Book publishing and sociopathy collide in a BIG WAY this morning, as America is treated to its first glimpses of The Governor, the upcoming kunstlerroman from foul-mouthed ex-Monkee Rod Blagojevich. There is so much to love about this book already, and it is barely even ghostwritten: “Blagojevich writes that his guiding thought in selecting a new senator was, ‘How much do I love the people of Illinois?'” Ooh! Follow-up sub-question: Is it still accurate to call it a “tell-all” if it is all lies?
This book is going to blow the lid off the conspiracy against Blagojevich. Here is some of what we have to look forward to:
- “[US Attorney Patrick J.] Fitzgerald didn’t stop a crime spree. He stopped me from doing a lot of good for a lot of people.”
- “I never intended to sell the Senate seat”
- “I was merely engaged in the ordinary and routine politicking that frequently accompanies a significant appointment by the governor.”
Oh sorry. RETROACTIVE SPOILER ALERT: Yeah so what happens in the end—and the beginning and the middle—is that Blagojevich didn’t do anything wrong and is, quite frankly, a little upset that anyone would even think he would have. Rod Blagojevich will wait, probably in prison, for his apology from America.