Wonkette
Senatorial grumpus Chuck Grassley really wants a solid, bipartisan health care reform bill to pass, you guys. This is why he has been refusing to compromise on a single thing for eight months — and more recently, spreading toxic falsehoods and suggesting he’ll vote against his own bill — in his role as chief Republican health care negotiator! We can gauge his powerful commitment towards reaching a satisfying agreement in the near future, too, by reading one of his recent fundraising letters, dated August 10: “I had to rush you this Air-Gram today to set the record straight on my firm and unwavering opposition to government-run health care… And ask your immediate support in helping me defeat ‘Obama-care.’” (It’s his hasty ellipsis — he was really rushing to send that Air-Gram!)
He even dares to implicitly criticize Ted Kennedy, several weeks before his death.
I’m sure you’ve been following this issue closely. If the legislation sponsored by Speaker Nancy Pelosi in the House of Representatives and Chairman Ted Kennedy in the Senate is passed it would be a pathway to a government takeover of the health care svstem. lt would turn over control of your health care decisions to a federal bureaucrat … and take it away from you and your personal physician.
It would mean government rationing in the name of cost controls.
[...]
The simple truth is that I am and always have been opposed to the Obama administration’s plan to nationalize health care. Period.
Thank god he was able to squeeze in those underlines before the Air-Gram hawk came for pick-up! Otherwise, who would’ve known which parts to read?
Somewhere amid all this bluster, though, Grassley does write, “I am working in the Senate to develop a viable alternative that is free-market based and rejects the pitfalls of government-run insurance.” Ha ha? Everyone knows that the best legislative compromises tend to come after you’ve scared everyone mind-numbingly shitless about the entire goddamned enterprise.
In related news, the White House has something vague to say!
Meanwhile, Obama returned from his vacation in Massachusetts on Martha’s Vineyard and, after a few days at Camp David, will redouble his efforts “toward getting a bipartisan result” on health care overhaul, said deputy White House press secretary Bill Burton. “After he gets a little time to recharge his batteries…he’s going to come back as rip-roaring as he was before,” Burton said.
As “rip-roaring” as he was before? We have never quite felt this confident! Obama will come back just as he was, strongly supporting and strong-arming those Senators for, uh, various undefined health care things.
Chuck Grassley Fundraises Against Health-Care Reform [Ezra Klein]
I’d like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?
What’s an air-gram? And I’m pretty sure that a “viable alternative that is free-market based” is an oxymoron.
Then again, you can’t spell moron without Grassley.
This is why we need to develop replicator technology, so that a large bag of lightly salted poison rat dicks can be beamed directly over to Senator Assley.
(Lightly Salted Poison Rat Dicks® Internet Meme ©2009 Jim Newell)
Baucus:Grassley = Boyfriend:Girlfriend who’s fucking the whole football team and a good portion of the swim team and doesn’t really make any effort to hide it.
Don’t worry, Barry will send a strongly worded memo to Grassley by return carrier pigeon as soon as he gets back from vacation, and that will solve health care reform once and for all. Relax everyone!
Wonder if he wept years ago on the day he realized he went from being human to being a pandering, dried up, tiresome partisan fartbag.
Nah.
OT - Just a note to the Caveman Energy Caucus people who put an ad here on Wonkette with a picture of my brother Ugg (he got all the looks in the family): When you make a linky-type ad with a click-here-to-go-there thing in it, there is supposed to be some there there, when people click it.
[face in palm] No wonder people think us cavemen are stoopid.
Ted Kennedy is shedding a tear in heaven.
Well, at least HE’S read the bill, unlike his asshole colleagues who won’t even read the fucking thing before voting against it!!
Wha…?
Oh, never mind.
I love anybody, of either gender, who can meaningfully and credibly use the word ellipsis in a sentence. I mean it, man. But totally in a good way.
These Grampa Cornface posts, never fail to crack me up! When will Prez stop complimenting these ne’er do wells at town halls? Ugh. P.S. Do we still have a Prez? Or is the interim Prez still Barney Frank? As a Nerd, I must bring up the analogy of the evil Capt. Kirk(Prez) from the famed Star Trek episode “The Enemy Within”, who must go thru the Marthas Vineyard Time Warp in order to unleach a can of whoop ass on the “Grassley’s” in this 8 month long health reform nightmare. Enough with the beer summits already!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kieg8y265C0
Rushing to send air-grams was what brought down the Hindenburg, you know. On New Jersey, so I guess it wasn’t all bad. BUT STILL.
Huh? How can Grassley do this, day in and day out, without getting called out for “bad faith bill-making” or “vile, underhanded political sabotage”? Doesn’t his constituents care that he wanders around the halls of gov’t, solicits relevant policy ideas, pledges himself to them, and then slaps everyone, everywhere with a giant corn-shaped dildo?
When will Barack O. take away Grassley’s dildo, is what I am asking.
I love that portrait of Sen. Ghastly almost as much as I love the Crying Santorums photo.
His “Air Gram” is delivered by the “Spruce
Moose”, which can carry two hundred passengers from New
York’s Idyllwild Airport to the Belgian Congo in seventeen
minutes!
I hope these recharged batteries are for Tazers. It’s time to stop being nice with
these a-holes.
SmutBoffin:
Agreed. Hey, how are the death panel forms coming along? I am also an official “guardian” of the dark lord, who has had his quota of heart attacks & therefore must pick his mode of exit to Hades.
The despatch was delivered to the gloves of Sky Devil McKenzie, the swiftest and most daring of the gyro-pilots. “Quick, before the Obamacare takes hold McKenzie! Fly before the wind!” shouted Professor Grassley.
And yet, despite all this, thousands of tweets will be twitted calling for the glorious creation of a of bipartisan bill and much harrumphing will arise when the Democrats finally tell Grassley to fuck off and pass the thing via reconciliation. “But why?” David Broder will write as tears stream down his face “did Obama not find a way to pass the bill with Republican support? Chuck Grassley said he was willing to work on a deal!”
I believe it is the over-use of AirGrams that has contributed to the high cost of health care. Because every time Grassley sends an AirGram it has to be routed first through Hogwarts and flown by broom to a blighted swamp on the Potomac where orc lobbyists draft op-eds about their opposition to forced sterilization of Hobbits, sawing horns off unicorns and denial of health care to leprechauns — all of which are horrible, evil things that Obama is plotting from his secret lair in Barad-Dur.
Jukesgrrl:
Ha Ha! I know it is gold! Also, don’t forget our fudgemaster Mittens!
Hooray For Anything: Yeah boy howdy, we always should look to Broder for the well-rounded, experienced view of things. Is he more or less of a douchebag than the Locomotive-American or Kristol?
Doris Ziffel: Perfect! I called Western Union, and nobody answered!
Nerdalicious: ‘Obese Venom’ and ‘ambulance/butt-stomach’ have to factor into this discussion.
It’s time for the elephant in the room to stomp the living shit out of everyone who denies its existence. Grassley haz the senilez. It’s bad enough that he and the rest of his jerktard party are lying liars with all the leadership skills of drunken lemurs and the moral compass of part-time sodomite and full-time clown John Wayne Gacy, but that is all old news. Wake the ffff up, Iowa, ‘cuz your clown in the Senate doesn’t know whether it’s Tuesday or Cleveland.
Nerdalicious: Hmmm, for unholy, sanity-shriveling hell-beasts from beyond time, bursting with flatulence comprised of the dead souls of children and virgins there is extra paperwork.
Not only do you need special disposal techniques (e.g. impalement by a killer cyborg norwhal in a blast furnace), but also interment of the remains in soil that is sacred to every religion, just to be safe.
Just before I read this post, GrASSley showed up in my “People You May Know” box on Facebook. I daresay I’m tempted to befriend the old codger, but not if he’s using pigeons to deliver his Status updates. I hate those filthy fuckers.
SmutBoffin:
Magic Titty
“there is extra paperwork”
Let’s just cut thru the red tape & get er done, quickly please, before the dark lord has another “Interview with the Vampire” by Chris Wallace/Fox
I suppose Grassley’s Morse code operator in Washington City was sick with gout or the vapors, so he had to rush out his parchment via Air-Gram to the rabble back in the Iowa territory.
Doris Ziffel: Suds McKenzie: WIN for the old Simpsons references. Anything that makes me think of the gambling monster Gamblor is a good thing.
Doris Ziffel: “EXCELLENT” SIMPSONS REFERENCE!!
“After he gets a little time to recharge his batteries…he’s going to come back as rip-roaring as he was before,” Burton said.
Translated: “President Obama will rip and roar once more on how he wants to work with Sen. Grassley while bending over for some fine and ancient Iowan limpness.”
Sen Grassley obviously believes that paper letters sent by AirGram can still have hyperlinks, and hence all the underlining. That is the depth of his understanding of the new technology.
“lt would turn over control of your health care decisions to a federal bureaucrat … and take it away from your greedy, corrupt health insurance company who’s sole goal is to deny you coverage and drop you when you get sick.”
Fixed.
I got a Finger-gram for Grassley (hint, it’s the middle one).
When they return to Congress –
Godfather I — the climatic christening/murdering scene. Obama is Michael. Shumer is Clemenza . And Baucus is Carlo. And in Godfather II, who’s the guy who murdered Vito’s father, brother, and mother? The guy in the wheel chair that young Vito goes to Italy to visit? He reminds me of Cheney.
Grassley only uses Air-Gram because he can’t figger out how to make his YouTube work. He should ask Masturbator Max Baucus to aidez-him.
gurukalehuru: It’s what the rest of schlups call “presorted standard mail.” Though I don’t think I’ve ever seen “Air-Grams” from anybody but car dealers before today.
hobospacejunkie: hey! In his day the u-tube was just slang for those pneumatic tubes. I’m afraid he’s just been dropping wax victrola tubes down the laundry chute.
At least he is a master tweeter! Srs.
Jukesgrrl: and you have to admit “the Crying Santorums” would make a great name for some kind of band. All I could think of before that point was how much Grassley makes me want to puke - him and that other guy - you know the shifty-eyed one - no, not Bush - uh, well anyway, he wears bespoke suits like any good Republican who has our interests at heart.
sweet old bob: totally beat me to it.
sweet old bob: How about a gay country band? They could wear rainbow-striped shirts as a nod to the Huckabees.
SmutBoffin: “…he wanders around the halls of gov’t, solicits relevant policy ideas, pledges himself to them, and then slaps everyone, everywhere with a giant corn-shaped dildo …”
He learned that technique from Sen. Specter, who perfected it working the Democrats during the Bush Administration. He just added the corn-shaped dildo to make it his own.
See the Communist connections through David Axelrod and his close friend Rham Emanuel and see if you want this government to make decisions on controling your health care. Just a note for HIV/AIDS patients, if Barack Obama’s Health Care Reform will make quarantine mandatory and encourage end of life counseling for elderly with little life to look forward to, where do you think you will be on this health care program?. They need to cut the costs and the spread of disease. You are better off trusting God. See Massachusetts Pandemic Law that passed Senate and is awaiting House approval. See my website for more warnings and what to do about them: http://www.divine-way.com