when logic attacks vol. 1

The Chilling Story Of A Health Care Town Hall That, For Like Thirty Seconds, Featured Fact-Based Dissent

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There is a formula for instant success in our nation’s great health care town halls: So you, the congressperson, mention some constituent whose medical condition would definitely take a turn for the worse in the event of the mere existence of the public option. What follows is death—irrecoverable death by death panel. Maybe even you have a photo of said constituent, hey that’s great! That is… it. Tragically, things went terribly awry the other day in Texas, as Republican Congressman Pete Olson’s town hall turned violently factual.

Everything was par for the course: Olson recited the tale of “Britney,” who was turned down by several doctors because her unborn son had a heart defect. Sad! And also: socialism! Except instead of denouncing individual doctors and private insurance companies as organs of communistic socialism—liberal socialism—some guy pointed out that in fact this was not at all a case of the government ordering Britney to send her unborn son to a poorly run hospice kibbutz to die. Because it was the doctors who turned her down, no? Olson is literally speechless until some other guy yells out “But… Death Panel!!” and everything gets back on track.

[Crooks and Liars]

About the author

Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

View all articles by Juli Weiner


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  • norbizness

    I imagine that non-canned talking points that have some basis in reality are to a Republican Congressimpleton like a Kryptonite necklace (sans interference from Miss Tessmacher) is to Superman.

  • gurukalehuru

    Fat lady with red hair -ssssshhhhhhhh!!! we don’t want to know.

  • groove

    I love, love love love love LOVE, the woman in the front who turns around and shushes the guy for bringing up facts.

    But yeah, didn’t you know that if we get a public option, it will force everyone to become gay married, old, and executed by Obama’s death panels.

  • DoctorCulturae

    Facts and the honest context are so annoying.

  • hobospacejunkie

    Saw this last night on shouty Olbermann’s show. The count was 47 seconds from crowd turning on congressman to congressman shutting down the meeting. This congressman is a pussy. They don’t make ’em like they used to.

  • cotr


    btw, violently factual = hilarious.

  • sleepy

    i like the quick “i wanna thank you all for coming…” climax.

    he’s the kinda guy who farts in the car and then rolls down the window, pretending he didn’t do it…

  • V572625694

    Colbert put it best: “Reality has a liberal bias.”

  • RoscoePColtraine

    What makes it funny isn’t so much that the congressman and his mob of shushers are thrown off by mere logic, but by obvious logic. It’s like how my older sister used to put her hands over her ears and go “la-la-la-la-la” when I was telling her about something gross.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Congressman Olson wouldn’t be having all these problems if Texas had seceded.

  • Chain Tattoo

    America, where the stupid roams wild and free.
    It may be time to re-phrase “e pluribus unum” as “e pluribus, stultum” or maybe “e pluribus, stultissimum”

  • Kabanx

    Pete Olson. BTW, this is the guy who beat DraculaCunt in the Republican primary last year and has Tom DeLay’s old seat.

  • leave me at your own risk

    It’s rude to interrupt a heart-warming tale of propaganda, lies, and paranoia with unwanted facts. Does Mr. Interrupter have no shame? Or home training?

  • Jumping Jim

    I, for one, am happy that Josh is ok, right wing audiences for right wing Congressmen not withstanding.

    It does speak to the fact that whatever is done to improve / provide the opportunity that everyone should have to get sufficient health care, we should all remark upon how amazing the things that science and great doctors can do.

    My biggest fear is that all of this will impede the further development for cures for cancer, diabities, MS, etc… I look at how industry has taken a beating because some of the greatest innovative minds went into derivitives and money fucking rather than create businesses that make jobs.

    We just went through 8 years of anti science.

  • Redhead

    It’s Texas. You expected them to be logical? They elected G Dubya, for Christ’s sake.

    I mean, duhhhhh. Everyone KNOWS that the insurance companies don’t mandate death for babies very often now – but the death panels will change that! The government wants to MANDATE death for all, instead of letting the insurance companies choose! Now shush Mr. Know-It-All with your logic. We don’t need no durned facts here!

  • assistant/atlas

    I don’t know why, but I laughed aloud (I think the kids call that an “LOL”) for “violently factual.”

  • JadedDIssonance

    That is Awful!

  • The Cold Sea

    Damn, Olson went down like a drunk prom king! “Thanks for coming out….gotta go…teh facts is here1!!”


  • George Will&#39

    He’s just mad he didn’t get his complimentary trucknutz for attending!

  • CapnFatback

    [re=399528]gurukalehuru[/re]: She’s simply trying to impart to mean MR. Rooney that the crowd likes Congressman Olson. They think he’s a righteous dude.

  • mush

    That woman shushing, didn’t I see her at another town hall meeting screaming like a banshee “SOCIALISM! COMMUNISM! DEATH PANELS! I’D RATHER DIE THAN BE OFFERED HOSPICE CARE!”

  • TGY

    turned violently factual

    So…may I offer you marriage or just a torrid affair?

  • GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=399551]Chain Tattoo[/re]: more like “summa stulti sumus.”

  • Whiskeybaby

    [re=399573]mush[/re]: It’s my understanding these town halls are peopled with the same eight mental patients, wearing a rotating series of wigs, fat suits, visors etc…

  • the problem child

    Too much information; must shut down public meeting! Olsen’s head was close to exploding, alright.

  • Oldskool

    Poor douchebag congresspersons, it’s getting so they can’t tell lies in public anymore without some smarty pants sounding off about the stupid truth.

  • Zorg

    So, uhm, when did Pete Olson change his name to “Jake,” Ms. Smartypants Wonkette?

  • Sara in the West

    “poorly run hospice kibbutz”

    Beautiful. May I use this?

  • WadISay

    Honestly, how do these people get through a day of dealing with reality?

    Texan #1: Where’s the gun store? I’m out of ammo.

    Texan #2: Rapture yourself to the corner of 10th and Elm, aliens will abduct you to the stoplight, avoid the socialist death ray when you go past the post office, pray for guidance and you’ll be there.

  • badmuthagoose

    Ha. I love the guy with the camera injecting all that violent logic and factualness into their paranoid persecution fantasy. Those are the kinds of Texans I hang out with. And they’re awesome.

    The fat red headed shushing lady is the type I happily sell utter shite to for too much money because she’s too stupid to know any better. Hey free market, bitches!

  • gurukalehuru

    [re=399572]CapnFatback[/re]: OMG. It IS her.

  • rachelv

    This should be nominated for best use of “Oh, Jesus Christ” at a town hall meeting. Can Obama’s death panel be “repurposed” to clone that guy?

  • donner_froh

    When the guy said “Oh, jesus christ” at the when Congressman Phogbound first mentioned the public option it almost sounded like he had expected the meeting to end or at least continue without mindless demogoguery and blatant appeals to stupidity.

  • GreatOldOnesParty

    Just cuz an HMO cartel says “healthcare” doesn’t mean they really CARE about you.
    Don’t these people understand that HMOs are private industries?
    Why do these socialist commie bastards hate the capitalist baby Jesus?

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Shhhhhhhh, thinking is hard, why bother?

  • I Am Not Your Gary Busey

    Oh look! He has a lengthy rebuttal to his own dumbness on his website.
    Thank Jebus he’s not my rep. For a second I thought he was the douche-hat that took his own daughter in for an abortion when he was running since it wouldn’t do to have an unwed teenage mother in the house, but I think that’s the guy from Bryan.

  • mookworthjwilson

    [re=399668]I Am Not Your Gary Busey[/re]: My god he is just a big dumb Republican pile of poo…

  • I Am Not Your Gary Busey

    [re=399668]I Am Not Your Gary Busey[/re]: Correction: The guy that formerly represented Bryan. Also, say “own” much yourself?

  • I Am Not Your Gary Busey

    [re=399681]mookworthjwilson[/re]: I love this part “NO bureaucrat would have approved the cost of Joshua’s care in Michigan when all network doctors said the child would never be born alive.” So, under the public option would the Michigan doctors be in or out of “network?”
    Fuck United Healthcare, I’m surprised they didn’t say it was a pre-existing condition and refuse to pay no matter who she got to do the cutting.

  • GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=399668]I Am Not Your Gary Busey[/re]: Seemed to work fine for Snowbilly Grifter XGILF, also.

  • AxmxZ

    “Her son would not have been born if there was a public option today.”

    Yes, because this is what options do: force you to abort bebez!!

  • finallyhappy

    [re=399704]AxmxZ[/re]: I understand that under the public option, I may have to retro abort my grown kids.

  • imissopus

    [re=399668]I Am Not Your Gary Busey[/re]: “Brittany Kraft’s concern (and she has been reading H.R. 3200 page by page herself) is that a government run plan might take the advice of the doctors in Texas and decide not to cover the care she received.”

    Yes, or they could go the other way, do what her insurance company did, and completely cover the costs of the surgery and follow-up treatment for years and years, and if we had a truly socialist system she and her employer would not have to pay insanely high premiums to an insurance company to cover those costs!

    Sorry, I slipped into logic there.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    [re=399758]finallyhappy[/re]: Finally! A reason to support the public option.

  • I Am Not Your Gary Busey

    [re=399790]imissopus[/re]: Careful there. That logic thing is a slippery slope. Before you know it you’ll be reading from the Koran and praying to Hawaiian Shark Jesus.

  • mamandesfilles

    We don’t need no stinking facts!

  • sezme

    In survey after survey, Canadians agree that the one aspect of living here that we hold most dear is our system of government-funded death panels.

  • the bf

    top two contributors to congressperson olson’s campaign? #2 – the “health” industry #1 – oil and gas.

    how do people live in texas?

  • Caitifty

    [re=399544]sleepy[/re]: No, he’s the kind of guy who farts in a car, winds the window *up* and pretends it wasn’t him.

  • problemwithcaring

    [re=399579]Whiskeybaby[/re]: Duuuude – like the extras in that movie Idiocracy, right?

    That is a hilarious, but increasingly scarily apt movie. Remember the tagline from futuristic Carl’s Jr? “Carl’s Jr…’Fuck You, I’m Eating.'” Whole Foods is like one Republican president away from a similar marketing campaign. “Fuck you, I can afford to live well.”

  • problemwithcaring

    [re=399924]problemwithcaring[/re]: I forgot to mention that of course Idiocracy was filmed in Texas, using Texan extras.

  • Trigvhe from Texas

    Theze are the peepol of Texass who could be your “jury of peers” (your own personal death or detainment panel) if you ever got jammed up legally here. Seriously, stay away.

  • One Yield Regular

    I may be mistaken, but from all these town hall forums I’m getting the distinct impression that no one reads “Robert’s Rules of Order” anymore.

  • a_pink_poodle

    Oh yeah? Well… SOCIALISM!

  • germansteel

    I got a serious case of brain whiplash there when I heard that guy use some elementary logic. Is that covered, or am I shit out of luck cuz the public option is being talked about in Congress?

  • Long Form Def Certificate

    [re=399529]groove[/re]: That would make the Administration guilty of hate crimes. Killing olds for being old is naturally a hate crime, but for a liberal, killing the gays — that’s over the top.

    Impeach Obama for hate crimes.

  • Way Cool Larry

    [re=399528]gurukalehuru[/re]: totally! Love the sneering look on her face.

  • LoweredPeninsula

    Southern suburban Houston, eh? We will be in continual prayer for you guys up north. It’s like a ritual for us, now.

    BTW, go to Olson’s congressional page and check out his wife, Big Texas Hair, and all. What did she find attractive in this weinerish tool?