Wonkette
So guess what? Over the weekend, another Kennedy spontaneously generated in the depths of the Nantucket Sound and emerged ashore. It has requested to be called “Joe II,” and by default it has already been lauded as the most politically accomplished Kennedy of its generation. In fact, this Joseph P. Kennedy II might run for Teddy’s old Senate seat, the “Kennedy seat,” as all other Kennedy options are undesirable or Caroline Kennedy or both.
According to New England soothsayers, Joe II, son of RFK, was a Massachusetts congressman from 1987 to 1999 and retired after his brother Michael (Kennedy) died while skiing. At the time, Joe Kennedy explained that he needed to get his priorities straight and be with his family in the wake of the death. This makes current speculation over whether he’ll run for Teddy’s seat or not sort of… ironic? Let’s go with “ironic”:
“Joe Kennedy, as emotionally drained as he must be, cannot help but be moved by the outpouring of affection and respect that has come from people all over the country in the last several days,’’ said Dan Payne, a longtime Democratic media consultant. “I’m not saying he is going to run, but he wouldn’t be human and he wouldn’t be a Kennedy if he didn’t give serious thought to running for the so-called Kennedy seat.’’
Plus, this is all complicated by the fact that there are a couple—several, even—non-Kennedy Massachusetts politicians who will be running/not running for Teddy’s seat and are now looking towards Joe Kennedy for clues about whether doing this would be disrespectful or not.
Mephistopholes Kennedy would be better than the Mitt
Is this the one who fucked the babysitter? Because I for one feel that babysitter fuckers are not adequately represented in the halls of Congress, and I may have to contemplate a move to Massachusetts in order to make my vote count.
Makes sense. He quit politics to run his brother’s organization. Now he’ll quit that position to run for his uncle’s seat. So I say, “Run, Joe, run!”
Mr Blifil: Yeah, I was trying to remember if this was the rapey Kennedy, or maybe just the statutory-rapey one?
Mr Blifil: What Kennedy hasn’t fucked a babysitter? In fact, I think it’s actually a requirement in the family charter.
Who does the dentistry work in that family?
If he beats Romney, he’s already my favorite Kennedy since Maria Shriver.
Joe ain’t gonna make it. Barney Frank has been waiting for years for Kerry or Kennedy to vacate a seat so he could run for the Senate. I don’t see the Jr. noob having much of a chance.
Mr Blifil: and for that reason i suggest “Senator Joe Piscopo”…he fucked/married the nanny, but it’s close…
How many Kennedys are there? You think they would have run out by now.
Lascauxcaveman: You’re thinking of Michael Kennedy.
Mr Blifil: You are technically correct, although the entire Republican caucus has done the poolboy.
AnnieGetYourFun: In looking at all the photo retrospectives of Teddy I am continually struck by the prominence of their teeth in the photos.
Pass! I could do without political patrician families, myself.
looks like a kennedy. it’ll do.
Lascauxcaveman: the rapey one was Michael Kennedy Smith, he went to Med school at UNM, it was a huge scandal here when the admitted him
Is this the one handing out cheap Venezuelan oil on the teevee?
This douche had his 12 year marriage annulled so he could marry his staff member. His ex-wife wrote a book about it called “Shattered Faith”. Charmed, I’m sure.
Let’s make a deal — The Republicans will put up no more Bushes and the Democrats will put up no more Kennedys until there is peace in the Middle East.
Mr Blifil: I think the dead one who skied into the tree was the babysitter-fucker.
McDuff: In the Bush family, everyone venerates someone named “Bar”. In the Kennedy family, it’s just the same.
TGY: Don’t want to sign up for the Hereditary Aristocracy Plan right now? Where the US Senate changes its name oh-so-discreetly to the “House of Lords,” and we’re treated to an endless succession of Bushes and Clintons “elected” to the presidency because of their seeming inevitability?
Why do you hate America?
Too bad Michael isn’t alive. Nominate Mark Foley for the opposition, cut out an election, and whoever emerges from Chuck E Cheese with the largest arm full of kids wins.
Mr Blifil: The babysitter-fucker was the one who kissed the Aspen pine at 55 mph.
Did Gary Busey just get a law degree?
Vote Quniby!
“Over the weekend, another Kennedy spontaneously generated in the depths of the Nantucket Sound and emerged ashore.”
Oh shit, this sounds suspicously like the H.P. Lovecraft story I referenced when commenting about a SKS post about New England sea monsters? suspicious sea blobs? Anyway, the Kennedy’s are nice, but enough with the hereditary artistocracies.
Oh this is disappointing. And I was getting all buzzed up at the prospect of Michael Dukakis getting the seat.
nmmagayar: The rapey is William Kennedy Smith, the semi- statutory rapey (she was 18) was Michael Kennedy — Bobby’s son who died in an accident.
ForTheTurnstiles: I don’t think Romney will run because he has to pretend to be liberal on a number of issues he tried to convince everyone he is a wingnut on. This will jeopardize his chances with his party’s base, no.
I would not buy a car from the man in that picture.
I’m getting a little tired of them. No disrespect to Teddy (P.B.U.H.).
This dude gives me the shakin’ hab-dabs. I mean, look at him. He practically screams pina-colladas and wife-swapping parties. I’ll bet you his hair smells of coconut tanning oil, and when he gets into the hot tub with his undersized speedo I’ll bet he takes it right off and throws it right there on the deck , all wet and croch-y, for everybody to look at.
Bleh.
So this guy is named after the original, fascist-loving, Kennedy. Off to a good start. Though anyone who uses the Hugo Chavez stick to beat W with can’t be all bad. That had to rankle.
So, this is the one Kennedy who isn’t colossally fucked up? Yet… That we know of…
I knew Ted Kennedy, Ted Kennedy was a friend of mine. Joe II, you’re no Ted Kennedy
They all look like the cast of Mad Men.
He not only did the scuzzy annullment thing, he’s the one who was driving when he got into an accident and left a girl paralyzed. Plus he prepped at a bazillion schools before he finally graduated.
Excellent piece of journalism until the end. Everyone knows that all the citizens of Massachusetts are in fact children, whether legitimate or not, of the Kennedys. I’m surprised you would have made such a simple error.
Mr Blifil: David Vitter?
ella: Why are you all hating on the policies of the Roman Catholic Church?
Oh, yeah. Never mind.
Joshua Norton: Barney the Purple Congressman said last week he ain’t gonna run.
Isn’t Joe Kennedy kind of a nutter? I mean, not the original Joe Kennedy–America’s favorite anti-semite, Anglophobe and rum runner–I mean Junior.
My memory of Joe is hazy–all I remember, really, is thinking how glad I am that this cat is not a Senator. Now….
Joshua Norton: Oh weird…I thought Frank was a Senator. Kerry + Kennedy = 2. You only get two senators. Duh. I just never though about it too hard.Dreamer:
Yeah- this one is girl-paralyzy. Women should remember, the Kennedy curse applies to Kennedy’s and women with 20 ft of a Kennedy. I believe his cousin Michael Skakel is rapey-killy.
Ted Kennedy Jr. made quite the impression at the funeral. His commanding presence reminded me of Prez Kennedy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVqi4lwE9DM
I see Larry Craig running for the “Kennedy seat.”
Nerdalicious: That was an amazing eulogy.
BTW - don’t forget to turn your snark back on.
teebob2000:
Haaaaaaaaa! O.K. I’ll twy.
Oh Jeebus. Who crossed the Kennedys with Chuck Norris? The Socialists will be UNSTOPPABLE.
Dreamer: “the semi- statutory rapey (she was 18) was Michael Kennedy — Bobby’s son who died in an accident.” …er 14 actually. When he was 36. Investogatino started when she was 18. The rape victim wouldn’t help put him in jail, so no jail.
teebob2000:
I’ve had the sads since Ted passed. I was eerily at the Kennedy compound & the beach next to it the day he died (Tuesday). It’s kind of creeped me out since then. I’ve lost my pith.
There’s a fine line between Kennedy hair and a Jeff Foxworthy mullet. J2 rides that line like a prince.
I wonder if we can somehow institute term limits for political dynasties
Nerdalicious: I agree he made a major impression with his eloquence and composure. The irony being he’s the one of them who’s never been in politics. And the downside being he’s the father of the only kid there who needed slapped upside the head. (Remember Guiliani’s son? Like that.)
Isn’t he the one whose voice rattles like there’s a toy inside?
Jukesgrrl:
Yes, it was quite the surprise. No one saw HIM coming! Wow, I saw so much of JFK in him. Funny, kids! That was hilarious true. Ha Ha.
Nerdalicious: He’s a Kennedy. All he had to do was be sober for about thirty minutes in order to “make an impression.”
I refuse to call the sea monster “Joseph P. Kennedy II.” You’re the 3rd, get over it.
If Massachusetts picks another Kennedy, Massachusetts deserves another Kennedy.
If he can nail Springfield Mayor Quimby’s voice, he’s got it made.
McDuff: Naugh. They gotta throw in neutering Liz Cheney, or making her wear one of those Hannibal Lecter restraint masks, then it’s a deal.
Country Club Jihadi: That’s the one! Was gonna ask on that.
Seriously, the Kennedys are so over the hill any more. I hope the Obama girls pick up the political family mantle for the dems and replace the Kennedys. It’s fantastic the amount of asshole ignorance and rage that their gene pool has stirred. It’s sort of the natural evolution from the ‘OMG I cannot believe they are Catholic and IRISH!!!!!111!!’ ignorance and rage that the Kennedys (Kennedies?)previously inspired. Get to it Malia!
Nerdalicious:
You might find this intersting. This was quite the “find”(besides the compound) on our trip to Hyannis at the JFK museum: a fantastic portrait of JFK Jr. (which I didn’t know existed).
http://www.laytonart.com/Portrait_of_John_F._Kennedy_Jr..jpg
Also, a sculpture (”What Could Have Been”), of JFK and JFK Jr. (I could only find the drawing on the internet)
http://www.thefileroom.org/documents/dyn/DisplayCase.cfm/id/1091
Country Club Jihadi: He could b e ouchy for lots of reason, but not for that. Any faith that requires an “annulment” to remarry deserves to be shattered. Sounds like the ex ran a wacky post-divorce crusade to stay married. That’s boiling the rabbit stuff.
imissopus: That’s Quimby, you pathetic excuse for human life.
Nerdalicious: Stop trolling me, dammit!
And that last one belongs on black velvet.
Nerdalicious:
Oops, that was meant for Jukesgirl
I realize “Joe II” can’t help having inherited his father’s unfortunate dentures, but — Jaysis! — that plate in every single photo of him at the funeral was a tad off-putting.
I always wondered how, precisely, one manages to kill oneself by running into a tree while skiing.
Any normal person, that is. I mean, one expects that kind of thing from a Sonny Bono. But a normal human being?
Also, traditionally the Kennedy Klan commits vehicular manslaughter/suicide. Did anyone check to see whether his skis, or the tree, was equipped with a motor of some kind?
I’d vote for Rocky Horror.
Baconbits: That’s what confused the hell out of me. Joe, Jr met his demise thanks to a ton of torpex in ‘44 or so, testing a wack-a-loon idea of loading a B-29 with explosive, taking off with a pilot on board, having the pilot bail out, then radio guiding the thing to the target. The explosive denotated prematurely.
This dude ought to be Joe III.
ph7: Good point. But if someone tried to “cancel” my marriage after 2 kids and 12 years so that he could receive Catholic sacraments and remarry in the church, the only thing being annulled would be his dick. So i kind of understand what might have pushed her over the edge. I thought she was fighting against something that said her marriage was never valid.
Actually, Joe is a really good guy, has some Congressional experience, and would be a very attractive candidate for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is he’s a liberal as they get.
http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2009/08/31/in_or_out_joe_kennedy_will_have_impact_on_potential_senate_field/
Last I heard, Joe’s church annulment had itself been annulled. So in the eyes of hardcore Catholics, he’s living in sin.
Not sure if anyone besides that drama-queen frother Donahue will care.
My understanding is that the ex didn’t contest the civil divorce, but contested the annulment because it had 1) pretty much been done without her knowledge and 2) she objected to the notion that her marriage had never existed. (Not “we tried and failed”, but “it never happened”.) So she filed an appeal and was successful.
Baconbits: Just in case anybody here is still awake, I consulted an Amy Vanderbilt etiquette guide on the use of Roman numerals in naming. The guy whose photo is with this article was born and always will remain Joseph Patrick Kennedy II. The deceased airman was Joseph Patrick Kennedy Junior, because he is the SON OF (that’s what Junior means) creepy old Joe the Fornicator. But since this smiley guy is the son of Robert Kennedy, he cannot be a Joseph Junior, and he need not be III because the Junior in question here was long-dead when he was born. He is, therefore, the SECOND Joseph P. Kennedy, whether he was named after gramps or uncle. Younger Kennedys born after this guy may be named III or IV or whatever.
Just for the record, all those who now name their kids after themselves and call them II instead of Junior are just gauche, unless they are George Foreman.
Oldskool: Isn’t he the one whose voice rattles like there’s a toy inside?
ROTFLMAO! That’s the most creative description I’ve ever heard for that. But, no; the one whose “voice rattles like there’s a toy inside” (that’d be an awesome Native American name) is, alas, the greatest of the Kennedy’s: Bobby Kennedy, Jr.
Seriously, I wanted to see Bobby Jr. get Hillary’s seat, but he’s having none of the politics. Bah.