SHARE

Intrepid Washington Independent blog reporter Dave Weigel has earned himself another steak ‘n’ baked dinner tonight by obtaining this, the RNC’s “2009 Future of American Health Survey.” YES. THAT IS LITERALLY QUESTION FOUR. Republicans, man! C’mon! Some of us just want to have a functioning polity here, okay? [Washington Independent]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • shortsshortsshorts

    You know, I’m undecided on this. It is obvious that we are soon going to be a Communist Fascist led country, so who will really care about political affiliation at that point? LOYALTY will decide your health care. This is a non-issue.

  • stratonike

    Fortunately only about eleven people will be reading this and of those, four of them are functionally illiterate and will mark “NO” because they saw the word “Democrat” and “rationed”.

  • mrwizzy

    All of the above?

  • JoeMac

    As a registered Democrat I am not worried at all. However, could it be used to get Sarah the mental health treatment she so desperately needs?

  • King of the Dipshits

    Perhaps we could gain efficiencies in the health care system by using GOP voter registration to screen for mental illness and brain damage.

  • Arthur B. Ablabab

    Am I concerned about the possibility of a suggestion which may predicate potential fear of political discrimination?

    Undecided.

  • glamourdammerung

    I guess it is better than “does the fact that Obama hates white people and will deny them medical treatment concern you?”

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    Democrats want to ass-rape your white fetus. Does this concern you?

  • El Pinche

    I’m surprised it’s not spelled “demoncrats.”

  • FredZiffel

    Sending registered Rethugs to the Death Panels?

    Well, I hadn’t thought of it, but a good idea is a good idea.

  • dum librul

    “It has been suggested that the government can use census bureau data to determine your neighborhood’s ethnic composition, prompting fears that your district may receive more or less voting booths per capita in GOP-run states. Does this possibility concern you? If ‘yes,’ please fill out and drop off at your nearest polling place three towns away.”

  • ManchuCandidate

    It’s not the whole point of gubbiment run healthcare, but on a certain level (read: stupid) it does.

    “Are you a total fucking hypocrite to decry healthcare reform/public run option and still use it?”
    Yes No Maybe

  • mookworthjwilson

    But if we use voter registration to ration health care, then how will Obama achieve his goal of giving all the health care to illegal immigrants??? Ahhh…I get it…we have ACORN register the illegals….

  • snideinplainsight

    What political affiliation is Trig?

  • AbstinenceOnly Ed

    [re=396461]JoeMac[/re]: Surely you mean Palin, not K. Smith. Do not tar all Sarah-kind with one malign brush, por favor.*

    *TEH LIBRULZ WANT 2 ABORT YR BABY 2 MAKE CHORIZO 4 TEH ILEGULZ

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    This is a Democrat-Only Hospital. No Goppers allowed.

  • Werefrog

    [re=396471]glamourdammerung[/re]: That’s number fiver on the survey, I think.

  • Tommmcatt

    Republicans oppose Health Care Reform because it does not fit in with their ideology or line their pockets and Democrats support Health Care Reform therefore they do not fit in with Repbulican ideology therefore they are evil because if you do not support Republican ideology you are evil and all killers are evil therefore Democrats want to kill you, because you are a Republican and support Republican ideology..

    Q.E.D.

    What’s so difficult to understand about that, libtards?

  • the problem child

    We think you should be living with a great deal more fear than you are currently crushed by. Would you like to fill out our terrifying survey?

  • freakishlystrong

    I hate that fucking “Democrat” shit. I also hate the Gee Oh Pee also.

  • magic titty

    Question #9.
    It has been suggested that our National Anthem might be changed from “The Star Spangled Banner” to “Bumpy’s Lament” from the Shaft movie soundtrack. Does this possibility concern you?

    Yes? No? Undecided?

  • ScubaDew

    Did I miss something? Did the RNC hold an election without me knowing with Orly Taitz defeating Steele in a bid for chairmanship?

  • shortsshortsshorts

    “How do you want to die under the Democratic plan?”

    1. Disembowelment?
    2. Dismemberment?
    3. JUST STRAIGHT DISSIN’?

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=396466]King of the Dipshits[/re]: and obesity too.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=396493]magic titty[/re]: Absolutely that concerns me. I was holding out for “Superfly.”

  • AbstinenceOnly Ed

    This is actually a great idea. We could save a lot of money by refusing to cover any asshole who opposes a public option. We could start by yanking Joe Lieberman’s plan. Without his daily injection of dipshit retrovirus, his head would retreat completely up his own ass.

  • King of the Dipshits

    Its a trick question. The correct answer is “I would rather die than receive Obama’s socialist medical care.”

  • One Yield Regular

    I’m definitely undecided about this issue, but I’m firmly decided that the anonymous suggestioner should be identified and dunked in a vat of hospital biohazard waste products.

  • snideinplainsight

    Hold up. You’re doing a wonderful little dance here and you’re trying to be cute but the reality of this is very simple.

  • magic titty

    [re=396498]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Yes yes. From what I understand “Freddie’s Dead” is also on the short list.

  • god.was.stingy

    It has been suggested that democrats are hiding in your gun cabinet, waiting for the right opportunity to jump out and yell “Boo!” Does this concern you?

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=396480]snideinplainsight[/re]: Trig is a Whig–what else? (because it rhymes). ‘Lil Whigger..

  • Kaylub

    “It has been suggested, just now, by us in this survey, that…”

  • RoscoePColtraine

    Roscoe just had an epiphany. The republicans will accept no health care plan that doesn’t prevent death itself.

  • dum librul

    Why do they think the librul run hospitals would need to do all that work just to determine a person’s party affiliation? The checklist goes:

    Pasty white?
    Morbidly obese?
    Over fifty?
    Wolf t-shirt?
    Eyebrow flakes?

    Four out of five is automatic disapproval.

  • Jim89048

    The fuckers are on to us…

  • TGY

    What we’ve got here is a FAIL FAIL FAILure to communicate.

  • GovernorGibbons

    As is often the case when it comes to stuff Republicans say, sigh, if only it were true.

  • american mutt

    It’s been suggested that Obama is actually an ancient, muslin, black, pharoah sent here to get revenge on the whitey does this possibility concern you? also it’s been suggested he’ll steal all the wimmens.

  • sleepy

    you know, i think we’re actually finally getting somewhere with this whole stoopid “debate”: that is, if you vote against government-supported health care, your constituents don’t get any.

  • King of the Dipshits

    [re=396493]magic titty[/re]: To be democratic I believe the National Anthem should be whatever song is the iTunes top download on any given day. So, for instance, today’s National Anthem is “Party in the U.S.A” by Miley Cyrus.

  • Extemporanus

    Considering that the majority of survey takers are likely to be half-blind, apoplectic Olds white-knuckling the business end of a half-eaten Mulberry-colored crayon, shouldn’t the RNC have made the selection boxes just a tad bit larger?

  • JooJoo Bee

    Now this is just the kind of visionary across-the-aisle policy-making that Ted Kennedy would be proud of. I say hurrah.

  • give us a bob

    [re=396456]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Well you see, the whole point of socialist (ah, I mean “socialized”) health care is that the loyal shall be magically healthy for ever and ever and never need hospitals anyway. It’s that whole “whithering away of the state” bit. It will be the dissidents and disloyal who will have to endure the public healthcare/horse & pony/death panel circus, which clearly will serve them right for not accepting the fact that hospitals are obsolete anyway.

    Really, it’s like old people and fax machines.

  • WadISay

    It has been suggested that the Republican party will let terrorists attack in the US, start unnecessary wars, trample your Constitutional rights, torture prisoners, wreck the environment, drown major cities, loot the federal treasury for the benefit of the wealthy, place senile old men and airhead women in office, and turn the country into a theocracy. Does this concern you?

    __ No, __ Sheeyit No, __ Could you repeat the question?

  • My choice. My Wonkette.

    No, but Obama should send F-22s to drop laser-guided bombs on all you pedophiles and crusty old cocksuckers who run the party. Republican Senators: your lovers are going to be awfully mad if they have no access to insurance to get their antiviral medicines because of you homos, and they might get back at you. So you might think of the health care reform bill as being a true Defense of (your) Marriage Act.

  • x111e7thst

    1. Use registration data to identify Republicans
    2 Republicans get no healthacare of any sort bercause they are not socially useful.
    3. SAVINGS

  • x111e7thst

    [re=396543]x111e7thst[/re]: because

  • PrairiePossum

    Brillant idea! Comb the voter registration lists for wingnut GOP addresses and simply send a well-armed death panel (yeah! 2nd amendment) door to door to “canvas voters.”

  • ScubaDew

    Wait, if we shut them out of the public option, how are we going to be able to put them in front of death panels? Let’s think this one through, guys.

  • american mutt

    [re=396543]x111e7thst[/re]: Genius! Let’s be fiscally conservative by offering no social services to republicans! They’ll have to drive on dirt roads and make their own postal system!

  • GreatOldOnesParty

    It’s been suggested that shadowy organizations affiliated with healthcare in this country will kill your grandmother for profit and make you file for bankruptcy when you can’t pay the remainder of her bills. They will also cause you to lose your house and car, at which point you will be a poor and a destitute bottomless pit of accruing debt. At which point you will then be reliant on the state for healthcare, which will in turn just kill you anyway because the less of YOU there are in the world, the better. Does this concern you?

    Yes? No? I have no address because I lost my house to bankruptcy due to medical bills and cannot fill out this survey, but the Demoncrats deathcare is still evil and scholiasm and I masturbate to the pretty girlies on the Blue Cross Blue Shield website because I genuinely believe THEY are my corporate overlors and not pudgy old white men just like me except insanely richer?

  • DustBowlBlues

    Not to point out the obvious, but does this dickwad realize that some of us live in states where we have to fill in political affiliation when we register to vote?

    The fourth option should have been the box next to, “Fuck you, Moran.”

  • Kev-O-Tron

    Answer: No it does not concern me. Great suggestion BTW.

  • annievt

    How did the RNC find out about this? Would it kill the Democrats just for once to keep a secret?

    Plus, this is only a partial solution. Keeping Republicans from getting health care is not going to solve the health-care crisis. There are simply too few of them.

  • facehead

    It has been suggested that President Obama is actually a space alien from GLUXNRK, does the possibility of having your anus probed by a black alien concern you?

    — Yes

    — No

    — HEIL GLUXNRK!

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=396511]snideinplainsight[/re]: The nexus of stoopid Republicans. Could you find a way to work a Bible Spice no-show in there? Seriously, the Rs come up with this shit too fast to keep up with it and maintain a normal life. Normal as a registered Democrat in Okrastan can have, that is.

  • Hooray For Anything

    [re=396558]american mutt[/re]: And we should totally stop handing out medicare and medicaid payments to them too, if anything as a teaching experience so they’ll learn who pays what. Oh, and unemployment too- living on the government dole is as unAmerican as it gets.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=396515]Kaylub[/re]: Exactly. Suggested by them in another rumor-spreading, lie-disseminating move.

    Mother FUCKER lie-spreading pieces of dog dingleberry. I hate these people.

  • Doglessliberal

    Oh, and if you 1) are taking this survey seriously, 2) believe the premise of the question, and 3) answer “undecided”, you need a death panel.

  • Fox n Fiends

    CULL THE HERD!!! DEAD IS THE NEW OLD!! RIP GOP!!!

  • magic titty

    [re=396525]King of the Dipshits[/re]: No no no that suggests the worthiness of a public option, and that is NOT okay.

  • 2goats

    Wait now! Is this (denying them health care and just letting them die from clogger arteries and stuff) in lieu of lining them all up on the banks of the river and machine gunning them? ’cause this might be more like environmentally friendly and all, but it’s going to take way longer.

  • drrty martini

    Chairman Steele said this morning that Republicans weren’t out to “scare people with soundbites”. You liberals CLEARLY do not understand straightforward communication. Stupid “nuance” or whatev.

  • Norbert

    Dear remaining handful of small government, patriotic, conservative adults who do not eat their own excrement, it has been suggested that your campaign contributions to the Republican Party are being wasted and your country is in danger of being dragged into the Paleolithic Age by said Party. Does this concern you?

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=396592]2goats[/re]: you raise a good point. There are better ways. We could: kill them en masse and use them as meat for the starving across the planet, or, likely more appealing to most, kill them en masse, render their fat, and then use it as fuel for coal-fired plants. A huge new supply of energy that produces a lot less pollution than coal!

  • GreatOldOnesParty

    Just read the survey.
    FUCKING LIARS!
    “Blah blah blah, government bureaucrats, blah blah blah, getting between doctors and patients…blah”

    INSURANCE COMPANIES! INSURANCE COMPANIES! INSURANCE COMPANIES!

    Also.

  • slappypaddy

    i don’t know the size of the person who came up with this question, but it clearly came from an obese brain

  • GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=396601]Doglessliberal[/re]: “render their fat”
    you forget, dear friend….SOAP!
    we could make the best soap evar and sell it at insane prices and solve the deficit they bitch about so much.
    Why do the R’s hate America by not letting us turn their blubbery, bloated corpses into soap?

  • Mr Blifil

    It has been suggested that being a Republican means you think all day long about the next dick you’re going to suck. This is:

    1) True
    2) Way True
    3) MMfFBBLLLFMMMMWWGHHHLLBB

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=396592]2goats[/re]: “in lieu of lining them all up on the banks of the river and machine gunning them”

    No, no, no. Did you not hear about the deal the muslim/fascist/Kenyan/socialist prezident made in order to get the environmental fascists on board with his plan? They’ll be machine gunned alongside big trenches, which they will fall into, over which dirt will be bull dozed. They will then turn into fertilizer for the libruls organic gardens.

    Can’t you people keep up with the R’s urban/suburban, hip-hop response to Nobama’s death panel’s cute dances? Or does that hall where you’ve been sitting for the past two weeks, waiting for Bible Spice to make her promised speech about the GOPs Great White Hope not have wifi?

    Quick–Did I leave any of the morning’s crazy Republican shit out of my comments? I keep eating candy and getting obese and stoopider, so it’s hard to keep up.

  • Hooray For Anything

    [re=396601]Doglessliberal[/re]: Soylent Green is WingNuts!

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    I just got a Tweet from Comrade Stalin, he wishes he had thought of this.

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=396492]freakishlystrong[/re]: “I hate that fucking “Democrat””

    My pet peeve. At the state ODP convention, any time a speaker–like Debbie whatzit, the president of the Democratic Women’s Federation, uses it, I always complain to the chairman.

    It’s Democratic. Oh, god, watching the motorcade is making my cry. Too many Kennedy memories. Joan finally got a mention–someone on MSNBC finally mentioned the courage Joan showed when Ted ran against Carter. Being in a parade in Chicago and being booed couldn’t have been easy.

  • ALIVE!

    It has been suggested that all registered Republicans will have backwards “Bs” scratched onto their faces at government-controlled socialistic health centers. Does this concern you?

    Yes No Maybe

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=396630]DustBowlBlues[/re]: The Repubs do it out of utter contempt and disrespect. It’s juvinile. I’d be furious if a Dem did it.

  • Holy Cow!!

    What is it with the wingnut persecution complex?

  • Cupcake

    I believe that both parties are equally screwing themselves and dragging the general population down with them. This isn’t a “party” issue, it is a human issue. It should be treated as one.

  • teebob2000

    Question 14: I haz stupid.

    [ ] Yes [ ] Yes [ ] Yes

  • L33tminion

    That there is some good push pollin’.

  • Notsewfast

    If I abort my own babies after getting gay married, can I get put on the top of the liver transplant list?

  • el_chupacabra

    It has been suggested that we, Jesus’ party, choke whilst eating upon a giant bag of over-ripe dicks, prompting fears that the Democrat party is all womens and queers anyways. Don’t you hate Mexicans?

    –Yes!

    –Si!

    –Please abort my retarded grandparents already.

  • King of the Dipshits

    [re=396674]Holy Cow!![/re]: Its classic psychotic projection; because they want to kill, enslave, and pauperize everyone they assume that everyone is likewise out to get them. I guess you really can use GOP party registration to diagnose mental illness. [re=396466]King of the Dipshits[/re]:

  • el_chupacabra

    [re=396579]facehead[/re]:

    Black GLUXNRKians?!?! are you daft?

  • DP

    Question: Have you gone more than ten minutes since January 20th without some simple son of a bitch trying to scare you into believing that the end times have arrived, heralding the rise of the anti-Christ who will trigger the battle of Armageddon by deviously and without regard or mercy forcing HEALTH CARE on Americans?

    Then you haven’t been paying attention.

  • Pithaughn

    And what a coinkydink, the RNC survey has almost the exact same title as a survey done by the AFL-CIO that comes up with almost the exact opposite results!

  • superfecta

    [re=396493]magic titty[/re]: As long as it’s not the revised music at the end of Return of the Jedi, we’re all good, right?

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    7. It has been suggested that the Republican party is a group of (mostly) racist hate-mongering religious conservatives who are terrified of and quite paranoid about the current transfer of power rendering them useless. Does the possibility of your party having absolutely no effect on the legislative process thus allowing Democrats to enforce a crazy nutso liberal engulfed-in-gay atheist socialist Nazi agenda concern you?

    [] NO

    [] ACORN

    [] THIS ROOM IS BUGGED AND THEY PUT A CHIP IN MY HEAD.

  • house of the blue lights

    [re=396511]snideinplainsight[/re]: Don’t you get all nuanced on me.

  • Snarkalicious

    What a wonderful suggestion. And people say the GOP doesn’t have ideas to contribute. I’m calling my Congresswoman to suggest we add this to the bill right away.

  • slowuncle

    I personally don’t believe in death panels for the Olds, it is downright immoral! And wrong also. I believe that most of our problems with the Olds can be solved by simply cutting off their voting and driving privileges at about 60 yrs of age. We’ll call it the Sunset Directive.

  • zhubajie

    There hasn’t been a list of Sheep and Goats, Saved and Condemned, for a long time? I would expect Cheney would have done this, if it didn’t exist earlier.

  • natteringnabomb

    The survey demonstates that the wingwhacks do not overestimate the intellegence of their loyal followers except that we may see an increase voter registration for the socialist workers party.Assuming working is not a pre-requisite.

  • Bruno

    I would like to declare a fatwah / war blog against this survey, but I take it that is only available in good old fashioned paper (like the evil census)

  • bonghitsforjesus

    [re=396906]Hooray For Anything[/re]: For. The. Motherfucking. WIN!

  • bonghitsforjesus

    “Soylent Green is WingNuts!”, that is…

  • obfuscator

    [re=396498]SayItWithWookies[/re]: he’s a complicated man. just talkin’ ’bout b’rack.

  • groove

    It has been suggested that all wingnuts of any political stripe be deprived of health care due to the excessive waste of oxygen attributed to them. Does this concern you?

    [ ] Yes
    [ ] No
    [ ] Death to libtards
    [ ] Rethugicans are teh ghey

Previous article
Next articleLady Congresslady Wants ‘Great White Hope’ To Stop Obama And Health Care