All I know is that the Irish are the only racially pure demographic on the planet.

Because no one will fuck us. Not even ourselves.

(“Fuck us” as opposed to “fuck us up,” of course. The latter happens with distressing frequency.)

grevillea September 1, 2009 at 4:10 pm

Right on! But, you know, you can’t just declare independence right off the bat, you gotta be strateegic about it. Maybe start small, gather all the true believers into a fortified compound, then start issuing your demands to the federal authorities.

El Pinche September 1, 2009 at 4:13 pm

[re=399907]Guppy06[/re]: ACORN + millions of pissed off latino voters (Recuerda Sotomayor!) , we’ll make cabrito tacos out these teabaggers in 2010,2012. Take a look at that fat fuck, he’s a walking fiesta.

grevillea September 1, 2009 at 4:20 pm

[re=400033]grevillea[/re]: And remember to close your tag, I mean gate.

rocktonsammy September 1, 2009 at 4:49 pm

I wish Molly Ivans was alive to see this.

Please tell the good people of Austin they’re welcome in ,Madison.

Willie Nelson can stay at my place… cough.

Neoyorquino September 1, 2009 at 4:57 pm

I know it has already been said, but “hey – see you around! Don’t let Oklahoma hit your ass on the way out!”

Tundra Grifter September 1, 2009 at 5:40 pm

[re=400033]grevillea[/re]: Towards the beginning of this video, you can hear someone in the crowd yell “Remember Waco!” The wacco’s in Waco – that one certainly worked out well, didn’t it? As I recall, their problem wasn’t not having enough guns and ammo…

GreatOldOnesParty September 1, 2009 at 5:41 pm

[re=399901]friendlyskies[/re]: suggested this to a commentor on video:

@ razzguy:
But then again…
Think of all the money that WON’T be flowing into TX. And they’ll soon enough become our biggest trading partner if they don’t want to completely deplete all their natural resources within a single generation.

CapnFatback September 1, 2009 at 5:48 pm

[re=399754]AxmxZ[/re]: I think we found out what Jeremy Freedman’s newest job is.

pleasesecede September 1, 2009 at 5:49 pm

Please Secede. No really. It’s fine.

Join the Movement: pleasesecede.com

Jumping Jim September 1, 2009 at 5:53 pm

People, People…

Texas leaves, there is a civil war there over who is in charge, ZZ Top gets involved, everyone thinks they are Mullahs, and of course, they produce oil and natural gas so, naturally we have to send troops we get bogged down, all of a sudden it is Texasistan.
Think before you wish for this.

zhubajie September 1, 2009 at 5:56 pm

Hire the apaches and Comanches, etc., to hunt and kill them. Bounties on blonde scalps.

Lazy Media September 1, 2009 at 6:10 pm

[re=400027]Neilist[/re]: I hate to break it to you, but the Irish are a lower form of primate between the orangutan and chimpanzee. It’s science.

kth September 1, 2009 at 6:20 pm

Wingnut: “Remember Waco!”
ATF: happy to oblige you

Min September 1, 2009 at 6:26 pm

[re=400085]rocktonsammy[/re]: I wish Molly Ivans was alive to see this.

I’m glad she isn’t. I think it would break her heart.

Neilist September 1, 2009 at 7:15 pm

[re=400172]Lazy Media[/re]: No wonder Mr. Muggles won’t let me get past “first base.” And he kept telling me that he was saving himself for Micheal Jackson. Lying bitch.

on2u September 1, 2009 at 7:18 pm

Let me get this straight – because a state is not in agreement with the present government and wants to secede (incidentally – I do not agree with that move) the prevailing solution on this thread is to nuke them – your own countrymen? Not hard to see who will be signing up voluntarily for the National Nark on Your Neighbor, Family and Friends Security Civillian Force. Listen to yourself – you think torturing terrorists is horrific, yet you want to bomb your own countrymen. Man that kool-aid is powerful stuff.

RoscoePColtraine September 1, 2009 at 7:29 pm

[re=400233]on2u[/re]: hehe Yeah….but not for the one’s that would die immediately, rather for those who would live long enough to develop radiation sickness and die a long, agonizing death. You could be among them.

RoscoePColtraine September 1, 2009 at 7:42 pm

[re=400233]on2u[/re]:
To: on2u
From: Michelle Bachmann (R-MN)

Msg:
Please slit your wrists. And quit your fucking trolling.

bullship September 1, 2009 at 7:43 pm

In all the years of my life, I have encountered some moronic, shit for brains idiots, and in general some pretty stupid people. Is is a coincidence that just about all of the idiots have been from the south? I think not. For the last eight years, all I have heard was the right screaming at me, If you don’t like this country, then get the hell out.”

Well guess what idiots. You lost. You lost. I know y’all have limited cognitive resources, but what it means is that it’s time for you to shut your fucking cake holes, and listen to the people who actually won the elections. Now you want to destroy our government! You don’t have to secede from our country, you need only leave. Yes, just leave. Now I’m trying to put this in terms even a Texan wingnut can understand. Pack up all of your belonging and move to whatever wingnut Shangri La that exists only in your schizophrenic version of government.

I have to concur with an earlier poster that as you are leaving, do OUR country a huge favor. Please, each and every Texan wingnut take at least one Oklahoma wingnut with you.

To the Texas and Oklahoma residents that are not suffering from racial schizophrenia, I would ask you ignore my comments. You are victims of these right wing whack jobs and are suffering along with the rest of us.

Like the cartoon character declares, “What a bunch of maroons.”

“IF YOU DON’T LIKE MY COUNTRY, THEN GET THE HELL OUT.” What! Are you still here?

bullship September 1, 2009 at 7:45 pm

[re=399725]CrunchyKnee[/re]: Sorry, but Mexico got first choice. So the staus quo remains.
Tee Hee.

DangerousLiberal September 1, 2009 at 8:39 pm

[re=400233]on2u[/re]: Thanks, first time caller! You’re not from around here, are ya pardner?

Yes, the snark flows freely here. I don’t know that anyone wants to nuke Texas, really (I am sure those who disagree will weigh in now).

However, a figurative fiscal nuking is just fine. This asshats want to leave the republic? Good. No more Texas presidents (Even LBJ turned out to be a mess). No more of the zillions of federal subsidies for all the shit we subsidize there.

Oh, sure, they have the oil. Yup. So they nationalize the oil companies in Texas (so much for all that Liberty crap). The thing is, the US of America army would move in like greased lightening and seize all the oil fields, leaving the Tejas Rail-Road Commission with nothing left to do except issue a fatwa against standard gauge, or something equally effective.

It’s not just these assclowns who piss of the rest of US of Americans–it’s the idea that they are more American than America, and that we should all bow down to their notion of liberty, hook line and sinker, which includes executing innocent people and dragging blacks behind trucks. “Oh, not all Texans are like that.” Which is true. But they constantly, as a polity, elevate to power people who aren’t fit to haul my garbage to high state and, God help me, national office. Bottom line: I don’t think Texas really should succeed. But would we miss them? Miss who?

schvitzatura September 1, 2009 at 8:41 pm

[re=400157]Jumping Jim[/re]: Plus Billy al-Zwahiri, Dusty Ahmadinejad, and Frank bin Laden have access to advanced bio-cybernetics and the cleanest 1933 Ford Coupe space conveyance…obviously a clear and present danger.

Degüello Akbar!

Ohio Wonkette Fan September 1, 2009 at 9:01 pm

I say cut their water off then sell the honkies to China.

AxmxZ September 1, 2009 at 10:38 pm

[re=400233]on2u[/re]: Hey, don’t look at me. I’m just your friendly Russian spy sent here to steal the blueprints to your Trucknutz! I don’t got no nukes in my pocket – I’m just that happy to see you!

Long Form Def Certificate September 1, 2009 at 10:38 pm

[re=399795]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: I resemble that remark.

BONUS: He actually is from my home-state. Sure, Racine, Wisc., but we can’t all be great. & certainly, that humiliating origin — coupled, possibly, to going to Horlick High-School — fuelled his foray into gonzo. & glad we are for that.

Sheeeeeit September 2, 2009 at 12:31 am

Hey, I’m a Horlicker! Viva la Zayre’s parking lot!

Starrigavan September 2, 2009 at 1:59 am

I say we use the same game plan from 1859-1860. We let the idiots get all riled up. Heck, we can even feed them a little false information, like Obama’s a secret muslim communist Hitler-lover who wants death panels to kill grandma or some other such silliness. And then we let them secede. And then we wait.

And wait.

And wait.

And while we’re waiting we sign a mutual defense pact with Mexico.

And finally, even after they’ve seceded. Even after they’ve created their own wacko (Waco?) utopia, they still won’t be happy. They’ve got to feel oppressed, and sooner or later they’ll make their mistake.

They’ll attack a US military installation. We invade from the north, east and west. Mexico posts troops on the southern border. Two days later we sign an armistice making Austin an autonomous region and giving the rest of the state back to Mexico for 10 years of cheap oil.

Adios Muchachos!

jinxykb September 2, 2009 at 9:00 am

It doesn’t look like more than 8 people attended this rally.

marinmaven September 2, 2009 at 9:14 am

[re=400233]on2u[/re]: It is they who hate America and don’t want to be Americans. They have shown disdain for our Constitution and only shown bad faith when people try bipartisanship. Fortunately for them, I am a pacifist and support Freedom for them to build a country that suits them. Let the right build their Galtian Theocracy in Texas. My solution is to just build a wall on the Texas-US border as I am concerned about the integrity of our borders. If you don’t want to be an American because Hopey is president, just go. If you want to “Go Galt” don’t let the door hit where the good lord split ya. Republicans and right wing nutters have done enough damage to America, they have simply wore out their welcome. Let them show us how they can survive on their own bootstraps without tax dollars from the liberal coasts. Let them see what it is like to have to pay a coyote to get them to the upper 48 for a job, once we sell Texas to Mexico. ICE raids for wingers!

reallyutard September 10, 2009 at 9:36 pm

If Texas leaves, then New Mexico can get it’s water back. Also, we can build more dams for clean energy and to keep America’s water out of Texas. We don’t even need fighter planes. They can just choke on their desert dust and subsist on the memories or the days when they produced oil…

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