let's get scandal-y

Roughly Cylandrical Object Located Near Rehberg Boat Crash

While Rep. Denny Rehberg’s life, which is in stable condition, will be first on the docket during tonight’s Wonkette Prayer Hour, we must wonder — given his history of getting trashed in Kazakhstan and falling off horses — exactly how wasted he and his buddies may or may not have been when they crashed their boat into very huge rocks late last night. And lo, “Twitter person Bob B.” has sent us this photo of the wreckage, in which he thinks he has spotted the smoking gun: a keg of beer. It looks a little too skinny to be considered such in our estimation. Probably just a trash can. (They were throwing away the tree.) (While drunk?) [Twitter]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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144 comments

  1. V572625694

    Pretty clearly a plastic garbage can. Two guys, one keg is pretty hardcore, even for boaters.

  2. blinky_twinkie

    It’s a potted plant (or a pot plant). Why did the potted plant drive the boat up onto the rocks?

  3. Hello Sunshine

    Isn’t getting drunk and crashing a boat into the land the EXACT OPPOSITE of getting drunk and crashing a car into a lake? If so, perhaps this is some kind of performance art tribute to Teddy K.

  4. Gopherit

    That keg is back….and to the right. Back…..and to the right. It should have gone up…..and to the left. Up….and to the left. Denny is being set up. THere were probably tequila shooters on the rocky knoll. Someone call oliver stone.

  5. Maxine of Arc

    First “taps” is an adjective, now there’s such a thing as a cylander? Why is Wonkette so insensitive to Pedant-Americans?

  6. hockeymom

    Also on board, the state’s Senate Majority Whip, two staffers and an unnamed fifth person. Please oh please let it be a furry.

  7. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=397889]Jamie Sommers[/re]: You know who else has a prayer hour on Friday?

    MUSLIM TERRORISTS FROM HELL WHO WISH TO DESTROY US ALL.

    Just sayin’, Jim. Is there something you would like to share with us?

  8. god.was.stingy

    It would appear that the force of the collision ejected Oscar the Grouch from his trash can.

  9. the problem child

    Looks like a stand-up ashtray. Maybe they were motoring in to get rid of the roaches. And missed, evidently.

  10. Gopherit

    Also, best comment on that Montana News Paper story so far:

    Posted by:H F Davidson 2009/08/28 03:55:56 AM
    I’ve boated in and out of that bay dozens of time after dark in my 22′ motorboat and never had a problem telling rocks from water even when I had been drinking.

  11. dippinkind

    y’know what a garbage can like that is good for? putting some ice in for to chill your pony keg.

  12. Speed Ball

    [re=397908]Gopherit[/re]: Notable that the comment was made at 4AM and is surprisingly coherent considering the hour.

  13. One Yield Regular

    Probably a bear canister. Does Meghan Stapleton still not know her boss’ whereabouts?

  14. Speed Ball

    [re=397911]dippinkind[/re]: Bingo. Also, garbage cans like that are great for voming in before, during, and after you drive your boat 100% out of the water onto giant fucking boulders.

  15. Min

    How did the Fish, Wildlife and Parks people know to leave a trash can in that exact location? Spooky.

    BTW Rehberg apparently only has two R’s.

  16. dementor

    This is a lovely post and all, Jim, but it’s pushed the Barack K. Smith story to page 2. Could you please put a thumbnail somewhere on p. 1 for easay access to the Wonkette Birth Watch updates?

    And what Drudge-like siren can you concoct to be adequate to announce the impending news, which we all wait with bated breath? (Heh, I said bated.)

  17. hockeymom

    [re=397908]Gopherit[/re]: did you look to the right of the comments? One of the top emailed articles was about Senator Tester (D) NOT promising to vote for health care reform. Come on cowboy, vote for health reform.

  18. Atheist Nun

    It’s definitely a trash can. What you can’t see in the photo is that it’s full of dismembered body parts of all the old people Obama killed via his “death panels.” (It’s being sent to the Slim Jim factory, with the others.)

  19. desertwind

    I’m joining your prayer circle to ensure that Sarah Palin was the mystery fifth person in that damn boat.

  20. hockeymom

    [re=397923]hockeymom[/re]: [re=397908]Gopherit[/re]:

    Though the most emailed article was entitled “Wolves Devastate Rancher’s Sheep.” Also, the most commented on. Also.

    What’s up with the wolves, today?

  21. widget09

    Also hospitalized was state legislator Greg Barkus, a Republican state senator from Kalispell; his wife, Kathleen; and two Rehberg staffers, Dustin Frost and Kristin Smith.

    It seems like theres a hidden message in the “also rans”. Anyone spot it?

  22. Gopherit

    [re=397928]hockeymom[/re]: they have something in common with the rammin gov to be. He hates wolves because they et his farmed elk. canned hunters are scum. And, you know, cry me a river if your sheep get eaten. We ain’t a socialist society, boy.

  23. Extemporanus

    [re=397894]Maxine of Arc[/re]: The Cylans were the bad-guys in “Battlestar Galactica”.

    Jim is implying that Iceberg’s boat may have been shot down by alien toasters from space.

  24. slappypaddy

    i’m trying to get excited about the mystery cylinder, but i can’t tear my rapt attention away from just how incontrovertibly that boat has been run aground. gilligan himself could not have more convincingly demonstrated the meaning of fubar.

  25. Tengrain

    [re=397911]dippinkind[/re]: I was thinking the same thing, and it was what we used to do in college (without the boat, of course).

    Regards,

    Tengrain

  26. Flanders

    [re=397928]hockeymom[/re]: Sarah Palin had been brought in for wolfpack control, which is why she was in Montana…riding in Denny’s boat…as the mysterious Passenger #5.

  27. Holding Out for a Hero

    [re=397898]Gopherit[/re]: He’s not drinking, just sharing the epidural with Sara.

  28. Que miras, cabron!

    [re=397886]V572625694[/re]: Not for Montanans. The standard phrase for a Montana driver about to spin out in a snow storm is “hold my beer and watch this”.

  29. Way Cool Larry

    Can’t rule out keg! I’ve been to parties where the keg is kept in a trashcan like that, packed with ice.

  30. Way Cool Larry

    I suspect the good ol’ boys were trying to use the rocks as a ramp for a totally awesome jump.

    “Watch this!”

  31. Crank Tango

    And you know what you do with kegs? You tap them! Not like charlie crisp tho. Just with a tap.

  32. Tommmcatt

    [re=397889]Jamie Sommers[/re]:

    I know, I keep telling him he needs to meet a nice girl. Or a pair of naughty ones.

  33. Paul Tardy

    What do you do with a drunken Representative,
    What do you do with a drunken Representative,
    What do you do with a drunken Representative,
    Earl-eye in the morning!
    CHORUS:
    Way hay and up she rises
    Way hay and up she rises
    Way hay and up she rises
    Earl-eye in the morning
    Shave his belly with a rusty razor,
    Shave his belly with a rusty razor,
    Shave his belly with a rusty razor,
    Earl-eye in the morning!

    Sung to the tune of “What DO You Do With Drunken Sailor”.

  34. ccmask

    ……two staff members in the crash were state director Dustin Frost and health care policy adviser Kristin Smith.

  35. MGBYG

    This is the late-Friday data dump?

    We are stuck pondering this damn rock-parking-cum-trash-can-beer-bong all weekend?

    One of you (Jim?) is praeggers and all, but c’mon!

  36. MGBYG

    [re=397983]Marmel[/re]: Could move it to Sundance, Wyoming for less of an LDS white,

    …or just move it down here to the OC, Laguna? Dana Point?, where people can actually get to the damn thing.

  37. facehead

    LISTEN UP SHEEPLES!!!

    OBVIOUSLY IT IS THE NEW OBAMA DEATH TUBE — THE AQUATIC DEATH PANEL!!!

  38. hobospacejunkie

    [re=397983]Marmel[/re]: Oh look, the blog whore is back.

    About that guy whose sheep were eated — you know that rugged western individualist’s first call will be to the govt to reimburse him for his loss. Because he is a rugged individualist who hates govt intervention in the lives of rugged western individualists. Who are totally independent.

  39. Suds McKenzie

    [re=398001]hobospacejunkie[/re]: I heard they eat therefore they hunt. Or, was it the other way around ??

  40. Scandalabra

    I just returned from a week in Wyoming. I traveled (appropriately dressed, I assure you) down the Snake River on a white water raft with six of the state’s eleven registered Democrats. We saw beaucoup wildlife and managed not to crash the damn thing. What is these peoples’ problem?

  41. schvitzatura

    Rehberg & Bro were enjoying some Glacier Select Oktoberfest (O’zapft is, bitches!) and pulled a Joe Hazelwood (note spill containment booms).

    Flathead Lake is now the newest Superfund site…

  42. Terry

    [re=397886]V572625694[/re]:

    Duh! You keep a keg in a plastic trash can full of ice! You guys must have gone to private schools or something.

  43. kth

    Trash can either contains: (1) keg (2) lethal mixture of Hawaiian Punch and Everclear, plus random cigarette butts, styro plates with queso and chips caked onto them (3) 100 empty Coors cans.

    I vote for (2), because you only need the Hawaiian Punch concentrate and the booze, and could use river water to fill to the right concentration. Plus it looks like they were leaving it, whereas with a keg you’d want to get the deposit back.

  44. Barrelhse

    Whatever it is, it was obviously mistaken for a navigational marker by the boat operator. (Wait…isn’t it “red right returning”?)

  45. Larry McAwful

    We need Denny Rehberg and his cheesy moustache. Watching him in Congress makes me feel like I’m watching Burt Reynolds in “Lassiter.” He has the bearing of a true statesman.

  46. Pizzuti

    It could be a keg inside a trash can full of ice. All the college kids do that to keep their beer cold.

  47. dogscantlookup

    it’s a luggable loo full of beer! yes and I shit in the woods and can see Canada from my popup,also

  48. gjdodger

    [re=398024]Scandalabra[/re]: You didn’t eat any o’ them Dimmycrats, did you? Are you related to Alferd Packer? He was from Colorado, which is just a Molotov Cocktail’s throw from Wyoming.

  49. Paul Tardy

    So ahhhhh how’s that American health care, eh? Aboot time these asshats in Washington tested it oot.

    BTW, if this happened in Britain at least one of the four would be dead.

  50. Long Form Def Certificate

    Obviously, Obama set this guy up. When Secret Service was in Montana for the Inaugural Death Panel, Obie dispatched an agent to fray the brake line, hoping it would fail late at nite.

    Add this to the Obama Murders List. Though, as with most affirmative action hires, he has a ways to go before matching the output of a better qualified white hire. (By that, I mean the Clinton Murders List.)

  51. Uncertainty Vice-Principal

    [re=397908]Gopherit[/re]: I’ve boated in and out of that bay dozens of time after dark in my 22′ motorboat and never had a problem telling rocks from water even when I had been drinking.

    I thought telling rocks from water WAS drinking.

    Or maybe that’s bartending.

  52. Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=398078]Uncertainty Vice-Principal[/re]: Cylandrical–whispers from the rocky knoll..

  53. Scooter

    To get the boat that far up the rocks they must have been going like 50 MPH in the dark. Probably late for their Mensa meeting.

  54. high plains drifter

    Any respectable Montanan would fill the trash can with ice and cans of domestic beer. A keg would take too much planning. Also, this could all be a mustache ride gone horribly wrong.

  55. Paul Tardy

    Probably just a trash can. – Not according to Colin Powell.

    Scooter: “To get the boat that far up the rocks they must have been going like 50 MPH in the dark. Probably late for their Mensa meeting.”

    Each person thought the person next to them had the night vision goggles on. ROFL.

  56. dogscantlookup

    In Minnesota that is how we park our boats, we don’t get hurt cuz we jump out 20 meters before the rocks aka the shore, and we are so shitfaced we’d fuck eurasian milfoil! harharhar errrr errrr

  57. GreenHalo

    [re=398049]Larry McAwful[/re]: May I be forgiven for knowing this, but “Lassiter” was a Tom Selleck cat-burglar joint, and he was so heavily in character all the time that anyone who called him anything but Lassiter on the set was fired and thrown off the set in a single swift motion.

    Yeah, kids, Magnum P.I. used to swing his mighty dork like Paul Bunyan’s axe, knocking down entire forests with a single sweep of his mighty tool. Let this be a lesson unto you — as time goes on, the number of people who couldn’t identify Justin Timberlake if you stuck on gun to their heads is only going to increase.

  58. zhubajie

    Drinking toast is former-soviet Kazakhstan, with Russians and Kazakhs? We should assume they were drunk by the Yeltsin standard. The garbage can undoubtedly held the vodka bottles! Generic vodka in Russia proper goes for perhaps 25 US cents a pint, and will knock you down, pick you and and knock you down again.

    Zhu Bajie

  59. zhubajie

    [re=397972]Way Cool Larry[/re]: Maybe for mojo. Everyone brings a bottle of their favorite hooch, they pour all of it in a garbage can, mix it up and drink it! Great fun when I was in the Navy!

  60. Way Cool Larry

    I see Talking Points memo picked up this story after Wonkette. Wonkette gets the scoop!

    Wonkette– the hottest site for breaking news, on weekdays anyway.

  61. jesusbutter

    [re=398131]Way Cool Larry[/re]: Hell, I live in Montana and I first heard about this story on Wonkette! Also, how did they fit 5 people on that boat? Also, poor Denny broke his ankle and is canceling his townhall meetings on healthcare reform. These guys will do ANYTHING to get out of those townhalls.

  62. fishskicanoe

    [re=398076]El Pinche[/re]:

    I gave him one star. If the youtubes had negative stars (blackholes?) he’d agotten 5 of them.

    “Wake Up America
    The media is sleeping with your President

    Wake up Michelle
    Reporters are sleeping with your man”

    Uff Da.

  63. Paul Tardy

    Crash Crash Crash your boat
    Set it on the rocks

    Drink a beer, Have no fear
    A vampire like you

    Can see in the dark.

    Transcript just before accident as released by the police.
    Voice #1: OH #$@% I can’t work this thing.
    Voice #2: Danny you’ve got the night vision on, I’ll take the wheel while you get me a beer.
    Voice #3: Sure Shooting.
    [loud noise]
    Voice #1: @$# #^^$# $##$$#
    Voice #2: ahhhh #$%$
    Voice #3: My ankle hurts like hell, #$# %%%%
    Voice #4: We back at the Marina? Where’s the keg? Where’s the boat? Where is everybody? #$@%

    I propose this be called the Rehberg Chappa-stupid incident.

    Actually a drunken accident is a fitting tribute to the late Senator Kennedy. I personally think TSA should put a Senator on the no fly list for old times sake.

  64. BR

    Can anyone take a screenshot of Bush (junior, of course) this morning? His face is red and I bet he’s been hitting the sauce.

  65. liquiddaddy

    This was obviously the work of the ACORN party barge. Those boys must have been taking mountain sheep on a pleasure tour again.

  66. SayItWithWookies

    Yo Yo Ma is playing cello at Kennedy’s funeral. And CNN’s got a live feed to Arlington National Cemetery, for some reason. Also, their weekend crew can’t spell cemetery.

    Oh, and those trashcans are kinda crappy for holding your keg and ice — they’re too narrow at the bottom. Most civilized places give you a proper tub with your keg.

    Ugh — I’ve been to too many Catholic funerals to care to watch this for long. As much as fear of death is the wellspring of religion, it bores and grosses me out to see what they’ve done with it. I just want to see President Obama get these people on their feet.

  67. SayItWithWookies

    [re=398150]liquiddaddy[/re]: Dubya hates anything solemn, and especially funerals. It gives me some pleasure to know he’s in hell right now.

  68. NYNYNY

    [re=398151]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Y Yo is always good for these events. “Wake Up! Play Simple Gifts! Get back in the box!”

  69. SayItWithWookies

    Teddy Jr.’s eulogy was great — funny, sentimental, slightly meandering, and ended on a high note.

  70. El Pinche

    Breibart is probably sitting a pool of his (and/or Ziegler’s) piss throwing poo poo balls at the telly right now .

  71. SayItWithWookies

    Well that was a great eulogy — solemn and elegant, dwelling more on the tragedies of Kennedy’s life than Ted Jr.’s, but only to emphasize his resilience and the remarkable nature of his unending will to ensure that America is the most equitable and fair nation possible. I couldn’t help shedding a tear, though it was also colorful and funny. Adieu, Grand Fromage, et merci.

  72. SayItWithWookies

    [re=398161]El Pinche[/re]: Speaking of which, when Obama mentioned that after 9/11, Kennedy called all 177 families of Massachusettsians who died, and that he then took families sailing, made sure they had access to grief counseling and remembered them on the anniversary, the camera cut to Dubya — who I don’t think has ever looked so small.

  73. hockeymom

    Thank goodness Shep is on FOX after the funeral coverage. He’s the only one there who will withhold the talking points for at least a little while.

  74. hockeymom

    Bill Russell on MSNBC right now. I had no idea he campaigned for Kennedy after his plane crash.

  75. hockeymom

    [re=398164]SayItWithWookies[/re]: That was amazing. And after two days of non-stop Kennedy coverage, I wonder if he had somehow figured out a way to add more hours to the day. So many stories of calls, visits, letters from Kennedy when people were at their lowest. How did he have the time?

  76. El Pinche

    [re=398170]El Pinche[/re]: as opposed to dubya….a victim of partial mongoloids, shaken baby syndrome, and cocaine abuse. There, I wanted to complete that thought.

  77. DP

    [re=398076]El Pinche[/re]: I listened to it.

    Sounded like “blur blur blur blu blur, bla bla blur blur blur bla blur, bla bla blur blur blur blur blur, president…

    I wanted to laugh. But did not.

  78. auduboner

    [re=397911]dippinkind[/re]: Very True. Wonkette editors clearly have not spent enough time living in a trailer park to recognize the superior ice-holdin’/beer-chillin’ properties of your Dollar-Store plastic trash can. Get out there and live Life, people!

  79. Kate

    Driving full speed toward rocks in the dark seems to be the Republican way. And yes, in Montana we often put kegs in plastic trash cans,cut a hole for the tap and awaaay we go!

  80. bullship

    Another wasted opportunity for the republican party. In the spirit of true partismship, they could have offered the point position to senator Max Baucus. A true win-win position if ever one presented itself.

  81. momus

    A spokesman for Rep. Rehberg now asserts that the Congressman was not in the boat at all. The spokesman said, “He always uses valet parking. The attendant ran over him while parking the boat.”

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